Being Naked, Queer Sex and Fingering with Ruby Rare

Listen to "Being Naked, Queer Sex and Fingering with Ruby Rare".

In this episode, Hannah is joined by Ruby Rare, who is a queer non-monogamous sex educator. Ruby discusses her new book ‘Sex Ed: a Guide for Adults’, and what it was like writing a book in lockdown. She and Hannah talk about Ruby’s love for being nude, her body positive life drawing class, and how queerness can allow people to write their own rules about sex and relationship structures. Finally, Hannah and Ruby answer questions from Instagram about consent, delayed ejaculation, and queer sex, and Ruby talks more about her jelly fetish!

Read the episode transcript here!

SHOW NOTES

What we chat about…

Ruby’s writing process for Sex Ed: a Guide for Adults
Why Ruby wrote her first book for an adult audience
Including explicit descriptions of sex acts in the book
Ruby celebrating being queer
Queerness allowing people to write their own rules for sex
The lack of practical sex education for queer people
How do you navigate having sex with someone of the same gender as you for the first time? (13:50)
How it’s okay to be overwhelmed!
Why does Ruby love nudity so much? What’s her experience with being naked?
Body Love Sketch Club, Ruby and her friend’s body positive life drawing class
Ruby’s Instagram once being deleted
Ruby’s (pure and sexual) love for jelly!
Has Ruby’s jelly love been welcomed by her partners?
Is it normal to feel grossed out by the idea of giving blowjobs? (30:10)
Instagram question about not liking being licked out and having received negative responses about it (30:10)
The difference between internalised shame about a sex act and a personal preference
Non-weird ways to ask for consent before kissing? This isn’t normalised yet. (34:03)
Societal standards about asking people out
How it feels to ask someone out if you don’t know them
Question from somebody with a penis: why does it take me forever to come during sex or not at all? (40:40)
What can be behind delayed ejaculation?
What is sensate focus?
My girlfriend is very sensitive and it can hurt her during fingering. Is that a thing or am i doing something wrong? (48:30)
Vaginal readiness and how to encourage it
Making sex research accessible and understandable in everyday life

USEFUL LINKS

Ruby’s book: Sex Ed: A Guide for Adults: https://www.waterstones.com/book/sex-ed/ruby-rare/9781526628374
Body Love Sketch Club: https://www.instagram.com/bodylovesketchclub/
Curvy Nyome: https://www.instagram.com/curvynyome/
The Social Dilemma: https://www.netflix.com/title/81254224
Honey, I Shrunk Ourselves: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0119310/
ISEE: https://instituteforsexuality.com/
Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski: https://www.waterstones.com/book/come-as-you-are/dr-emily-nagoski/9781925228014
Sofie Birkin: https://www.sofiebirkin.com/

MORE ABOUT RUBY RARE

Ruby Rare is a queer, non-monogamous, pink-haired sex educator on a mission to get people talking more confidently and inclusively about sex. She’s an ambassador for Brook, the UK's leading sexual health charity for young people, co-founder of Body Love Sketch Club, a body positive life drawing class, and when the world is less pandemic-y she runs workshops for adults on porn, pleasure, and non-monogamy. Her debut book Sex Ed: A Guide for Adults is out now.