Bisexuality and Long Distance Relationships with Melanie Murphy (LIVE) | Transcript
Find the episode shownotes here!
Hannah Witton
And then me and her are like on opposite sides of the hot tub in like these really ridiculous positions. Just like, oh yeah, get yourself in this angle. It feels really good and just getting off, as adults.
Hannah Witton
Welcome to Doing It with me, Hannah Witton, where we talk all things sex, relationships, dating, and our bodies. Hi everyone, welcome back to Doing It. So this is a very special episode as it was the first ever live recording of this podcast. It took place at Summer in the City over the weekend with Melanie Murphy, who is one of my best friends, and also a Irish YouTuber, author, all around amazing human. And she is someone who I have had a lot of open conversations about sex with, and so I thought this was a great opportunity to bring it to the people. We talk about bisexuality, long distance relationships, and there is a little Q&A at the end with audience questions as well. So thank you so much for listening. And I hope you enjoyed this episode.
Hannah Witton
Where do you think you got being so comfortable with like your sexuality and things and to be like, this is me.
Melanie Murphy
You know what, it's a strange story because I actually think it happened out of - so I shared a lot about my acne, I used to have really chronic kind of cystic acne. And I used to have about 200 subscribers, I made this one video, and it got 18 million views. And then so many people had seen something that I intended for other people with acne to find on YouTube, this is years ago mind when, you know, there wasn't really homepages, and all this. I really didn't think people who weren't seeking it would find it, and then it was plastered all over the newspaper in my, in my country, in Ireland. And that made me so comfortable with something that for my entire life, I kind of like I hid, you know.
Hannah Witton
Was the response positive?
Melanie Murphy
It was it was mostly positive, like I did get people being like, you know, take a bitch to the pool on the first date, you know, and they'd be, oh I'd hate to wake up next to that. And you know, there was mean people, obviously, but I just felt very seen and understood and so many other people who had acne kind of like reached out, and I got to the point then when I was going to the shop with no makeup on, which I hadn't done since I was a young teenager. So that experience seems to have just like, it spiralled from there, like it's snow balled. Then every layer of myself, I peeled back online, I just felt so much more comfortable and confident as a person. I was like, this is who I am. I'm not ashamed of this thing.
And yeah, for me, even when I was about 11, you know, me and my friends would talk about sex stuff, and relationships, and crushes. And it's just always been very core to who I am. And it's just always been very important that I feel really comfortable talking to family and friends about that stuff. You know, even my partner just being able, just knowing that I can kind of just say whatever, and they're not going to be like. Because in Ireland, I grew up in Ireland and I went to an all girls Catholic school run by nuns. So it was definitely repressed, a lot of things were kind of like pushed down, and I would tell -
Hannah Witton
So you've just gone to the other extreme.
Melanie Murphy
Yeah, yeah, essentially, I think that's what it is. I think I spent a lot of my life kind of hiding behind things. And then it just got to a point where I was like, ahh, and yeah, I honestly, I think it all sparked from that acne video.
Hannah Witton
That's so interesting. I can almost like pinpoint where I started being more open about a lot of stuff, which is when I was like, 12. And because of my ulcerative colitis, the doctor was like, oh, it can be sometimes triggered by stress, or like, there's like a mental health like aspect of IBD. And he was like, do you tell your friends like how you're feeling, and like secrets and stuff? Or do you keep things bottled up? I was like, I bottle everything up. And he was like, it might help you to share. And I was like, right, doctor's orders.
Melanie Murphy
Talking is good.
Hannah Witton
I'll start sharing everything. And I think, again, like then took it to the extreme.
Melanie Murphy
But you as well, like, with sex content, you massively inspired me, because we became friends when, well, I was talking about my sexuality and I started talking about that, because Ireland was having a marriage equality referendum, and a gay pal of mine was kind of like, why do you never talk about your sexuality online? I was just like, I'm in a relationship, you know, I don't feel like I should. And he was like, why? He was like, your sexuality and who you're with are not related at all. And I was like, yeah, you're right, you know. And I think it's, it's that like, having people kind of making me feel comfortable with it. So I had kind of touched on things, but then when we became friends, I was just so inspired by how you educate while making it very, what's the word like, it's not it doesn't feel like -
Hannah Witton
Fun?
Melanie Murphy
Yeah, fun! Like it's just like chatting to your friends, like listening to your videos in the background it's just kinda like, this is great , this is like being at a girly sleepover kind of thing. And um and yeah and I think you and a few others I met just kind of made me feel like, yeah I can - I can open up.
Hannah Witton
So, going to a Catholic all girls school, where did you get your sex ed from? And like where did you actually learn it?
Melanie Murphy
None. I like we had videos and they were so you know, man and woman, you know, it was really -
Hannah Witton
Get married.
Melanie Murphy
It was very lacking. I didn't even know what a period was when I first got my period, I was 11, and I ran into my mam crying. I was like I'm dying because it was a big red patch on my bed, and she just kind of like flung this pocket of pads at me, and like she was like just use one of them and you'll be grand, because she was rushing for work. So even after I got it I didn't know what was happening and yeah, it was just a nightmare. So I feel like having knowledge around how your body works, and you know, your sexual interests and all that, just enhances your life so much. I feel like I got to a point where I was just like, I have a lot to give, and a lot to share on that, yeah, and the response to anything I post about that, I feel like a lot of people have been through that as well. Where, you know, in their household, it's not okay to talk about those things. Like even to say in front of you know, your dad and your brothers or whatever like, I'm on my period, would be being heard of in Ireland like few years ago.
Hannah Witton
We would get my dad to go out and buy our period products. Um, what about bisexuality? Like where did you first hear the word or like know that it was a thing?
Melanie Murphy
Yeah, growing up, I like I had crushes on girls as well from as - as young as I remember having any crushes. My first like -
Hannah Witton
How old were you, your first crush?
Melanie Murphy
First crush was like a teacher, and I was - I was under 10, definitely under 10.
Hannah Witton
I was four when I had my first crush.
Melanie Murphy
Aw.
Hannah Witton
I remember it well.
Melanie Murphy
Little Witton, aw!
Hannah Witton
His name was Bobby, he taught me my left and right.
Melanie Murphy
And then we tied each other's shoelace.
Hannah Witton
Basically!
Melanie Murphy
Yeah, it was a teacher. And then I just remember like, you know, I play with Barbies, and Barbie would kiss Action Man, and then she'd kiss the other Barbie. And then those two Barbies would like, get all up and hot in the bath together, and then another Barbie would join in. And then sometimes Action Man will get involved. And I just didn't think that was weird.
Hannah Witton
I love this.
Melanie Murphy
I really didn't think that was weird at all. And I went to a sleep over with a girl in my class, and we had a lot of kind of like experiences together that, you know, when I think about how young we were, we would sit on opposite sides of the couch and she would show me these, like 10 minute clips of pornography that were on one of the sky channels, and it would show as a preview to get you to pay for the the porn channels. And she was like, Melanie, there's something, and I don't know what it is, and I need to show you, and I it's just it's so, I don't know why they're doing it. And I was like, what?
Hannah Witton
How old were you then?
Melanie Murphy
I was 11/12, quite young, and I was like, right, just show me this, it can't be that bad. And it was you know, women like licking each other's nipples and stuff like that. She was like, why are they doing that? Why would they lick? Why? What are they doing? And we were both just like, huh, yeah, just play it again. We'll wait till the next hour, we'll watch it again, and we'll figure it out, and then we'll know. And we would do this, like every sleepover, we'd like get really excited because it was our private thing. We didn't tell anyone about it. And one time then we sat on opposite side of that couch. And like we're masturbating under a blanket and not together, not doing anything together, but it was kind of this thing that we were very much, you know, we can't talk about this with anybody. This is really strange.
Hannah Witton
It was nice that you could do that together though. Created a safe space.
Melanie Murphy
And like, we were never attracted to each other or anything. I just feel like we were kind of in it together.
Hannah Witton
I mean, even as an adult, I had a situation recently where me and my friend found ourselves in a hot tub. And then we're like, oh, it's really nice if you get, you know, get to a certain angle, and get the spray to like. And then me and her are on like on opposite sides of the hot tub in like these really ridiculous positions. I was like, oh, yeah, no, get yourself in this angle, it feels really good. Not attracted to each other, at all, nothing there. And just getting off, as adults. I don't know, weird shit happens.
Melanie Murphy
Friendship is beautiful. Yeah, so it was quite young when I started, when I when I knew that I had a sexual response to females, women, whatever you want say. And, um, I didn't know the word bisexual really existed until I was in my late teens, I want to say about 17 maybe, and I had this boyfriend for four years, and we would constantly break up and get back together, and have these big fights. And I was at a house party. He was there, and like when we were like really off with each other, and there was this other girl who was going out with our friend and um, we would always be flirty, I knew we were flirting, but then I didn't know, because I was like that's not it, is that a thing we do? Because I was I was so into guys and I only knew that women can be lesbians, but there's nothing really else.
And the reason I thought that was because my dad had a girlfriend for years, he was mad about her, broke up, she moved to New York and became a police officer in New York, and she was with a woman for years, 10 years or something, and he'd always say, my ex went and turned into a lesbian in in America. But then she ended up, like they broke up, and then she married a man and had a kid with him, and he'd be like, oh, she went back straight again and stuff. And I was just, you know, no one kind of - really it wasn't -they acted like that wasn't a valid identity you know. Like a lot of the people I grew up around anyway. And so I didn't really believe or think that you could be kind of between or on a spectrum anywhere there. And this girl and me at this party, after I'd broken up with the boyfriend again for like millions time, we were flirting and stuff, and we ended up kissing and kind of fooling around in a bedroom. And she she asked me that night, am I bi? And I thought, I was drunk and I was like, am I a boy? And she was just like, are you bisexual? And she kind of explained it to me and and stuff, and and then I was kinda like, yeah, like I'm probably that. And I'm not that massive into labels. I think I've just always, that's always been the one I kind of veer to. I'm not like, my label, but I feel like as well especially like trying to educate people about it and share my experiences, that word is the word that people know. Like, because people use that word very differently. Some people have just a sexual attraction, some people have a romantic attractions, like people, there's such a umbrella there with different experiences.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, and a label has lots of different functions. It can be for yourself for like, kind of like realisation of your own identity. Or it can be a way to help communicate that identity to the outside world. So it's, yeah, it completely depends how you want to use it. And from there then, what did you, when you realised like oh, yeah, that label fits me. Yeah, maybe I'm bisexual. Did you ever feel like, oh, now I have to come out to people.
Melanie Murphy
No, because that's the thing even when I didn't have that label, people knew that I liked girls, because I would say I would just you know, if we're watching a film I'd be like oh she's so hot, or I would if there was a girl in my class, like there was there were two lesbians in my school and then there was a lot of girls who kind of, they would have a boyfriend or they would like boys, but they would also say things. So we all kind of gravitate toward each other, and everyone just used to act like we were the weirdos. You know like, we weren't near the popular group of friends, you know. I felt very comfortable talking to them about other girls I found attractive, and bear in mind this was before the internet really, like this is back years ago we didn't -
Hannah Witton
Years ago in Ireland.
Melanie Murphy
And it was just a kind of you just have these little conversations in school, under the stairs and all. And um so I, no, I never felt like I kind of needed to come out or anything like that. Because even when I was about 20, when I met my my last ex who I was with for six years, we got together because like we were in nightclub and the girl that I was hooking up with, he was interested in and he was pursuing her, and I was like I like her, she's mine. But we were only kind of like casually involved because she was like going through this big breakup and everything, and um and yeah so like with him he knew that I was, you know, having relations with her with her. And kind of with my family as well like I would I would make comments about women around them, I did have a little chat with them to just kind of, especially you know when when me and you became good friends was when I was kind of first single and so you were kind of there through a lot of my awakening -
Hannah Witton
Yeah, you had like long term relationships and men up until then, so I guess, like you were saying before, you didn't feel like it was important.
Melanie Murphy
Yeah, it was like four years, and then six years, and I've never really had a chance to explore like fully. I'd had lots of little experiences and stuff but um, yeah, then then I got into this you know whole world, I was coming over to London all the time, and in Ireland is kind of there's not as much choice of anyone, let alone kind of finding women who are like my age, who are single, who actually fancy me, who are my type, who you know all these things. And in England, in London I was like, oh my god, a box of chocolates, and it was a it was very very it was an amazing time, because I really did learn a lot about myself during those two years when I was single. And you know and I went through a phase where I was thinking am I polyamorous? I didn't know kind of, I just really didn't know myself um, which is - it's interesting because you have this image that like people kind of get to a point in their life where they have all of that figured out, and like I was 25 and I just still so lost.
Hannah Witton
Didn't know who you were, didn't know how to use Google Maps.
Melanie Murphy
Literally didn't know where I was.
Hannah Witton
But now, I kind of want to move on to like your relationship now because the majority of that has been long distance.
Melanie Murphy
Yes.
Hannah Witton
And I often get a lot of questions from people about like long distance relationships and how the hell do you do that? What like, you're not - you're not long distance anymore.
Melanie Murphy
No yeah.
Hannah Witton
But how was that? And how did you make that work?
Melanie Murphy
Yeah so the first half of my relationship with my partner, who's in the room somewhere, but we we met when we were teenagers and we were always like, I was with someone, and then when I was single he was with someone, and like it didn't really line up until later in life. But it didn't really line up at all, because he was literally moving like a month after we started seeing each other, he was moving to train to be a pilot in Spain. In the middle of nowhere, in Spain. And I was like, like I could let this pass again or do I just kind of like figure out the long distance thing. And I was watching YouTubers who had long distance relationships, like Arden and Will, if any of you watch them, Arden Rose. And there were people kind of giving tips, and advice. I kind of felt like maybe I should just give it a go, or just see where it goes. We were just dating for like four months before we were like official and I was, you know, I went over and everything. But it was it was very intimidating. It was very difficult because I have a lot of like abandonment issues from childhood, and I have a lot of trust issues from being cheated on in the past, and it was really really hard for I think my personality type, and how I am in relationships, too.
Hannah Witton
How are you in relationships? What is it like, to date Melanie Murphy?
Melanie Murphy
I am, I - right, I'm the really difficult one, and 99% of our issues stem from me. So like I'm definitely not the one. Remember we were doing the relationship quizzes the other night in your house, and I picked anxious avoidant as the -
Hannah Witton
As your attachment style.
Melanie Murphy
Yeah and you know and he's very patient.
Hannah Witton
I mean, people who are securely attached like also have issues. People who are securely attached aren't perfect though. Give yourself some credit.
Melanie Murphy
He doesn't take them out on me, and I tend to take mine out everyone close to me. But uh yeah, like we we kind of were just so very happy together when we were together. And the first half of our relationship was long distance, and then he's been back nearly a year -
Hannah Witton
He's over there.
Melanie Murphy
Where are you? You're back in nearly a year now, right? And now we kind of, we live together basically, we stay together every night and we're between our two family homes while we save to buy a house. But it's just, you have to be an amazing communicator, and I think that's something that I am not, and I have I had to learn, I have to adapt. Because if you have a conflict from, you know, you're here and they're over in this country and if you're like me, I you know, go quiet in an argument while I process what I am feeling. So I would hang up the phone, and he'd be like, what are you doing? Like that's the equivalent of me just storming out of the room. Do you know what I mean? And he really taught me how to just sit down, and just say what's wrong, and just bash it out and like sort it out.
Whereas like in past relationships, it was very like a bickery, or it was very you know, things would go unresolved, and they would just keep rearing their head over the months. Whereas now I feel like we've, you know the way in an early relationship you're almost ironing out the kinks kind of thing, we have to do that from a distance, so it's very tricky. You're doing, you know there's a lot of Skype and there's a lot of - a lot of long phone calls and stuff. But I don't know like we kept most of the relationship quite light and fun because you know, he was training and I was writing a novel, and we were both very busy, that when we would talk to each other we were like this just has this should just be fun. So we would just kind of have a laugh and send each other saucy videos.
Hannah Witton
Which I've seen! Like this is a thing, like I've not seen any of Thomas's but I mean Melanie has shown -
Melanie Murphy
She's seen me.
Hannah Witton
This is how what I was getting at, at the beginning, about the oversharing. I mean it was great video.
Melanie Murphy
Oh yeah, no, our oversharing is ridiculous. I could tell you some stories, but they're too - they're too much for a podcast.
Hannah Witton
For your own sake, I'm just saying don't.
Melanie Murphy
I have a weapon.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, and so like with communication, oh my God, I agree. Like communication is so key. And I think I've mentioned this in another podcast before, I think with MJ. They were talking about meta communication, of being able to talk about like -
Melanie Murphy
Your communication.
Hannah Witton
Like actually how you communicate. Are you a texter? Are you a caller? Like I don't think me and Dan would would survive like long distance very well because we are both terrible at texting and calling each other. Like most of our relationship is like a face to face relationship.
Melanie Murphy
But you, as well, you did the love languages quiz, didn't you.
Hannah Witton
Oh, yeah.
Melanie Murphy
And you both have physical touch as high. Because I got, our, both is quality time and physical touch. So you know the distance just makes it so difficult, but I feel like we were both coming out at like, if we can survive this, we can survive anything in a relationship. And it did make us really strong, to the point that now we appreciate our time together so much. Like everyone is always saying, like, you know, get off, get off each other, get a room, like -
Hannah Witton
Yeah, it's kind of gross.
Melanie Murphy
It's because we were apart for so long, it just gives you this kind of like, I miss you. Like you're across the table and it's like, I miss you, and we just like get it a chair and put it at the side.
Hannah Witton
It's disgusting. Do we have any questions? I think now's a good time to get the mic out, do a bit of Q&A. Yeah, that hand over. That was the first one right up.
Audience member
In your own opinion, do you think motorboating is turn on or turn off?
Hannah Witton
What a great question.
Melanie Murphy
Oh, I've done that with you.
Hannah Witton
I'm pretty sure you've motorboated me.
Melanie Murphy
Yeah, definitely.
Hannah Witton
I wouldn't, I'm kind of neutral about, Ithink. I think it's more funny.
Melanie Murphy
Yeah. It's funny. It's like, you know, when you're like, have you ever had your boobs weighed? Wheeey.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, great question. I love it. I love that this is the start now. So everyone, this is the tone, we're going to, it's going to be great from here. I love it. Hands up, over here.
Audience member
Did you struggle to explain your bisexuality to family members who like older and obviously weren't that familiar with it?
Melanie Murphy
I still have family members, who I love very dearly, who don't believe it is a thing. And you know, very close family members. And they, you know, they would be like, oh, no, Melanie, it's just that you want to be her, you don't, you're not attracted to, you know, they would try and like, convince me that I'm wrong. And I just got to a point where I was kind of like, I know who I am, and you don't really need to understand it. But I do I do kind of understand that, the desire to explain yourself and have them get it.
But I do think, like we were having a conversation the other day, we were having a chat about like our non binary friends and stuff. And I've come to the realisation that, like, I'm never gonna understand what it feels like to be non binary. And I don't have to, I don't have to know, I just have to accept, like, that person is non binary. And like, because, you know, I'd be I'd be trying to understand, I was like, I want to know, I want to know what it feels like. And yeah, I think I'm, I'm at a place where I'm kind of, like, if someone doesn't get it, or doesn't want to educate themselves on it, I'm kind of like, I don't even try. I know, it sounds really kind of sad, but I would love if all of my family would, were cool with it. But uh, like the people who really matter to me, and who I'm really close to, it's just not a non issue. And like, if I if I say something about a woman, or whatever, and they just kind of go quiet, it's just, it just doesn't come into my life that much, you know, when when I was single more so, and it definitely impacted me in terms of like, I felt that if I did have a girlfriend, that they wouldn't be accepted by certain family members. And like, I know that probably did sway certain relationships that I had, or that were kind of forming, which which sucks, like it does suck. But at the end of the day, as well, like my older family members who you know, they might be 50/60, the way they grew up and their view of the world, is their view of the world. And it's kind of it's like what politics like if your left and someone else's, right, like, all you can do is really have these conversations, and try to come to a place of some level of understanding and respect for each other's opinions. But um, yeah.
Hannah Witton
Any other questions? Oh, lots more. Let's go over on this side. At the front here.
Audience member
You mentioned being in a couple like long term relationships. So I was just gonna ask like, do you have any advice for someone maybe going out of a long term relationship, getting more comfortable with yourself or like, kind of like how to kind of get yourself out there and kind of get out your comfort zone, because obviously, you've been comfortable with someone for so long, it can be hard. Like for me, I was I've only ever been in one relationship, and that was two years. And now I've just come out of that. And it's kind of like, I don't know how to kind of get, you know, kind of get my foot out there.
Melanie Murphy
So much of your identity is kind of wrapped up in that other person.
Audience member
Yeah, for sure.
Melanie Murphy
No, that's one thing as well, that now when I have friends going into long term relationships, I'm always just like, keep, keep focusing on your friends, like keep your own hobbies. Like, please don't make your whole life about this person. Because when that can happen, which like it often does happen, it will make it easier to come out off. But yeah, like my six year relationship, I was very tangled with his family, our entire daily routine revolved around each other. And I actually, coming out of that, didn't know - like what I said to Hannah, I didn't know who I was really during that phase because I didn't. Like who I was up to that point was his girlfriend. And you know, there was certain things I did know inherently about myself, but it was an amazing, I tried to think of it as an amazing new phase of like self discovery. And I threw myself into friendships, and kind of meeting new people, and stuff and just kind of you know, hobbies that fell aside like kind of re sparking the joy of those things. And all the time I used to spend with him, I was like, this is our me time now. Yes. And and it is it's awful for a while, but I got to a point where I was just like, I felt more alive than I had felt in six years. And like that's not to say anything terrible about him. He was an amazing person, but I literally did like, and I think it was amazing that like me, and you, and Calum, and Riyadh, at the time, had these parties we called sexual liberation parties. The four of us would come together and talk about like our sex lives and things we wanted to do, and things we tried, and our dating life, and who we fancied.
Hannah Witton
It was really a place to go to like the most extreme taboos that we could think of.
Melanie Murphy
It happened by accident at a dinner party. And it was a, we were all single at the time. So I feel like, find single people, gravitate towards your single friends, and just try and build a new separate life. And that, you know, obviously, that whole relationship you had is always going to be a part of you. But it can be a really amazing time. Like, it's one of one of the best times of my life was like those two years -
Hannah Witton
It's a good time to say yes to things, even if you're like not sure if it's for you, because you might surprise yourself. And then my advice is always make lists. Lists of things that you want to try, like just like actually, like spend a moment with yourself just being like, what I want to do with my time, because relationships take time. So now you probably have a lot of extra hours on your hands during the week and with your days. And that's really cool. So like, write down your list of like, oh, I'd like to read these books, and and I would like to visit this place, or you know, whatever it is.
Melanie Murphy
I love that your answer to any question in life could be, make lists.
Hannah Witton
Self discovery, make a list. Any other questions? Right at the back over there.
Audience member
Okay, so you don't have to answer if you don't want to, because it might be quite personal one. What's like your favourite ever sexual experience that you've had? And do you have like a gender preference?
Hannah Witton
A general preference or a gender preference? Gender? Okay, I'm straight. So my, my preference is men. Oh, I don't know what to share! Oh, I was on a friend's podcast recently, called Fucks Given, and I and I feel like I shared all too much on that because their whole premise is like, what was your first fuck, you best fuck, your worst fuck, and your most recent fuck. And so it's just like, oh my god, I'm sharing so much. Do you have anything to share Melanie?
Melanie Murphy
I've always said that my sexuality kind of presents itself like this, that I feel like, because heteronormativity is just like, so prevalent in in society, I've always felt more romantically comfortable with men. And I've, I've never really known how to be romantic when on dates with girls. Like, I was like, you know, I would be the one to pull out the chair and do the whole, here's my coat and all that, and but I'm not, I feel I like being more submissive. and like, the girl, you know what I mean? Like, I never know how to talk about this stuff anymore, but you know. I found it hard with the roles, because growing up, it would be, you know, the man does this, and the woman does this. And I think that's why we need so much more representation of female relationships and men. And -
Hannah Witton
I think when those roles are so pervasive, even if like, you are bisexual, or if you're gay, and like, those are still like, you grew up in a society that is heteronormative, and so it's really difficult to shake those off.
Melanie Murphy
But it's like, so there's that end of it, like the romantic spectrum. I have always kind of just felt more comfortable in that way. But then, when I watched the likes of Rose and Rosie and stuff, I'm kind of like, yeah, like, I could so easily be in that situation, you know -
Hannah Witton
But you don't watch them and think oh, but which one of them is the man, you know what I mean?
Melanie Murphy
And I think that's what we need more of that, because it just would kind of help people out who are single, and they're kind of like, open to whatever, with whoever they like. But then sexually, I've definitely always like for as long as I've known what porn is, I feel like mostly, mostly what I would look at would be women, and -
Hannah Witton
Oh, yeah, my porn preference is bisexual. In terms of the porn I watch, I'm bi, but in terms of like, my real life, I'm straight. I think like being able to separate like, fantasy from reality as well.
Melanie Murphy
Have you ever tried, have you ever kissed a girl?
Hannah Witton
I've slept with women.
Melanie Murphy
Oh, yes, yes, yes. Ahh, we've not talked about that in ages.
Hannah Witton
Now I'm blushing. But it's like, it's like that classic straight man question of like, I watched some gay porn, am I now suddenly gay.
Melanie Murphy
Yeah, like, yeah.
Hannah Witton
Or, like, I sucked a man's dick. Am I gay?
Melanie Murphy
You don't get the desire to actually do it. Like -
Hannah Witton
I mean, we all get desires. But yeah, yeah. Sexuality's complicated.
Melanie Murphy
Yeah, it's complicated. So I don't, I would never have a preference because it's I just don't think of it like that. I usually, this is why a lot of people are like, you're pansexual, you're pansexual, because I always say it's about the person. But I do feel like their gender informs my attraction in some way. So that's why I feel more comfortable using bisexual, which I didn't realise the differences in definitions until quite recently. Yeah, and then in terms of my favourite sexual experience, we had one great night in Seville, which I'm not going to speak about. But it's come up many, many times.
Hannah Witton
For podcast listeners there, Thomas just fist pumped the air.
Melanie Murphy
And then yeah, like I, you know, I don't I don't rank them as like, best to worse, but like, like, most exciting was probably my first threesome because I was like, oh my God, because it was just something I'd never, I never thought I would try.
Hannah Witton
I heard way too much about that.
Melanie Murphy
Way too much about that. She knows the playlist. And and yeah, those were really exciting. And then, you know, there's there's different levels of like, of that, but I'm definitely more into the whole making love sex than fucking. You know, and that's been more, you know, in my 20s. Because when I was a teenager, oh my goodness, my sex life started off on a very interesting foot. And I don't think I can even talk about that, I know this whole panel is about sex, but it's very graphic.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. Next question. Should we do -
Melanie Murphy
Moving along.
Hannah Witton
Should we do some like quickfire one? So let's do some quick answers so we can get to as many as possible. Let's go. Where's the microphone? So let's go over here. Yes, hello.
Audience member
Do you think that, because you both are quite sex positive channels, do you think that because of YouTube's many rules against that kind of thing, does that restricts the content you make? Or do you just, kind of, make what you want anyway, without -
Melanie Murphy
It always gets demonetized and like it doesn't necessarily get promoted all that much. But the feedback is always just so positive that I just wouldn't stop making it anyway.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, I'm just kind of like, it is what it is. I mean, obviously, we do want to hold YouTube to like higher standards and stuff. I feel like you probably get hit a bit more, because I genuinely think sometimes I make like an identical video to someone else, and mine is monetized and the other person's isn't, but they're LGBT. And I think there's, I don't know -
Melanie Murphy
Oh, yes, if have an LGBT, I made a video recently and it was called why we still need Pride. And I had no tags, I have no description box, I uploaded it, and the word pride set off the demonetization. The word pride like, and I tweeted about it, and an awful lot of people were going mad. And you know that that video did worse than any video I've put up in six years, because it was just buried. Like it sometimes just won't get seen and that is really upsetting. But yeah, I'm still making it just like somebody just find it.
Hannah Witton
And also, like, what we do on YouTube isn't like the entirety of our jobs. And so it's easier to be like, it's fine, we can still do other career stuff elsewhere. But yeah, for me, the majority of my videos that get demonetized they're like the sex toy videos. It's fine cuz then I just like plug my Lovehoney affiliate links
Melanie Murphy
Look out for our next collab. It's me and Hannah taste testing lube. And my partner is putting it into our mouths.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, that was good.
Melanie Murphy
Bump it up so YouTube pushes it more.
Hannah Witton
Another question, please. At the front here. Hello.
Audience member
This one's mostly for Melanie. From watching your videos, I relate an awful lot. And I'm in this point of wanting to explore my sexuality because I think that I might also be bisexual. Sorry, I'm very nervous.
Melanie Murphy
No, it's okay. Everyone give her a clap.
Melanie Murphy
So I'm what I'm wanting to ask is, what would you recommend to somebody who was trying to figure out their sexuality. Because if I go on a dating site, for example, I don't feel comfortable selecting women in case, they're obviosuly searching for women, it's like, I still don't fully know, I don't want to, like lead them on and stuff like that.
Melanie Murphy
Yeah, I was I remember during this phase, I was going out quite a lot. You know, not just nightclubs, but like pubs and things like that. And I definitely found like over here, that it would happen much more regularly where, you know, if you catch a guy's eye and you're kind of looking at each other, or you know there's a mutual interest, it would happen more regularly with girls as well. And then I would, you know, in the exact same way that you've ever approached your dating life with guys, I would go about it exactly, exactly the same. And it can be hard to find someone that you have a mutual connection with. But the main thing with any dating is putting yourself out there more, and also just be quite open at the beginning that you're you're not sure, because sometimes like I've had it with people where, you know, I was dating someone for multiple months. And then she said that she was heteroflexible, I think is what she said. And she wasn't necessarily like in the situation with me, it was something that she wanted and was comfortable with and stuff like that. But then she said she wouldn't ultimately want a relationship with a woman, or seek a woman elsewhere. And I kind of didn't know that for a while. So I think having the chat and, and it can be nice. Sometimes you might meet someone else who's kind of in a similar position. Is there any apps for stuff like that?
Hannah Witton
I'm sexually confused, swipe right.
Melanie Murphy
Let's meet up and have a seee. Do you use any kind of apps?
Audience member
Very, very briefly, I was on Plenty of Fish, and you could only choose man or woman.
Melanie Murphy
Oh, they need to sort that out. So frustrating. Yeah, no, I would go about it in the exact same way you go back to work, guys, because that's how like I wasn't, you know, you can't get a bisexual tattoo on your forehead, or maybe bisexual, or bicurious. Like, you kind of have to just be in a situation with someone and let it kind of come up casually. Or maybe make a point of mentioning your curiosities, if you do know that that person is into girls as well. But it can be difficult, it can be just difficult to find people to experiment with.
Hannah Witton
So one more question. Your hand was like, right up.
Audience member
This is kind of more for Melanie. My now fiance and I were long distance for two years before I finally got the money to move over here. And it was kind of the same thing of like, you know, we were apart for so long, and then we're like, you know, just want to be together all the time. But I guess what I kind of want to ask you is, how do you guys like discern, like, when you guys need time by yourself? Because after, you know, so long of being apart and having that time, you know, just by yourself?
Hannah Witton
That's a good question.
Melanie Murphy
Yeah, a really good question. I find that so we are both quite busy with work. Like he flies like say it can be like up to like 10-14 hours a day he's gone. And then I'll be working quite a lot. So anytime we're around each other, we're like, we've had conversations where I've been like, are we spending like too much of our free time together? Like all the time. But I'm still kind of in the same place as you, I've not reached the point yet where I would I would know, or I would have the power to be like, I need I should just spend today by myself. Because usually when I asked for alone time, it's when I've got PMS and I'm just really frustrated. And I'm like, I'm going to be a dragon lady, and if you want to stay out of my line of fire, I'm going to go home and you stay in your house. But yeah, it's I never really make decisions being kind of, I think one good one good tip would be to fill up your your kind of social calendar with mates and stuff, so that then you kind of have time apart. That's not like, I just want to spend time apart from you. It's more like today, I'm spending time with this friend. And so I'll see you tomorrow, you know.
Hannah Witton
And also, you can kind of like feel like when you want to do that. Like me and my partner live together, but often, he'll be like, in the office, playing games on his computer. And I'll be like, I don't want to do that, and just go into the living room and watch TV. And then every so often, like, each of us will like pop our head round and just be like, how you doing. But for the most part, I'm just like, oh my god, I'm by myself. This is fantastic. I get to watch my shows. Yeah, um, thank you all so much for coming, and listening, and asking your questions. Thank you, Melanie.
Melanie Murphy
Thank you!
Hannah Witton
Thank you so much for joining me, and chatting, and oversharing.
Melanie Murphy
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
As usual. I hope that you have a great rest of your Summer in the City, and listeners hope you have a great day. Thank you so much. Thank you so much for listening to Doing It. If you enjoyed it, I would really appreciate it if you left a rating and a review. You can find show notes at DoingItPodcast.co.uk, and do go follow us on social media and I'll catch you in the next episode. Bye.
Hannah Witton
This was a global original podcast.