Living with Herpes and STI Stigma with Ella Dawson
In this episode, Hannah is joined by Ella Dawson, who is a sex and culture critic who digs into topics we usually avoid in polite company. Ella discusses herpes - how common herpes is, how recent the stigma around herpes is, and also how sex-positive sex education can talk about STIs in a way that doesn’t exacerbate STI stigma. Ella and Hannah also talk about how talking to sexual partners about your herpes and STI status can create greater intimacy and vulnerability, leading to deeper connections and actually better sex, and how conversations that change how we think about herpes are crucial to end the stigma, shame, and fear.
CW: discussion of toxic relationships and unhealthy power dynamics
Read the episode transcript here!
What we chat about…
What is herpes?
How and when did Ella get diagnosed with herpes?
How common is herpes?
The difference between the strains of herpes
Herpes tests in pregnancy
What was the response to Ella becoming an internet famous person with herpes? How did that happen in the first place?
The pressure to desexualise yourself to be taken seriously talking about sex online
The pressure to be sexy enough to talk about sex online
Posting photos in lingerie online
Is Ella tired of being the herpes person?
Other herpes activists
How has herpes changed Ella’s sex life? Has it made it better?
Talking about herpes with your sexual partners
Opening up communication with your sexual partners in general about what you like and what your boundaries are
How is Ella finding writing a romance novel?
Navigating the line between entertainment and escapism when writing sex scenes
What are ways we can talk about the risk of herpes while also not contributing to the stigma? (39:33)
Do you find it hard now years after diagnosis with the lack of representation in the media? (44:20)
Herpes in the media
A guy blamed me for giving him chlamydia once. We broke up. How do you deal with assholes? Have you had experiences with assholes? (47:49)
Herpes and unhealthy power dynamics in relationships
One thing that Ella wants everybody listening to know about herpes?
What is one thing about like sex and culture that Ella is really fascinated by at the moment?
Herpes stigma being relatively recent (from the 60s, 70s, and 80s)
USEFUL LINKS
Why I Love Telling People I Have Herpes by Ella Dawson
safe.slut on instagram
Something Positive for Positive People (Courtney Brame’s podcast)
Been There, Done That: A Rousing History of Sex by Rachel Feltman
*affiliate links
MORE ABOUT ELLA DAWSON
Ella Dawson is a sex and culture critic who drinks too much Diet Coke. In her writing, Ella digs into topics we usually avoid in polite company: from our dehumanizing culture of casual sex, to how shame keeps us silent about our mental and sexual health. Her short fiction has been published in six erotica collections, and she is currently working on her first romance novel. Find her on Twitter, Instagram and Patreon as @brosandprose.
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*affiliate links