Bad Sex Advice, 50 Shades of Grey and Social Media Censorship with Scotty Unfamous | Transcript
Find the episode shownotes here!
Hannah Witton
Hello, welcome back to Doing It with me, Hannah Witton. This is the podcast where we get down and nerdy about all things sex, relationships, dating, and our bodies. And this episode was so fun to record and I hope you enjoy listening to it as well. I am joined today by the wonderful Scotty Unfamous, who is an award-winning erotic author and sexfluencer. Scotty is helping women live their best heaux life - spelt H E A U X. And we get into exactly what that means in this episode.
We talk about her work as an erotic writer and sexfluencer, and specifically what it means to be doing sex education for black women, and our favourite worst sex advice. As a kinky erotic author, I had to ask Scotty about her thoughts on 50 Shades of Grey. And we really get into it in terms of the positive impact those books and films had on people's sex lives and the world of erotica. I often like to take the piss out of 50 Shades and the depictions of unhealthy relationships and the misrepresentation of BDSM and those stories has been covered by lots of people, but it was really great to hear Scotty's perspective and thinking of the impact on the wider more mainstream society because those books have been hella influential. We talk about a whole bunch of other TV shows and films too, from Sex Education, to Big Mouth to 365 Days to Sex/Life, which Scotty had a lot of opinions about, which was really fun to get into. And finally, we also spoke about censorship on social media as a sex educator, and getting comfortable and confident wearing sexy lingerie.
As you can tell, we cover an awful lot of ground in this episode, and it was so much fun. As usual, you can find more info and links to everything we talked about in this episode in the shownotes over at doingitpodcast.co.uk. And please let us know what you think over on our Twitter or Instagram, which is @doingitpodcast. If you liked this episode, please give us a rating and review over on iTunes, it's really appreciated. And without further ado, here is the brilliant Scotty Unfamous.
Hey, Scotty, I'm so excited to finally like, meet you and chat with you. And just have an excuse to like, ask you all of the questions.
Scotty Unfamous
I'm happy to be here! Excited to meet you and see you too.
Hannah Witton
This should be fun. So my first question, I guess, is - so like, one of the things that you say you do is you help women live their best heaux life? What is a heaux life?
Scotty Unfamous
So obviously, we all know that the connotations of like a heaux is like a bad thing, a slut. But I spell it differently so that way it makes it fancy. But then it's also -
Hannah Witton
It's very French, the spelling.
Scotty Unfamous
Yeah, it's very French.
Hannah Witton
Did you come up with this?
Scotty Unfamous
No, no, no, it was an internet thing. And I was like, "That's cute!" So I stole it! But it's just kind of the whole idea of taking back the word and using it for like empowerment, because if I'm calling myself a heaux, if you call me a heaux, it's fine, I identify as that. You know?
Hannah Witton
Nice.
Scotty Unfamous
But it's also to kind of get women to really be able to tap into their sexual pleasure and be comfortable about it, like one of my main things is teaching them how to unlearn the shame. Because so many people think that everyone else is having this really like meek, boring, like sex lives, and so it's like, "Oh, they're not doing that. So I'm not going to do because it's not proper." And it's like, babes. If you only knew. So it's like, we have one life to live, get all the orgasms. Have all the joy. Have all the fun.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. Yeah, I love that. And also, it's interesting, you saying about like, a lot of it being about comparison as well, of like, what they think other people are doing, because it always was like, it's completely made up. It's all in our imagination. Because we so rarely talk about these things, even with our friends. You know, like, we can have our own like, made up ideas about like, what our friends' sex lives are like - unless we directly ask them.
Scotty Unfamous
Yeah, right. I mean, me, I'm like, I'm the discussing friend in the group.
Hannah Witton
Me too! Obviously.
Scotty Unfamous
But yeah, no, but like, you do find that in a lot of friendship groups. Like there's this weirdness like, you know, not talking about masturbation or like - or you only want to talk about it as "Oh yeah, lack My partner was amazing", this just kind of like braggadocious thing when it's not really as you would like it to be. Having this mindset and having the kind of open established conversations, we're learning more. Like we're learning that that "Okay, loads of men don't know where the clit is. I've never had an orgasm. I've actually been faking it my entire life!"
Hannah Witton
Yeah, because, like, you mentioned shame as well. And so we have a lot of shame that like, stops us from accessing pleasure, because we think that that's like, a bad thing. But then the shame like, can come from another place as well, which is like that it's been - like, as a good thing, pleasure and enjoyment, and, like, you know, like you were saying, like empowerment in our sexualities, that that is, like, encouraged now. More so amongst certain groups, I would say. But then you can get shame if you're like, not like that. If you're like, "Wait, I'm supposed to be like, the sexually empowered woman in the 21st century, but like, I still feel weird, like, feel uncomfortable if my partner goes down on me and like, that's not very feminist of me, is it?" Do you know what I mean, like,, we can, we can have this other shame as well. Like, not having like, empowering or feminist sex or whatever.
Scotty Unfamous
No, it's very true. Like, the other day, I was doing a question with my followers on Instagram and I was like, "what's the worst sex advice that you've ever gotten?" Oh, my God, it was so bad. It was so bad. But It was like, it just shows how this shame is, like, ingrained in us like, that whole thing of like, either, you know, being proper, or like you said, not being excited enough. Like I remember I did a post once like, it's okay to have vanilla sex! Yeah, you don't need to be tied up to the bed and spanked if you don't like it. Like that doesn't have to be your thing. Because I also feel like with the emergence of TikTok and you know there's like kinktok, and you had all videos of these young boys and they're like, "Oh, I would leave bruises on you because that's sexy. I'm like Christian Grey." And you're like, "God's sake." And then it kind of becomes trendy as well. And I think that's what adds to the shame because like, "Oh, everybody on this platform is having these exciting sex lives and I'm just like, missionary." And it's like, babes. missionary is great. It's okay!
Hannah Witton
There's a reason why it's probably like the most common sex position. It's great for a lot of people.
Scotty Unfamous
Exactly. it's like the best position. Like, I'm a kinky person, I'm very kinky. But I love me a missionary. Like look into my eyes, hold my hands. That's so romantic!
Hannah Witton
Oh my god. Love that.
Scotty Unfamous
As well, like, with the advice that they were telling me that they gotten, like a lot of them have been told like, you know, "Lay back and think of England."
Hannah Witton
Classic.
Scotty Unfamous
Like, "Your man wants it, just give it to him anytime and even if you don't want it, just get it over with."
Hannah Witton
Who's giving this advice! It hurts!
Scotty Unfamous
I know, it was so bad. And I was like, these people that are giving you this advice, like they don't enjoy sex or sex has always been seen as some - as like a duty so it's like, for women, it's like that you're not allowed to enjoy it. You just have to do for your partner or to meet babies and that's it. And it's like, no. The clitoris is there for a reason.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, yeah, point in case. So speaking of bad sex advice, you give a lot of good sex advice and call yourself a sexfluencer. Love that? How did that all start? And you're also erotic writer. So I'm like curious. Did you start like writing like erotic fiction first and then you started doing like sex ed online?
Scotty Unfamous
Yeah, so literally, I think I started writing in like 2010, well, like online.
Hannah Witton
Oh my god, just like smutty blog posts and stuff?
Scotty Unfamous
On like - so you remember Facebook Notes? I'm so old.
Hannah Witton
Wow!
Scotty Unfamous
Right? So I was like writing in like Facebook notes, so I'm putting like chapters like every couple of days. But one of my main things for it was that I wanted to portray sex in - like embedded in a good story, but I wanted to portray the dirtiest sex ever, but just write it in a really pretty way. Because if you write it pretty, then everyone's like, "Oh, this is fine because I believe in marketing."
Hannah Witton
Literature!
Scotty Unfamous
Exactly! So posh!
Hannah Witton
Because then you've also - like with the heaux life thing, you're like, let's make it pretty and palettable, I love that.
Scotty Unfamous
Very that. So, like, that was like one of my first things. And then I would have like my readers like writing to me like, "Oh my god, I masturbated to this last night." I'm like, okay. Wonderful! I'm happy for you.
Hannah Witton
That's what it's here for.
Scotty Unfamous
So that literally like that took off and it became like a play and a web series and stuff. And then I started like, getting like featured in like Vogue and Complex and shit. And I was like, oh, okay, this is a thing, that I can go somewhere with this. And then I think a couple years later - when did I properly get into sex blogging. And maybe like 2017? Because I'd always been interested in sex growing up anyway. I was that child that would like, they'd be, I can't be around and I'm like, with my hands, like, looking through, like, "What are they doing!" Like, sneaking into Waterstones and trying to read the Kama Sutra.
Hannah Witton
Oh my god, I love that.
Scotty Unfamous
And so I think there was a job that was going in 2017 across all these newspapers, like earn 27k a year to be a sex toy blogger. And I was like, this is - this is a thing? Like I can review sex toys and people will pay me? And I applied for it. And I didn't get it. But me. I'm like, queen of like, okay, well, I'm just gonna just do it myself.
Hannah Witton
Do it anyway!
Scotty Unfamous
I was doing it, Hannah!
Hannah Witton
Yes!
Scotty Unfamous
So basically, I just kind of started doing it myself. And it made sense with my erotic writing already. And then it was also like, especially in the UK, there aren't many black sex bloggers and stuff, so it's kind of like, okay, filling a gap. And I think at the time, I was the only one on YouTube. So I was like, alright, just gonna run with this. Because, it's something I'm interested in and I think it's something that we need to speak about more. And I think there's also - I was working at this TV station, I was a content moderator, and it was like a dating kind of thing. And the things that I would hear and I'm like, "Is this what people are doing? Like, but like, in secret? Why is nobody talking about this?" There were - there were people - like I didn't realise how many men cross dressed. So that was fun.
Hannah Witton
Like in private, or?
Scotty Unfamous
Like, in private, like, they would - like the little like, messages on the screen would be like, "Oh, I'm wearing my silk panties tonight. And my stocking hold ups."
Hannah Witton
I like that.
Scotty Unfamous
Right? And we'd be there like swapping make-up tips.
Hannah Witton
I mean, honestly, I'm not surprised because men's, like mainstream fashion is so like, boring. They don't have a lot of options.
Scotty Unfamous
Jeans, t-shirts, pants.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. That's basically it, lads. That's what you've got. Come to the women's section.
Scotty Unfamous
Exactly! Where all the front is. The frills and the glitter!
Hannah Witton
All of the different textures and materials. Yeah.
Scotty Unfamous
And then I'd hear people saying things like, you know, "I like having sex with sheepskin coats, or I like having sex denim, or -" And I'd be like, there is so much happening out there. Like, obviously, there are people that are into ageplay, we weren't allowed to put them in. Like we had to be like, "No, you're not allowed here because that's naughty here." But ageplay or like, what else were they into? Big areolas? There was this, you know, recording every night and it's is like, "I like women with big areolas." But yeah, it was just so interesting to hear like, The Secret Lives of the British. And then you get out there and everyone's just like, oh no.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, no one is talking about it.
Scotty Unfamous
Right? So then it was kind of when I started talking about my experience, I was like, okay, well then I'm just going to be really honest. Because if this is what people are doing, the more that we can have these kinds of conversations, it can help improve people's sex lives and especially in different communities, especially like my community, black community and stuff, like it's very conservative, despite all of like the music and the dance and this - very much in the church and you know, respectability politics. And it's like, I wanted to be the black sheep!
Hannah Witton
I was actually gonna ask about that. I was gonna ask because obviously like, social media platforms and stuff don't give you like race demographics. They only give you like age and gender. But would you say like the majority of your audience is like black women?
Scotty Unfamous
Yeah, I think it started off as that. But then as my kind of following grew, I have women from like, all over, and I really love that because it's like, we're all struggling with the same issues. But yeah, so, I do have a majority black but then it's like I thought ut==it would be like just black British, but then I've got like women in Africa, in like Asia, in Canada, and it's like all over the world. And it's like, "Oh, I'm a black woman from Sudan." And I was like, "Oh, hello!" You know what I mean, so. It's a bit of everybody now.
Hannah Witton
Is there like specific stuff in terms of like, topics and like sex education that is applicable to black women? Because like we know about, like, racism within dating, and within like, - in like how racism can play out even in like things that we think we've got no control over, like our sexual desires and stuff. But it's all political.
Scotty Unfamous
Right. So I think being a black woman in this space, it gives me the chance to speak about, you know, like fetishization, or like, you know, the complexities that can come with interracial dating, because interracial dating is wonderful. But then it's like, there's so many different components for people to consider and then hearing their experiences on it as well. Other things like pornography, the stuff that we see in porn, how that's depicted. You know, how the actors are paid and stuff.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, I had someone on the podcast who was talking about how - it was like, are you privileged or are you a porn genre? So like, if you're, if you're not white, basically, like your race will be in the porn title.
Hannah Witton
Oh - Jasmine -
Scotty Unfamous
Yes, yes. Exactly. Exactly that. And because I remember I was reading about this company called Royal Fetish Films. There's this couple. And they run on PornHub.
Scotty Unfamous
And King Noire!
Hannah Witton
Yes! I love them!
Scotty Unfamous
Yeah. So like I remember like because I met them and I was like, speaking with them and stuff, and then I follow their careers and stuff. And they're, they're very much for this kind of advocacy for porn creators. And it was so mad to hear the experiences that they went through on set like, "Oh, like, if white women are going to sleep with us, like, with black men that they expect to get paid more. Or like it devalues them so they don't get paid." I know and I was like, this is crazy.
Hannah Witton
Wow. Yeah. And even like sort of like the behind the scenes and like but the pay and weird stuff like that. Yeah.
Scotty Unfamous
Weird, weird. And then obviously then we got the stuff like in the medical industry with you know, like black maternal deaths being like the highest and like there was so many things to kind of unpack. So I think I'm when I'm putting out my content, as much as it is for everyone, I do try to make sure that I include stuff for the black community because there are things that they don't know. Like say for example, Black History Month's just passed and I spoke about Mary Kenner, who did the whole sanitary napkin pocket, which actually that, you know, did this big revolution to like period care. And I never know that. We never knew that growing up. And it was like, so if it wasn't for like your invention, we wouldn't have like the leak proof napkin or not - we don't call it napkins now. The leakproof pads, or like like them even being able to stay in place because before was just like, women that had their rag, as they called it, and just like stuffed in their knickers and, you know.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, no, I didn't even know that. Yeah. Wow.
Scotty Unfamous
Yeah. It's fun.
Hannah Witton
What kind of stuff do you get asked the most? In terms of like, advice, I guess, from people who follow you?
Scotty Unfamous
So it'll be like, between either how to be more confident in the bedroom. I think especially the way that I present myself as a plus size woman as well, I'm just kind of like, here's me in my lingerie! So there's that. And then the other one, they like asking me how to suck dick.
Hannah Witton
Oh, yeah, because you recently did a video being like like fellatio skills.
Scotty Unfamous
Instagram was just - they wouldn't let me post it. So I have to keep like -
Hannah Witton
Oh my God. What kind of words did you have to censor?
Scotty Unfamous
I think what did I censor? I think - no, I had a dildo in the video. I was like, waving it around. So I put like emojis over the dildo so you couldn't see it. What else did I say? I think maybe I said like come or testicles or something. I just, I just bleep the words out. And they were like, "This is fine." And I was like, "Grow up."
Hannah Witton
it's so annoying. I like - I hate it when I see like censored like sex education on like Instagram or Tiktok or whatever that's like meant for like adults. Right? And, and I understand why the creator has done that, like, it's because of the platform.
Scotty Unfamous
Yeah. Like the "seggs". S e g g.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, yeah.
Scotty Unfamous
Oh my god, trying to think about all these different spellings.
Hannah Witton
It makes me so sad! Because like how are we supposed to send the message that sex is something that you shouldn't be ashamed of talking about, and like setting the example of having open conversations about sex, when we can't even say the word sometimes, you know?
Scotty Unfamous
It's like - it makes it it kind of does that thing where it reinforces the shame around sex. Like, "No, this isn't proper." And obviously, from their end it's like, "Oh, brands don't like this stuff." But it's like, now brands are starting - more mainstream brands are starting to move over into wellness. And so it's like, these platforms need to get with the times because we are having a lot more of these conversations. And from the conversations that we are having, we're finding that so many of us are misinformed. Like I don't know what your sex ed was like at school, or if you even had it, but like my sex ed at school -
Hannah Witton
Ehh.
Scotty Unfamous
Yeah, exactly. It was crap! It was crap! It was like, "You have a period, a penis ejaculates and you get pregnant. Okay, bye!" And like, that's it.
Hannah Witton
Basically. Basically, yeah.
Scotty Unfamous
And then it's like, you start doing a job like this and obviously, it requires you to like learn stuff. And there's so many things that you didn't know, and it's like, "I must tell the world!"
Hannah Witton
Oh my god, that's exactly how I felt like and one of the reasons why like, I really felt this kind of like, job was like a calling almost, because I was like, I was having my mind blown constantly. And I was like, "More people need to know this!" Yeah, I feel that.
Okay, on a slightly different note. Right. I hear that you are a Twihard.
Scotty Unfamous
Oh, I am. I am. Oh my God, Hannah, don't get me started.
Hannah Witton
Recently, recently, during like being very ill from first trimester stuff, I rewatched all of the Twilight films. It was - it was a good time. But I'm curious as you're like, as a Twihard but also as an erotic writer, I want to know what your thoughts are on 50 Shades of Grey, obviously.
Scotty Unfamous
So my thoughts on 50 Shades? One, I think that - I think my first thing about it was as much as it wasn't -
Hannah Witton
Accurate?
Scotty Unfamous
Like with the whole stuff was like, you know, reinforcing consent and the actual values of the BDSM community. That wasn't accurate. And, you know, there were - there were problematic scenes in there.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. Which plenty of people have covered over the years.
Scotty Unfamous
Yeah. Which plenty of people have covered. But my whole thing was, because actually that I got to like, speak with Erica L. James - I've worked with Lovehoney recently. And I was on their 50 Shades compaign.
Hannah Witton
Oh, that's what her first name is! I had no idea!
Scotty Unfamous
E. L. James - it's Edgar!
Hannah Witton
Just E. L. James!
Scotty Unfamous
And I was like, I was like, "Well done you." She's like, "No, no." I was like, "No, listen. What your book did for like sex positivity, regardless of if you meant to or not, you opened up a whole new world for so many women." I think that as much as there were negative critiques about 50 Shades, we can't ignore what it did.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, I mean, it was huge.
Scotty Unfamous
It was a fucking phenomenon. Like, she never needs to do anything ever again, also that, so like well done!
Hannah Witton
Often when I like talk to people about either like BDSM, or just like sex positivity in general, or even just like, being a sex writer as well, like that whole industry - I do think of it as a pre and post 50 Shades kind of era. You know, I do kind of like separate it that in my mind, it was so influential.
Scotty Unfamous
Exactly. So yeah, I mean, I like the second book more than the first one because I felt that they got a bit more like action in there. But yeah, my general thoughts on 50 Shades is either you liked it or you loved it, but you cannot deny what this book did. How many women's sex lives that - are not even just women, just people in general, how many people sex lives it allowed to expand. Like people were like, "Oh, I', buying handcuffs!"
Hannah Witton
And also how much it like normalised it. Like you would find, like middle aged women who probably would never have uttered the word sex publicly, just reading openly 50 Shades of Grey on public transport. And that not being something that they like felt ashamed of doing because it was so mainstream and so popular. Yeah, wild, wild.
Scotty Unfamous
Exactly. And then even the films being made because it's like, you know, it was soft porn. And I remember the first film came out, I was like, "Girls, let's go see it. Like we don't know if it's gonna be good or not. But let's just go." So we like brought bottles of wine.
Hannah Witton
Oh my god.
Scotty Unfamous
And we're there, like back row, just like, sitting there: "Oh my god. Are his strokes good? Does he look like he could really fuck like that?" But it was a good time. And I think even you know that what you said like the pre and post 50 Shades era, it opened up the way for - not opened up the way for other erotic authors, because there was some that existed before, but it like it put their work on pedestals as well. And because of that there was so much more conversation around this kind of stuff. I don't know, I just thought that its impact was great. That was my main takeaway, like, you changed the game.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. Yeah. Did you feel an impact from it as an erotic writer, in terms of, like, interest in your writing and your books? Or yeah, or just like, just people looking for more like, if people were like, "Oh, I really enjoyed 50 Shades of Grey, like, what else is there?"
Scotty Unfamous
I think - I think it's not that it did influence my writing, because I kind of had like, kinky stuff in there anyway. But it made me bolder, because then it was kind of like, okay, this - everyone is like gagging over this kind of stuff, and I'm really disgusting, so =
Hannah Witton
Let's see how far we can push it.
Scotty Unfamous
Exactly. And I remember I wrote a story called Running Wild, which was BDSM bit like kink based. And I remember writing some of the chapters, and I'm just, I'm sending it to my friends, I was like, "I don't know if I should put this out. Everyone'll think I'm fucking weird." And she was like, "No, bitch, do it. They'll love it, do it." Okay, so I'm there like trembling, uploading things. And then even just the impact of that, I think, because I ended up winning an award for that.
Hannah Witton
Amazing!
Scotty Unfamous
Like, oh, so I think as a writer, it kind of reinforced the idea that everybody's disgusting. Because this is what I always tell people, like, "You know, even if you think that what you're doing is like, oh, the worst. There's somebody worse than you. And it's fine." Do you get what I mean?
Hannah Witton
Yeah. And also, like, when we use words, like disgusting and worse and stuff, that's in a very, like, accepting and loving way.
Scotty Unfamous
Oh, yeah, no, this is very playful, like I said, my whole thing is like heaux, like, and whatever. I embrace these words. I'm like, "Yes, I am filth, I love it." Like, no shame.
Hannah Witton
Amazing.
Scotty Unfamous
But I also think as well like, just with the whole, like, erotic romance genre in general. Sometimes I think, when it comes to books, especially stuff around sex, or even films and stuff, the element of fantasy - so it's like, because this stuff is around sex, and we do need to be educated about sex better, but we don't often have places to turn to so people look to porn or look to these books, and try to learn from that. And it's like, there's so much responsibility placed on the writers to, you know, be sexually correct and be positive and that and it's like, they're authors. Like the bodice ripper, the whole, "Oh, he pins you up against the wall." Yeah, maybe you won't want that in real life. There are loads of things that people fantasise about that they don't want in real life, and you have to allow some things to be fun. Because it's a story, or it's a tale, or it's an event, do you get what I mean?
Hannah Witton
And potentially, you're reading it because you want to have a bit of escapism.
Scotty Unfamous
Yeah. Like, let people do that. If you really, if you really want to learn about sex, go to the sex educators, it's their job!
Hannah Witton
Yeah. Well, this is one of the things I'm always saying about porn as well. And I guess like erotic writing also comes under that. Because, like, we were saying, sex education is so bad sometimes that porn and like dirty stories and all of this is the only like, acceptable place that we can go and learn about sex. And we're using it sometimes as very prescriptive when actually it's just entertainment. And that's kind of like how we should be consuming it. But the only way that we can consume it in that way is that - is if we have good sex education to go along beside it.
Scotty Unfamous
Yeah. Exactly. That. Yeah. Because I remember, do you remember that other show that came out on Netflix, the 365 thing?
Hannah Witton
I never watched that.
Scotty Unfamous
Oh, you didn't watch that. Okay. Hella problematic, but I loved it. It was terrible. It was it was like everything that you should not do. But from an entertainment perspective - that guy was hot. The sex was hot. It was like great. But then peoplpe were like, "No, you should be showing us." It was like, "This is not where you're supposed to be learning."
Hannah Witton
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And when we have such limited stories, and like education around sex, when something like 365 comes out, that is maybe hella problematic, everyone's up in arms about it, but it's like, "Well, why don't you commission some good shit as well?" Like, there's also Sex Education on Netflix.
Scotty Unfamous
Love Sex Education!
Hannah Witton
Which, like, maybe, you know, watch the two together.
Scotty Unfamous
And like Big Mouth!
Hannah Witton
Ohh, I love Big Mouth. Yes. Oh my god, actually, speaking of Netflix shows, because I think I saw you tweeting about this: Sex/Life, the Sex/Life. Did you watch that? I've not had a chance to talk to anyone about this show.
Scotty Unfamous
I did. I did like a whole like review on my YouTube channel.
Hannah Witton
Oh, my god, did you? I need to watch that.
Scotty Unfamous
I hated it so much! Yeah, it was - there was a lot of sex in it. But all of the sex -
Hannah Witton
There was a lot of sex in it.
Scotty Unfamous
- was boring! It was so boring!
Hannah Witton
it was very penetrative.
Scotty Unfamous
Very penetrative. And then it was, "Oh, their sex life is so wild!" And it's like no, it's not. They're just exhibitionists. Like they were like fucking in like -
Hannah Witton
Yeah, because it was like all of - all of the places they were fucking were like, kind of public, semi public places. Yeah.
Scotty Unfamous
Yeah! In a bar, in an alleyway, in a train tunnel. That was weird to me because I was like -
Hannah Witton
In a random person's mansion pool.
Scotty Unfamous
And I was just like, "Ugh." Like everything - it was - like, the relationship was crap. The storytelling was really bad. Oh, it was really bad. It was, like -
Hannah Witton
I still watched the entire thing.
Scotty Unfamous
So did I!
Hannah Witton
Just like, I was like, what is happening here? And honestly, I had a lot - I did have a lot of high hopes because I was like, I was like, "Oh, maybe they're going to explore like, ethical non monogamy here. And like, maybe it'll explore -" and I think it tried to do some of that stuff. And maybe normalising the even if you're in like, a happy, monogamous relationship, you can still have, like, fantasies about other people and like desire and find other people attractive. That kind of stuff, I'm like, yes, let's normalise that. Because I think a lot of people get really like, I don't know, worried that they're like, "Oh my god, I had a fantasy about somebody else, like maybe I don't love my husband!
Scotty Unfamous
"Yeah, I want Brad!" Oh, god. I think the only thing I liked about - but then they hyped it up too much - like that they had full frontal male nudity. Because a lot of the time it's like, tits. Oh my god, there was so much tits. So much.
Hannah Witton
There was so much tits but we did get some dick.
Scotty Unfamous
We only got one short of dick. Yeah.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. Was it - was that the shower scene? Was it that scene? Yeah.
Scotty Unfamous
Like. I mean, I think the story essentially it was, it's like, wine mom's entertainment? Does that make sense? Wine mom's entertainment. So I got why people liked it. Like if you didn't really explore this kind of stuff. This is great. This is like your Mills and Boons. You know? But yeah, I was not a fan. I spent the whole hour and 45 minutes bashing it.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. Oh my god, I'm gonna have to watch that,
Scotty Unfamous
But I did love how they explored feminine agency over sexuality. The fact that like her and her friend, you know that they had these wild days, and they would like, share men and stuff. And it was like, "But yes, but we are also intelligent and this doesn't make us any less." You know, I liked that message behind it that. That's - I'll give it that. But that was it.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, I didn't - I didn't feel like it stereotyped them really, when it came to that.
Hannah Witton
All right, we have some questions from people on Instagram that I want to put to you. And you actually you mentioned yourself that you're like you're a plus size woman and you often are on Instagram in all of your different like lingerie and like kinky gear and stuff. And somebody actually asked how to feel comfortable wearing sexy lingerie with another person and also what to choose.
Scotty Unfamous
Okay, so I think that when it comes to another person with your body, think of the assets that you like the most. Do you have great tits? You know? Do you love your arse? You know, or, I don't know, do you really like your waist or - whatever you want to amplify, pick the lingerie that is going to do that for you. And then I think like more is more! Like get the suspenders, get the garter belt, get the sugar daddy robe, like get all it!
Things to pick - I think this is another great thing. about lingerie as well is that if you do have any body issues, it can accommodate to make you feel comfortable. So for example, if you don't want to go to out there, you know, you can - there's classic things, you know, you can wear a satin silk - a slip dress. I love me a slip dress. You know, because it's, it's sexy, but it's demure. Then you have things like you know, your baby dolls and your negligees, which are basically like pretty sex dresses. Or you've got like body stockings. And you can have like basques and corsets and crotchless knickers and the, you know, there's a plethora of things for you to wear and I think it's just literally the same way that you would pick out your clothes because you feel - like they make - they make you feel good when you put them on, there's loads of lingerie out there, that can also do that for you. So it's just literally I think, if you're starting out, explore! You don't have to buy super expensive stuff even because there's so many options these day.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. And if you put something on and you don't feel comfortable in it, then that that's not the one! Because you, yeah, you need to be able to kind of like, feel like you can move, feel like you can just kind of like strut your stuff in it. But also, I think a lot of people worry that when kind of like wearing sexy lingerie in the presence of a sexual partner that they have to also like, suddenly, they've got this new lingerie on and so then they have to act sexy. Yeah. And like, there's a certain like, performance that's then expected of them. But actually, like, just be yourself. Like, I often find that like, when I put on sexy lingerie, I, I kind of just like ham up my normal personality, which is just like, I just start like being really silly, or kind of just be like, like, pretending to be sexy.
Scotty Unfamous
I'm literally like that as well! I'm like, "Do you like this?" And he's like, "For god's sake."
Hannah Witton
And making it playful, because then it kind of like it for me, it takes the edge off of it and like, helps to, like ease me in but also like, ease your partner in and like when you're laughing, like, and you're the one that kind of like created that laughter as well, like, that can feel really like a bit of a confidence boost as well.
Scotty Unfamous
Sex doesn't have to be serious. And I think, once again, you know, going back to films and porn and books or whatever, there's always like, oh, you know, there's this vixen, and whatever. It's like, no, like, you don't have to be the vixen, just be you and you can do shit.
Hannah Witton
And you can also just like play and just be really silly, like, whatever, whatever suits you.
Scotty Unfamous
And I think also when it comes to the whole kind of like, comfort level around your partners and stuff. Listen. If 364 days of the year, you're just like, "I'm Marjorie, and this is my sweatpants." I don't know why I chose Marjorie. And then like one day, like, you turn up and you've got like stockings and gloves and whatever on - this is the other thing, you don't have to do anything. They are just like, "Wow, look at you, you goddess"
Hannah Witton
Yeah, you're just the same person just like wearing something a bit different.
Scotty Unfamous
Like, just just have fun with it. Have fun. Think of it like kind of Halloween, but for sluts.
Hannah Witton
I thought Halloween was for sluts.
Scotty Unfamous
Also true!
Hannah Witton
I love that. Okay, someone asked, what's your opinion on how couples should view their frequency of sex?
Scotty Unfamous
Do you know I get this question a lot as well. And I think that - do what feels right for you. Everyone thinks that, "Oh, we need to be having sex every day, or once a week." When you feel horny, have sex. Like there's no set time. Some couples have very high sex drives and may do it like three times a day, some couples a few times a month, it's fine. And that's another thing as well. Your sex life is never going to be like, at one level. Sometimes it will be up and you guys will be in the season of like, "Oh, we can't leave each other alone." And then other times will be like it's about the intimacy and the cuddling and having conversations, like, there is no quote unquote normal amount of times to have sex. Just be.
Hannah Witton
And it's a shame because we think that there is. Like we think that there is this like normal or we think that there's like this prescribed amount that's like "Oh, if we have sex this amount, then we're a good couple and it means we'll stay together because we're having the right amount of sex." But actually like: are you satisfied with the sex that you are having?
Scotty Unfamous
Right? Quality over quantity, babes.
Hannah Witton
Absolutely. 100% Um, so this this is a topic I've seen you speak about online as well, which is like herpes, and somebody asked: any tips for managing herpes stigma when accessing health care?
Scotty Unfamous
What like when going to like the doctors?
Hannah Witton
Yeah, I'm assuming they mean like from a medical professional, maybe.
Scotty Unfamous
Okay, so, medical professionals, they've been working in the field for like forever. And we always think that when we go in and we told them our sex problems, that they're gonna be like, "Oh, no shame on you. This is terrible. I've never heard of this before." They hear this stuff all the time. So their attitude towards it is going to be laid back and they're just here to help you. I think more stigma tends to come from us ourselves like projecting it onto like those medical professionals, like "They think I'm the worst. They think I'm a slut." Or when it comes to like, your peers or your partners or whatever, that's where most of the stigma resides. And in terms of that, it's - I think it's our job as a society to destigmatise this because STIs like herpes, or Gonorrhoea or chlamydia or anything like that is normal, it happens to everybody. Like, if you are sexually active, there is a chance that you will probably catch something. You may not even be aware when you catch the thing. You may have it and then it may clear up by itself or go away, but it's such a normal thing. Like things like thrush or bacterial vaginosis, super super common. Things like HPV, I think like everybody gets HPV.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, yeah, it's like super high. Well, actually, not maybe not since they started vaccinating because -
Scotty Unfamous
Oh yes, yes, yes, they did start vaccinating them. I wasn't part of that lucky crowd.
Hannah Witton
But our generation -
Scotty Unfamous
Oh, we caught it.
Hannah Witton
Probably have it.
Scotty Unfamous
In terms of stigma, it's just literally about having - if you, you know, if you do have something like herpes, make sure that you are informing your partners about that. If you have a breakout, make sure that you are taking the necessary precautions, to you know, make sure that you aren't troubling the area like touching it with your hands and then that touching other things, keeping it away from cuts and grazes, other people. Obviously that moves through bodily fluids. So you know, maybe like have like your cup and your knife and fork - like, and this is not to make you feel weird or alienated. It's about protecting the people around you.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, and with the with their health care professionals as well. Like if you're going to see someone specifically about your herpes or your STI. Maybe if you're worried that maybe your GP won't like, understand or might use language that makes you feel a bit ashamed, then there are STI clinics. There are like specific places that deal with this all the time.
Scotty Unfamous
Like Brook, because I know they have loads of clinics like around - I'm talking about London specifically. There's like Brook clinics everywhere. I used to go to those loads when I was in college and started - and they give you so many condoms.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, yeah, check, check, check Brook. They're like mostly for young people as well.
Scotty Unfamous
Yeah, for under 25s.
Hannah Witton
But yeah, but if you go on, like the NHS website, they have like, a whole directory of like all of the different like STI clinics around the country as well so like the staff there, like, they're specifically trained in this area as well. So like, every time I've gone to an STI clinic, it's just like, so lovely. So chill.
Scotty Unfamous
Right because we think like theyre are going to like scorn us or something, and it's like. no. "Okay, you got this, right, take this."
Hannah Witton
"We're just looking out for you and your health. Like, we want you to be happy and healthy, like, that's all." Yeah.
Somebody asked: tips on how to get out of my head during sex with mind wandering and trouble focusing.
Scotty Unfamous
This is - I get asked this a lot as well. Because I think everyone has this problem, especially like woman, because I think sometimes when it comes to sex for vulva owners, there can be like this element of performativeness. Is that a word? Performativeness? You know what I meant.
Hannah Witton
I know what you mean.
Scotty Unfamous
So I think one of the things is remember that you're not a porn star. You don't have to - you're not going to look cute during sex. I know that you would like to and - but nobody looks pretty with a dick in their mouth, babe
Hannah Witton
Just embrace it.
Scotty Unfamous
Right? Like, and it's messy. So once you kind of get over trying to be this pretty, pretty princess, just be in it. Another thing, I think, is taking time with foreplay, because I was kind of rush through the foreplay because they don't really consider it sex, it's like, "No, this is the bit so we can get ready for the sex." No, like luxuriate in that. And the reason I say to do this is because the longer you take, you know, you have that feeling of anticipation. And it's like, "Oh my god, I can't wait until we do the thing." You get what I mean. And by the time you finally get to the point when you've finally done the thing, because you've taken so long, and there's so much build up, you just want to be in the thing. Is that clear? You want to have sex, and you're less likely to be worried about other things, because now you just have sex brain.
Something else that I think is great, if you guys are into mindfulness, practice mindfulness before you start sex. Because I used to struggle having orgasms and stuff. And what I started doing, I would meditate before I had sex. I would set an intention. And I would sit down and for like at least five minutes, just breathe in and out. And just think about my intention, and focus on my vagina.
Hannah Witton
Love that. And mindfulness is something that you can practice, like doing anything. Like it doesn't have to be just sex, like you could be mindful eating your food, mindful, like, cleaning your house, like whatever it is. And that can be a way to like then practice that skill of being really present and kind of paying attention to like, how is it feeling? What are you seeing? What are you smelling? Tasting? Like all of these things.
Scotty Unfamous
Exactly. That's brilliant, what you've even just said there, the whole being present. When your mind starts to wander - like it's - everybody's mind wanders from time to time. Just refocus, so maybe it may be a thing of focusing on a sensation. "Oh, he's touching my leg." "She is touching my testicles." I don't know why I went from leg to testicles.
Hannah Witton
I love it.
Scotty Unfamous
You get what I mean, like, focus on what you're feeling. Focus on what you're seeing. What do they smell like? Are they warm? Are they cold.? You get what I mean? That kind of stuff will help put you back in the moment.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. And don't judge yourself if your mind starts to wander. As far as I'm aware, in terms of like mindfulness practice, it's like not about trying not to think of other things. It's like, if you do think of something else, it's like, be like, "Oh, my mind went there. Okay, now I'm going to intentionally now refocus on my breathing, or like, whatever it is." Yeah, and just like not, not judging yourself for when your mind does wander, because that's completely normal.
Scotty Unfamous
Oh, and obviously, the point Hannah made as well is all about breathing. Deep breathing also helps to refocus you. So yeah, that's basically the gist of it. If you do find your mind wandering, those are the things to do.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. And it can be something that you practice even when you're not having sex, so you've got no excuse.
Scotty Unfamous
You better stay focused, bitch!
Hannah Witton
Be mindful! Well, Scotty, thank you so much for chatting with me. This has just been like so fun. You are amazing. Where can people find you online? Where can people find your writing?
Scotty Unfamous
Social media-wise, you guys can find me @scottyunfamous, it's UN famous on Twitter and Instagram. I'm trying TikTok. I'm not there yet, but Twitter and Instagram I'm there.
Hannah Witton
I can't even be bothered trying TikTok.
Scotty Unfamous
And then just like my writing and just general content and stuff, shakirascott.com That's where you can find like all my sex toy reviews and sex videos and erotic writings and whatever I do. Everything is there. You can read about how I like and Michael Jackson as well there for some reason, I thought you'd like to know.
Hannah Witton
The important contents .All right, thank you so much. And thank you all so much for listening. Bye