Realising You're Gay & Ending a Long Term Relationship with Alayna Joy

Listen to "Realising You're Gay & Ending a Long Term Relationship with Alayna Joy".

In this episode, Hannah is joined by Alayna Joy, who is a Canadian content creator making LGBTQ+, self-compassion, and mindfulness content. In this episode Alayna discusses her experience this year ending a long-term relationship with a man after realising she is not bisexual but is gay. She and Hannah talk about Alayna’s journey with her sexuality over the years and why it took her until her late twenties to realise she was gay (hint: compulsory heterosexuality!!). Finally, Hannah and Alayna discuss different sexuality labels, bisexual erasure, experiencing desire, and the baby-gay phase of excitement.

Read the episode transcript here!

SHOW NOTES

What we chat about…

The short version of how Alayna realised she was gay
How Ingrid Nilsen’s coming out video impacted Alayna
Anxiety about uprooting her entire life
What is compulsory heterosexuality?
Why is compulsory heterosexuality harmful?
Being confused about flirting with men
Never questioning experiences with men and constantly questioning experiences with women
How Alayna felt different after sleeping with men and sleeping with women and non-binary people
What are some things that in retrospect Alayna can recognise as signs that she was gay?
Alayna’s relationship with her best friend in high school
Realising you’re gay in lockdown
Does Alayna identify with the term ‘lesbian’?
Sexuality labels - queer, dyke, lesbian, etc
How does Alayna feel about the term ‘dyke’?
Does Alayna still want to get married?
Do you think you may be going through a baby gay phase of excitement and presenting extra gay? (35:05)
Did you have an aha! moment or was it a gradual thing? (39:37)
When you came out to your ex-partner, how did you start/go about that conversation? (41:30)
What helped you with guilt (if you did feel any)/ anxiety about calling off the wedding? (44:05)
Were you nervous coming out as gay because of bisexual erasure? (46:05)
Do you still feel proud of your previous bisexualtiy ebem though it’s not your orientation any more? (48:44)
How the Kinsey Scale was initially meant to function
How integral was gay TikTok to Alayna realising she was gay?

USEFUL LINKS

Ingrid Nilsen’s coming out video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eh7WRYXVh9M
Alayna’s coming out as gay video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nl_Ja4_7Rfo
Hannah’s video on compulsory heterosexuality: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tq5S8O0FpS8
Alayna’s video on compulsory heterosexuality: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nQD7eJa0pK8
Lesbian masterdoc: https://www.docdroid.net/N46Ea3o/copy-of-am-i-a-lesbian-masterdoc-pdf
The Kinsey Scale: https://kinseyinstitute.org/research/publications/kinsey-scale.php

MORE ABOUT ALAYNA JOY

Alayna Joy is a Canadian LGBTQ content creator who brings her frank and funny perspective to a wide range of topics, sexuality and wellness being her specialties. When she’s not creating online content, Alayna is teaching mindfulness, compassion, and inclusion at workshops, conventions and schools across North America.