Sex Positive Parenting, Kink and Breakups with Molly Moore | Transcript
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Molly Moore
So definitely having elements of that. Kink is a huge thing for me. It's basically floats my boat. Without it, it doesn't work for me.
Hannah Witton
Welcome to Doing It with me, Hannah Witton, where we talk all things sex, relationships, dating, and our bodies. Hey everyone, welcome back to Doing It and Happy Valentine's Day for Friday. I'm really sorry. I had to say it even though we all know it's a bullshit made up holiday for companies to make money off single and people in relationships, everyone, they just make money off everyone and then make the single people like feel terrible about themselves. I know a lot of people really love Valentine's Day and they find it like a really great excuse to do something cool with their partner. And other people hate it, and how have you feel about it. That is fine. But I shall not be shoving Valentine's Day down your throat in this episode because actually one of the themes of this episode is breakups. So we're just going in a alternative direction here. My guest this week is sex blogger, photographer, and one of the brains behind Eroticon Molly Moore. Molly blogs under Molly's Daily Kiss, all about sex. She talks about kink, and BDSM, and pleasure, and subdom relationships. She covers so much stuff.
And Eroticon, for those of you who don't know, is this brilliant event conference in London for sex writers, sex bloggers, sex activists, creators, people who are creating content in any kind of shape or form about sex. And it's happening in London, the weekend 14th and 15th of March, so in like a month. Come along, you can nerd out with me. So without further ado, I want to introduce you to this episode. We talk about so much in this episode, and I just want to thank Molly for being really open because we talk a lot about her personal relationship situation as it currently is. So we chat a lot about sex positive parenting. Molly is also a parent. And she has been for several years in a sub/dom relationship, a 24/7 sub/dom relationship, and we talk about parenting, how much do her kids know about stuff, how does she talk to her kids about sex, and then also breakups. So yeah, I really hope that you enjoy this episode. Thank you for listening, and Happy Valentine's Day.
Hey, Molly.
Molly Moore
Hi, Hannah.
Hannah Witton
Thank you so much for chatting with me. You have such a different kind of experience to relationships than mee and that's why I just love talking with you. And you're just you're just always been so willing to chat about it as well. Because you, you blog and you write and write about sex as well.
Molly Moore
Right. So that's always been, I mean, I've feel like in that way, I've been an open book with all the content I've created anyway, has been very much around that part of my life. So yeah.
Hannah Witton
So context.
Molly Moore
Okay.
Hannah Witton
Who are you? What is your relationship status, I guess? What is your style of relationship?
Molly Moore
Okay. Okay, so my name is Molly, obviously, and I blog at MollysDailyKiss.com, and that started, actually, 10 years ago, this January, it will ten years old on January 1. And -
Hannah Witton
So by the time this comes out, yeah, it'll be 10 years old.
Molly Moore
So yeah. I sometimes feel like I'm like the grandma of sex blogging. But I actually originally started it because I had been writing lots of erotic fiction stories and I didn't really have anywhere to put them. And so I was like, I was really bad at finishing them for a start, like I get into it, and then like, never finish. And so I thought, oh, if I start a blog, it will discipline me to make me finish these pieces of work. And so I know I would call it Molly's Daily Kiss in the insane idea at the time that I was going to do something every day.
Hannah Witton
Oh, my goodness. The name is stuck around though.
Molly Moore
Well, then I realised, after a while, I was like, it's fine because doesn't matter what day you go there, there's always something.
Hannah Witton
There you go.
Molly Moore
I might not have put it there that day, but there's always something. So yeah, erm I was like naive and daft. I thought that I was totally gonna do that. But so yeah, so originally started to do that, and very, very quickly stopped. No, I didn't stop writing fiction, but actually started writing more about myself. It coincided, at the time, I had separated from my first husband, and had kind of set about on a journey of kind of self discovery as far as like sex was concerned, and basically to kind of discovering my kink.
Hannah Witton
So that wasn't in your that wasn't present in your first relationship.
Molly Moore
No, no, so I had a very vanilla marriage, and that all kind of fell apart. We had two kids, they were very young at the time, I was very unhappy, very, very unhappy and was like, I don't want to do this forever. I'm not supposed to be here with you anymore. I had started kind of discovering kink stuff, not done anything but you know, the internet.
Hannah Witton
Whooo, the internet
Molly Moore
The internet. And so there was tonnes of stuff out there, and I was reading, and identifying with things and being like, oh, I had just thought that I was very weird. And then I realised that actually, there's lots of other weird people like me.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, so were you already having like, thoughts and like fantasy?
Molly Moore
Yes, always.
Hannah Witton
Ah, okay.
Molly Moore
Always, even from when you know, I mean, I can look back now at stuff, you know, even from my teen years, and be like, oh -
Hannah Witton
What do you say your kink is, then?
Molly Moore
Oh, wow. So I would say it's changed a lot over the years. Back then, and for quite a lot of this time, I would say that it's been based around, I've been in a DS relationship, and been the sub for quite a long time -
Hannah Witton
For people who might not know.
Molly Moore
Yeah, so DS is a dom/sub relationship. So when my partner was the dominant, I was a submissive. That's recently come to an end. So I would still say I am sexually submissive, would probably be like the umbrella term of it. But a lot of people then think that that means that I'm the kind of kneeling, quiet, waiting in the corner type. And I'm really not
Hannah Witton
The moment you meet you, you're like not at all.
Molly Moore
I'm very feisty. So one of my kinks is probably being made to do things. So being, you know, made to submit, that goes into things like you know, being held down, bondage type staff, and then there's a lot of stuff around kind of impact play and pain/pleasure boundaries, that kind of feed into that for me, as well. So, yeah, it's always evolving. I think that's something that I've learned to, that it's really taught me actually, being kinky, is that you're constantly learning something about yourself, and what you like and what you don't like, and that changes over time, you know, things that you were really into can change where you're like, nah, not so much.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Molly Moore
You know, and the other way around. Things that you thought were just not for you, you're like, you give them a try and you're like, oh my God.
Hannah Witton
Oh, hold on, this is ticking some boxes.
Molly Moore
Yeah, so yeah, so that's kind of where I started. And then that blog really turned into, I don't know, for want of a better word or kind of confessional, I guess time blog, where I was very much writing about that journey. And then I started after a few months taking self portraits.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, cuz you're a photographer.
Molly Moore
Yes. So I had started taking, actually I had another blogger who isn't around anymore, who had been taking these amazing self portraits. I was looking at her stuff and being like, wow, that's amazing, that's fantastic and she's taking them all herself. And I was like, I'm going to give that go. And so I started and very tentative, right back in the beginning, I was anonymous as well, like I -
Hannah Witton
Oh right, because that's very, like normal in the sex blogger world. Yes. Because it's all mostly written, that you can be a lot more anonymous.
Molly Moore
Yeah. And I think when lots of people who are blogging, it's something that they're doing, as I don't want to say a hobby, because that's not perhaps not giving it the right weight. But -
Hannah Witton
Side hustle?
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Molly Moore
Yeah, or additional to what they do for lots of people, they perhaps still have a, you know, job job, for want of a better word. And so this is something as you said, it's like a side hustle. And you know, I don't know, if you're a, I don't know, a teacher or whatever, you know, writing a sex blog is going to be probably going to get you to lose your job. So for a lot of people, they want to be anonymous. So when I started, I was super anonymous, just because I was like, I don't really know what I'm doing. Yeah, and then gradually, I was able to, I was in a very lucky position where I didn't have an employer. Erm, and I started to do more work around the blog, or connected in that industry. And so that's kind of become my career. And so I have been able to be open about that now. You know, I mean, I am open about that, and have been for a long time. I mean, Molly is a pen name but my face is everywhere.
Molly Moore
So you know, me, as in my real life, you're gonna and you see me, you're gonna go, oh, oh -
Hannah Witton
Oh, I know her.
Molly Moore
The reason I don't use my real name now, even now, is well one because obviously I've built up my work around my pen name. So everything is associated with that. So changing it now would be crazy.
Hannah Witton
I also did not know that that was a pen name.
Molly Moore
Yeah. And it also gives my kids a slight element of anonymity because obviously, then their name is not necessarily directly associated with my pen name. So although, you know, you can see my face it just gives them that tiny ability to separate those kind of family name and what I do for my work.
Hannah Witton
And what's your kids think about what you do? Because I want to have kids someday. And I'm always just like, what are they gonna think? Like, how do I? What is that conversation? It's gonna be so embarrassing for them
Molly Moore
No, I mean, so I think one of the things is, I think that my kids kind of have grown up with it. So they are currently now 20 and 16. So if you think when I started, they were six and 10.
Hannah Witton
Right? Yeah.
Molly Moore
And they, it's they have evolved, I think, alongside it, in the same way that I have, you know. It wasn't something that when they were six and 10, I sat them down and went, so mommy is writing a confessional sex blog. You know, I didn't I just started this project, and kind of went with it. Gradually over the years, I've drip fed them information in an age appropriate way.
Hannah Witton
Like when they ask questions.
Molly Moore
Yeah. I mean, one of my things I've always done is I've always had, whatever they asked me, I always give them a truthful answer. Now that can be in an age appropriate way. So when my daughter was quite young, she actually asked me something about what I wrote. And I said, I write stories for grown ups. And she just went, oh, okay. It made complete sense to her.
Hannah Witton
And she's like, cool, not interested then.
Molly Moore
Right. Yeah. So, you know, that was the answer when she was, you know, seven. But when she was 11, that answer had evolved.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Molly Moore
Over time, I was published in a number of anthologies, and they sent the anthologies to me. And I was quite excited. And I was like, you know, Mommy got published in a book. And she loves books so she was like, super excited. And I showed her the book and my name in it. And she was like, can I read it? And I was like, no, because this is stories for grown ups and when you're older, then you can read it, but it's about kind of grown up things that people do that together. And again, she just went, oh, okay. Yeah, I think that's the thing is that we project often our adult knowledge onto children.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Molly Moore
And actually, they don't have all those, like hang ups and and worries that we have. And so -
Hannah Witton
And they might not necessarily connect the dots, in the same way we would.
Molly Moore
Yeah, they very much just go oh, okay. If you frame it in a way that makes sense to them, they just kind of go with it. So yeah, gradually over the time, they've, you know, picked up more and more and more and learned more. Years ago, when Twitter, I was using Twitter on the like, in a browser. And I had it on my computer. And it was years ago, where on your Twitter page, you had like a background picture.
Hannah Witton
Oh, yeah.
Molly Moore
It was a long, quite a long time ago. And whenever she was like buzzing around, or they were buzzing around, I would minimise the screen. And one day she said to me, I don't know why you keep doing that.
Hannah Witton
She's caught you.
Molly Moore
I was like, okay, and she was like, because I know that you, because those are all curtains. Because my background screen was like a picture of me in like stockings and suspenders. And I was just like, oh my God, okay, you're too smart for your own good. So, but I think in some ways that made it very easy because it just was what, was just there. Nobody made a big deal out of it. And they've just kind of grown up with it. Erm so yeah, they do they know exactly what I do now. They know all about Eroticon, they, you know, I mean, it's the ETO magazine, erotic trade magazine is literally currently on our kitchen table. They just don't pay it any mind. They're mostly like, okay, whatever mum.
Hannah Witton
Do you think that's made them like more or less interested in sex?
Molly Moore
I think, so, I think, I'm hopeful anyway, that it has made them very accepting of people being different. And we have very, very open and honest conversations about sex. I very much brought them up, like whenever we had those sex conversations, I've always taught both of them that sex is about pleasure. We've talked a lot about consent and behaviour and how we touch each other. And, you know, so over those years, we've had lots and lots of those conversations. We've talked lots about contraception, I made sure both of them had an abundance of condoms around the house. I have recently helped my daughter to gain other forms of contraception, lets call that. She has a boyfriend who's she's been with for quite a while. And so we've done all that stuff in a way that's just very open and like, you know, she kind of said to me, I think I want to do this thing. And I'm like, okay, that's fine, do you want me to come with you? Or do you want to go on your own? She was like, no, I want you to come with me.
Hannah Witton
Aw.
Molly Moore
So yeah. So we, you know, went along, and talked to the nurse and, and did all that. So I think creating that atmosphere where they feel comfortable talking about whatever. They know, there's nothing they're going to say to me and I'm going to go, what, like that's not okay. You know, I have been open about so many things and created an environment where they feel comfortable to talk. So yeah, I don't know, like, I don't pry into their sex lives, you know, in the same way .
Hannah Witton
Like they don't do it to set -
Molly Moore
You know, yeah. And I mean, I think they're very much like, what you do your thing over there. They don't like want to know the detail, but they know they can have very open conversations with me.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Molly Moore
I mean, one of the things I did were actually with my daughter a couple of years ago, was watching Love Island with her.
Hannah Witton
Oh, I've never watched it.
Molly Moore
Well, I had never watched it either and was like, ah, but she, she and all her friends were watching it. And I was like, I need to know what's happening because otherwise, I can't have a conversation with you about it.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. It's a big time commitment.
Molly Moore
It was. And I got completely addicted. I was like, oh, my God, is it nine o'clock?
Hannah Witton
That's almost like one of the reasons why I don't watch it. It's because I know that it will suck me in.
Molly Moore
It will, it will consume you. But it was brilliant conversation starter. So I mean, we watched it at first, she was very reluctant to watch it with me. She was almost annoyed that I had decided to watch it. But then after about a week or so, so she was insisting she was going to watch it in her room. And I was watching it downstairs. And I was like, okay, that's fine. I don't mind. I just wanted to know what was happening. There was so much talk about. And it's like, how can I have a conversation with them, if I'm not watching it? Then all I've got is whatever I read, you know, in the media. I need to be able to make my own thoughts about a subject. And within two or three weeks, she'd kind of slowly gravitated from her bedroom onto the sofa.
Hannah Witton
She could like gossip with you about it.
Molly Moore
Yeah. And so I mean, we had amazing conversations that came as well. We had a long conversation that's gone on from there still even now to this day, but gaslighting.
Hannah Witton
Right, yeah.
Molly Moore
Which I don't know that whether we would have had that, without watching that programme. Yeah, I mean, maybe we'd have come around to that subject. But you know, we've talked as a result of that. We've talked about gaslighting, we talked about slut shaming, we've talked about, you know, the difference between, you know, boys and girls, and how they're viewed in that situation, which kind of feeds into the whole slut shaming thing. You know.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, like double standards and everything.
Molly Moore
Yeah, absolutely. You know, we've talked about body image and body ideals. And, you know, the concept that some of these girls are said to be plus size. And it's like, okay, what does those words really mean? You know, what do they really mean to you? What do they actually really mean to people in general? So, yeah, that kind of thing has been brilliant. So yeah, I mean -
Hannah Witton
That's great. No, I really admire that. Like I definitely, like gives me hope.
Molly Moore
I mean, my I would say my advice is, I guess my three big things would be create an honest conversation, always. It doesn't matter what age they are. Answer honestly, even if the you have to, like dial it down to make it age appropriate. Yeah. But give them an answer. And create that environment where there's no shame.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Molly Moore
I think has been the most important thing. One of the things I learned early on was to say, I don't know the answer to that right now, let me think about it.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, admit that you don't know something.
Molly Moore
Yeah. And that actually has been really good. Because that would then allow me to go away, think about their question and how it could be framed. The answer can be framed in a way that they could understand dependent on their age and experience.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Molly Moore
So yeah. I think it's fun. And they'll have moments my mind, I've had moments where they're like, oh, my God, mum, why are you embarrassing, and it's like, oh dear.
Hannah Witton
No, I love that. To bring it like to you now, as well, you've recently gone through a breakup. And I wanted to chat about that, especially around and something you said to me before we started recording.
Molly Moore
Yep.
Hannah Witton
About how, so you were in a D/s -
Molly Moore
Yes.
Hannah Witton
A dom/sub relationship.
Molly Moore
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
That was kinky.
Molly Moore
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
That was poly.
Molly Moore
Yes.
Hannah Witton
And a lot of people might assume that, it's like all of those non vanilla, non -
Molly Moore
Led to a breakup
Molly Moore
Yeah. And they didn't, which is, yeah. So I was in a relationship for eight years, which has been a DS relationship, as I said, where he was the dom and I was the sub. So kinky relationship. We live and work together, and so to the outside, it would just to kind of, you know, look like any other couple, but obviously, we have this, this stuff going on underneath. We also had a poly aspect to that relationship, particularly for quite a while where he had another partner, another female partner, and that relationship was almost a triad between the three of us. So his other partner and me are very, very, very close friends. And we spent nearly all of our time together when they were together as the three of us.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
Okay.
Molly Moore
And we shared a bed, the three of us, although me and her weren't sexual partners.
Hannah Witton
Okay, yeah.
Molly Moore
And she is still, to this day, my very good friend, and I love her dearly. Yeah, best, like, whatever you want to call her, metamora ever. Like she totally was brilliant. So then that had been for quite a while. And I didn't have any other partners. My partner at the time, Michael, had quite a lot of jealousy issues. So I had not really, he was comfortable with me being with women, but not with men. And so I hadn't really done that, because it had just felt very complicated, and kind of too much. And so I'd set it to one side.
Hannah Witton
Was that like, an element of the D/s relationship, that you couldn't have another male partner? Or was that just an element of, I guess, like jealousy,
Molly Moore
It was an element of his jealousy.
Hannah Witton
Okay.
Molly Moore
It was an interface jealousy. And that it did cause tension between us sometimes, like, I do know that he his jealousy was genuine, and based on previous relationships, where he had been cheated on. And I think that had been quite traumatic experiences for him.
Hannah Witton
When you're in a D/s relationship, like how do you have those conversations, in terms of where the line is between telling you to do something that's part of that dynamic, but also like -
Molly Moore
Negotiating
Hannah Witton
Negotiating and asking you to do something just as your partner, being like, I'm not comfortable with that, like?
Molly Moore
Sure. So one of the things we always said is that we were two equals who came together and negotiated an inequality because we both got off on it.
Hannah Witton
Right. Yeah.
Molly Moore
And as a result, that negotiation didn't just happen on day one.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Molly Moore
It's something that was ongoing throughout our relationship, all the time. And we certainly had, there were areas of our relationship that were ring fenced, like, there was no financial element of are DS relationship. So he could not impose his will financially on us. So that was, like, completely separate. My children were another area where they were kind of excluded from the whole thing, because they were my children and he wasn't their father, and I was the parent. And so that obviously had to be something I had to lead, it would be wrong to have given up control there.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Molly Moore
So there were big areas like that, that were ring fenced. And then other areas, were things that really came along as and when they happened. And so there was always space within our relationship for me to say, actually, that's not you know, I'm not comfortable with this, or we need to talk about this. There was never this, you know, we never had a relationship where it was just like, he just decided, and I just followed so it, there was that constant element of negotiation that took place. The poly part of it was complicated. And as I said, his jealousy was rooted, I think, in previous trauma. And so I tried to be very understanding of that, like, that's a big deal. But over the years, it became, it did become a bit of a tension between us. And then, just over a year ago, I decided that I wanted to explore more, that I wasn't happy just not doing anything. I'd had a long term friendship with another man, ad I had decided that I wanted to move that into a space where that was more of a, not just a friendship.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Molly Moore
And so I carved out that space, and we change things up, and it wasn't easy. It was really, really difficult. To say it didn't contribute to our breakup, I would be completely lying. I think it was an element of it. But not because I got another partner, but because other issues arose surrounding money, basically, that completely eroded my trust.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Molly Moore
And changed everything. And when I found out what was happening, our D/s relationship literally ended on that day. Like, we haven't been in a D/s relationship since that moment, because I was like, I what I can't be submissive in this relationship, when I have found out things that I'm really uncomfortable with
Hannah Witton
Okay. But you were still in a relationship.
Molly Moore
We were still in a relationship. We just set aside the D/s part of it.
Hannah Witton
Ah, okay.
Molly Moore
And so then, and then I have spent a significant portion of this year working through my feelings on the things that I found out and seeing if I could find a space where I could get past that, basically, could I get past that? Could we rebuild the trust? Could we find our way back to something that felt happy and comfortable, and it's taken a long time to get to that space where I was like, I don't think I can. Actually, I can't do that. And so
Hannah Witton
Do you think there's a difference between ending a D/s or kinky or poly relationship to ending a vanilla relationship. Is there a difference?
Molly Moore
I think it depends on the situation. I think in this way it there is because we live together and we're actually married as well. So those things complicate separating.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Molly Moore
Because you're married and because you live together. I think, you know, if we hadn't have been, if I think if you're not, then I think it's probably similar. But in that situation, you're at putting aside that DS and kinky side of our relationship was a was actually very difficult, because that had to become very core to who we were and how we operated together. And then I was literally like, no, no more of this at all. And so obviously, we had to, like re find that space. Like what did that mean?
Hannah Witton
Like what is the relationship dynamic look like then, without that?
Molly Moore
Exactly, without that, so that's been all part of that process I think. Like, they aren't completely separate, they are like all tied up and interwoven together.
Hannah Witton
And you still live together and work together.
Molly Moore
We still live and work together.
Hannah Witton
How is that?
Molly Moore
It's been, so actually, this summer was very traumatic, as I think we kind of like, like the death throes of a relationship, where everybody was kind of, like when I say fighting, I don't mean fighting as in the arguing sense. I mean, as in internally struggling with yourself and your feelings, and how was this going to be? And what was it going to be like?
Hannah Witton
You were completely changing the structure of your life.
Molly Moore
Yeah. And it was exhausting. And then actually, once I made the decision, it has, within about a week, we were in a better place.
Hannah Witton
That's how you know you made a good decision.
Molly Moore
Yeah, I think it literally, it just took the pressure off completely. We had both, I think, been desperately struggling and fighting to find something to unite us. And I think when I said, I can't, and I don't want to, we could just stop doing all that. It was just like both, I think everybody kind of just went, okay, breath, now what do we do?
Hannah Witton
And then you can start to build what it looks like.
Molly Moore
And yes, our lives are very wrapped up together. As I said, we're married, we live together, and quite a lot of our work, like overlaps, he runs Eroticon with me for a start. And you know, he's the tech person to a lot of the work I do.
Hannah Witton
You're good friends with his partner.
Molly Moore
And I'm good to visit his other partner, and that, you know, that's still the case. So really, we're just in this space now, where we are working through what that looks like, and how that's going to be. And we're both very, very dedicated to trying to maintain a really good friendship, and come away with this so that we can be friends, and so that we can continue our professional lives together and go our separate ways, romantic relationship wise. Yeah. So yeah, it's actually been better since we made that decision, but not easy. You know, this is still difficult. Everybody still has feelings. We've spent a lot of years together, we've done a lot of stuff together. There are days when I am very angry, and there are days when I'm very sad. And then there are days when we're like, absolutely fine. So it's a process that we're going through. And I think we'll get there, I feel quite confident that we will get there.
Hannah Witton
I think one of the things that it shows to me as well as just like how varied different types of relationships can be.
Molly Moore
Right.
Hannah Witton
And we have this idea of like the structure of how a relationship goes, and that's what was put on us from such an early age.
Molly Moore
Right.
Hannah Witton
But then, you know, you might hear about people who are like, they're separated, but they live together or, or, you know, people who are have a sexual relationship and work together. And -
Molly Moore
I actually have a few friends who live with their ex husbands. Often, I think, especially in this day and age financially, it can be very, very difficult to, particularly if you have children, to to do to separate physically.
Hannah Witton
Because you go from like one household, one house and then suddenly like, the same amount of money has to then afford two homes that can house children.
Molly Moore
Yes. Potentially. Yes. And then potentially, do you sell that house? It's possibly financially not possible for the other person to buy you out of their value. In which case where'd, how do they then obtain money to go somewhere else? So yeah, I actually do know a few people who are living in that situation, who have decided that that's what they're going to do until kind of like their kids basically leave home and then you can sell the house and be like, well, we'll go our separate ways.
Hannah Witton
I don't know how much you know, or are willing to share, because it's obviously other people, but like maybe just more in general. That could be such a difficult thing for some people. But maybe other people might thrive in that kind of scenario and it works for them quite well, because everyone gets to still.
Molly Moore
So I mean, as like, as far as I'm concerned, when I think about my first husband, I could we could never have done it. Like, there was just absolutely no way we could have occupied that space. It had all become just too awful to even contemplate. And so I think it very much depends on the relationship and the people in the relationship. And I also think it depends on how much space you have. So I think if you have got in a situation where you can be like, actually, we've got enough room, so that everybody, I can have a room and you can have a room.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Molly Moore
I think that's a much more doable prospect than if you were living in, say, an apartment or a flat with somebody, and you don't have that space. And maybe the kids have all the other rooms. And then it's like, well, how is that going to work? You know, how does anybody meet somebody new? How do you ever have somebody come to your place? So it's a very complicated thing,
Hannah Witton
Even after you've broken up, you're like still negotiating?
Molly Moore
Yes.
Hannah Witton
So much stuff.
Molly Moore
Yeah
Hannah Witton
Like rules about dating other people, can they come to the house?
Molly Moore
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
Oh, my goodness.
Molly Moore
Yeah. So very difficult. I mean, I think I think it does depend very much on the people involved, how that relationship has ended, and why. For some people, relationships have ended because they became really toxic. And so the last thing that you would do is then say, well I'm going to continue to share a living space with this person. Clearly, that's not the time to try to find a way of doing that, you know, that's a relationship where you go, no, I need to be away from that. So I think it much more depends on the people and the relationship.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. Because you and Michael, were already working together, like you said. Has there been a change, like in terms of your working relationship? Or is or is your working relationship unaffected?
Molly Moore
Mostly unaffected I would say, actually, which has been -
Hannah Witton
Impressive.
Molly Moore
Yeah, I think we've always worked together really well. And so I think it was easy. Like everybody kind of knew what they were meant to be doing, if that makes sense.
Hannah Witton
You have your role, I've got my role.
Molly Moore
Yeah. And that doesn't mean that there hasn't been like, I don't want to make it sound like it's like roses around the door, because it's absolutely not. There has been contentious moments. There have definitely been times when it's been difficult, where one or other of us has been very frustrated. Mostly me, I seem to be the very frustrated person. And so yes, there have definitely been times it's been difficult. But I think that we still seem to have been able to kind of mostly continue on and achieve what like what we need to do. I think the key thing is, we both want to do that.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Molly Moore
And I think that's probably the most important thing, like we've talked a lot about -
Hannah Witton
You're both choosing this.
Molly Moore
Yeah, I mean, and what we want it to look like, this place that we want to get to. And we do want to be able to be friends, I do want to be able to still have him as part of my life in that sense of being somebody that I work with. And so I think the fact that we both want the same things, is makes it much easier. I think if somebody was going I you know, if one of us wasn't invested in these outcomes that we have we're aiming for, then you could never do it. But I think if both of us are saying this is kind of the space we want to get to, and we're taking those steps to get there, yes, there are days when it's hard, but we know where we're trying to get to, what we're trying to achieve, hopefully doable.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, that makes sense. I have another question for you. So you said that you're like first relationship was vanilla.
Molly Moore
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
And then like after that ended, you discovered the amount of kink? Is that kind of like if you know, you're like, I'm kinky? I will only ever have kinky relationships, you wouldn't be able to then like, go back?
Molly Moore
No, no. So two things I know, like, for sure, on this day, is that I could never have a not kinky relationship. Now, that doesn't mean I want a D/s relationship, because I don't know that I do, but I do have, and I think there would be a D/s element, but not necessarily in the same formalised way that I had with Michael. So I think that were is part of the things that I need and that get me off. But I think actually being in a 24/7 D/s relationship is not something I would just what to do, which is what I was in. So definitely having elements of that. Kink is a huge thing for me. It's basically floats my boat. Without it, it doesn't work for me. And without that, I think what I would say without that power exchange dynamic, then I kind of need that to get off. And so those are things I know, and I also know that I am not a monogamous person.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Molly Moore
That non monogamy is a place that I am very, very comfortable, where I am naturally at my best. Monogamy doesn't really do it for me, at all. And I'm very good at nominal. That's the other thing I've realised, like I really am.
Hannah Witton
What do you mean by very good at it.
Molly Moore
I don't really experience, I don't really experience sexual jealousy. Really at all, only in very kind of specifically circumstance.
Hannah Witton
Do you experience romantic jealousy?
Molly Moore
Again, not really. Not hugely. So I would say most of my jealousy and I tend to call it envy, is about time. So if I feel like I was being shortchanged on time, then I would be like, wait, the other person's getting, you know, all this time, and I'm only getting this. So then I am jealous because you're literally, you're going to here with them, and you're going there with them, and you're doing this with them. But where's my space?
Hannah Witton
Yeah. So it's not about necessarily their feelings or whatever it is. It's just like, No, I just also need my quality time with -
Molly Moore
Yes, yeah. Yeah. So yes, absolutely that.
Hannah Witton
What else would make someone good at non monogamy?
Molly Moore
I think, what makes someone good at non monogamy? I, God, so people, so many people have said to me, how do you do what you do? Like sharing Michael for all those years with another partner and me not having my own partner? And I'm like, I don't know. It's easy. Like, it's fun. I don't have a problem. And you know, and there was an element to it that turned me on. And so them being together did turn me on as well. So I think that does help. I think if you are excited by your partner being with someone else, that's absolutely going to help you to manage that. Whereas if the thought of them touching someone else literally makes you, you know, almost terrified, then that doesn't mean that you cannot be non monogamous, because there are plenty of non monogamous people who have those feelings. I think it's just about how you process them, how you share them with your partner, and how they're dealt with. Yeah, so that doesn't rule you out. But if you do get off on it, then I think it definitely rules you in as it totally helps. You know, if the idea it thing, you know, having threesomes or sharing in those kinds of ways as well, is something that turns you on, then I think you're probably in a headspace, maybe, where you would find it easier. And so yeah, lots of people have asked me like, how do you do that? And I'm like, I don't know. It's just the way I am. It is just the way I am. I have no idea. I can't give you a like, well, here's a guide to not being jealous. You know, I can say the things that have worked for me, I guess, but it just isn't my, rarely rarely is it my knee jerk reaction to something. And I think jealousy isn't generally, for most people, a knee jerk reaction. It is often that kind of gut instinct moment where you have go, oh, that makes me feel jealous. And then that's what I think, you know, for a lot of people, particularly monogamous people, they still have that knee jerk reaction. But then it's about how you deal with it, that you sit with it, that you analyse it, like what actually was the core of it, what triggered it? What was the thing that you didn't like? Yeah, and being able to kind of have those conversations with yourself is really important.
Hannah Witton
100%! Because jealousy I don't really see as being this like, blanket emotion. It's just like, no, no, what, you're not jealous. What are you? Are you scared?
Molly Moore
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
Are you, are you feeling isolated? Are you Yeah, like what actually are you feeling?
Molly Moore
Absolutely. Yeah, no, absolutely. Or that knee jerk reaction, that's why sitting with it and picking it apart a bit is really important, because that's where you then can find those answers. Like, you know, was I scared? Do I feel threatened? Do I not feel like I'm getting the attention I need? You know, all those kinds of things because once you can find that, you can then kind of work on it. You can also share it with your partner, you can say so this thing happened. It made me feel jealous, but I realise it was because I was scared or because I was this.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. And it can be for small things like not just you know, like, full blown non monogamy, but like sure seeing your partner talking to someone else, or flirting with someone else, or like if they watch porn without you
Molly Moore
Yes
Hannah Witton
Like having like, if that makes you feel jealous actually like what is it? Like really nitpicking it? Like are you scared that they are comparing you to the people that they're seeing in porn? Like, actually really going into it?
Molly Moore
Sure, absolutely and I think then being able to take that to your partner and having those conversations. And one my big thing that advice would be to non monogamous people or people contemplating that is, believe what your partner tells you. Now, obviously, that's, you know, framed in whatever kind of relationship you're having. But if they say to you, so when Michael first was had his new partner, and the first time she came to stay, we had a brilliant time, it was really, really nice. And then she left and I was like, suddenly had this, I wasn't jealous, but I was like, huh, there are quite a few things where she's very different to me. So she is sexually submissive too. But they're kind of kink D/s relationship was different to ours. She's was more placid, don't know that's the right word. She was just a kind of like calmer submissive.
Hannah Witton
Whereas you're a feisty submissive.
Molly Moore
Yeah. And they also had an element to their relationship that was daddy age play type, which we didn't have. And so after she left, I was like, hmm, I'm feeling a bit odd about this stuff. Because I'm not, clearly she's giving you things that I'm not, are actually those are the things you want. And, and I'm not the thing you want. And he was like, no, like, I have the things that I have with you, and they're wonderful, and I love them, and I value them. And you're amazing for these things. And then I have these things with her. And these are, and actually -
Hannah Witton
Believing that.
Molly Moore
Yes, the most important thing I did in that moment was to listen to what he said and go, okay, I believe that that's you're absolutely telling me the truth. And I take that on board and was able to understand it. And so if your partner says those things to you, I think to some extent, you have to give it your you know, your best college try to really genuinely engage with them and what they're saying and believe them when they say no, I love you for you.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Molly Moore
And don't second guess that. Don't spend hours then second guessing that.
Hannah Witton
Oh, yeah. That spiral.
Molly Moore
Yeah, let be like, Okay, that makes sense.
Hannah Witton
This is what they've told me. So this is what's true. Yes.
Molly Moore
Yeah. So yeah, that's definitely something I would be, you know, believe what they say. Obviously, within reason.
Hannah Witton
Well, thank you so much for really opening up and like sharing your life and sharing some advice with us. It's been great chatting with you.
Molly Moore
Thank you Hannah
Hannah Witton
Where can people find you online.
Molly Moore
All over the place. Yeah. My blog is MollysDailyKiss.com and everywhere I am on social media, I am Molly's Daily Kiss. So Twitter, Instagram, everywhere. I am @MollysDailyKiss. But you can also find me at Eroticon.co is a conference for people basically creating adult content online as bloggers, journalists, vloggers, podcasters. The next one is in March 2020 and then we are @EroticonUK on Twitter.
Hannah Witton
I would highly recommend if anyone finds these topics interesting or like does their own content creation around sex and adult content, then get yourself there, it's a good time.
Molly Moore
Come see us.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. Thank you so much. And thank you guys for listening. Bye.
Hannah Witton
Thank you so much for listening to Doing It. If you enjoyed it, I would really appreciate it if you left a rating and a review. You can find show notes at DoingItPodcast.co.uk and do go follow us on social media and I'll catch you in the next episode. Bye.
Hannah Witton
This was a global original podcast