How to be Good at Dating with Shan Boody

This week, Hannah chats to sexologist and YouTuber Shan Boody about her new book The Game of Desire, which equips people with seduction techniques and also tips on how to be a more successful dater. Shan shares why we need to view dating like any other skill that can be worked on and perfected, and the importance of knowing yourself if you want to become an expert in intimacy. They also chat about managing expectations when it comes to dating, and the power dynamic that happens in dating & relationships.


What we chat about…

  • The psychology behind dating & The Game by Neil Struass - can these psychological tips be viewed as manipulative?

  • Shan’s experience of writing The Game of Desire, including the group of women she worked with and the programme & social experiments Shan designed

  • How Shan came up with the programme, and that it originally started as she wanted to learn these things herself

  • First Rule of Dating: Know Yourself!

  • Viewing dating like any other skill - it’s something you can practice and get better at

  • Shan’s tips & tricks, including influential words, making the first move and conversation starters (as well as the importance of establishing consent as soon as you go up to someone)

  • Attraction vs Compatibility - do these psychological tips & tricks ignore how important compatibility is?

  • Are there dating ‘personas’? Are these too limited?

  • Anti-Seducers: traits which turn people off

  • Heterosexual Preference: Is the book representational?

  • The dynamic of dating & power

  • Managing expectations is key, as both having too high and too low expectations on a date can be damaging

  • Why don’t we get taught how to have successful relationships in schools? Why are we just expected to know how to do it?

  • The notion that you shouldn’t change yourself for anybody Vs it being healthy to change and get better at dating & relationships

Useful Links


Shan Boody is a sexologist and intimacy coach who runs a YouTube channel filled with videos on sex, love & relationships. Her new book The Game of Desire shares seduction skills & dating techniques to help people attract & retain a partner(s).

Find out more about Shan on her website, YouTube, Instagram and Twitter.




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Hannah Witton