Disability and Online Sex Work with GoAskAlex | Transcript
Content warnings: eating disorders and body dysmorphia
Find the episode shownotes here!
Go Ask Alex
And if you want, I actually have a photo of my colon after it was removed that I asked my surgeon to take for me. It's my phone background.,
Hannah Witton
I, oh my God, please send that to me.
Go Ask Alex
I will. I will.
Hannah Witton
I regret not asking them to take a photo. Because I woke up from surgery and was like, can I see it? And they were just like, no, it's gone. It's gone. I was like, no!
Go Ask Alex
I know. I asked like, is there a way I could maybe keep it so I can, you know, bury it or cremate it or something and they just looked at me like I was absolutely mad.
Hannah Witton
Welcome to Doing It with me, Hannah Witton, where we talk all things sex, relationships, dating, and our bodies. Hey, everyone, welcome back to Doing It. So today is a very special day, because it is the one year anniversary of this podcast. Oh my days, we have been doing this, doing it, that wasn't planned, I swear, for a year! And on that note, this episode is also going to be the end of season two, not the end. Absolutely not the end, I'm enjoying myself far too much. But thank you so much for listening to all of our episodes over the last year, following us on social media, getting involved in the conversations, and just letting me have these really interesting conversations with my guests. And today's episode is no different. But before we get into that, the way that things are going to work with the end of the season is next week, I'm going to be doing a q&a episode, I did one of these at the end of season one. So if you head to our Instagram accounts, or our Twitter accounts today, which is @DoingItPodcast, then you will see us asking for your questions, so please ask away. It can be anything to do with recording the podcast and our guests, or to do with sex and relationships, dating, our bodies, you know, all of those topics that we cover. So please ask away, anything that you would like to hear me answer and I will do my best in next week's episode.
And then we're going to take a little break. I've not really taken more than a week's break from this podcast in the last year and so I think now it's time, it'll just be a few weeks. But if you want to be kept up to date on when the podcast will be coming back, follow us on social media, that's going to be one of the best places to find out. But then also my newsletter, the people that tend to get information and updates sooner than others. So if you really want to know what's going on and what the plans are for season three, then the newsletter is the best place to get those. So without further ado, my guest this week is Go Ask Alex who is an online sex worker, and ostomate.
Now if you've not heard the word ostomate before, it basically means somebody with an ostomy, because they have an ostomy, and they're your mate. I mean, I think that's where it comes from, I don't actually know. That's what I like to think it means. So Alex has an ileostomy, which is the same as me, I have an ileostomy which is a type of stoma, so we both have stoma bags, and we poo into them because we have ulcerative colitis, and at some point had to have our colons removed. So in this episode, we share medical stories, which is one of my favourite things to do. And then we also talk about how Alex got into online sex work and what that entails, and some of her experiences with it, and how her relationship to sexuality and her body changed with having a chronic illness and then having surgery to have a stoma bag. We talk about disability representation in the sex work industry and the porn industry, and we chat a little bit about what Alex calls the whorearchy, ie hierarchy in the sex industry. And then we also chat a lot about the indie porn movement and the world of independent porn performers, models, and online sex workers, which I find really fascinating.
So I hope that you enjoy this episode for the end of season two. Thank you again so much for listening to this podcast, it really means a lot to me. And I hope that you learn lots from it and find it interesting, and I really hope that you enjoy these episodes and get something out of them. So go ask your questions on social media for next week's episode. But in the meantime, I hope that you enjoy this episode.
Hannah Witton
Hi, Alex. I'm so excited to chat with you, and so great to meet you and actually talk.
Go Ask Alex
Yeah, you too. This is incredible. I'm really happy that we can finally connect.
Hannah Witton
Yes, exactly. So tell us a little bit about you. So how did you get into sex work and what made you want to start? And then we'll talk all about our stoma bags.
Go Ask Alex
That sounds great. And I'm really excited to go back in time a little bit to talk about how I got started in the adult industry. I have been doing sex work for probably close to seven years. And -
Hannah Witton
Oh wow.
Go Ask Alex
Yeah, I know.
Hannah Witton
How old are you? You don't have to answer that
Go Ask Alex
23, and I've been 23 many times, and I'll be 23 many more times!
Hannah Witton
Oh nice, I like that.
Go Ask Alex
No, I'm 27. I think we're the same age?
Hannah Witton
I'm 28, so close. Close enough.
Go Ask Alex
Oh, okay. You win. But yeah, no, I'm 27. So I've been I've been I've had about seven years of experience in sex work. And six of those years have been in online companionship, and camming, and doing adult content, adult media on the internet.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. What is online companionship? Because I've heard of like, the girlfriend experience and like in person companionship. But what does that entail online?
Go Ask Alex
Yeah, that's, uh, well, when I say online companionship, I mean, any kind of interaction that's happening through maybe a video or phone call. I mean, my webcam shows as well. Being a online provider, online companion, is something people say to essentially describe having a one-on-one interaction with someone. So if you're a companion that someone can hire as, say, an escort, if you're an online companion, then you're doing similar work, but it's in an online capacities. So a one-on-one Skype call, or something to that effect.
Hannah Witton
Okay, yeah, that makes sense.
Go Ask Alex
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
And how, yeah, how did it all begin for you?
Go Ask Alex
I got into camming, probably the same way that a lot of other folks did. I was just really strapped for money. It was 2014, I had been let go from my job. I was having a difficult time holding down a job largely because of my chronic illness, and my need to continually take time off.
Hannah Witton
Your ulcerative colitis.
Go Ask Alex
Yeah, that's right. I have ulcerative colitis, or I did or I do.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, it's a weird one.,
Go Ask Alex
Yeah, like, I kind of have it, but I don't really, but I sort of do. And, yeah, I always had to take time off of work, or call in sick at the last minute, or leave my job several times a day to use the washroom. And because of that, I think that I was always sort of regarded as someone who had a poor work ethic, or as someone who I think would be passed over for promotions or job opportunities, because of this, this thing that held me back.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, I think that's a really common experience of people with chronic illness and disabilities.
Go Ask Alex
Yeah. And it's a shame because I am actually really passionate about the things that I love. And when I care about my job, I'm really all consumed by being able to do a good job, but it's just that I have really specific needs. So that's how I started. It was a roommate of mine who suggested that I try it. I think at the time, I had been looking into alternative ways to make an income, and I had already decided that I wouldn't be a very good dancer, a stripper, because I I can't dance, at all. I have two left feet. And I was looking into how to become an like a paid egg donor. I was looking into whether or not I could travel to the states to sell my eggs for folks who wanted to get pregnant. But that didn't pan out, and here we are today. Basically, as soon as I started webcam, modelling, camming, I realised there was a great earning potential for me and that I really had a knack for it. And I just never really looked back.
Hannah Witton
What does having a knack for it mean? Like what makes you a good cam girl?
Go Ask Alex
Yeah, there are a lot of different components to it, but I think that the most important is personality. And that's not to say that I have a better personality than anybody else. But I mean, it's great, but I think that a lot of it has to do with your ability to conversate and your emotional intelligence, your confidence and the ability to be outgoing in in a setting where you don't actually have anyone physically there next to you to talk to you. So you're sort of like a one woman, one man, one person show. You have to be able to just talk to a wall.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Go Ask Alex
And that's not as easy as it sounds.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, like slightly different. But I've done live streams where I'm playing video games, and sometimes I get so absorbed in what I'm doing that I just forget to interact with the people in the chats. And the first few times that I tried live streaming, I was like, oh, this is hard, and this is a skill that you have to develop to be able to be entertaining, engage with the people who are engaging with you, whilst also like putting on a show and making sure that all of the tech is working correctly, like there are a lot of things to be thinking about, at once, whilst people are watching you as well. Like, it's a lot.
Go Ask Alex
So true. Yeah. No, I think a lot of people think of webcam streaming as just, in the capacity that I do it, as just being able to turn on your webcam and masturbate and make a lot of money. And it's really not that easy.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Go Ask Alex
It is a very oversaturated market. I mean, there are a lot of people who are out there with a webcam trying to do this. And having the conversational skills, being able to keep up with conversations that are happening in your chat room, and also manage the private conversations that are happening in your messages while handling a webcam on microphone, possibly other cameras, cell phone, you know, mirrors, lights, music, it's a lot and -
Hannah Witton
You're like a one woman production company.
Go Ask Alex
Pretty much, yeah, I mean, you are your own tech support. You are your own photographer, your own makeup person, your own hair, your own everything, your own social media rep. So it definitely adds up.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. And when you started, you've said, you've been doing this for like six or seven years. What, like what made you stick around? What do you love about it? If you do love it?
Go Ask Alex
Yeah, I mean, I really, really do love it. And I don't think that I could still be doing it after this many years without really loving what I do. I think that initially, a large part of what kept me around was the earning potential, that just blew my mind. I didn't realise that I could be earning so much, sometimes you know, a couple $100 an hour or more if if I had a great night, and that was really surprising to me, because I had been working minimum wage jobs pretty much for my entire life, since my first job. So the earning potential really was initially what attracted me. But also, I have to say that one of the things that I love the most about camming in particular, is the interactions that I have with the people who come back every single day to watch my streams.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, the regulars.
Go Ask Alex
That's right, the regulars! And some of them, it's been the full, you know, six or so years that they have been coming back and checking in and supporting me emotionally, financially. It's an actual community, and I do have real relationships with so many of these people where we, you know, text each other outside of the chat room, I know the names of their pets or their family, and that's a huge part of what has kept me there, is the amazing people that I've met through the community.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. Is it mostly men? Or is there like a shockingly larger proportion of women? I guess the stereotype is that it's mostly men, but I'm just curious to know what your breakdown is if you know it.
Go Ask Alex
I mean, I love breaking a stereotype but unfortunately, in this case, I think that is very true. I mean, not unfortunately, I suppose
Hannah Witton
But we just love breaking stereotypes.
Go Ask Alex
I just love breaking stereotypes, but no, I would say that largely my viewership, and the consumers of the media that I create, are male. Largely, of course there's there is diversity there, queer folks, trans folks, there are all kinds of gender and sexual expressions, which I love. And there are couples as well, but primarily and very dominantly, it is heterosexual men, cisgender men, and largely I find in my experience from the east coast of the United States, but that has a lot to do with time zones and the specific time that I choose to be online.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, that makes that makes a lot of sense. Erm, so you have a stoma bag, we talked about, that you have ulcerative colitis, and was that how you've found my stuff? Because we like have been messaging each other on social media for a while, and was it you that you'd see my stuff after you had your surgery? I cannot quite remember how it all happened.
Go Ask Alex
I think I first discovered you, I want to say it was probably 2016 or 17. If that sounds right to you.
Hannah Witton
Oh, so before everything.
Go Ask Alex
Yeah, exactly. I'm just trying to think like, how long have you actually been, how long have you actually had this social media presence? Because I don't want to say like it was 2010. And that's way before you even actually started making videos.
Hannah Witton
I started making videos in 2011.
Go Ask Alex
Okay. The first time that I was told I would probably have to have an ileostomy or have surgery was in 2011. And I thought that I might have recalled hearing a little bit about you then. But it's but but but I don't think
Hannah Witton
Unlikely.
Go Ask Alex
Yeah, I don't think that you actually had your surgery at that point. So it must have been someone else, it must have. But there are a lot, overwhelming amount of videos on YouTube from young, really beautiful, women who have ostomies, so yeah, you know, it wouldn't surprise me if it was another young person who is making these videos.
Hannah Witton
I found those videos so helpful when I had my surgery. So I had my surgery at the beginning of 2018. So really recently.
Go Ask Alex
Okay.
Hannah Witton
And yours was 2019, last year.
Go Ask Alex
It must have been around better because I had a pretty bad flare up in 2017 through 2018 of my colitis, and I was told in 2011 and in 2017, that I would likely have to have surgery both those times, but managed to you know, get it get it under control to some extent. But I started doing a lot more research around April of last year, 2019, because that was when I was told that yes, this is going to be happening, and it's gonna be happening this year, and potentially in a matter of weeks. At that point, I was on YouTube and I was doing a whole bunch of research, as I'm sure you did as well.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Go Ask Alex
Watching as many videos as I could to prepare myself.
Hannah Witton
Well cuz I, I didn't really get much of notice before my surgery.
Go Ask Alex
Okay.
Hannah Witton
Because it was an emergency. So I did most of my watching of content after I had the stoma and I was like, okay, what the hell is happening? What am I doing now?
Go Ask Alex
Wow, that's that's really intense.
Hannah Witton
Because of the nature of the topics we talk about on this podcast, and one of the things that I really like talking about as well is that intersection between like chronic illness and sexuality and I guess if you're having lots of flares beforehand, did that ever affect your work, your sexuality. your your body image? And then like how's it been since having a stoma as well, has that changed anything?
Go Ask Alex
Hmm yeah, I mean, it's definitely change a lot of things. It impacted a lot of, you know, as you can imagine, I'm sure from personal experience my confidence, my you know, idea of myself and the way that I identify myself having also, I've had all sorts of colitis since early childhood, I was diagnosed at the age of 10. But I was sick, like, way before that into early childhood and may suspect even in infancy, so.
Hannah Witton
I'm the same!
Go Ask Alex
Oh, really?
Hannah Witton
Yeah, I was diagnosed when I was seven, but my mum is convinced I had it when I was born, because apparently I was a few weeks old and in hospital with dodgy poo.
Go Ask Alex
Oh, no. Yeah, I had colic for a couple of years as an infant, like really bad screaming for a couple of years and now they are looking at that and they apparently colic is, supposedly has a lot to do with gastric distress as well. So it's interesting that we have a really similar -
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Go Ask Alex
- stories.
Hannah Witton
I love sharing weird medical stories.
Go Ask Alex
Oh, same. And if you want I actually have a photo of my colon after it was removed, that I asked my surgeon to take for me. So I have it, it's my phone background.
Hannah Witton
I, oh, my God, please send that to me.
Go Ask Alex
I will. I will.
Hannah Witton
Because I regret, I regret not asking them to take a photo of it because I woke up from surgery in pain, really high on all of the anaesthetic and painkillers, and was just like, can I see it? And they were just like, no, it's gone, it's gone. I was like, no!
Go Ask Alex
I know I asked like, is there a way I can maybe keep it so I can, you know, buried or cremated or something? And they just looked at me like I was absolutely mad. So the picture was the best I could get. But yeah, I'll definitely send it your way.
Hannah Witton
Oh my god.
Go Ask Alex
Oh, I do forget the question you asked me. I got totally -
Hannah Witton
Oh my God, I've forgotten too. Oh, I guess your, how your stoma has like affected your body image and sexuality and, and yeah, how you feel about yourself and all of that. Right?
Go Ask Alex
Okay, well, going back to having ulcerative colitis through puberty and young adulthood. It really, as I'm sure you can imagine, and maybe some of your listeners can too, if they've had Ulcerative Colitis or Crohn's, it really impacted how I viewed myself. It was difficult to form relationships, sexual and otherwise, because it was like there was this elephant in the room, and this cloud hanging over me where I felt like any second, I could have an emergency. So I was afraid to go to people's houses, if I hadn't been there before, I was afraid to go to a new space, if I didn't know what the public washrooms were like. And I was even afraid of, you know, having sex with new partners. If I if I was worried, I would, you know, have a sudden urge to use a washroom or I wasn't sure how they would react to that. And to speak towards my body, and the way that I viewed myself, I had to take a lot of different medications through childhood. I was on Prednisone for probably years off and on -
Hannah Witton
Oh, yeah.
Go Ask Alex
And a lot of medications that, as you know, would make me gain weight, really rapidly, or lose weight. And because of that, I had a lot of insecurity about my body to begin with. I experienced, you know, an eating disorder and body dysmorphia, because of the amount of weight that I lost and gained. And how I felt people reacted to me because of that. But -
Hannah Witton
Oh, wow, yeah.
Go Ask Alex
Yeah. And it was really a difficult thing to go through as a young woman and going through puberty.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. Because everything is already so out of your control with your body changing because of puberty, then suddenly, you have this other thing that is completely out of your control. But
Go Ask Alex
Yeah, exactly.
Hannah Witton
You don't really know anyone else who is experiencing that, as well.
Go Ask Alex
Yeah, exactly. I mean, you're already going through puberty, you have no idea what is going on with these changes in your body's, sex health education is not great, or perhaps it is better now. But when I was going through sexual health education, it was not that great. And so there's already a lot of confusion and embarrassment there. But then, now you're in the hospital, and they're putting needles in you, and you have to take this medication that you really don't want to take and don't understand. And so it can be really challenging. And for myself, it was, it led to a lot of insecurities, and problems around the way that I viewed myself, in confidence. But I actually have found that since my stoma surgery, and since having an ileostomy, I am so much more confident in every way.
Hannah Witton
That's good!
Go Ask Alex
Yeah, it's really bizarre, I sort of had an understanding of what body positivity meant. But it wasn't until I went through the surgery that I actually felt it and I felt this love for my body and for the bodies around me that I saw that were underrepresented in popular media. I found that I just had so much more compassion for myself, and such a deep understanding of what an incredible thing my body actually is. And yeah, actually seeing the photo that I talked to you about, seeing a photo of my colon, in a bowel, I mean, it's not pretty, it's, I think colons are supposed to be pink and you know, weird looking, but this is like it's got dark purple and veins and almost looks sort of brown or rotten in some areas. And it's got all this orange
Hannah Witton
Oh, wow.
Go Ask Alex
Where my body was trying to grow fat around it, to try and reinforce it and make it stronger because it was so sick. And seeing this image.
Hannah Witton
Oh, wow.
Go Ask Alex
It was a wild experience that made me appreciate my body so much because it was like physical proof of how hard my body had worked to try and keep me healthy, and keep me alive. And I have so much gratitude.
Hannah Witton
Right! I think about my body a lot in that way now, like since surgery as well. Like I I'm always reminding myself like, hey, Hannah, you are alive and you are surviving without an organ, you are missing an organ, and you're still here! Like, like, to me that is wild!
Go Ask Alex
It is hardcore. It is hardcore when you think about the fact that there is this plastic thing attached to your body that is essentially keeping you alive. And that, you know, you'd really depend on for survival, but that you're able to do it and your body is just surviving. Regardless of everything that it's been through, it's really empowering. And these insecurities that I had, just seems so irrelevant now. I feel so grateful for my life and for my health. So actually, I found I've become so much more confident since surgery. And that's also manifested itself in my relationships. I used to feel really shy and insecure about meeting new people, because I think largely because I had this thing that I was keeping a secret and that I was ashamed of. But it's really easy for me now.
Hannah Witton
And now this thing is attached to you, so you can't hide it anymore.
Hannah Witton
Exactly
Hannah Witton
You're like, here it is!
Go Ask Alex
Here it is. And it's I mean, when I meet a new potential sex partner, I'm like, here it is, here's my my baggage, it's literally baggage. It's outside of my body, it's visible. When I meet new people at an event, I can introduce myself and there's, it's, it's like, I shed all of my shame. And so I do really feel more confident than ever.
Hannah Witton
That is just so good to hear. I really love hearing stories from people, obviously it's it's a really horrible thing to go through, especially like the being ill and having a chronic illness. But I love hearing the stories from people who have gotten to the place where they've needed surgery, but they've come out the other end of it just absolutely thriving. So yeah, well done you! I'm curious, what was the response to like you having to have surgery? And now with the stoma bag? What was the response to that from your fans, from clients? What do you call them? Clients, fans, viewers?
Go Ask Alex
Yes. A lot of people call them members, members, fans, clients, I refer to many of them as my friends as well, because I think that fans sort of, it almost indicates that I'm, you know, this, this expert or porn star, and they're just, you know, think I'm think I'm great, but don't really have any level of communication with me. Whereas I'm actually communicating with a lot of these people on a daily basis. But -
Hannah Witton
Like you said before, it's a community.
Go Ask Alex
It really is a community. So I use all of those terms interchangeably. And I don't think anybody is going to be offended if you call them a fan. But yeah, any of those, any of those terms work for me. And to answer your question, people were overwhelmingly very supportive. When I, when I did come out as having Ulcerative Colitis, I think it was in 2017, or 18, I actually received an overwhelming amount of support from the community online and from other sex workers, because I really have no idea how many sex workers are living with chronic illnesses, and disabilities, and mental health conditions. It's a large number.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, I feel like a lot of the stories that I hear from sex workers are kind of similar to yours, which was, was unable to work a traditional job, because they weren't accommodating to your needs. And so found that working for yourself at home doing webcam stuff, like you could fit that around what you needed. And I yeah, I've heard a lot of that being a common experience.
Go Ask Alex
Yeah, exactly. And I think that a lot of people come to sex work and try it out of almost a sense of necessity. But that's not to say that, you know, they're doing something that they don't want to be doing or anyone's being forced to do it as a last resort. I think that any reason for doing sex work is valid, and it's still a valid career choice. And ultimately, anybody's decision to do it, for whatever purpose they choose. But I do think that the appeal of having the flexibility in hours and being able to take off as many days as you need, is a large part of the reason why so many disabled people find themselves in this career. To go back to your question about the response I had from the community -
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Go Ask Alex
When I went through my surgery, I had just really an outpouring of love and support from both friends, fans, other sex workers in the community. I made the decision to continue doing sex work because I just couldn't imagine myself doing anything else? I love my job so much, and it brings me so much joy. So the idea of giving it up because of something that, I think is honestly sort of insignificant in a way.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Go Ask Alex
It just seemed, it seemed like the complete opposite of what I want to advocate for. That's not to say that there wasn't any, that I didn't have any negative experiences, because I did. I recall posting a photo of myself in my hospital bed and saying -
Hannah Witton
Oh, really?
Go Ask Alex
Yeah, totally and saying, you know, oh, and I'm starting like an only fans page. So you'll be able to subscribe to me and I posted a selfie in my hospital bed, and someone responded something along the lines of, that's an awfully steep price, considering there's going to be a poo bag involved. And I remember like, it was just so kind of crass. And -
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Go Ask Alex
It really struck me at a moment where I was on a lot of morphine, I was just out of the hospital, I was, you know, trying my best to try and figure out whether or not this was still going to work for me. And I, I did doubt myself a little bit. But going back to sex work has been, I mean, I had about a two month break. But when I returned to it full time, it it just was, it was it was like coming home, like I really did miss it.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Go Ask Alex
And I can't imagine myself not being in the industry in some way. So overwhelmingly, it's been pretty positive.
Hannah Witton
That's good. And yeah, that one comment, yeah, when I think about it, as well, I'm like, oh, they're implying that you're now like worth less because you have a stoma, and I just do not like that at all.
Go Ask Alex
No.
Hannah Witton
I'll fight them for you.
Go Ask Alex
Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it's, I mean, it's garbage. But -
Hannah Witton
We don't like that.
Go Ask Alex
Yeah, we don't. But ultimately, the people who say things like that are probably not the people who are paying for porn and supporting independent creators anyways. So I don't think I lost a customer there, I do feel that there has been a bit of a drop off in some of the customers that I considered regulars in my chat room., and in my online life. I, there are a lot of people who I just see less of now, and they haven't said that it has anything to do with my disability, but there have been models who haven't wanted to work with me, or members who have suddenly started spending less time with me. And I can only really speculate as to whether or not it has to do with my disability. But there have been so many new people who have found me only because of that, and models who can't wait to film porn with me, because they're so excited about everything that I'm doing and everything that I represent. So ultimately, if I lost customers because of my disability, those are not customers that I really want anyways.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, exactly. And and like you said, it is just speculation, and it's one of those things where, if you do think, oh, what if they did leave because of my disability, that is just not a helpful like thought process to go down.
Go Ask Alex
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
Like whether it's true or not, is just not going to do yourself any favours.
Go Ask Alex
Exactly.
Hannah Witton
You mentioned about like supporting independent performers and stuff. And that kind of leads me on to another area that I wanted to talk to you about that I find really interesting, which is, maybe it's not new, but at least I'm just like, seeing a lot more of it is just this rise in independent online sex workers with their own like Patreon, or Only Fans, and this kind of like subscription model to support your favourite performers. And I just find that fascinating, as someone who like works in like, the online social media world, I feel like there's like a crossover in like, at least the format, do you know, of like, how we often work? Yeah. And I just wanted to know, your like, thoughts on that? Was that always there, like, at the beginning? Because like, is Only Fans pretty new, at least from my understanding.
Go Ask Alex
They they are, they've been around for a minute now. But it has only become popular very, very popular in the last little bit and now I believe -
Hannah Witton
Yeah, cuz I feel like I'm hearing about to everywhere in the last like few months, suddenly, it's just everywhere.
Go Ask Alex
Right. I think especially in March, I believe I read somewhere they had something like 60,000 new models sign up in March, because now everybody is quarantine, they're at home, they're isolating, people that are laid off of work, they need to find work and so a lot of people are not doing sex work before are dabbling in selling nudes now.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Go Ask Alex
And people are just at home so they have the time to be spending there.
Hannah Witton
Do you think there's also like less of a stigma around it as well, maybe, that it means that more people are willing to try it.
Go Ask Alex
Well, yes, and no. I think that there there is, that's a difficult question because I think that people see the people there's sort of like a, we call it a whorearchy, hierarchy, the whorearchy. A lot of people who, not a lot of, but some people who, you know, start selling nude, selling pictures of their feet off of Instagram, start, you know, making Only Fans, they, some folks see themselves as being sort of better than someone who's a, you know, full time escort or somebody who charges $10 for their Only Fans might look down at somebody who is earning, you know, selling their Only Fans for $3. And I think it's really important to remember that
Hannah Witton
Oh, I see.
Go Ask Alex
Regardless of whether you're selling pictures of your feet on Instagram, or if you're an escort, you know, the sex industry is a sex industry, and no one person is is better or worse than another person because of what they choose to do, what their boundaries are.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Go Ask Alex
So I do find that it can be a little problematic. I mean, yes, it's possible that it's, you know, Only Fans is becoming more of a household name, but I don't think that it necessarily destigmatises sex work. It's hard to say what kind of impact it's going to have in the future. It would be great if sex work could become destigmatised. I think that the more people in the world are sending, that are sending nudes and you know, selling nude photos online, definitely the less stigmatised it becomes. But the real thing that's going to break down stigma is people talking about buying those nudes, about buying porn, about seeing escorts.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Go Ask Alex
Because sex workers can campaign for equal rights, and to be seen and to be destigmatised all we'd like. But if the people who are consuming that content, and hiring sex workers, are unwilling to talk about that, I think that is really what creates the stigma.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, that's so interesting that, because it's like two sides of the coin, and both sides have to be talked about and addressed.
Go Ask Alex
Yeah, exactly. And, especially, I mean, if you think about a sex worker who has, you know, a family member or a partner who knows what they do, but their partner won't tell, you know, his or her family. Because even though they're okay with what their partner does, they're okay with their girlfriend, you know, being an escort or having Only Fans, they're not willing to tell their family about it because their mom or dad would get upset. And that is the sort of thing that I think, also really contributes to the stigma. It's being okay with it from a distance, but not in your own backyard.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. Important distinction.
Go Ask Alex
I don't know how I got onto that, my little rant there.
Hannah Witton
No, it's important to to be said, and by all means they are here. So I had a few questions from our Instagram account. I asked our followers over there, what they would want to ask you. So one of them asked, do you ever feel fetishized? And I'm assuming that's because of having a stoma bag.
Go Ask Alex
Yeah, that's a really great question. And the answer is a little complicated. I mean, yes, and no. What I want to do in creating porn with my ostomy is to create media where people will watch it, and I have an ostomy but we never talk about the ostomy, we don't have to point to my ostomy and say, hey, look, it's so incredible. This person is disabled and they're having sex. It is just normalised. I'm just having sex, and I have a disability. And that is the aim, right? When you see someone who uses a wheelchair, or uses a cane, or who maybe has a prosthetic limb, and they're in pornography, and the the main focus of the porn is that we're fetishizing this disability. You know, I'm not sure that that really contributes to a healthier outlook. Personally, my goal is really to involve people who have disabilities and who are underrepresented in creating pornography, but not a need to talk about it, just to normalise it, like I said.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Go Ask Alex
I've had some sort of fetishized requests, and I shut those down pretty quickly. There aren't really any ways to fetishize an ostomy that I would be comfortable with doing. For me, this is not, my ostomy is not a sexual thing.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Go Ask Alex
I never going to involve it in anything sexually. It is a part of my body that functions to keep me alive.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Go Ask Alex
Because I needed to have an organ removed and there's nothing sexy about that to me.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, I relate. I'm just like, it's just that, it's definitely not part of the sexual experience.
Go Ask Alex
No, not at all. And I'm sure a lot of other folks with disabilities probably feel the same. I can't speak for everyone, it's, you know, it's possible that some people really get off on having their disability involved and that is totally okay, if that's what they want. That's for them to decide. But personally, it's not something that I ever plan on involving in my videos, or in my personal sex life.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. One of the things that I did find with having a stoma though was that it, it made me look for like lingerie that would cover up, keep it down, but then also like, full pieces that were crotchless, I would never have, like, sought out those items, or bought any of those items, probably, if I didn't have a stoma bag. And now I'm like, oh, I really love all of these things. So they have like the function, but then also they have like, their like sexual function as well.
Go Ask Alex
Yeah, that's exactly the same for myself as well, even in many of my videos. And while I'm, you know, webcam streaming, or my personal sex life, I am reaching for garments that are full body or high waisted, and have sort of the crotch cut out. Because I prefer to have, probably much like yourself, my ostomy, close to my body. I prefer not to have it kind of waving around, or I will, I have, I use Coloplast, I don't know what kind of products you use, but with the product that I use, there is a little Velcro bit that I can just fold up.
Hannah Witton
Yes! I have the same one, yeah.
Go Ask Alex
Awesome! So I'll often, if I don't have something that, you know, if I want to be naked, I'll just fold it up. And that way, it seems more out of the way. So for me the point is definitely not to involve it more. But to involve it less, to have it sort of just as a part of me that is not the central focus.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, cuz you don't want to be thinking about it. And I do find that even in just day to day life, other activities as well as sexual activities, most of the time, I'm just like, not even notice it's there, until I go to the toilet, which is obviously when you think about it.
Go Ask Alex
Yeah, of course, hopefully you're thinking about it at that point. But yeah, no, I it's not something that I spend time obsessing over. I definitely right after my surgery, it was on my mind 24/7, but life goes on and I have a lot of other things to think about and focus on. So the same, it's it's not something that I'm constantly remembering or thinking about. It's just kind of there. It's just kind of part of me.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. And we've kind of touched on this, but I wanted to ask specifically about disability representation in adult media, because you mentioned that a lot of online sex workers who you've come across, are disabled or have a chronic illness. But like, how much do you think that is, like seeping into that kind of representation? Because I would see in the mainstream porn sites, you're not really getting that representation.
Go Ask Alex
Yeah. I mean, I'm, I'm lucky because all of my social media now is really filled with some of the most incredible disabled babes, and that's just because of my fine tuning. Because I have sought out folks who, you know, are underrepresented. And I find that just to be incredible and beautiful and sexy. So that's a lot of what I see on my Twitter, Instagram timelines, etc. In mainstream porn, it is not quite as represented, like you said. But that's what is so incredible about the this indie porn movement that we touched on a little bit briefly earlier. Is it, really anybody can make content, they can make media and put it out there, so that everybody can feel represented. I feel really strongly that disabled people deserve to be represented in pornography, because, yeah, disabled people are having sex. Disabled people are masturbating. And everybody deserves to watch the media that represents them.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Go Ask Alex
Everybody deserves to be able to see themselves.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, and pornography is one of the only places that we ever actually see other people having sex, and whether we like it or not, it's a huge part of young people's sex education, and adult sex education. So yeah, I agree. It's hugely important to have that representation, so people can see a diverse range of bodies and desires.
Go Ask Alex
It's so true, and if all you ever see is one body type and one, you know, gender expression being represented, then subconsciously, I think we can really doubt ourselves if we don't feel that we measure up to what is being represented and sold to us. But when somebody can watch a media and really see themselves being represented, it can feel so empowering. And that's the feedback that I have received from a lot of people who have purchased my content who have ostomies, or various other disabilities themselves, who feel just so excited to be represented, and find it so empowering.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Go Ask Alex
So I think that's what is really incredible about this independent movement where people can make Only Fans, they can sell videos on clip sites, and really, anybody can become successful. It's not just big porn stars working under big labels, who can be making money now, people are earning 10s of 1000s of dollars on Only Fans, some of them. Not myself, but you know what, that's a great thing to to push for, to aim for, and a lot of people in are. Anybody can really be self made, regardless of, you know, what, how your body is represented typically, in media.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Go Ask Alex
It would be really incredible to one day be able to work for a larger company, a larger label, or to see somebody with a similar disability being represented in that way. I'm not, I don't know whether or not that's going to happen. I really would absolutely adore to you know, being able to do that. That would be really exciting. And that's something that I hope for, definitely.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. Well, you're doing great work, so thank you for being that stoma representation.
Go Ask Alex
Thank you
Hannah Witton
Love it! I just have a question about boundaries. You kind of like briefly mentioned that when you get like requests that specifically fetishize your stoma, but how do you like, create your boundaries, and set them, and stick to them? Do you have some hard and fast rules? Or do you just kind of see how you feel, per request, or in the moment? Like, how do you navigate all of that?
Go Ask Alex
Hmm. Well, I think boundary setting is something that's really important in your personal life and in careers, especially in sex work. I get asked often to do things that I'm not comfortable with. And by this point, you know, six or so years in, I'm pretty comfortable saying, no, I'm not comfortable with that. Here's what I can do if that doesn't work for you. Best of luck, I hope you find someone who, you know, you can work with. Hard lines for me are things like scat play, like anything involving poo is a hard no. But that's the same, you know, most performers will say that's a hard no, there's some things that just you know, there's no amount of money that would make me willing to do something that I really don't want to do.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Go Ask Alex
And I think that the, the boundary setting that I've had to do so often in sex work has really made my boundary setting in my personal life so much better, I feel.
Hannah Witton
Oh, yeah, interesting.
Go Ask Alex
So able to talk about what I want, and don't want. I think that's a really great life skill.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, it's a important skill for all of us to learn. Yeah, that hard limit with poo. Yeah, I can relate.
Go Ask Alex
I feel like most people can relate to that. I mean, as for other hard limits, I don't know. I mean, there's also, like with having personal sexual partners, there's things that I'm not interested in doing. But when you trust someone, and you are intimate with them, sometimes there's room for experimenting with things you haven't done before. But most of us also have those hard limits where absolutely no, I don't want to do that. And like I said, involving my stoma in anyway, is one of those limits that if somebody's even gonna ask, I'm probably not well suited professionally or in my personal life.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. And I think it's really interesting what you said as well about like your response. It sounds very non non judgmental of like, I hope that you find someone that you know, can you know, fulfil that request for you. Because, yeah, I love that.
Go Ask Alex
Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I don't want to kink shame anybody. Everybody has a different taste and that's completely, nothing wrong with that. If that's what you like, nothing wrong with that, but -
Hannah Witton
And hopefully they will be able to find someone who can do what they what they want.
Go Ask Alex
Yeah, exactly.
Hannah Witton
For the price that is right.
Go Ask Alex
For a very decent price.
Hannah Witton
Well, Alex, thank you so much for chatting with me. This has been really enlightening and also just really great just to chat with someone else with a stoma. I always love these conversations.
Go Ask Alex
Yeah, same. It's It's so great to talk to other people who have the same, the same situation like just to be able to connect. I mean, it's the same as it's so wonderful being able to talk to other sex workers, just having someone who knows where you're at and is on the same page. So thank you so much for the opportunity.
Hannah Witton
Oh, no worries at all. And I really look forward to receiving that photo of your colon.
Go Ask Alex
Yes, I will definitely send you that
Hannah Witton
I cannot wait. Thank you guys so much for listening. Bye. Thank you so much for listening to Doing It. If you enjoyed it, I would really appreciate it if you left a rating and a review. You can find show notes at DoingItPodcast.co.uk and do go follow us on social media and I'll catch you in the next episode. Bye.
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