Why Sex Addiction Isn't Real with Silva Neves
In this episode, Hannah is joined by Silva Neves, who is a psychosexual and relationship psychotherapist and author, to dispel all the myths around sex addiction and give us a better framework to view sexual behaviour through. Silva talks about the difference between the public idea of sex addiction and the understanding of it in a sex therapy clinic, and gives us a rundown on the definition of addiction and so how sex and porn addictions don't fit into it. Hannah and Silva then discuss compulsive sexual behaviours, which is what someone who might think they are a porn addict could be experiencing, and the causes of these behaviours and the potential distress they can cause.
CW: Discussion of sexual trauma. Main discussion begins at 40:11. Please skip this episode if you need to and look after yourself!
This episode is sponsored by Zencastr, the brilliant podcasting platform we use to record all our remote episodes! Follow this link and use code 'DoingIt' to get 30% off your first 3 months.
Read the episode transcript here!
What we chat about…
Why is sex addiction an idea or a framework that we have? And why is it maybe not the most useful thing?
What framework should we actually be using?
What actually defines a clinical addiction?
Can you be addicted to certain behaviours? Does something have to meet all five addiction criteria to be an addiction?
What is clinical tolerance?
Why porn addiction isn't real
What is dissociation?
Why 12 step programmes don't work for what people call sex addiction and why they can actually be harmful instead
The societal lack of understanding about sexuality
Lack of sex education making people think they're not "normal" for liking what they like
How online sex addict quizzes are harmful
How would Silva approach treating someone that came to him saying they were a sex addict?
What are compulsive sexual behaviours? How is that clinically assessed?
What's a common underlying cause of compulsive sexual behaviour?
How to have healthy sexual relationships after going through sex related trauma? (40:33)
If someone has previously experienced sexual trauma and wants to expand their comfort zone in consensual sex, what's the best way to do that?
How to approach sexual trauma with my therapist? I'm not really comfy talking about it yet. (44:03)
How to deal with disturbing, gross, distressing, intrusive thoughts during sex? (46:46)
What advice would Silva like to give to people in general as a sex therapist?
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MORE ABOUT SILVA NEVES
Silva Neves is a COSRT-accredited and UKCP-registered psychosexual and relationship psychotherapist, and a trauma psychotherapist. He is a Pink Therapy Clinical Associate. He sees individuals and couples presenting with a wide range of sex and relationship issues. Silva specialises in working with sexual trauma and compulsive sexual behaviours. Silva is a Course Director for CICS (Contemporary Institute of Clinical Sexology) and speaks internationally. Silva is the author of Compulsive Sexual Behaviours, A Psycho-Sexual Treatment Guide for Clinicians (2021, Routledge).
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