Money & Relationships, Couples Therapy and Demisexuality with Chantel Houston
Find the episode shownotes here!
Hannah Witton
Hi everyone. Welcome back to Doing It, the sex and relationships podcast where sex has never been so nerdy, with me, your host, Hannah Witton.
This is our final guest interview of season six. Oh my goodness, how have we done six seasons of this show already? Oh wow. Next week will be our usual end of season q&a. If you want to get involved and ask questions, then head over to our Instagram which is @doingitpodcast. But on with today's episode.
This week, I'm joined by the wonderful Chantel Houston. Chantel is a film and video director working at BuzzFeed, Refinery29, ATTN, and even the Biden presidential campaign. She is a fellow YouTuber, where she makes lots of great LGBTQ+ content, and is also a co-host of the Money Honeys Podcast.
I really wanted to get Chantel on the podcast to talk all about how money impacts romantic relationships. We started off discussing Chantel's identity, labels, and why Chantel prefers to keep things as open as possible. We talked about Chantel being demisexual, but why it hasn't impacted her romantic relationships that much but has made her romantic choices more deliberate. Chantel shared what intentionally building a romantic relationship looks like for her and what has to be in place to then develop a sexual attraction towards someone. Chantel gave advice for people exploring their own sexuality, and talked about her own experience of having to dismantle perceptions of romantic relationships, having grown up in the Christian church.
And of course, we got into all about how money impacts romantic relationships. How when you get married, money is a huge part of dynamics and decisions you need to make, the importance of talking with your partner about money, setting expectations, and discussing how finances will be shared and decisions made. Chantel talked about how, when you do this, it can make you and your relationship feel so much more free. We also spoke about the risk of resentment in relationships building due to money issues, and the need for clear communication around finances. Chantel also mentioned how, on the flip side, money can be a bandaid - or plaster - in relationships. And whilst money does not buy happiness, it can remove stress and make dealing with issues easier, and how that can make relationships easier. We talked about how people can have such different relationships to money, for example, how they grew up with money, or whether money is connected to their love language through gifts, and how people's different fear and stress around money can be complex when approaching money and spending in relationships.
We also spoke about Chantel and her wife's decision to have a therapist for them as a couple and why Chantel recommends couples therapy for anyone who can afford it. Chantel spoke about how much it helps knowing you have this space where you know things can be brought up, and how one of the most important things of their therapy work is reminding them that they are a team and it's not about being right or wrong. I really enjoyed this chat and getting to dive into the theme of money and relationships with Chantel and her advice on how talking about it with partners and people that you're dating can help relieve so much difficulty.
As usual, you can find more info and links to absolutely everything that we talked about in this episode in the shownotes over at doingitpodcast.co.uk and you can also find transcripts over there. And please let us know what you think over on our Instagram @doingitpodcast. If you liked this episode, please give us a rating and review over on iTunes and Spotify. It is really really appreciated. There is also a bonus episode over on our Patreon where my producer Mia and I debrief after an episode. We call it So... How Was That for You? And we talk about what came up for us and give you a look at the behind the scenes of making the podcast. I can't wait for you to listen to this episode. Here is my chat with Chantel Houston.
Chantel, hi, lovely to meet you. Welcome to the podcast. Very excited to chat with you a bit.
Chantel Houston
Yes. Hello. I'm so happy to be here chatting with you.
Hannah Witton
I feel like there's a lot of things that I want to talk to you about because you kind of do a lot of different things, identify in all lots of different ways. And I guess let's start with that, like about identity. Because I've seen that you've said like that you don't like using like some specific words because you kind of like to keep it like broad and open. Do you want to just sort of kind of, in your own words like how do you identify? Like what do each of those like labels mean to you?
Chantel Houston
Yeah, yeah. I mean, you're totally right where I kind of like to keep it loosey goosey, I guess, because otherwise I feel like if I limit it to one term, then it kind of gets rid of the other parts of me. So all in all, I identify like my sexuality as just being not straight. And so I'm fine with queer. But also, because aside from being, if you wanted to put a label on it, like pansexual, I also am on the asexual spectrum and kind of fall into the grey zone, the demisexual space. And so that's why it feels like just putting one term on me kind of gets rid of one part of my identity. Or at least my sexuality.
Hannah Witton
I guess because we think of a lot of those terms, as - like our default is thinking of them as sexual orientation and ignoring the romantic orientation. And so when you bring in things like asexuality and aromanticism into it, then you're actually getting the full picture because you're like, "Oh, these two things are separate and can be very different for some people."
Chantel Houston
Right? Exactly. Because we all experience both sexuality and just romantic attraction very differently from each other, and they can be very intertwined. Or they can be two separate things. So yeah.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. So with kind of your asexuality or like grey - do you identify as demi? Or has that like changed over the years?
Chantel Houston
Yeah, I mean, I still very much feel in the demisexual space. But the interesting part of it is that it hasn't - I haven't felt like it's impacted my own romantic relationships that much. I guess it's just more so that it kind of makes my romantic choices more deliberate. So I haven't had the experience of - of having like a bunch of romantic partners or anything like that, just because that hasn't been something that I've naturally gravitated towards. But it's felt very natural to me. I've definitely had like, especially guys in the past, in like high school and college, get upset at me because they think that we're like building a romance. And I'm like, "Oh, no, like, I - I thought we're just friends. I was chatting with you." You know? And then they're were like, "Errr?"
Hannah Witton
Oh wow.
Chantel Houston
But yeah, that's kind of it
Hannah Witton
For you, what does that look like, then? Like building a romance? Kind of like when you do that intentionally? What are the things that you have done? Because I know you're married now, congratulations.
Chantel Houston
Thank you!
Hannah Witton
Yeah. Like, how has that been? Because, like, with - what for you, I guess, has to be in place to build that like romantic connection that then leads to developing a sexual attraction to somebody?
Chantel Houston
Mm hmm. For me, it's been - and I don't - I actually don't know if this has been other people's experiences. But for me, it almost feels just like a little light switch turns on.
Hannah Witton
Oh, okay!
Chantel Houston
Where it's like, I - like I would see, especially like my now spouse, it's like, I saw her and I was like, "Oh, there's something here." And like, but like that was kind of it. And then we built our friendship for a really long time, because I wasn't super knowing that I was queer.
Hannah Witton
Right, okay.
Chantel Houston
And I was like, "Oh!" So that was an added complication. But yeah, like, just in the past, it's been I meet someone, and then I just very much feel something. And then we get to be friends, we build that romantic relationship and that friendly relationship, and then we start dating. Or like have - or like situation ship, you know? But it is weird, because I tend to know... I would always know very immediately if I felt capable of that romantic relationship or not. And so I've only - I've only felt like that romantic spark with maybe like five people in my whole life. And so those are essentially like the people I dated. And that was it.
Hannah Witton
Fair enough. That sounds like you've really, I guess, got a sense of like how your sexuality and your like attraction works. And I was wondering if you have, like, any advice for people who are trying to like figure that out? Because I think for some people, it can be really confusing of like, "Wait, am I attracted to you romantically? Or do I just want to be a friend? Or do I want to be you?" Especially like if you are also queer, because then you're having to like navigate like heteronormativity being all up in your face as well.
Chantel Houston
Right, right. And then I also grew up very much in the Christian church. And so there was that added layer to it, where I am now this adult who knows that she's attracted to any gender, who knows that romantic attraction is somewhat more limited than other people because of being on the asexual spectrum.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Chantel Houston
And someone who also had to dismantle everything that I was taught about sexuality and sexual relationships because of how I grew up in the church. And I like, I was in it. I was like, I played in the worship band, like I very much loved it. I was like even more religious than my parents were.
Hannah Witton
Oh, wow.
Chantel Houston
Yeah. And so that's the other part where like, it wasn't forced on me, it was very much something that I absolutely felt and identified with, until I started getting older, and then I was like, "Wait a second. There's some stuff here that I think could like be adapted." But I mean, the - I think something that I always grew up hearing is, if someone did turn out to be gay, or queer, or bi, or not straight, everyone would speculate on, "Well, maybe it's just a phase. Maybe it's just this. How does she really know? She's young, she's old, she was married to a man before, what's going on now? "But the thing that I sort of had to embrace is like - but everything is a phase. Even me dating my last boyfriend. That was - that was Cameron phase. Like, that was the Will phase. You know, it's like that - just how like, oh, in high school, it's like, if we look at any of our old now MySpace pictures or Facebook pictures -
Hannah Witton
Oh, that was definitely a phase.
Chantel Houston
It's a phase! And so it's like, it's okay if something is a phase, because most things are phases. It's even like, "Oh, that was my phase of wearing hats," or, "That was my phase of loving that jacket," you know? And so I think there's a lot of pressure to kind of figure out how do you identify? Who do you like? Who do you love? What do you feel about this? And like the point of growing up is to grow. And so it's okay if you have those phases. It's okay, if you're in your 30s, 40s, 50s, 90s, and you're like, "Hey, I don't know that I identify with my gender." It's like, "Okay." You know, it's like, "Why - why not?" Why are -
Hannah Witton
Why not!
Chantel Houston
Why not! Why are we like so beholden to trying to figure it all out? So I think the main piece of advice is like try to take the pressure off of yourself. And the really hard part is trying to separate yourself from what other friends, family members, outsiders might be saying about you, or your quote unquote "phase". And that's a part that takes a little longer.
Hannah Witton
Takes a while. Yeah. Part of me wishes that like we felt as casually about like sexuality and gender as like phases of wearing a certain hat.
Chantel Houston
Absolutely. Like, how freeing!
Hannah Witton
Yeah, like, yes, it's important, but the the level of importance that I feel like mainstream society puts on it is like, it's going - it's not - not good.
Chantel Houston
Right. And that's what I've been loving about Gen Z, because, like, with Gen Z, I feel like we're ushering the era of, "Just don't perceive me. Please don't perceive me." And like I love that. I'm like, "You know, I don't perceive you." Like, whatever, you know, like, why does it matter?
Hannah Witton
"Don't perceive," yeah.
Chantel Houston
Because like it - it sort of doesn't. In that like, well, hopefully we'll get to a point societally and culturally where your sexuality actually doesn't matter. Where your gender actually doesn't matter. We're obviously not there yet. Like we still live in very much like patriarchal societies who don't accept anything besides like heteronormativity and being a man's man, but my hope is that we'll be able to get there to where these labels like really, really actually don't matter and don't have any role in your societal standing.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. Outside of like how it makes you feel personally.
Hannah Witton
Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. No, 100%. I'm gonna switch gears a little bit. A lot a bit. Because you host a podcast about money.
Chantel Houston
Yes, ma'am.
Hannah Witton
And I love talking about the intersection of money and relationships. And so I just, I just really want to go there.
Chantel Houston
Let's do it.
Hannah Witton
And from your experience of like hosting this podcast and talking lots about money, how would you say money and finances like impacts sexuality and relationships the most?
Chantel Houston
Right. I think that finances play a much larger role than we want to give them credit for. I think we like to say like, "Oh, money isn't a factor in all this stuff." Like it kind of it is. And it's like, to an extent, especially in a capitalist society, your money is your power. And so where you're putting your money is essentially like, "What's the cause that I feel comfortable putting my money towards? What's the cause that I feel uncomfortable putting my money towards?" If you're like... that's why even just boycotts and stuff, it's like, "Let's boycott Amazon," or, you know, whatever it's like, okay, that - because it's - our money is essentially how we tell the world what we care about.
And with relationships, especially now, as a married woman, there's so much that you have to take into account with finances. And you have to figure out, "Okay, how do me and my spouse jointly decide on money issues?" And that can be we keep everything separate and we don't have to make quote unquote joint decisions, or it can go the other way, where it's we combine everything, and everything is a joint decision. And there's no - there's no right or wrong answer. I know different things work for different people. But for us, once we figured out how that split was going to work with us, then it became so freeing, because if you lay down kind of like what are the the expectations of each person, then you you just know what it is. And so we split like a portion- a portion of each of our earnings, like the same percentage, goes into our essential like joint pot. And then that's where like mortgage comes out of, that's where insurance comes out of because we're American, and we don't have universal healthcare. And that's where the main joint bills come from. And then the rest of the percentage is our own personal money. So that way, it's not like, "Why did you buy this? Why'd you buy that?" You know, it's like, "No, that's, that's that person's money. They get to play with it or not play with it how they see fit." Yeah. And for most of it, it's like my spouse and I just like kind of buy gifts for each other like with our quote unquote play money.
Hannah Witton
I love what you said about once you kind of like laid it all out, that it being really freeing, because it just made me think about how so many people, especially in relationships, like don't talk about money because they see it as like unromantic and that it shouldn't like be a factor, like you said. But then what happens is because money is such a big part of our lives, then actually you feel trapped. Like you feel like you can't talk about this one thing or you feel like, you know, you're putting in more money than your partner is but you've never actually had that conversation and so like resentment builds, and like - or you just by default like went and pooled all your finances and now you're kind of thinking, "Wait, I don't have any of my own money." Or you don't know what's happening with that joint money. Like there's so many things that can make you feel not free. And then yeah, I just love that you said that it was very freeing because I relate as well, like me and my partner talk about money a lot. Like it comes up so much. Like, unfortunately. Like, I'd rather not be talking about money all the time.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, one of the things that - because I know that some couples they do like combine everything and I'm like, "Fair play if that works for you. But my one question is like, how do you buy each other like, gifts?" Like how do you do that without it being like completely spoiled? But maybe like one of you just like never checks bank statements, and it's just like, "Ehh."
Chantel Houston
Right.
Hannah Witton
But like, practical matters - yeah, it comes up a lot in conversation.
Chantel Houston
Yeah, cuz it's like, you know, everyone's dream world is like, "Oh, I just want to have enough money to where I don't have to think about it." But that's not the reality for most people. Because money can also be very much a band aid in in relationships. And one thing that - I don't know if you watched the movie Parasite?
Hannah Witton
Yes.
Chantel Houston
Yes. And so there's a moment in there, where one of the characters says, "Money smooths over every problem you have, like of course these people are happy, they have so much money." And although money doesn't define happiness, as I've gotten older and just had encounters with people who have a lot more money than me, I've been able to see, "Oh, money can fix a lot of.. you know, a lot, even just last minute issues."
Hannah Witton
Yep!
Chantel Houston
It's like, "Okay, well, that's fine. We can just pay them 1k more." And I'm like, "1k more, what are we talking about? Like, what, you could just throw around $1,000 like that?" And then you're able to snap your fingers and have something happen. But for most of us, that's not -
Hannah Witton
I don't - I don't believe the whole money buys happiness. But I do believe that money can remove a lot of stress. And if you are less stressed, then you have the capacity to then focus on things that will make you like happy and content and like live a fulfilling life because you've like removed a lot of the things that were causing you stress. That's kind of like how I - how I think about it.
Chantel Houston
Absolutely.
Hannah Witton
It can remove the bad.
Chantel Houston
Absolutely. Even just, you know, with a baby like childcare or being able to - where's it like what would life be like with a full live in au pair versus what would life be with with no money for childcare? And so -
Hannah Witton
Oh my god.
Chantel Houston
Yeah. Yeah. But it's like those are, I'm sure, now even with a baby, you and your partner are talking about expenses times a thousand, because...
Hannah Witton
Yeah. I mean, if we were absolutely loaded, the idea of a live-in nanny, I'm like, "Sign me up." Like, it just sounds like an absolute dream. I'm curious as well, like, what kind of advice would you have for people like partners who come from very different financial backgrounds, and so not only like practically have different experiences with money, but also emotionally, and you know, like, our values, and like, how we think about money is very different? Like how - yeah, how would you advise people to kind of like, bridge that gap or, like, start these conversations and like, try and understand people who are coming from a very different place?
Chantel Houston
Right, I mean, that's something that even me and my spouse dealt with. Moreso like in the earlier stages of our relationship, because, exactly what you were saying, money is very emotional. And I think of myself as a pretty pragmatic person. And I didn't realise how many emotions I had wrapped up in money until I had to be talking about it all with a partner. And same for her too. Because for some people, money is a love language, like, for example, like giving gifts, like then it's somewhat tied to money. And so that was something that where my, my partner's love language is very much giving gifts. And so I'd be like, "I don't need anything. Like don't don't buy me stuff. Like, what are we doing?" You know? And she'd be like, "No!" Like, then our therapist was like, "This is her love language" And I was like, "Whoa." Like was like a huge lightbulb for me.
And with money, I mean, I think the reason why it was so freeing for both of us was because of all the emotions that were tied up in it. And so laying out the direct expectations of what are the contributions, how do we -when do we pay our bills? Like I pay our credit card bills every Sunday. So it's like, each Sunday? I'm like, "Here's how we did on our expenses this week." But I think to answer your question, I think maybe a good step that would have been good for for me to do, had I known, was to just really like, sit and think, like, what are the fears that I have around money? And what are the things about money that make me feel comfortable? Because with me, it's like, okay, my fear is having no savings. My fear is running out of money and not being able to - you know, my fears, they're, like, pretty drastic. And so it was like, "Okay, well, if we go on this huge vacation, then..." Like, my fears led me to just bar none not want to spend money ever, regardless.
Hannah Witton
Like a scarcity mindset.
Chantel Houston
Exactly. And my spouse came from the complete opposite side of the spectrum. And so we both had to find a way like to bridge the gap, because my way had its own toxicities, and her way had its own toxicities. And so, neither one of us were operating -
Hannah Witton
Just kind of like the hoarder and then the overspender.
Chantel Houston
Yes, exactly. And so then even just something for that was like, "Okay, have a separate account that is your like future vacation money or your future play money for the thing - for like for the new computer you want to buy, for the new x that you want to buy." That's just a very practical tip of if you are like me, it feels easier to part with that money if it's in a separate account. And then, you know, that is the directive for this money.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. Because you still get to do your saving, but you're saving for a specific thing that you've like mentally prepared yourself to spend it on.
Chantel Houston
Yes, yes, exactly. Versus if I'm like, "Okay, I have this 2k, like this thing that costs me, me $2,000. And I have $5,000 in my account. Then it's like, well, no, I want to keep $5,000 in my account, I don't want it to go down to 3000." Because of that scarcity mindset of like, "Well, you never know, you save your money for a rainy day. Save for this, save for that." And to an extent, obviously, yes, you want to have savings. But we also like, we have our lives so that we can live them, so that we can enjoy them. And in our society that just kind of comes with spending money. And in a partnership, it comes with finding ways to spend money that both parties feel comfortable.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. I wanted to pick up on something you said, because you mentioned that you guys have a therapist? And how was that something that you like decided was something that you wanted to do, if you're happy to talk about it? And like, what is that experience like? Because I watched - there was the show on the BBC in the UK, I don't know where it was on on the US, if it was - called Couples Therapy. And you're like, in the, like, the room with the therapist, and like the couples that she's therapizing. It was fascinating. So yeah, I'm just curious, like your experience? And is it something that you would recommend like couples do?
Chantel Houston
One, that sounds like an amazing show. I have to look it up and see where I can watch it over here. Two -
Hannah Witton
It's very good.
Chantel Houston
It's absolutely something that I would recommend if you - if you're able to, you know, because we were very privileged in like being able to spend the money on a couples therapist, and then our insurance reimbursed us for half which was great.
Hannah Witton
Oh nice.
Chantel Houston
But if you're - if you're able to do it: 1,000%. I don't think there's any couple that would not benefit from going to couples therapy. Because there's - and it doesn't - it doesn't mean that your relationship is in shambles. Like I don't think couples therapy should be seen as a last ditch effort. "Oh my god, we've run our relationship into the ground. And now the only option is split up or go into couples therapy. So we're going to try and amend this thing." It's like, "No, you can be going years and years before that. So that you hopefully never get to that point." Because for us couples therapy has just been so enlightening. With our therapist, Lindsey - shout out to Lindsay. We love Lindsay. Because it serves as a really good holding spot. So if you're - say you have a conflict about something and it's like, "Okay, we just can't figure this out." You're able to kind of table it and say, "We'll talk with Lindsay about that on Thursday." And we can now healthily compartmentalise it and move on with our lives, versus it being a grudge for the next two days or something that's weighing on you for the next two days, or something that you're just trying desperately to process through and you just can't because you need someone there. So that -
Hannah Witton
Because you're confident that it will be addressed. You're not like, you're not thinking, "Oh, this is being ignored." You're like, "No, no, we - this will get talked about." Yeah.
Chantel Houston
Exactly. Especially because that was a - that was just a relationship fear of mine, where I was like, "I don't want to have the type of relationship where things get swept under the rug or things go unaddressed and then years and years later, you're saying, 'Wait, why are we talking about this thing from 10 years ago? I thought we were talking about this.'" And so having a holding place for it was, again, very freeing. But yeah, and so that - that's been like revolutionary for us, because therapists have a way of saying something that sounds very simple but you could have never gotten there on your own.
Hannah Witton
It just clicking.
Chantel Houston
Yeah. Yeah. Because they're able to, "What I'm hearing you say is this. What I'm hearing you say is this. Here's what I think is going on." And then both parties feel very seen, very heard. And you're just able to get both sides of it. Because it's not about who's right or wrong. Like it's just not. And that's always what I grew up believing. "Who's right, who's wrong? Who's this?"
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Chantel Houston
And same with my spouse too. And it's like, "If you're wrong, you suck it up. You maybe apologise. And that's it." Which was obviously very toxic.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Chantel Houston
And I was able to somewhat weed that out of myself prior to like my now marriage, but yes - just with therapy, it's like no, you're a team, you're a team, you're a team. There's no winning. Well, hopefully, there's a lot of winning, and there is no losing.
Hannah Witton
Together!
Chantel Houston
Yeah, you just keep winning together. Because if you figure out something that you're doing wrong, it's a win for your relationship. It's not a knock against you. And so, that was a huge mindset shift of like, "No, there's no right or wrong, there's no - there's no anything. You're trying to make your relationship better." When your relationship is better, you also - you like you feel better.
Hannah Witton
I think that's such a huge mindset shift to have, especially because when conflicts arise in relationships, a lot of people just have a tendency to immediately take it personally and get defensive. And that's not having that, like, we're a team mindset. And if I've got some improving to do, then that actually benefits everyone. I'm curious as well, do you think it makes a difference at all, like being in a queer relationship? Because I feel like there's such a stereotype. Or maybe it's just because there's a lot more representation of like cis straight relationships, but there seems to also just be this trope of like cis women hating their husbands.
Chantel Houston
Yeah!
Hannah Witton
And I just want - I just wonder if you just - you feel like, you're like, "Ooh, dodged a bullet there."
Chantel Houston
That's so funny. I mean, I'm not - I'm not ungrateful to not be in a marriage with a cis dude. I'm very much happy with how my life has turned out in regards to that.
Hannah Witton
Good!
Chantel Houston
I mean, I think just there's - more than sexuality, it just depends on how you're socialised. And so women in general are socialised to like find more empathy and to even just want to talk things out more. And so I do think that there is a tilt in queer relationships to maybe want to spend more time figuring out the relationship versus the trope of how women feel about their husbands and how husbands feel about their wives. So, yeah, I am - I'm not ungrateful. And yeah, no, no notes from me.
Hannah Witton
Love that. So we actually had a bunch of questions from folks on Instagram, and most of them are like on the sexuality, ace theme. So we can just dive in. And this one's actually kind of work related as well, which I think is interesting. This person has said: how does your sexuality and brand intersect? And do you feel like it affects the type of gigs that you get?
Chantel Houston
Um, I don't think it affects the type of gigs that - well, I mean, you know, I guess I'd be none the wiser. Maybe it has been affecting me and I don't even know.
Hannah Witton
Ooh.
Chantel Houston
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
Who knows, behind the scenes.
Chantel Houston
It's like, I only know what like I've experienced. And so you know, there, there could be different... there could be different things that I'm not booking, but I don't think so. I mean, I would hope not. I would hope that there's not much of a of a negative impact on the work that I get.
Hannah Witton
Do you feel like pigeonholed at all about like things that you have to talk about? Or your audience wants you to talk about?
Chantel Houston
I don't think so. But that's kind of because of two different factors. So I'm less like on the internet now than I was back kind of during the BuzzFeed days.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Chantel Houston
But during the BuzzFeed days, I also was pretty diligent about my privacy. And so I didn't start talking about issues like sexuality, until I was very, very ready for it. And that was only maybe the last like two years of me being at BuzzFeed, versus it being like the whole five and a half years that I was there. But I do think that if maybe I was on the internet more, or still having a YouTube channel or just more of a regular schedule like that, then I might feel a little bit more more pigeonholed. But right now I don't just because there's honestly not that much that I really talk about on the internet anymore in general.
Hannah Witton
You got out before they had a chance to pigeonhole you.
Chantel Houston
Yeah, exactly.
Hannah Witton
Excellent. Excellent.
Chantel Houston
Yeah. But it's also like I do love talking about this stuff. So I think that that's the other part of it, is that it is fun for me to talk about. And even on Money Honeys to offer a different perspective on some things is really fun, just because I never - I never would have dreamed of, one, being who I am, or two, having someone that I could get even just like same sex financial advice from. Just stuff like that. And so I feel like pretty grateful to be able to be online in the way that I have been choosing to be online versus feeling pushed or anything like that.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, no, that makes a lot of sense. Um, somebody has asked, or kind of said: am I alone in feeling like my solo exploration of my sexuality as a demi isn't as valid as with partners?
Chantel Houston
Mmm. I don't think that they're alone in that just because of the - of what being demisexual means. Because being on the asexual spectrum, being demi, there is a chance that you will be single for more of your life than someone who leans more on the sexual side of the spectrum. And so like, you probably just will have fewer partners than other folks. And so I think that you're probably part of the majority there. And in a lot of it, my - I think you can learn a lot from yourself by both being single or being in a relationship, and I don't think either one is any less valid. I learned some beautiful things about myself while being not in a relationship.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, 100%. Somebody's asked: I know I'm on the asexual spectrum somewhere, but I'm not quite sure where I fit. How do I figure this?
Chantel Houston
Yeah, I mean, if you really want to kind of nail down a term for yourself, which I totally - that's totally valid. Then, honestly, for me, it was just reading about it. It was reading about it, it was watching videos about it. Because I first heard the term demisexual in a talk that someone from the LGBT Center came to BuzzFeed for. And I was like, "What the hell is this word?" And then I looked it up while the lecture was happening. And I was like, "Oh, this is like, this is me."
Hannah Witton
Love that.
Chantel Houston
But yeah, so try reading about it and then you can see if there's any term that feels like it sticks more, because once you find it, like, there will probably will be a term somewhere in the whole of your sexuality that that does feel right. At least for one aspect of it.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, exactly. Like it might be impossible to find one label that encompasses all of you.
Chantel Houston
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
But, yeah, yeah. Like you said, kind of like reading and listening to other people talk about how they identify as well, because you never know what might like resonate with you because, you know, one person's demisexual is going to be different to another person's demisexual as well. So there might be different interpretations of like the same labels that like some might resonate and some might not. And then you can create your own interpretation as well.
Chantel Houston
Hell yeah. Yeah, we can make our own terms.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, exactly. Well, Chantel, this has been absolutely wonderful. I've loved talking to you. I feel like I just also want to just deep dive more into like money and relationships and stuff because that is my jam. But where can people like find more of you and your work and your podcast? Please like plug all of your stuff.
Chantel Houston
Yeah, so I'm on Instagram and Twitter. For the time being, Twitter. I won't leave.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, by the time this episode comes out, who knows what's gonna be going on.
Chantel Houston
I know, Twitter's like not going to exist. But yeah, so I'm on social media just @chantelhouston. And then I have a podcast with my two friends Devin and Freddie called Money Honeys, where we talk about all things finances, as well as trying to dive into like social costs of different things and how finances affect different people, say even freelancers versus full time folks. And so Money Honeys. We are on YouTube as Money Honeys and then we have an Instagram called @moneyhoneyspod, but if you follow if you follow me anywhere, then you'll stay up to date with Money Honeys as well.
Hannah Witton
Lovely! Well, thank you so much. And yeah, thank you all so much for listening. Goodbye.