Being Autistic and Kinky with Morgan Peschek | Transcript
Find the episode shownotes here!
Morgan Peschek
In kink when you're doing submissiony things, if you're a submissive, then you can go into this really nice, relaxed, headspace because of all the brain chemicals and such. And some people regard it as being like an altered state, like being drunk, or high, or whatever. It feels like being in a warm bath, it's so nice.
Hannah Witton
Welcome to Doing It with me, Hannah Witton, where we talk all things sex, relationships, dating, and our bodies. Hello, hello, hello. Welcome back to Doing It. I'm really excited to share this episode with you. My guest this week is Morgan Peschek, also known as A Kinky Autistic. Morgan describes their blog as, writing about disability, queerness, and fucking, so this sounds right up my street. Morgan is autistic, polyamorous, bisexual, and non binary, and they use they/them pronouns. It was so great to chat with Morgan and learn about their experiences with being disabled, autistic, and kinky. Morgan also created an autism shapes diagram to add more nuance to different experiences of autism, which definitely helped to broaden my understanding of what autism is. I hope that you are as fascinated as me by these topics and the intersections between them. And thanks so much to Morgan for being so open and willing to chat with me about their life, and their sex life. Enjoy. Thank you so much for listening.
Hey, Morgan.
Morgan Peschek
Hi.
Hannah Witton
Thanks so much for coming over and joining me on the podcast. So you are A Kinky Autistic online.
Morgan Peschek
Yes.
Hannah Witton
How did that start, you like writing about sex and autism?
Morgan Peschek
Honestly, I was reading a lot of sex blogs and, like really enjoying them. And everyone just seemed like the cool kids and people that I would really like to be friends with. And I was like, what could I blog about, in the sex sphere, that would actually be of any value? And I thought, well, I'm autistic, and not a lot of people talk about that, and how that interacts with sex and kink, and especially kink, I think, because sex like it's a lot of obvious stuff, like the sensory stuff, and the communication stuff. But with kink, then there's a couple of extra layers sometimes. So I was like, I'll make that my brand.
Hannah Witton
Nice. And that's working out pretty well.
Morgan Peschek
I think it is, yeah.
Hannah Witton
What do you mean by that being like, other layers to kink?
Morgan Peschek
So I think with sex, as a culture, we're sort of a little bit more familiar with how you navigate doing sex with other people. Like, you know how consent works, and you know -
Hannah Witton
We hope.
Morgan Peschek
Yeah, well, yeah. And you sort of know the script, like you start with snogging, and then you move to groping.
Hannah Witton
Oh, my God, the scale.
Morgan Peschek
Yeah, like third base, onwards, you know. Whereas with kink, it's a little bit less linear and clearly defined. And a lot of kink is a little bit more psychologically involved than sex. There's, you play with a lot of like, I mean, I play with a lot of humiliation, and like, fear play, and stuff like that, which is just a lot to do with your brain, and if your brains different, then there's probably differences there.
Hannah Witton
Do you think there is a connection then between people who are neurodiverse, and kink then?
Morgan Peschek
So apparently, one in every 100 adults in the UK are autistic, that's a conservative estimate. But I have probably had in depth conversations with fewer than 100 people in my local kink scene, and I found so many autistic people, and so many people with a ADD or ADHD. And I think that there is a lot about kink that draws autistic people in, and also kinky communities. We're talking really frankly about fisting and beating each other up and stuff, so you might as well also be frank about being neurodivergent, when you wouldn't usually disclose that. So, yeah.
Hannah Witton
Do you think that maybe, perhaps, because from my understanding of kink, and even though this is kind of how it should be in all sexual relationships, but there is that extra level of communication, and the necessity for that communication, and being really upfront about your boundaries, and what's going to happen, and when, and, like how, and if and when to stop or slow down. And you think that actually like is really helpful for people who are autistic?
Morgan Peschek
Yeah, I find it really helpful and a lot of autistic people I've spoken to find it really helpful because I think we're more aware of the risks when it comes to kink and BDSM. I think, obviously, there are risks associated with sex. But if you know you're doing something risky, you'll take that extra care to communicate really explicitly. And there are more frameworks, I think, for communicating when you get into kink because you've got safe words, and the yes, no, maybe list, which -
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Morgan Peschek
Mine is colour coded because I'm a giant nerd.
Hannah Witton
What are your colours?
Morgan Peschek
So I've got I've got four columns, rather than three, because I've got, yes, enthusiastically and then yes, if you fancy it, but I'm not -
Hannah Witton
Oh, I thought that's what, in my head it's a want, will, and won't list. So the will is kind of like, yes, if you're into it.
Morgan Peschek
The way the way I use it is, yes, enthusiastically means like, I would love to do this 24/7, I'll just quit uni and carry on with this.
Hannah Witton
This will be my full time job.
Morgan Peschek
Yes. And then yes, if you want it, is like there's nothing wrong with it, it's just not high up on my list of priorities. And then maybe is like, I'll talk to you about trying it, if I'm in the right headspace, and I trust you, and like the weather's right. And sort of it's more conditional. And then No, it's just no, like, don't even attempt to ask.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, yeah, the hard, the hard limit. Can we just go into bit more detail? What's the difference between your yes, if you're into it, and your maybe list?
Morgan Peschek
So for me, my maybe list of stuff that I would only do with people I would, I really trust. So like breath play, like choking and stuff like that. And my Yes, if you're into it is stuff that I'm not, like, always jonesing to do, but like, I'll do it because I don't have a problem with it. Like, I'm not excited to pee on other people, but I'll do it if you asked for it because I'm a people pleaser and I enjoy watching other people enthusiastically enjoy things.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Morgan Peschek
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
So if that's in there, like, Oh my god, yes, I love this. And then that almost like -
Morgan Peschek
That's the turn on, yeah, rather than the actual act of doing it. Whereas, yes, enthusiastically, it's the thing itself that turns me on, as well as the other person's enthusiasm.
Hannah Witton
That kind of reminds me of, have you heard of the wheel of consent?
Morgan Peschek
I don't think I have.
Hannah Witton
Oh my god. Now I'm gonna try and explain it and be like, Oh, it's this woman called Betty something, I'm gonna get this so wrong. But it's a, there's like four quadrants. So there's like two, two axes on one axis, axis, it's giving, receiving, like, or not, like doing or being done to -
Morgan Peschek
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
So like, the actual like, physical act, or whatever it is. Then the other axis is either receiving pleasure, or giving pleasure.
Morgan Peschek
Oh, yeah.
Hannah Witton
And actually, it's not a case that the person who is always having something done to them is the receiver of pleasure.
Morgan Peschek
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
When I first learned about this, I was like, oh, yeah, that, like, is really brilliant way to like, understand that nuance of like, you could be the one doing an action, but you're receiving pleasure from it.
Morgan Peschek
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
I don't know. I would recommend people looking up and she will do a better job of explaining it than me. But it kind of reminds me of that. Like, it's always just a bit more complicated. You know -
Morgan Peschek
It's like the distinction between topping and bottoming versus dominance and submission.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Morgan Peschek
Because like, I am a switch, so I'm sometimes dominant, and sometimes submissive. But like, I've got one partner to whom I'm always submissive. And sometimes there'll be like, I want you to choke me, and it's an order, so I'm doing it because I'm a good little submissive.
Hannah Witton
Ah, but you're the one choking them.
Morgan Peschek
Yeah, yeah. So I'm topping, as in I'm a breath play top in that moment, but I am still submissive because I'm following instructions.
Hannah Witton
I feel like because we're talking about breath play, or it's been mentioned, I just want listeners to know like -
Morgan Peschek
Super risky.
Hannah Witton
Super risky. Like, don't just be playing around with it. Like you need to know what you're doing.
Morgan Peschek
If you look on Fetlife.com, which is basically kinky Facebook, then you'll probably find a class local to you, which will teach you safe ways to engage with breath play, or not safe, but more -
Hannah Witton
Safer.
Morgan Peschek
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Morgan Peschek
Like mitigate some of the risks.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, because I think, this is a complete tangent, but you see a lot of it in porn. And then young people are like, oh, but people love being choked.
Morgan Peschek
And do it without any discussion.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Morgan Peschek
Or education.
Hannah Witton
Exactly.
Morgan Peschek
Yeah. It's It is one of those things that I think a lot of beginners approach because they see it so much. Like spanking, spanking can be really dangerous, you've got lots of organs in your body. Most people do. I can't speak for everyone.
Hannah Witton
I'm missing one!
Morgan Peschek
Yeah. I assume I've got all of mine. I don't have any reason to believe otherwise. But yeah, like spanking, you could catch a kidney. You know, you can like catch just bits that you don't mean to.
Hannah Witton
Oh my god, I hadn't even thought of that.
Morgan Peschek
Yeah, your kidneys are just right there, and your spine like if you end up too high up when you're spanking you can catch someone spine and do them a real mischief.
Hannah Witton
If you're just aiming for the butt cheeks though, generally quite safe.
Morgan Peschek
Yeah, there's an educator, I think it's Dirty Lola, who talks about the butt meats. Like, the bits you can really like get your fingernails into like, that's where you should be aiming, and there's lots of diagrams and stuff online, if you have a Google, like how to spank safely -
Hannah Witton
So many resources.
Morgan Peschek
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
For people who want to explore kink. How did you get into it?
Morgan Peschek
I was curious about it, before I was even legally allowed to be curious about it. I was reading sex blogs because -
Hannah Witton
I think you're legally allowed to be curious about anything.
Morgan Peschek
That's true. But I was looking at like materials that said, like, are you 18 or over, and I was ticking the box. No, I'm not. I'm lying. Which I don't recommend any listeners do. But yeah, I lied to the internet in order to get information and I was reading a lot of fan fiction and coming across things that I didn't quite grasp, and I think a lot of people will be like, yeah, okay, I'll leave that alone and just get to the bit with the penises.
Hannah Witton
Was that where you first, like, discovered kink in like fanfiction?
Morgan Peschek
It was where I first became aware of kink. There's a podcast called Off the Cuffs where they asked each guest what their radioactive spider bite into kink was, like how I became Spider Man, but kinky.
Hannah Witton
What's yours then?
Morgan Peschek
I'm not sure because I remember doing things that, in retrospect, look kinky from a very young age. I had a lot of fantasies about, like being a giant. I had this one Bratz doll, I think, that I would like imagine was like a tiny person, and I had to like protect her.
Hannah Witton
And that was like a sexual fantasy?
Morgan Peschek
Yeah, it felt very, like, I didn't tell anyone about it because I was like, this is weird. I know this is weird, but I don't know why it's weird. And yeah, lots of little things like that. And like playing games with boys that involve like punching each other and stuff like that. So I think I've always sort of been innately kinky, but I became curious about it when I started reading fanfiction, and, like, came across things, and I was like, why are they doing that to each other? Let me hit up Google.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. And then that brought you to some, like, educational kink websites and stuff?
Morgan Peschek
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
That's good at least.
Morgan Peschek
Yeah. Not just like, Pornhub.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Morgan Peschek
And yeah, I kind of got more and more into it. And then, when I arrived at sixth form, a lot of my friends that I made there, because we'd all been to different secondary schools, didn't have as much of an education about sex stuff as I had had.
Hannah Witton
And you were the knowledgeable one!
Morgan Peschek
Yeah, I was I was gobby about it as well.
Hannah Witton
Oh my God, what was that like?
Morgan Peschek
It was great. I felt really like at home talking to my friends about sex and kink and stuff. But they would come to me with questions and I would be like, I will research that and get back to you, because I don't have all the answers.
Hannah Witton
Oh, I love that!
Morgan Peschek
But I used to be the friend who, I'd like stand up from the table in the canteen and be like, I'm going to the condom lady, anyone need anything?
Hannah Witton
Oh, brilliant.
Morgan Peschek
I actually had a friend message me from the table, like I didn't want to say in front of everyone, but could you get me some free condoms? And I was like, of course I can mate.
Hannah Witton
Everyone needs a friend like that.
Morgan Peschek
Yeah. And I once got told off in English Lit because I was drawing a diagram of the internal clitoris for one of my friends.
Hannah Witton
Oh my god, I wouldn't, I don't think I even knew about the clitoris, let alone the internal clitoris, when I was in sixth form.
Morgan Peschek
I was, I was a huge nerd. But yeah, my teacher was going about it. He was like, Morgan that's important, but it's not for right now.
Hannah Witton
Oh, I like that.
Morgan Peschek
Yeah, he's like,
Hannah Witton
He was just like, we're in a maths class.
Morgan Peschek
Like we're doing we're doing the Picture of Dorian Grey. There are very few clitorises in the Picture of Dorian Grey, that's kind of the point. So that was really great. And that kind of made me feel quite passionate about just like explaining things to people. And if like, I've got knowledge, why not put it across to people? Because apparently they need it, because sex ed in this country is a shambles.
Hannah Witton
Oh yeah. Fingers crossed getting better. So for you and like your autism, as well, how is that played a role in your relationships, in your sex life, and like about other people's perceptions of it as well?
Morgan Peschek
Yeah. So people often tell me that they didn't know I was autistic, or I don't look autistic, which fucks me right off. I am allowed to fuck on this podcast, aren't I?
Hannah Witton
Absolutely.
Morgan Peschek
I did think so, I wanted to check. But yeah, like, people class me as high functioning, which is hilarious because like, I've got a post going out this evening about autistic burnout, and the fact that I had to buy clean pants from Tesco recently because I haven't done any laundry and that long. So people expect me to be sort of more neurotypical in private than I actually am, because I spend a lot of time pretending to be more neurotypical than I am.
Hannah Witton
Right, and all of your energy is spent when you're out in public.
Morgan Peschek
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
Being as high functioning as possible. Right, I see.
Morgan Peschek
Yeah, but my relationships, currently, I'm with some really lovely understanding people. I've got three partners, and two of them are dyslexic. So they sort of understand some of the like, not being able to process things and stuff like that.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, my partner's dyslexic.
Morgan Peschek
And it affects so much more than just reading and writing. People don't realise, like how much it can like -
Hannah Witton
Yeah, cuz there's different there's different strands of it. And also, there are different things going on with autism as well.
Morgan Peschek
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
You created this diagram, what do you call it?
Morgan Peschek
I haven't, I haven't decided on a proper name for it. I just call it the autism shape because -
Hannah Witton
The autism show.
Morgan Peschek
I think it's technically called a radar chart, but please don't quote me on that.
Hannah Witton
Okay. And can you talk us through it? I'm going to put this image on our social media, if you don't mind me sharing it,s o that listeners can go and have a look at that and reference what we're talking about.
Morgan Peschek
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
So talk me through. So it's like all of these different, I don't want to say symptoms, is it symptoms? manifestation?
Morgan Peschek
Challenges?
Hannah Witton
Challenges. Yeah, that's good. And then like, is this your result?
Morgan Peschek
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
Okay. So basically, how it affects you?
Morgan Peschek
Yeah, so it goes round, and you start from the middle. And each little line is labelled with a thing that autistic people commonly find difficult. So you've got social interaction, sensory perception, a bunch of other ones. And you rate how, I can't remember whether I did it as how easy or how difficult -
Hannah Witton
You've got verbal communication as quite far down the line.
Morgan Peschek
So 10, is you find it really easy, and one is you find it really challenging. And you do that for each line, and then you'd like join the dots, and you get a cool little shape. And that's your personal autism shape. And I did that, because that's how I try and explain my functioning to other people, when I'm having conversations about my autism, because I'm like, it's not just I'm high functioning, or I'm low functioning, like I'm really -
Hannah Witton
This is way more nuanced.
Morgan Peschek
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
This gives a really good understanding. And actually, some of these things I hadn't even really heard of.
Morgan Peschek
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
Or like I don't, I don't necessarily understand how that relates to autism, like flexible thinking, What do you mean by that?
Morgan Peschek
Yeah. So autistic people tend to think really quite rigidly, and can't cope with like changes in plans, and changes to their worldview, and stuff like that. And like, problem solving, we're really great at like, well, some of us are really great at like, mathematically problem solving. But when it comes to like, spatial awareness, and stuff like that, like there's just lots of different ways in which your thinking can be really rigid. And one of the reasons that I kind of gave the labels without, there is an explanation on the PDF.
Hannah Witton
Oh okay.
Morgan Peschek
Like I gave the labels as they are, because I was like, people can sort of decide what that means to them, and how that affects them. Because like, I have given myself a really high score in verbal communication, and I stammer a bit, and I swear a lot, but I can get my point across, and hat's what's important to me. Whereas someone else might be like, oh, well, I swear all the time, and that's not good, so I'm a four. So.
Hannah Witton
Right. Okay, I see.
Morgan Peschek
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
You've put yourself quite low on in, intraception -
Morgan Peschek
Interoception is how I think it's pronounced.
Hannah Witton
Interoception and self care, what does that mean?
Morgan Peschek
So interoception is the ability to perceive what's going on, within yourself. So what your emotions are, what you're physically feeling. So, very often, I'll get to like 9pm and I'll be like, why are my hands shaking? And someone will be like, what have you eaten today? It's like, oh, breakfast. It's like, yeah, it's 9pm Morgan, are you're not hungry? I don't know. How would I know that?
Hannah Witton
Does this affect, like how you're feeling sexually, sensually?
Morgan Peschek
Sometimes. I'm quite good at identifying, like, my sex feelings, and my kink feelings. But sometimes I'm just like, I've got something weird going on, I don't know what it is, and then like, several hours later, I'll be like, I was horny! By then it's too late. It's past. Yeah, it's, I've done a lot of therapy for like, other mental health stuff. So I have more vocabulary and more self awareness than I used to. But I still really struggle with a lot of the physiological things.
Hannah Witton
Because you also talked about having cervical erosion.
Morgan Peschek
Oh, yeah.
Hannah Witton
Is that connected to like, maybe not noticing, or not realising that something was physically wrong and waiting a while to get checked out? Do you think?
Morgan Peschek
Possibly, I mean, so cervical erosion doesn't usually hurt. It's just the symptom that I had was bleeding after sex, and that is the symptom most people have. And it's very common on oral hormonal birth control, but no one told me it was a thing that could happen.
Hannah Witton
I did not know that.
Morgan Peschek
Yeah. And because I was having quite a lot of rough, kinky sex. Then I was like, Oh, I guess I'm just tearing something, every time I have sex. That sounds normal. And it just did not register to me that bleeding after sex could be alarming, until I mentioned it to my mum, because my mum and I have the same issue with our connective tissue. That gives me my hypermobile joints and joint pain. And I was like, oh, yeah, do you get the bleeding after sex? And she was like, that's really not normal. Like you should tell your GP, so went to my GP about it. And they were like, oh, yeah, that happens to loads of people in your age bracket using oral birth control. I was like, thanks for letting me know.
Hannah Witton
What is cervical erosion then? Is it something that you can cure? Or is it just like a thing that happens and you just have to be mindful of?
Morgan Peschek
So as I understand it, and I'm very much a layperson, then.
Hannah Witton
Aren't we all.
Morgan Peschek
The things, the cells that are supposed to be past the neck of your cervix, and inside -
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Morgan Peschek
Start growing on the outside instead. And they are not designed to be on the outside. So they’re kind of raw and, like, you can you irritate them.
Hannah Witton
So they'll just fall away.
Morgan Peschek
Yeah, I think -
Hannah Witton
So is that what the blood is?
Morgan Peschek
I think, I think it's irritation or like the cells being broken, I think. I don't know. But yeah, so that happens, and you get bleeding after sex. And then you go to a very nice lady in a clinic and she burns it.
Hannah Witton
Oooo, fancy!
Morgan Peschek
So it's called a silver nitrate cautery where basically -
Hannah Witton
Even fancier.
Morgan Peschek
Yeah, they use silver nitrate to chemically burn the cells that are misbehaving so that it's just scar tissue there and not like inside cervical cells. Because the scar tissue won't bleed.
Hannah Witton
This medical stuff fascinates me.
Morgan Peschek
I know, so they had like a brilliant like CCTV feed of my cervix, so they can get proper good look.
Hannah Witton
Did you get a look?
Morgan Peschek
I got to see my cervix. And I was really excited!
Hannah Witton
I got to see inside my rectum and my colon.
Morgan Peschek
That's, that's very cool, I'm quite jealous. Not of the reasons you had to see those, but yeah, but yeah,
Hannah Witton
I think everyone should see their insides at some point in their life.
Morgan Peschek
I think it's really exciting.
Hannah Witton
In a safe, healthy, hopefully hospital, circumstance.
Morgan Peschek
Hopefully. Yeah. But yeah. And so I got to see my cervix. But then when she did the cautery, then a nurse stood in front of the screen. And I was like, oh, is that because it freaks people out, because it smokes a bit. And she was like, yeah, exactly that. And I was like, but I want to see it!
Hannah Witton
Did she let you see?
Morgan Peschek
No, because it was over really quickly. But I was like, this might be the only time in my life I see my cervix smoking, and you're gonna take that away from me.
Hannah Witton
Smoking hot cervix.
Morgan Peschek
Hell yeah!
Hannah Witton
Wow. I love that. I want to skip back to kink. Because we've kind of gone on a massive tangent. And we met at Eroticon, 2019. And I remember, just like, there was a bunch of groups of people, and lots of people were having conversations about sex, and it's a very kinky environment. Like a lot of people at Eroticon are very kinky. I feel very vanilla when I'm at Eroticon and I'm like, oh, my God, what's all these things? And I think it was something that you said, or you were there in a conversation, and I learned this new phrase, and I was like, I genuinely felt like weird if I was like, what's that? I don't know what that is. And you said, subspace.
Morgan Peschek
Oh, yeah.
Hannah Witton
And so can you explain to us about subspace?
Morgan Peschek
Yeah. So subspace is a headspace that you go into, when you are submitting, hence the name. Basically, in kink, when you're doing submissiony things, if you're a submissive, then you can go into this really nice, relaxed headspace because of all the brain chemicals and such. And some people regard it as being like an altered state, like being drunk, or high, or whatever. Because it's really like, it feels like being in a warm bath. It's so nice and, like I access subspace by like, following orders, getting hit, or like otherwise, like -
Hannah Witton
Does it override some of the, like, physical sensations that might be painful.
Morgan Peschek
Yeah, yeah, it can sort of convert them so that they just feel like warm, or like really pleasant. Like, you can be getting the shit beaten out of you. And at first, you're like, wailing and sobbing, and then you're like, oh, this just feels a bit like my butt's being massaged. And then you come away, and you're like, Oh, there's blood.
Hannah Witton
Oh my God.
Morgan Peschek
Which has happened before. So yeah, it's it's really, really nice. And a lot of submissive people aim to get there. But it is a really different headspace. A lot of people will say, like, never negotiate for kink scenes when you're in subspace, because you're just not entirely there. Like your judgment’s impaired.
Hannah Witton
You're like a bit high.
Morgan Peschek
Yeah, basically. Yeah, it's great.
Hannah Witton
The way you're describing it reminds me of being on morphine. When I was in hospital, because it's, not a sexy situation at all. But when you're a patient, you are submissive in a way, because you do nothing. Stuff is just being done to you, people are like, do this, da da da, you need to do X, Y, Z, and then like, you're giving yourself some hits of morphine to relieve whatever pain you're in. And it is like, when it hits you kind of like just sink into the bed like -
Morgan Peschek
You feel melty.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Morgan Peschek
Yeah, it sounds similar.
Hannah Witton
My orgasms, I now often compare to like a little bit of a morphine hit as well.
Morgan Peschek
Yeah, I think subspace does feel sort of like semi orgasmic. It feels really just, or like the feeling you get after you've had an orgasm
Hannah Witton
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Morgan Peschek
Where you're just like, ahhh.
Hannah Witton
That sounds nice. I just don't think I'm into what I would have to do to get there.
Morgan Peschek
But because it feels so much like being post orgasm, then you can just have orgasms. Like that's totally an option. And there is such thing as domspace or top space as well.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, I was gonna ask
Morgan Peschek
I actually wrote a whole mini series on my blog about different, like types of BDSM head spaces I experienced because I do puppy play, I do like daddy dom, little girl play, and they're all slightly different. And I have experienced topspace, because I do switch, and that feels more like. I've never been like on a stimulant, apart from caffeine and nicotine, but it feels a bit more like that, it feels a bit more kind of up and like you're powerful and you feel -
Hannah Witton
Oh, so maybe subspace is the kind of like depressive stimulants. And domspace is the like, the other ones.
Morgan Peschek
The uppy ones.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, the uppy ones. Like you're on coke.
Morgan Peschek
Yeah, yeah. I've never tried coke.
Hannah Witton
Me neither. But I'm just like, yeah, sure. It's like,
Morgan Peschek
It's probably like. If there are any doms listening, who've tried cocaine -
Hannah Witton
Are they the same?
Morgan Peschek
Let us know!
Hannah Witton
I kind of asked this before, but then we tangent it, but about the misconceptions, or like perceptions that people have. As you being into kink and being autistic, and the kind of connection there.
Morgan Peschek
I don't get many misconceptions from people within the kink community, because it's such a warm, accepting community for the most part. You'll always have bad eggs and stuff but yeah, like. I think people worry that I can't give my informed consent, because autism is technically a developmental disability. And people don't often call it that, but that is what it is.
Hannah Witton
Okay.
Morgan Peschek
Yeah, bits of my development are happening at different paces to other people's development.
Hannah Witton
Most people who are autistic, is it diagnosed, or at least it starts manifesting when they're young? Or can anyone, like can you get autism when you're older?
Morgan Peschek
I think every autistic person I've ever heard of has had symptoms from a very young age.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, but it might not be diagnosed for a certain amount of time. Yeah.
Morgan Peschek
I wasn't diagnosed until I was 14. But my mum tells me anecdotes about when I was a baby, and I was like, I was an autistic little baby.
Hannah Witton
What's an autistic baby like?
Morgan Peschek
I didn't make eye contact, I was very fussy about sensory things, I would like cry in certain kinds of baby clothes, and like, I was nightmare to get to eat foods. There was a point where I was only eating mashed potatoes and chicken nuggets, and apples.
Hannah Witton
You know what you like!
Morgan Peschek
Yeah? I've got slight a slightly broader diet now.
Hannah Witton
Good.
Morgan Peschek
But yeah, like, so many things my mum tells me I'm like, wow, that's, that's dead autistic. I got diagnosed when I was 14, because we'd kind of had a hunch for a while because my youngest sibling got diagnosed first, because they're assigned male and were more vocal about their distress.
Hannah Witton
Because there's a lot of stuff that's come out recently, about people assigned female and autism and how like, it's much more difficult to diagnose, because they just think that they've got like, oh, they're just a bit boyish, or whatever.
Morgan Peschek
Yeah, I just looked from the outside like, anxious tomboy. And I knew sort of instinctively from society that like some of the autistic things I had going on, like, should probably keep them under wraps. So like, I didn't do a lot of like stimming or juggling, and like, when I had meltdowns, I really like internalised them, and then had problems with self harm and stuff like that, rather than throwing chairs at people, as my younger sibling did. And that's why they got diagnosed first.
Hannah Witton
Wow.
Morgan Peschek
Yeah. So going back to people's perception.
Hannah Witton
Oh, yeah.
Morgan Peschek
Yeah, people think that I can't give informed consent sometimes. I actually had a partner at one point who was like, you're using it as a proxy for self harm. And I was like, no, I'm not. Like, I'm not great at like interoception but I know the difference between a self harm headspace, and a kink headspace. So that was frustrating. And I think people kind of approach me with kid gloves sometimes, if I mentioned that I'm autistic. They're like, oh is this going to be okay? Is this going to be okay? Am I going to, like set you off, I do this? And I'm quite resilient. I like operate in the world most of the time. And I kind of wish people just trusted me to tell them, like if something's going to be a problem, rather than, like, getting all, I don't want to say patronising, yeah, but -
Hannah Witton
Also everyone's needs are different, as well. What would like your advice be to someone who is maybe like who has an autistic partner or sexual partner?
Morgan Peschek
Just like ask them for a list, basically. Because autistic people, for the most part, love making lists. I love making lists.
Hannah Witton
Oh, I love lists
Morgan Peschek
Yeah. Like ask them for sort of a list of their like common things that they can't abide by, and also ask them what they like, because a lot of people focus on like what's gonna upset you in an autistic point. And there's so many things, as an autistic person, that bring me so much joy, like the smell of citrus flavoured, not citrus flavoured, citrus scented, shower gels and stuff like that. And yeah, just like little things, and like heavy pressure, like if someone lies on top of me, that is just bliss. And -
Hannah Witton
I love how like specific they are, that's great.
Morgan Peschek
I've got some incredibly specific things.
Hannah Witton
I feel like everyone should make a list like that, that is super specific, and has stuff in it that isn't necessarily like sexual.
Morgan Peschek
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
I like if someone just put their weight on me. That would be great.
Morgan Peschek
Yeah, just just on top of me, it's fine. I don't have anything to do. But yeah, like, I think have a focus on the ways that autism can enhance sex as well as just detract from it or make it more complicated and challenging.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Morgan Peschek
Because there are some things as an autistic person that I just absolutely love. Like, I'm obsessed with the smell of rope, like -
Hannah Witton
Oh.
Morgan Peschek
Yeah, there's -
Hannah Witton
I didn't even think rope had a smell.
Morgan Peschek
Yeah, I mean, I'm really big into rope, and people are rope nerds, and they'll like have arguments about the type of rope you should use.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, that's another one that you should learn how to tie the proper knots as well.
Morgan Peschek
You should learn how to, if you're bottoming, you should learn how to spot the difference between circulation loss and nerve impingement.
Hannah Witton
Oh my god, there's so much detail.
Morgan Peschek
Yeah, so that sounds really scary and sciency. But basically, if it's circulation loss, your whole hand goes tingly and numb.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Morgan Peschek
If it's nerve impingement, it will be one side of your hand. It's just easy tells like that. And circulation loss is not a problem, except that it can stop you from spotting nerve impingement. So -
Hannah Witton
Oh, God.
Morgan Peschek
Yeah. So if you're experiencing circulation loss, then you should probably ask your partner to massage whatever is tingling. And if that doesn't work, come out of the rope. Because nerve impingement can do you some real damage. Like you can end up not able to move things for years, or ever.
Hannah Witton
So do your kink safely people. Do you mind? If I ask, what is like, is all of the sex you have with your different partners kink? Or is it ever vanilla? Or is, because there's just like such a wide range of stuff that you can do in kink, is it just cherry picking, like a little pick and mix bowl?
Morgan Peschek
So I've got my partner who drove me here today, I'm very grateful. They are my daddy dom. So like most of the sex we have is them, like, being rough with me and stuff like that, just because that's what turns both of us on. But sometimes it'll just be like, yeah, I really need to suck a dick right now, and they'll be like, here you go.
Hannah Witton
With their permission.
Morgan Peschek
Yeah, yeah, I'll say that. And then they'll either say, here you go, or there'll be like, thank you for your interest, however. And then with my, with my boyfriend, then he very often sort of like, submits to me a bit, but it's not like super intense stuff. It's like, I'll smack him a bit and like, call him a good boy, and you know. And then with my girlfriend, then it's more like, I guess it is vanilla, it's more like sensation oriented. Maybe there's some biting, but it's not really like focused on power exchange or anything like that. It's just, we're two people who want to play with each other's bits. And I'm like, yeah, pleasant. It's lovely.
Hannah Witton
I love that.
Morgan Peschek
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
I want to ask, have you seen this film called Adam?
Morgan Peschek
I haven't.
Hannah Witton
Okay, never mind.
Morgan Peschek
But I, if it's about autism, I could talk about autism representation in the media for days.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, cuz this is maybe one of the only films I've seen that has an autistic character in it. But I just wanted to ask, see what you thought, because I remember watching this film years ago, it's like a rom com, and the male character in it, he is autistic. And I remember watching it and being like, oh, this is like, really lovely. But I didn't really know a lot about autism, and I wonder now that I know a bit more, or if I got someone who was like autistic to watch it be like, actually, is this good representation? I don't know. Tell us about autism representation.
Morgan Peschek
So it's frustrating because the representations that I see aren't bad representations, they're just only one representation repeated over and over again. So you see the white, young, autistic, man -
Hannah Witton
Tick, tick, tick. This is Adam.
Morgan Peschek
Who doesn't have any other things going on. They're not usually LGBT, or, like physically disabled, or anything like that. It's just the autism. That's the one thing.
Hannah Witton
And also, he was really hot.
Morgan Peschek
Yeah. Yeah, you get that a lot. Or like, kind of cute, in a dorky way.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Morgan Peschek
And usually, they're, like, really stereotypically, like, socially awkward, and have some sensory difficulties, but they don't have huge meltdowns that look ugly and bad on film. And just they they're kind of quirky, like Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory.
Hannah Witton
Right, yes.
Morgan Peschek
Like, that is the portrayal of autism. And you do meet autistic people who are like that, and it's great that they're getting represented, but for assigned female autistic people, autistic people of colour, autistic people who have more difficulties with verbal communication, or with sensory issues, or anything like that, like we're just left to the wayside sort of thing, and it's frustrating that there's one idealised portrayal of an autistic person, and then our representations like seems to be sacrificed for that one.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Morgan Peschek
And people then have a really one dimensional view of autism. And then they're like, oh, I didn't think you were autistic. And it's like, yeah, because you didn't think I was Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. That's so interesting. If you have any recommendations, or if they even exists, any in good, like, media representation, do let us know.
Morgan Peschek
I am dying for recommendations. I don't have any, apart from my own blog.
Hannah Witton
There you go. Yeah, a lot of it is just like people online, like writing their own stuff, creating their own content. I think this is a really lovely place to end it. Thanks so much, Morgan. I I feel like I've learned so much and I really hope listeners, that that you have too. This has been really interesting chat. Yeah, where can people find you?
Morgan Peschek
So on Twitter, I am @KinkyAutistic, and my blog is akinkyautistic.com. I've recently gone self hosted, so moved off of WordPress, like a proper, big, grown up, sex blogger.
Hannah Witton
Check you out!
Morgan Peschek
Those are the main places I think I'm @kinkyautistic on Instagram as well, but I don't use it very often. And patreon.com/kinkyautistic. So, yeah
Hannah Witton
Brilliant, lovely. Thank you so much.
Morgan Peschek
Thank you for having me, bye!
Hannah Witton
Thank you so much for listening to Doing It. If you enjoyed it, I would really appreciate it if you left a rating and a review. You can find show notes at DoingItPodcast.co.uk and do go follow us on social media and I'll catch you in the next episode.
This was a global original podcast