Giving Women a Voice and Talking STIs with Oloni | Transcript
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Oloni
I've never experienced it before. I don't know, maybe it's because I'm quite nuts anyway.
Hannah Witton
No one would dare
Oloni
No one would dare, I would actually kill you.
Hannah Witton
Welcome to Doing It with me, Hannah Witton, where we talk all things sex, relationships, dating, and our bodies. Hi everyone. Welcome back to Doing It. So in this episode, I got to sit down with another person who is in the online sex education space. It is Oloni. She is a sex and relationship blogger and writer.
Hannah Witton
She is currently writing her first book called The Big O, which you can currently pledge for on Unbound, and you have to stick around until the end to hear on chat all about orgasms. Oloni's work is specifically aimed at women, and we chat a bit about why men see the information that she is sharing as a threat. We talk about stealthing, destigmatising STIs, and how active she is on Twitter and how she uses that platform to spread awareness and also share the stories of other women. It was an absolute pleasure to sit and chat with Oloni about all of this stuff. Let us know what you thought of this episode over on our social media @DoingItPodcast on Twitter and on Instagram, and please do leave us a rating and a review. It really really helps. I hope you enjoy this episode.
Hannah Witton
So Oloni.
Oloni
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
Thanks for joining me.
Oloni
Thank you for having me, Hannah.
Hannah Witton
Um, tell us a little bit about you, because I was introduced to you through I think it was the Cosmo Influencer Awards.
Oloni
Yes.
Hannah Witton
Because you won the Sex and Relationships title one year, and then the next year I won it, so we are both holders of that.
Oloni
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
They stopped doing it it, you know.
Oloni
Have they?
Hannah Witton
They recently put out like the voting and the categories, and it was no longer there.
Oloni
Wow. That's actually quite surprising, especially for a magazine that's dedicated to sexuality and relationships.
Hannah Witton
Right! That's where I learned about blowjobs.
Oloni
Exactly, exactly. When I was 15 I was sneaking to read every sex tip there was on Cosmo, and my mum would peek and be like, what are you reading? You're not old enough to read that yet.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, I remember definitely being like super teenage and just like reading this one was like 72 blow jobs tips. There was never any like 72 tips on how to receive better head.
Oloni
Yeah, that's that's true, or how to communicate that he could be better.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, I just remember being like, well I'm 13 years old so obviously I need to learn how to give good blowjobs now. You learn the theory first, and then -
Oloni
Yeah, it's always been like that.
Hannah Witton
There's no magazines like that for like teenage boys of like, how to please a woman.
Oloni
There really isn't. I think there's some like Men's Health or something, because I do see Men's Health give tips, but they're not as good as what women - what has been aimed at women.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Oloni
For so many years. And this is why we have difficulty sometimes expressing that. You know, you're not doing a great job because of his fragile male ego.
Hannah Witton
How did you get into like the sex blogging space.
Oloni
So mine was an accident. I just started off writing about relationships.
Hannah Witton
Okay.
Oloni
That's what I was comfortable talking about, and that's because lots of women enjoys talking about relationships - no, they enjoy talking about beauty and fashion. So you know typically, of course I do love talking about makeup and fashion and beauty. But I thought, you know what, no one's really talking about relationships that much. Like no one that I've seen or noticed is really spoken about relationships.
Hannah Witton
Were you in a relationship at the time?
Oloni
I was.
Hannah Witton
Okay.
Oloni
And it's funny -
Hannah Witton
That's an interesting place to come on it from, because I hear people like if they're talking about relationships, they might come at it from they're single, and they're dating, and they like share their like date stories and stuff.
Oloni
No, it was it was, yeah, it was usually me talking about my relationships, and we broke up, I was like oh my god, my work's gonna end -
Hannah Witton
But more content.
Oloni
More content, then I found out he was actually gay. So yeah -
Hannah Witton
Aw, good for him.
Oloni
Good for him. I was speaking to him last night actually, we're still good mates. He's telling you about his, this new guy that he really likes and stuff, and I was just like, you have to wipe him, you've got to get together.
Hannah Witton
Wipe him.
Oloni
Yeah, you got wipe him. Like cuz, you wipe me quickly, so you need to get in. I think he's got commitment issues at the moment. But yeah, so I was consoling him last night. But um, yeah, started off writing about relationships. We broke up, and then I found myself writing about sex as well. And I think that was because I've always been the potty mouth friend. I was the one you always had to shut up when it came to talking about sex.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, I feel like I'm like that, but I'm not sure which came first. Like me making videos about it, and then I became that person, or I was already that person.
Oloni
Did you feel comfortable when you first started making your videos?
Hannah Witton
That was why I started making them. Because I was like, no one is doing this. I'm comfortable talking about this. And not a lot of people are, so like it will be useful.
Oloni
Of course.
Hannah Witton
I don't know. I'm trying to think like -
Oloni
I mean, well, the fact that you broke that, especially as a woman, I think is a big deal, because not, a lot of women is still having that issue. Especially when they're not talking on camera.
Hannah Witton
Well, I was 100% like, for the first few years, like talking the talk and not walking the walk. Like, again, I knew the theory.
Oloni
Yeah, do you often get called the sex expert? Like, are you often, and how do you react if you are?
Hannah Witton
Yeah. So the way that I think about it is that, in layman's terms, if you take your average Joe, or Jane, or whatever, from the street, I probably know more than that person, about sex, about relationships, about bodies, about intimacy. But I don't know more than -
Oloni
A psychologist.
Hannah Witton
A psychologist, or a gynaecologist, you know, or a clinical sexologist, and things like that. So like, I am a self made expert. So it's tricky though, because I've definitely had a lot of imposter syndrome. Do you get that as well?
Oloni
Many times, many times, but even today, for examples, I was with my PT, and he was calling me a sex expert. He was just like, come on, like he was trying to get me to do my squats. And he was just like, if people knew that their sex expert couldn't do squats like this, and I was just like, I'm not a sex expert, stop calling me that.
Hannah Witton
Do you want to be though? Is that your imposter syndrome saying that you're not? Or is that actually something you're not interested in being?
Oloni
No, I wouldn't, it's not that I have no interest, it's just the fact that it's similar to what you said. I wouldn't know more than a psychologist, or a gynaecologist, however, I would know more than the average Joe or Jane. And I just feel as though I enjoy researching, and learning about sexuality, and educating my peers about it
Hannah Witton
I'd like to sometimes call myself a sex - well no, that's the thing I was about to say sex enthusiast, rather than sex expert, but sex enthusiasts sounds like the activity of having sex.
Oloni
Yeah, like I love having sex.
Hannah Witton
Which actually, for me, it's got nothing to do with that. It is, like you said, about the research, and the knowledge, and the curiosity.
Oloni
Right, exactly, and being able to teach people, well especially women for me. I enjoy teaching women.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, because your stuff is mostly aimed at women.
Oloni
Mostly aimed at women, because I feel like they don't have the knowledge that we should really have. And of course sex education has never been great in school, we weren't taught about intimacy, or relationships, growing up. And I just think those things are really really important, and sex can be fun, it can be, you know, you can get a wealth of knowledge from just learning about your body, and you can then teach that to your partner as well.
Hannah Witton
Do you find that even though your stuff is targeted at women, that some men read it as well? Like, what's their reaction?
Oloni
Oh my gosh, they see me as the - they see me as a witch, actually.
Hannah Witton
Oh, really? I was going to say, do they see you like, like thank you so much, or, like, a threat.
Oloni
The absolute opposite. Like a threat. When a guy meets me, and he knows who I am, he's just, oh my god, yo, that girl from Twitter. And I say yeah.
Hannah Witton
You told my girlfriend -
Oloni
Yeah, you told my girlfriend to dump me, or you told my girlfriend to do this. I'm just like, what's wrong with that? Well, maybe if you were being a better boyfriend, I wouldn't have to. I find that a lot of guys don't like when a woman's being, you know, when you're speaking to her inner goddess, and you're telling her, listen, you deserve better.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Oloni
You know, you've given him one too many chances. A lot of men hate that, but then there are some guys who champion what I do, they love what I do. They think it's great that I'm teaching women about their bodies, and those are the type of guys that I like. I don't like guys who are easily threatened.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, that's that feels like it's coming from such a place of insecurity.
Oloni
A lot of insecurity, and it's just like, why are you so afraid that I'm speaking to her, or speaking to women in general, about how to improve their sex life or their relationships? Are you doing something wrong? And are you enjoying that you're doing something wrong? Yeah, it kind of makes me look at them with a side eye.
Hannah Witton
You mentioned your Twitter, because you're like hugely active on on Twitter, and you have all of these like crazy conversations with your followers. This is something that I don't do with my people, but I really admire that it's something that you do. You're like okay hey, we're gonna talk about this topic, DM me.
Oloni
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
And then people people share so much with you, like these crazy details, sometimes sometimes funny, sometimes quite harrowing.
Oloni
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
And and then you like obviously anomin - anonymous, oh my god, you know what I'm trying to say -
Oloni
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
You post them anonymously.
Oloni
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
I nailed it.
Oloni
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
And kind of sparked this -
Oloni
Conversation.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, do you feel that you've got this like pressure of like all these people's stories?
Oloni
Yes, definitely. That's why I have to make sure that there's like five verification like locks on my twitter page because I would so heartbroken if anything got leaked, and I do my best to always try and delete them anyway, once they've done it. And depending on the story, I might tell them on their ends, can you delete this message as well, like once you've sent it to me. But no, it is like, I do enjoy the fact that women trust me. And it's been happening for a very long time, I think since 2015/16, that I started doing these anonymous stories. And it's fun, because it gives you a real insight into what women are really like, and what society has probably told them they shouldn't really be like. So you know, their sex sharing their sexual escapades, and that's the fun side. But then there's also the serious side where they do share a bit of their trauma. And you know, I'm realising that when they're telling the story, they don't realise that it's - that this isn't something that's normal, and -
Hannah Witton
Yeah, and they might be like trying to laugh about it.
Oloni
Yeah, right.
Hannah Witton
And also, I guess the other question is, if it is a negative story of something that's happened to them, have they told anyone else, is this actually their only release?
Oloni
Yeah, sometimes it can be it can be a mix. Sometimes they've told someone, sometimes it's the first time they've ever spoken about it openly. But they're not even sure of the actual scenario. So when I say that, I mean, they don't realise that this is a serious thing, and it's not something that should just be swept under a rug. But you know, just being able to have that access to so many women, and feeling like they trust you with all of these stories, I guess feels, I don't even know how to put it, I don't know if amazing is the right word, but it just feels, it feels good. I didn't have that when I was growing up. I never, I mean, I looked up to women, but didn't have accessibility to try and speak to them.
Hannah Witton
And it's so fast as well.
Oloni
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
So you could, you could like submit your story to you, in your DMs, and then the next thing you know, it's like been screenshot and posted. And there are all these other people replying to it like, even though obviously, they don't know who you are, but you can read that, and there's messages of support there, there's messages of, oh my goodness, this happened to me too. Like, don't worry like this, like, yeah -
Oloni
Yeah, and a lot of relatability, a lot of people can relate and, and it then shows that they aren't the only one who's going through something as well. It shows that, you know what, it's not normal, but it has happened to other people as well.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, one of the things that you did recently was about stealthing. What is stealthing?
Oloni
Yeah, so stealthing, um, I guess to put it, it's when the removal of a condom has been done, and usually done by the man, it can be done by women as well. But I think in most scenarios, it's done by the guy, without her knowledge or permission, and of course, her consent. So it's done, and you're basically putting her health, her sexual health at risk.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, or yeah, the person they're having sex with.
Oloni
Yeah, the person they're having sex with, at risk. And that was a thread that was started -
Hannah Witton
And like, technically, it is rape.
Oloni
Yeah, it is.
Hannah Witton
Because it is.
Oloni
That was something I was going back and forth with. It's it is because you didn't consent to having sex without one.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, exactly. Because you consent to sex within like certain circumstances. And then if those circumstances change, you like, you're supposed to renegotiate -
Oloni
Of course.
Hannah Witton
- the consent. That sounds like it's a business proposition.
Oloni
Essentially, it somewhat is.
Hannah Witton
This is something that maybe I only heard about two or three years ago, and I was shocked. I was like, surely people don't do that. And then, on your Twitter the other day, I was like, oh, wow.
Oloni
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
There's so many stories of this.
Oloni
So many people who are going through it. I've never experienced it before. I don't know. Maybe it's because I'm quite nuts anyway, so I think anyone that I'm into -
Hannah Witton
No one would dare.
Oloni
No one would dare, I would actually kill you. Right, right. But I think the the women who are going through it, some of them didn't even know that it was a thing. They didn't even know that there was a word for it. And it's like you said, because you know, I mean, imagine you and I only found out about this two, three years ago, and this is because we talk about sex. So talk less of people who are just, you just have sex, but they it's not something that they go home and talk about with their friends.
Hannah Witton
They might just be like, that was it was weird, and I feel violated, but also don't know how to feel about what just happened.
Oloni
Right.
Hannah Witton
And like, I guess it's okay, because they said it feels better.
Oloni
Better.
Hannah Witton
And I want to please them, and I want them to have a good time, and -
Oloni
Yeah, yeah, and we forget that we literally have autonomy over ourselves as well, and it should be respected. So I just feel that a lot of the women who did write in, started to realise that they were violated, and I think it then educated them so for the next time, they know, you know, what can happen and I think a lot of the lame excuses were, oh, it broke. If it breaks, it still hangs on. It doesn't break and like flies to the other side of the room, that's not how it works.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, and also like if you cared about the condom breaking -
Oloni
You would stop.
Hannah Witton
You would stop and be like, oh -
Oloni
Like, stop, hold on, hold on, hold on, exactly. There would be a way you would communicate, but you've deceived that person.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Oloni
So it's quite lame.
Hannah Witton
It's such a betrayal.
Oloni
Such a really huge one. Yeah, and it's just important, I just like, you know, to anyone who's listening like I hope that, you know, this is something that you discuss with your friends, because I feel like these conversations need to be had a lot more, and with your male friends as well.
Hannah Witton
And also you're not an idiot like if it's happened to you and you didn't notice.
Oloni
At all, you're not. A lot of people don't realise it.
Hannah Witton
That's why it's called stealthing. Also, I kind of do hate that word for it.
Oloni
Really.
Hannah Witton
Well, it makes, it makes sense to me because it's done in a way to like hide and you know, you might not even know that they did it until afterwards. But, I don't know, there's something kind of congratulatory about it.
Oloni
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
Like, oh, yeah, you're being stealthy. But maybe that's just in my head.
Oloni
No, I get where you're coming from, it makes sense. I get where you're coming from. But yeah -
Hannah Witton
I just, I think I used to maybe see it as like a positive word, but maybe I guess it's always context.
Oloni
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
Context dependent. I was thinking, like this is such a stupid suggestion, don't actually do this. But imagine if like you caught someone stealthing, you're like in the moment, you catch them stealthing, or like you notice afterwards. What if you just go, what if you just then tell them like oh, I have an STI by the way, just lie.
Oloni
Exactly.
Hannah Witton
Like, obviously, like I don't, I don't mean this in a way to like stigmatise STI.
Oloni
Yes.
Hannah Witton
But I just kind of want to drill it into these people's heads, of like -
Oloni
How would you feel?
Hannah Witton
This is serious.
Oloni
How would you feel, yeah, exactly. You'd feel violated.
Hannah Witton
Just want to, I guess, like a prank but yeah, maybe let's not play pranks with STIs.
Oloni
Yeah, please don't do it on anyone like facing serious like scenarios. But even then, you'd be a bit shocked, you'd be like, why would you do that? Like I can't believe you've done that to me. That would be your automatic reaction. And that's why people forget what condoms are for, as well. I say it all the time, it's for two diseases; STIs and babies.
Hannah Witton
The disease of babies.
Oloni
Yeah, exactly. You don't want either so don't let that person put your body at risk, well not don't let them, but you know communicate. And I just think the conversation needs to be had with men, as well, because a lot of them do not know that it's wrong, they think it's fine, they think, oh well she's let me have sex with her, so she's not gonna mind this, surely not.
Hannah Witton
Do you think there's a bit more of a relaxed attitude to like STIs because so many of them you can just like take a course of antibiotics and then you're all good. Do you think people are aware of that so they're just like, whatever?
Oloni
I don't think there's they're relaxed about it. I don't even think it's still being spoken about as much, like I'm always, I mean, I'm always trying to remind people that, you know, especially for people who are under 25, STIs is a very rampant. Like it happens, you know, you go off to university for example, if you did go off to uni, but like, it's literally crawling with like chlamydia and gonorrhoea. It happens.
Hannah Witton
Did you go to uni?
Oloni
Yeah, I went to uni.
Hannah Witton
Were there like -
Oloni
Everyone was always at the clinic.
Hannah Witton
There was people in the toilets, like of clubs, like offering chlamydia test.
Oloni
Really? I never had that!
Hannah Witton
Yeah. You know, there's like, at home test kits.
Oloni
Yeah. Oh my gosh, I wish we did have that.
Hannah Witton
They'd be in club toilets with them.
Oloni
That is so funny. I always saw people in clinic. Like it was very, it was common to see people in the clinic, but people wouldn't talk about why they were there. I think a girl's excuse would be, oh I've come to get birth control. And it's like, no, babe, you've got chlamydia, and it's okay. It's fine. It happens. You have sex. Listen, people catch colds, it's normal. If you go out, or your family or friends who might have a cold or something, it's natural for you to catch it as well. Naturally with sex, also, if you have sex without a condom, or sometimes even with a condom as well, you can still there's still a chance that you can get an STI, it happens. So yeah, I think it's, I think for it to be destigmatised, I think conversations need to be had a lot more. I don't I don't know if they're still being, I don't know. I feel like in my community, nobody is going to admit that they've ever caught an STI.
Hannah Witton
I know some friends of mine who like have, we've like talked about it with each other. But yeah, there's maybe like only a very small number of people who I know who, like maybe mentioned it online or something.
Oloni
Yeah, and it's because they don't want to be shamed about it as well. They don't want to be shamed. And it's such a shame, because if we had these conversations, it would be - people would feel normal about it.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, and normalising like going to the clinic. And like getting tested regularly, like the same way that you go to the dentist, just like a checkup.
Oloni
Exactly. But a lot of people do feel like their lives are over. So they will never admit it. They'll be like, oh my gosh, and it's just like -
Hannah Witton
Rather live in denial.
Oloni
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
Which then puts other people at risk as well. Which is, again, such a shame.
Oloni
I got a dilemma once, actually. And the girl was just like, do I tell him that I have it? Or should I tell the nurse, so she can do it anonymously. And I understood why she was quite nervous, because it was a new sexual partner. So she, I don't think she felt as comfortable.
Hannah Witton
So she had an STI, or she was going to get tested?
Oloni
No, she hadn't. So she had an STI, she wasn't sure where it came from, it could have been someone prior, or a new sex partner. But she didn't know how to go about telling him and saying, hey, yeah, got chlamydia. So it was weird, because she didn't -
Hannah Witton
There's no framework of how to have those conversations.
Oloni
There isn't. What would you have done?
Hannah Witton
You should. With my sex educator hat on, I believe you should tell someone your status.
Oloni
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
I think it's the this, it comes down to consent, like you're consenting to that sexual experience, you kind of need the context. And any STI's that either of you may have, should be part of that context.
Oloni
That's actually a very good point. I thought to myself, well if you're nervous. I understand. And I think as long as he knows, that should be all that matters.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Oloni
So I thought to myself, perhaps tell the nurse and let the nurse call him anonymously, as long as you're both clean. Because I do get why some women would feel a bit funny, especially if it's a new partner, you don't know how the relationships gonna go, you don't know if he's gonna tell somebody -
Hannah Witton
But it's because of that stigma around it, that makes it's so scary to tell people. But in an ideal world -
Oloni
I like the idea that you, I like the, you know what you mentioned rather, so yeah, that's true. If you're having sex with someone, you should be able to say, this is what has happened.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. Because when you're consenting, that should be an informed decision that you're making. So like, if you find out that your partner has an STI, you're - then you can not consent. You can go I'll wait until, you know, it's cleared up.
Oloni
Of. course.
Hannah Witton
Or you could be like, okay, yes, but just use a condom. You know, obviously.
Oloni
Of course, yeah.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. Have you seen Lovesick?
Oloni
I haven't.
Hannah Witton
Have you heard about it?
Oloni
No.
Hannah Witton
So is this TV show, I'm not sure if they're doing any more seasons.
Oloni
Wait, Lovesick, I think I have.
Oloni
So it used to be called -
Oloni
Was it with this mixed race girl in it?
Hannah Witton
Yes.
Oloni
Yes, I have watched it.
Hannah Witton
So it used to be called Scrotal Recall.
Oloni
What the? Really?
Hannah Witton
I know, which is such a bad name.
Oloni
Was it like a pilot?
Hannah Witton
Well, I think they did the whole first season on BBC, and it was called Scrotal Recall, and then Netflix bought it, and changed it to Lovesick.
Oloni
Yeah, Lovesick is much better.
Hannah Witton
But the premise is, this guy finds out that he has chlamydia, and he doesn't know which of his like, past sexual partners he got it from. And so, the show is like episode by episode taking you through like, all of these women.
Oloni
They're going back in time, don't they.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, so it's like in the present day, it's him trying to find them to tell them and then, and then it goes into the past of like, how they met, and under what circumstances they had sex in the first place. And it's, it is brilliant. And I love that it has that storyline of like, oh, we have chlamydia, so he obviously has to like, tell all of these people -
Oloni
And he's going through and he's literally going back in time to try and find these women. But what if, like how do you even, what if they're clean, though? That's the thing.
Hannah Witton
Well, then you probably either got it from someone else, or you did get it from them, and they have taken the pills and got rid of it
Oloni
Got rid of it. And so I guess it's just best like, tell every partner.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, I've been in a situation where a guy that I'd slept with, maybe a few months later or something, like just texted me and like, FYI, I've got chlamydia.
Oloni
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
And I was like, Cool, thanks for the heads up. And then like I went and got tested, and I was fine.
Oloni
Yeah. But do they usually, they usually give you the antibiotics, just in case.
Hannah Witton
Oh yeah, true. No, I didn't. I didn't have any.
Oloni
Okay. Yeah, I mean, I've had friends who I tell them, just take it just in case, and then you know, if the results say negative, well then, that's fine. Like, you know, as long as you're I guess, I don't actually like the word clean, it's weird.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. I've had discussions with people about that. I think I yeah, I mentioned this in my first book, Doing It, actually about clean.
Oloni
Really.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, because it does suggest that if you do have one, then you're dirty, which isn't true,
Oloni
Yeah, it's not true.
Hannah Witton
There is so much weird language that we use around -
Oloni
Sex.
Hannah Witton
And STIs, that even like, we're probably like, we're probably using that language now, not realising like the connotations that there is. It's like, this came up recently, I was having conversations with people about periods. And you know how we use the word like sanitary, like hygiene products, or like sanitary products, sanitary like literally means like, you know, it's like hygenic and stuff, and it's like wait so we have to be cleaning, a period isn't hygenic?
Oloni
Yeah, what you trying to say. It's definitely not dirty, it's definitely natural, and something I wish I could help but I can't.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Oloni
I love my period.
Hannah Witton
It's so interesting like the language that we use around things, and I hadn't even noticed that at all. Cause, like, I was currently writing my second book -
Oloni
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
And I was like writing sanitary, sanitary, sanitary products, just because that's what I've been taught, that is the word that is in my head, and I literally like had to go back through the whole thing and like, change it. I was like, nope. Maybe I don't know if some have like, managed to find their way through, hopefully not.
Oloni
Yeah, it is quite an old term, now you mentioned it. I mean, I just refer to tampons really, or -
Hannah Witton
I say period product.
Oloni
Product is good, I prefer that.
Hannah Witton
Maybe there's some better ones? I don't know.
Oloni
A lot more syllables, but it'll do.
Hannah Witton
Just pads.
Oloni
Yeah, pads.
Hannah Witton
All of that absorbancy stuff.
Oloni
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
So you have a book?
Oloni
I do, I do.
Hannah Witton
Are you currently writing it?
Oloni
I'm writing it as well as waiting for people, if you want to be kind, to help it get released. So basically getting crowdfunded.
Hannah Witton
Yes, through Unbound.
Oloni
Unbound, yes.
Hannah Witton
They're so good. They've published things like The Good Immigrant.
Oloni
Yes, The Good Immigrant, which is a popular one as well.
Hannah Witton
I recently pledged for a book called Curious History of Sex, I think, and that's, I think gonna be out next year. And another friend of mine is writing a fiction novel on Unbound as well, so I'm loving this platform. So, what is your book called?
Oloni
It's called The Big O. So it's a play on with my name, Oloni, of course, and orgams. I love it because I was thinking about it for ages, and every idea I had I said, no, this is too similar to this person, I can't do that. And of course, I respect all my sex educators, so I did not want that trouble. So yeah, The Big O is going to be about orgasms, just things that I feel like women weren't able to discuss, once upon a time. Because we're still having this debate about orgasms, you know, a lot of women still do not realise that not having a vaginal orgasm isn't out of the ordinary.
Hannah Witton
Are you going to talk about things like, because there's so much debate around the vaginal orgasm.
Oloni
And the clitoral orgasm.
Hannah Witton
And apparently it's the same thing and then like what if -
Oloni
I blame Freud, it's his fault.
Hannah Witton
- you can have an orgasm from just nipple stimulation.
Oloni
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
Is that a different kind of orgasm, or are they actually all the same? Yeah, and things like that. And then squirting, you're going to talk about squirting.
Oloni
Of course, squirting, of course.
Hannah Witton
Everyone wants to talk about squirting.
Oloni
Everyone wants to talk about squirting, is it pee, is it not, is it, has it got, you know, pieces of pee inside it.
Hannah Witton
Like how do you do it?
Oloni
Can everyone do it? Is it possible?
Hannah Witton
Is it even real? Like some people like deny that it's a thing, like that's not squirting, that's not squirting, you're just wetting yourself.
Oloni
Do you think it's pee?
Hannah Witton
The research that I have seen is that is it is different to pee, but it might have some pee in it.
Oloni
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
But I think that just might be because of where it's coming from, there might be some residual pee there anyway.
Oloni
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
But I'm convinced that squirting is a very different thing. But then also like squirting and orgasm are separate.
Oloni
Of course.
Hannah Witton
Like it can happen at the same time, but they also can happen seperately.
Oloni
Yeah, of course, and I definitely I agree as well. And it's a debate that I've often had. I remember when I used to work for this science company and my boss at the time she was just like it really is pee because it comes with the same place.
Hannah Witton
But we don't even know where it comes from because has anyone like actually filmed someone squirting, to like actually be like, which hole is this coming out of.
Oloni
Isn't it usually the urethera.
Hannah Witton
I don't know this again, this is where we prove that we are like budding sex experts, we're not the doctors and the scientists doing this research. But we are very curious.
Oloni
Yeah, but even like scientists in the past even got it wrong, or psychologists got it wrong.
Hannah Witton
But we have glands, so obviously you've got like the urethra, vagina, and anus. So it's definitely not coming out of the anus.
Oloni
Definitely not.
Hannah Witton
So it could either be coming out of your urethra or the vagina. Yeah, but there's also glands like that are on the outside, on like the exterior, which is like what secretes a lot of the -
Oloni
Liquid.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, like the moistness that the vagina creates, like some of it, I think some of it is coming from inside, but then also there's some coming out from the glands like, either right on the inside or on the outside. So maybe it's the glands producing it.
Oloni
And everyone's bodies are different as well.
Hannah Witton
This might all be completely wrong.
Oloni
Did you watch Sex Education as well?
Hannah Witton
Oh my god, yeah. Did you love it?
Oloni
I loved it. I think I've binged it as well, it was amazing. Was, I felt like it was very, it was needed.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Oloni
It was needed. I keep telling people that.
Hannah Witton
I'm so excited for season two.
Oloni
I am as well. I keep telling people they need to play it in like secondary school. I wish I had something I had in secondary school.
Hannah Witton
Because his advice that he gives is so good.
Oloni
Thanks to his mum, Gillian.
Hannah Witton
Kind of thanks to his mum -I guess he's like learned by osmosis like how to like, again, he's like talking the talk, but not walking the walk.
Oloni
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
Because there were moments in it where like one of the other students would come to him for advice, and in my head I was thinking of what I would tell them, and then he said something entirely different, and I was like, oh, yeah, that's better.
Oloni
I did really love him. I thought everything was perfect about it, and just the whole like getting advice from people, even though I do feel like his friend, I can't remember her name?
Hannah Witton
Maeve.
Oloni
Maeve, yeah, I felt like in a way, to me, I have this theory that she was somewhat of a pimp, because he was doing the work, and she was taking the money.
Hannah Witton
She is just, she's just a hustler. She's a go getter, she's an opportunist.
Oloni
A huge one. But yeah, I definitely think it was needed. I felt like something like that, I loved the sex shows that are coming out today. I just feel like I feel like we're becoming more sex positive. I think I've read somewhere, especially that 2019 is the year of sexual wellness.
Hannah Witton
Okay.
Oloni
Yeah, so like you know how each year -
Hannah Witton
I hope that doesn't mean like putting things in your vagina that shouldn't be there.
Oloni
Of course, I hope not. As in they'll be discussing it more, and educating people more about sex.
Hannah Witton
And I think also like using the word wellness in there as well, because wellness is obviously kind of blown up a lot.
Oloni
Yeah, it has.
Hannah Witton
Which I'm always very skeptical about.
Oloni
Like yoga vibes.
Hannah Witton
But I think we definitely need to be talking about sex in a way that is about health.
Oloni
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
As well as like having sexual desires, and like your body, and feelings, and like your -
Oloni
Emotions.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, like all of that. Like it's not something that you should just like shove to the side. Like if it's important to you, to have like a good, healthy, happy sex life, then that's important to you, and you can like do things to get that even if that is like going to see a doctor if like sex hurts, like there's nothing wrong with doing that.
Oloni
Or weird about it, yeah.
Hannah Witton
So yeah, hopefully we'll see some good things, people talking about it. Thanks so much for joining me.
Oloni
Thank you for having me.
Hannah Witton
So where can people check you out?
Oloni
Oh my gosh, so check me out on all my socials, @Oloni, so it's O L O N I, and my podcast's Laid Bare.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, definitely check that out. And make sure you go check out the crowdfunding page on Unbound for your book. Thank you so much for listening to Doing It. If you enjoyed it, I would really appreciate it if you left a rating and a review. You can find show notes at DoingItPodcast.co.uk, and do go follow us on social media and I'll catch you in the next episode. Bye.
Hannah Witton
This was a global original podcast.