Inventing a Sex Toy to Sit On and Erotic Writing with Tabitha Rayne | Transcript
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Tabitha Rayne
You glance to the side checking no one's watching, even though you're alone. Your gaze flicks to the webcam, a prickle of paranoia that somebody, somewhere, might be recording your every move. You shift in your seat, straining against the fabric of your underwear, heat growing, building, pushing all other thoughts aside until all you can do is reach and find the molten lava of your need.
Hannah Witton
Welcome to Doing It with me, Hannah Witton, where we talk all things sex, relationships, dating, and our bodies.
Hi, welcome back to Doing It. Did you enjoy the week off? Have a nice little break? Catch up on some of the other podcasts that you listen to? I had a lovely week break, but we are back. And I'm really excited about all of the guests that we have coming up for the second half of season two. This week's guest is the wonderful Tabitha Rayne.
Tabitha is a writer of erotic stories, and an inventor, a creator of the sex toy, Ruby Glow. Oh boy, oh, boy, this sex toy is incredible. She basically designed it so that whilst she was writing her erotic fiction, she could grind on something that vibrated, and get herself off while she was writing something that would hopefully get other people off. Incredible. And Ruby Glow has been a huge success, and there's going to be a new version called the Ruby Glow Blushed, that's coming out in July. And we talk about the whole process of how the Ruby Glow came about, how do you go about inventing and designing a sex toy, and we talked about how she got into erotic writing and what that process was like for her. And she even reads some in this episode. So listen out for that. And the evening after we recorded this episode, Tabitha was in London, and she was hosting an event at the sex shop, Shush, and she did some more reading there and so I would highly recommend if you do get her book, Drenched, which is full of all of these juicy erotic stories, she read another one out that was about lesbian bukkake. Yes, that's what I said, lesbian bukkake, and it's called Spray, and did that get me hot and heated in the room full of people!
In this episode, we talk about how she discovered that there was a gap in the market for a certain kind of sex toy that erotic writers and plenty of other people would also enjoy, we talk about creating a sex toy, building prototypes, going to market, and creating this new version. And at the end, we also talk about erotic fiction being a form of ethical porn. And also a theme that just ran throughout our conversation is feeling like you need to be given external permission to do certain things, or feel a certain way. But ultimately, we need to try and learn to give ourselves permission, instead of waiting around for someone else to tell you, yeah, it's okay to feel that way. Or it's, yeah, you should totally try and do that. But we need to be able to give ourselves permission to do the things that we want to do. So without further ado, I'm going to introduce you to Tabitha Rayne, I hope you enjoy this episode.
Tabitha! Tabitha Rayne! Thanks so much for coming down to London and having a little chat with me about what you do and stuff. I'm so intrigued to, like, get fully into it. I want to set the scene for the listeners. On the table, where our microphones are, is just a bunch of sex toys, and a dirty book as well.
Tabitha Rayne
A very filthy book.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. So you're an erotic writer and inventor of sex toys.
Tabitha Rayne
Yes.
Hannah Witton
Plural now.
Tabitha Rayne
Yeah, that's right.
Hannah Witton
Please just tell me all about like, actually, like your backstory like the origin, the origin story of like how you got into erotic writing in the first place.
Tabitha Rayne
Okay, well, thank you so much for having me here, it's brilliant, fun. And so I got into erotic writing because, well, I've actually always always loved sex stuff. Always, from when I was really young, and just like Kate Lister, found a porno mag in, in a bush.
Hannah Witton
Reference to previous episodes, love it.
Tabitha Rayne
So always been a fan, but never quite felt like it was my place to be part of that. Does that make sense? Like -
Hannah Witton
Like you were an enthusiastic viewer?
Tabitha Rayne
Yeah, like I couldn't, oh, there's no possible way, that's for other people. And it was always a secret about it. I'd never tell anyone that I was a big fan of sex and it felt like it was my secret, okay, and then, so I kind of grew up still being a fan of sex, but sexy words and sexy books were almost like, a secret you enjoy.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, how did you find them?
Tabitha Rayne
Well, I didn't really, this is the thing. Like I, apart from like, because I felt shy of it, like it wasn't for me, or people like me, I would never go into a sex shop and buy a porno, or anything like never or even a sex toy. Like so prudish.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. Even though you felt like you wanted -
Tabitha Rayne
Yeah, this is why I'm so fascinated about your, how open you've always been, you know, like, why does that happen?
Hannah Witton
But I also feel like for a lot of my teenage and like adolescent, and like, early adulthood years, I also was kind of like, had those feelings about stuff not being for me or like, and also like, once I got into sex as a subject matter, not just like as something for me and my sexual sexuality, but like, as a subject, I was interested in it. I almost like felt like a fraud, because my personal life and the sub this subject area, academically, and then also just kind of like, politically that I was interested in, like, those two things didn't align.
Tabitha Rayne
Yeah, it's fascinating, isn't it? So, yeah, so I honestly felt like really apart from it, and in a weird sort of way, but still fascinating. And then I wrote, I've always written books, well not always written books, I've written stories.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Tabitha Rayne
And drawn things and design things, I used to be a potter and but I was always into like, sculptural sensuality. Like if I ever made something, like if I made a mug, I would make it in the shape of a lady's bum, and call it a butt mug. Like everything was always human human, sort of -
Hannah Witton
It was like your sexual output.
Tabitha Rayne
Yeah, like I loved, um, everything sensual, like it was always life drawings I would go to, and there's always naked ladies that I'd be sculpting and like, that's, that's my interest. It's all about sensuality, sexuality, desire, all things like that.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Tabitha Rayne
And so I was writing a book and it was when, my mum passed away 15 years ago, but before when she was alive, it was sort of experimenting, dabbling, with writing and I wrote something like, "oh, you fucker" said, Millie or whatever. And she went, Whoa? You can't say that! And I was like, surely I can. Can I? Can I not say that?
Hannah Witton
But it wasn't a sex book.
Tabitha Rayne
It wasn't.
Hannah Witton
It was, but it was just using fuck in a book.
Tabitha Rayne
Yeah. So even then it felt like, well, that's not for me, then. It was weird, because like, she's not a woman that would censor anyone. But then again, if I'm not allowed, I'm not allowed. And then I wrote several books that got published, and there was no sex in it.
Hannah Witton
But a few f bombs.
Tabitha Rayne
There was a few f bombs in that, but my mom was dead by that point, so it was fine.
Hannah Witton
Oh my God! You did say that your book was like a dark comedy, and now I understand.
Tabitha Rayne
Oh, God, yeah. So in a way, maybe that was liberating. I didn't know. But then my friend came over, and I was rubbish at typing and my friend came over, and said well you need to write a porno because your fingers are fly. He says that's what I did, it doesn't make sense, but you know, it's just write about cocks, I'll help you find, the words will flow. So I was like, I'm gonna try that
Hannah Witton
Kinda like as a brain dump exercise.
Tabitha Rayne
Yeah. But it was almost like I've been given permission by somebody.
Hannah Witton
Oh, yes. That's so huge. Because we can never give ourselves permission.
Tabitha Rayne
Right? So that was the weirdest thing, because if before if I'd ever thought about writing something sexy, I would get all embarrassed and shy and sit there, like be having a beemer -
Hannah Witton
Yeah, but you need like someone, externally, to be like, oh, no, you can do that. Or you should do that.
Tabitha Rayne
Just do that, because it wasn't about me actually wanting to write porn and make and write porn, it was about me improving my touch typing.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, great excuse
Tabitha Rayne
Which is a great excuse and it worked!
Hannah Witton
And now you haven't looked back?
Tabitha Rayne
Yeah, my wee fingers flew across the keyboard, didn't necessarily look up to see some pristine typing. But what my joy is, if I'm lost in a story, and I'm typing it, and my fingers are flying, I'm getting all turned on and oh my god, this is the best shagging scene I've ever heard in my whole life. Then if I look up and I see loads of red squiggles and typos and a load of gobbledygook, like that excites me more than having a clean page. If I see a clean page, I know that it's going to be a bit dull.
Hannah Witton
Oh, because like you didn't just like fly through it, you were actually like editing as you went.
Tabitha Rayne
Exactly. If you've got, if, in a story, I've got time to edit myself, then it's not going to be the most exciting part of the story.
Hannah Witton
Because you weren't in it.
Tabitha Rayne
Yeah, I mean, there are bits that you're in, but it's kind of like you don't have to be writing through an orgasm, where you're spiralling off into a different plane. You know -
Hannah Witton
Have you had many orgasms whilst writing?
Tabitha Rayne
Not whilst writing, almost whilst writing.
Hannah Witton
Have you seen those YouTube videos, like hysterical literature?
Tabitha Rayne
They're brilliant.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, and your toy, Ruby Glow, would be like, perfect.
Tabitha Rayne
That would be brilliant. But so the story of the Ruby Glow is that I, I wasn't really into sex toys again, they weren't for me, I didn't have permission. I'd been to an Ann Summers party, but it felt a bit funny. It didn't feel, it didn't feel like someone was caring for my orgasms. Anyway, my fingers worked fine. You know, I could get myself off really easily and really well. So I never felt, like, and also, I don't really like the penetration and at that point, this was 12 years ago or 10 years ago, when I was sort of looking there was there was either like a dildo, a phallus shape or a clitoral bullet, which seems really hard -
Hannah Witton
And also very direct.
Tabitha Rayne
Very direct. And I'm quite precious about my wee fanny.
Hannah Witton
Fair enough. We all should be!
Tabitha Rayne
And I didn't like the thought of shoving stuff up there. I, it just felt like a bit intimidating. So I'd never really owned many sex toys. So when I was writing my porn and getting turned on, and maybe stopping to maybe go off and have a little, sort myself out.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, I've been there. And I wasn't even writing erotic fiction. I was writing non fiction about sex.
Tabitha Rayne
Oh yes!
Hannah Witton
I would need to take breaks.
Tabitha Rayne
Yeah! Brilliant, isn't it? If you ever want to make your career super satisfying.
Hannah Witton
So true, so true. I'm just like, I'm just watching this porn for research.
Tabitha Rayne
Just research. Okay, research. And so I would often just go off, sort myself out. And then I thought, do you know what would be great? If I just had a little ride on, grind on, humpathon.
Hannah Witton
Yes.
Tabitha Rayne
I could actually legitimately write an orgasm, while I was having orgasm, right through an orgasm, that would be like, amazing. And it would be, it might be really hot, it might just be able to absolute weird nonsense. And so I just buy that. So I went online, like right, okay, and I could literally could not find what I had in my head that I needed.
Hannah Witton
And this is how, like, every business has started. Like, I wanted a thing, I went looking for the thing, and the thing didn't exist
Tabitha Rayne
The thing didn't exist. And so because I'd done the pottery before, I knew about form and how to create something and to get the thing that was in my head, onto, onto into reality. And so I made a few shapes. And the overriding thing that I kept having in my head when I was making these shapes and think about it, was a reclining woman. So and also the Princess and the Pea, because that was like one of my favourite stories, was the Princess and the Pea, and I had this sort of reclining lady and Princess and the Pea type thing. So the first ever sort of model was like a sort of mattress hump, like, like a 3D panty pad. It was a hump at your vagina opening, and then a little raised hump at the front, and there was a little round pee on it, because it was in my head that was going to be called The Princess and the Pea. Erm, but it isn't, of course, and then I sat on that and wriggled about and was like, oh, now you're talking.
Hannah Witton
So you're like made your own prototypes, like just for yourself?
Tabitha Rayne
Yeah, just for myself. And I had a nice time wriggling about, and then -
Hannah Witton
They weren't vibrating ones. It was literally just need something to grind on.
Tabitha Rayne
Literally, something to grind on.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Tabitha Rayne
And then as serendipity has it one day, my friends were over and I said to my friend, oooo, look at this, I've made a sex toy! And he went, yeah, that's brilliant, what you can do with it. And I went, I'm going to sit on it, all day long! And he said, no, no, I mean, what you're going to do with it, you can't just sit on it by yourself, clearly other people might need to use that. And I was like, oh, maybe they would.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. other writers out there, other people who work from home.
Tabitha Rayne
Exactly, and so he gave me a thousand pounds.
Hannah Witton
Oh my God!
Tabitha Rayne
Yeah, as investment money, to buy a prototype, well to buy materials to do some research and development.
Hannah Witton
Oh, what an amazing friend.
Tabitha Rayne
Amazing, right?
Hannah Witton
Was that a loan?
Tabitha Rayne
It's like, basically, so if I'm successful, then -
Hannah Witton
Okay, yeah.
Tabitha Rayne
So we then, once I'd got some prototypes together, we then set it up as a business company, just to make sure that if it did happen, it would be all good. And all above board, and not just -
Hannah Witton
Oh, yeah.
Tabitha Rayne
Because if I was gonna do it then I was gonna do it. But one of the things that really made me think, I think I maybe should do this, was because I, a couple years prior to this, I'd had really bad arthritis, but I didn't know what it was.
Hannah Witton
Oh.
Tabitha Rayne
It was viral arthritis, and basically thought every bone in my body was broken. I have no idea what's wrong with me. Nobody could tell me what's wrong. It was horrible. And I couldn't walk properly, I could I could barely pull my pants up, let alone give myself an orgasm.
Hannah Witton
Right. Yeah. Wow.
Tabitha Rayne
And I thought to myself, because I didn't know then if that was a long term thing if it was a chronic thing, if it just a virus, I didn't know what it was. It took a while to get over it, quite a long time, couple of years.
Hannah Witton
Oh, wow.
Tabitha Rayne
But when I was thinking, when I was designing this, I was like, oh my god. It's not just filth merchants that sit and write porn all day. It's like people that maybe, because then I started to look into the operation of traditional sex toys. You have to be very dexterous.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, it's all manual, you need to be able to use your hands.
Tabitha Rayne
Yeah. And you also have to be able to reach, for one thing. And just, it just all seemed like oh. And also the vibrations go up your arms, I mean, at that time, there's I could not have vibrations going up my arm
Hannah Witton
I, like, I have no issues with my hands. But even I like struggle with vibrators, where then the ends of my fingers are vibrating, where I'm holding it. And I just want there to be like a part of it that isn't affected by the vibrating part that I can hold.
Tabitha Rayne
So there, yeah, there's lots of people like for so many reasons, can't cope with vibrations going up their arms, for whatever reason, just even personal X. And so that was another reason that was like, right, okay, let's just see how we get on.
Hannah Witton
When you started like writing erotica, was that when you started also giving yourself permission to read it as well? Or were you like a fan of reading it before?
Tabitha Rayne
Oh, do you know what? No, no, that's, that's very, very interesting. This is gonna sound monumentally really big headed and awful, but I was a fan of writing my own erotica.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Tabitha Rayne
And then I started thinking, maybe I could submit this to places and it was then I started reading what people were submitting.
Hannah Witton
Oh, okay. Yeah, you're like, Who's my competition?
Tabitha Rayne
Well, more like, oh, my God, is mine any good? Oh, I have no idea. No idea. I've written this thing, I don't really know, I don't even know if it's allowed, because it's so dirty.
Hannah Witton
But that's also really cool. Because you were writing almost like, without any influence of how other people write about sex. It was like purely from you. Which I think is quite cool.
Tabitha Rayne
I mean, I don't know about you, but when I go, probably maybe a little bit personal. But when I say to my partner, and they go, darlin, where'd you go when you come? What are you thinking about? Where's it go? And he goes, well, it's just like, you know, a buildup of energy. And then, and I'm like, no but, where do you, do you like astral plane? Do you like, do you meet other souls on this plane of wonderment?
Hannah Witton
He's like, I just jizz.
Tabitha Rayne
I just jizz, it's just not that deep for me. But I'm like, fractals and other universes and -
Hannah Witton
Is that what it's like for you? Or for the characters in your stories?
Tabitha Rayne
Yes, so here's the thing. Is it like that for me? Or is it how I imagined my characters are coming? I can't tell anymore. It's like you see a film after you've read the book, your vision of what the character is, is gone, isn't it?
Hannah Witton
Yeah. Because then you're like, that's then the face? Yeah.
Tabitha Rayne
Yeah. I think that's interesting. Oh, my God, I have to go and try it out. Give me a minute.
Hannah Witton
You'll have to like try it out, without the expectation of going to some other planets.
Tabitha Rayne
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
But then you'll be thinking about not thinking about going to other planets and you'll end up at other planets.
Tabitha Rayne
What we're going to do about that? Oh God, but I find I find the whole - I find erotica absolutely fascinating. And I think it is one of the most powerful and underrated genres for exploring the human condition. And I think it's a really important genre for exploring the human condition and I absolutely can't sing its praises high enough for that. I mean, I do write body erotica, I mean, one there's a thing called the Euph Off.
Hannah Witton
What's that?
Tabitha Rayne
Oh, it's hysterical. So basically, it's like purple, awful, prose, but in the worst possible fashion. You write, oh, come and get me with your big sausage, stuff like, he's the butcher shop and stuff like that. Or you're at the dentist, you like, come and give me a good drilling, to the dentist, and it's like an absolute farcical lunacy.
Hannah Witton
It's almost, it's like the written version of like the porn that people take the piss out of.
Tabitha Rayne
Yeah, and the worse you get, the better. I actually won this one year, and I was so thrilled.
Hannah Witton
Oh, it's like an award thing? Oh, I love it
Tabitha Rayne
Yes, it was brilliant! And, and I covered that, I did that one time, because it was so funny. The other Livy, she run, she ran it last year, but there was this amazing woman Behind the Chintz Curtain, and she'd run it before. And it was the most fun ever. So you can be absolute bawdy nonsense.
Hannah Witton
That's amazing.
Tabitha Rayne
But you can also get really deep, and talk about really subjects that you can't really broach easily in other genres. Like, for example, like they've got quite there's a few self harm things that I have explored through erotica, and erotic and intimacy, and self intimacy. And you know, there's a lot that you can really explore, to really great depth, in erotica.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, I am, so I'm a complete newbie in the world of erotica. I've somehow have managed to still not really read any, whilst also be connected to a lot of people who are erotic writers. And I think it is because I'm just like, where do I start? So I'm very grateful that you've given me my first erotic storybook. And actually, my partner like, I bought him this philosophy book for Christmas, and it's the philosophy book that he like, knows, inside out, like he's listened to the audio book of it, like many, many times, and I got him the physical one, because he wanted to read it to me. So now I'm like, okay, you read philosophy to me, and now I'm going to read you absolute filth.
Tabitha Rayne
Yes. Come on!
Hannah Witton
Do you, do you do that yourself? Or do you know people who do that with your stories?
Tabitha Rayne
Well, I don't know. I did, I mean, it's a lovely compliment when people say, oh, I had to pop off and, you know.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Tabitha Rayne
And one of the, their used to be a shop in Edinburgh, and I went in just to see how my books were doing. And they said that one of the people had to, like keep taking toilet breaks with my book.
Hannah Witton
Amazing.
Tabitha Rayne
But I don't know, but there is a lot of my stories are now on audio porn, with Girl on the Net.
Hannah Witton
Oh, brilliant, yeah, because she's talks about that a lot.
Tabitha Rayne
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
Doing the audio part.
Tabitha Rayne
So she's reading them.
Tabitha Rayne
No, I'm reading.
Hannah Witton
Okay.
Tabitha Rayne
And but her voice for audio porn is gorgeous. And Molly, who was on your show, her voice is gorgeous for your porn. And so, so I guess, this is another bit personal, but I'm gonna say anyway. So if I'm not sure if a story is working, I read it out to my partner, and we will consult the cockometer. And if the cockometer goes, schwing, yeah, it's working.
Hannah Witton
It's doing its job. It's working really well. Would you mind reading some out?
Tabitha Rayne
Of course not.
Hannah Witton
We're gonna do it like a little short story break, before I ask you loads more questions about Ruby Glow, and the new Ruby Glow Blush as well. Do we need to warn people that this is going to be real filthy?
Tabitha Rayne
This one is fairly gentle.
Hannah Witton
Okay.
Tabitha Rayne
But there are cocks and cunts in it.
Hannah Witton
Okay.
Tabitha Rayne
Is that alright?
Hannah Witton
Are we're gonna make eye contact, or do you would you prefer not to make eye contact?
Tabitha Rayne
Will we see how that goes? We'll see how we go on.
Hannah Witton
We'll see how we go. Okay, go on, start. Ooo I'm excited!
Tabitha Rayne
Okay. I want my words to make you want. That is my kink. What I love most in the world, I wouldn't I. I'm just gonna say this is gonna make me blush because -
Hannah Witton
You're going to make me blush as well!
Tabitha Rayne
I maybe won't look at you.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, that's fine.
Tabitha Rayne
But what I love most in the world is to get you wet, or hard, or both. Just by using my words. I'm sitting here in front of the keys, feeling that welling in the pit of my cunt. That small rise and that gentle hint of a normal smile, on a potential lovers lips, as you catch their eye across the bar. You know the feeling. The intake of breath before the gasp, that one. I let my fingers roam, imagining all the ways the letters could unfurl and line up again, twisting tendrils of lust, through your eyes and ears, down to your hot sex. Mmm, yes, it's that moment I love. The moment where simply consuming the words in front of you, suddenly isn't enough. And you have to reach down, take control, and fuck yourself because in that moment, that's all there is.
Tabitha Rayne
You glance to the side, checking no one's watching, even though you're alone. Your gaze flicks to the webcam, a prickle of paranoia, that somebody, somewhere, might be recording you're every move. You shift in your seat, stringing against the fabric of your underwear, heat growing, building, pushing all other thoughts aside until all you can do is reach and find the molten lava of your need. Fingers sink into your cunt, fists wrap around your cock, thrusting, pummeling, fucking, licking, dicks, cunts, cocks, arseholes, are all yours to plunder, and use until it last, your peripheral vision shrinks, sliding into darkness and your eyelids flutter shut. You hear a sound, it's guttural, breathy, yours? Yes. You're falling in and out and through yourself on a different plane of, fuck, it's divine. You're flying over the precipice and all at once, all at once, you fall. You fall into the sweet oblivion of orgasm. You fall again, back into yourself. Eyes screwed shut, jaws clenched, and all this sinews and muscles twitching and spasming of the sweet relief of a hot, hard, shattering climax. You keep your eyes closed a little longer as you uncurl yourself, unwrap your soul from your sex and notice the room around you. Thinking back into the place you began. You notice your body still trembling but satisfied and wrung out. Fists unclench, legs release, head tips, and your back. Eyes flicker open getting used to the glow of the screen, where my words still throb, calling your name, beckoning you again, into their world of fuck. Yes, I want my words to make you want.
Hannah Witton
Oh my god, listeners, I just basically had a massive grin on my face, like through all of that. That's a, cuz that's like the first one of the short stories, and that makes that's a really nice start, I guess. Because then you're like, and now I want the rest of my words that you're going to read in this book to like, get you off.
Tabitha Rayne
I kind of like, when I read that one, I almost feel like it's like a meditation.
Hannah Witton
I was actually going to say that. It's almost like a guided wank.
Tabitha Rayne
Oh my god guidedwank.com.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. I don't know if that's the purpose of this app, but if you heard of Ferly?
Tabitha Rayne
Yes, yeah.
Hannah Witton
That's, it's like, guided meditation for like sexual wellbeing and like, that's kind of like what it is, right?
Tabitha Rayne
That's right. Yeah.
Hannah Witton
And I guess that's audio porn too, but like audio porn being like less instructive, and, and now.
Tabitha Rayne
And now, take hold of your throbbing.
Hannah Witton
I want to chat more about Ruby Glow. So you basically were getting hot and heavy, writing all of this erotic fiction, and you have this like prototype.
Tabitha Rayne
Yeah, that's right.
Hannah Witton
You've got the the funds to like make a product. And then what happened?
Tabitha Rayne
So what happened was, I so, I know how to make moulds and things like that. And I got this RTV silicon, which is room temperature, vulcanisation silicone, and I got some bullet vibrators and made the shape, cut, put holes out, and stuck the vibrator it
Hannah Witton
Ah, nice.
Tabitha Rayne
And then asked Katie Grace, who was first person I asked, about five years ago now.
Hannah Witton
To like, test it?
Tabitha Rayne
Yeah, because I'm in the sex positive world, with other erotic writers, I can go to them and say, you wouldn't just go sit on this, would you my dear?
Hannah Witton
Please let me know if this works.
Tabitha Rayne
Would you mind just sitting on this, and wriggling away.
Hannah Witton
With a loving, honest review?
Tabitha Rayne
There's not many people that you could possibly ask, but in the in the erotica community, it's quite, they’re up for it.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Tabitha Rayne
And she gave it the seal of approval, and I started asking other people for their opinions. And then I thought, well, actually, if she had come back and said, nah, don't like it, then it would have been, okay, let's, let's just move on.
Hannah Witton
But that also might have just been one person. You're, you're lucky, I guess that -
Tabitha Rayne
The one person.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Tabitha Rayne
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
That she did like it, and then, I guess felt like permission to continue.
Tabitha Rayne
That's, yeah, permission theme. Yeah. So and then I got more people. Some people hated it, thought it was a dreadful thing. Other people thought it was the best thing ever. So, because it's your thing like, honestly, when, when you're waiting for feedback, you're just like dying!
Hannah Witton
You're like, have you had a wank yet? Like, let me know.
Tabitha Rayne
But don't let me know either because I don't want, if you might hate it. Like oh my God. So it's quite stressful and rollercoastery. And then I had seen Rocks Off at the ETO which is a trade fair, an erotic trade fair.
Hannah Witton
And Rocks Off are a sex toy company.
Tabitha Rayne
They're a sex toy company. And I knew that they used to make some of it in Britain as well, and I knew they were good quality, and sex bloggers liked their work. And could, always trusted that they were using the right silicone, and are respectful of the customers and, you know, a good good eggs.
Hannah Witton
Good eggs, yeah.
Tabitha Rayne
So I kind of, sort of, courted them a little bit, because I would go to all these different trade shows and sort of keep popping in, and say, oh do you ever take on designs? Eventually, I did send, eventually they'll go on then. Somebody -
Hannah Witton
I invented a sex toy, and then please -
Tabitha Rayne
Somebody take a look at that poor girl’s sex toy, for Gods sake. And they warned me that they get a lot.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Tabitha Rayne
And not to get my hopes up. And then the next day phoned me and said, this is a different, this is unique.
Hannah Witton
Yay.
Tabitha Rayne
And they, so they took it on, and helped develop it into the shape, this form here.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, it does have like a little bit of a pea on the top still.
Tabitha Rayne
Yeah, it does actually, you’re right.
Hannah Witton
It's still got a little a little pea bump.
Tabitha Rayne
Yeah, so the wee thing had to prove itself in the market. And of course, Rocks Off has many, many different, amazing sex toys. There's just one in the range. So I've really had to sort of go out there, and keep fighting and be like, we're still here! We're over here!
Hannah Witton
I'm like, just be like, this toy exists. Yeah.
Tabitha Rayne
Yeah. So and wee things proved itself. It's paid for itself.
Hannah Witton
Amazing.
Tabitha Rayne
And, um, it's got enough belief in it that Rocks Off started developing this next toy as well. The Ruby Glow Blush.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Tabitha Rayne
Which is the newest one, which was, it's technically meant to be, it's going to be launched in July.
Hannah Witton
Okay, we've got some prototypes on the table. So I get to see it before everyone else! It's very exciting.
Tabitha Rayne
But it is, it's like, all the things that you, I wanted from the first toy; it's waterproof, it's got a remote control, it's got its rechargeable so it's stronger vibrations. But they could only occur once the first one had -
Hannah Witton
Proved itself.
Tabitha Rayne
Proved itself, yeah. And it wasn't just a thing that was just, you know, a faddy, faddy thing. Like people do want little, portable, ride on, vibrators.
Hannah Witton
Yeah and they should.
Tabitha Rayne
Hopefully.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. Because you can use it like, toy to skin, but also like, it is, it can be like through jeans and through clothes. Because if you’re like just sat at your desk and stuff -
Tabitha Rayne
Which was really important to me as well, because whilst I'm all like sex positive and everything, there's part of me that's quite a prude as well. So I quite like a fiddle through my knickers.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. And also, I think for a lot of people, it's not like you would use this toy necessarily to like masturbate, to orgasm because you're like, oh, I just need to like, bust one out. But you could literally be riding it for like 30 minutes, hours, like if you wanted just like a slow -
Tabitha Rayne
A nice comfort.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, like a slow burn like -
Tabitha Rayne
Yeah, I think it's good for like when you're on your period, and you got a little, oh, when you just got, you know that draggy, achy up your legs.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Tabitha Rayne
It's quite nice for that.
Hannah Witton
Because there's definitely a lot of times where I'm like, I don't really, I don't want to wank in a way that I'm like, oh, I'm like, gonna wank to orgasm. I just want to like, I just want to touch and massage my genitals.
Tabitha Rayne
Exactly, yes! And that's what it says on the on the packet, for massage
Hannah Witton
Oh, I love it. I love that. That's fantastic. I'm so excited. I'm gonna like, sit on my Ruby Glow and read your book. That's my, that's my plan. What is your, what's your book called actually? Like, what else is in it? Because you've told me that it's filthy. But like, what, what do you counts as filthy?
Tabitha Rayne
Okay, well, I guess filthy is the wrong word. Because it makes, it sort of gives the impression I think what I'm doing is dirty, or wrong. I shouldn't really say, what I mean by filthy is like, there's some really raunchy stuff in there.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Tabitha Rayne
Pretty raunchy stuff. But there's also some tender moments too. But basically, yeah, I, the intent is, you know, I want you to be thinking about sex when you're reading it.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Tabitha Rayne
Like, I love burlesque, and I love Dita Von Teese, and I've got this amazing book by Dita Von Teese. And like, this was another permissive thing. When I was reading her book, she says, when I take my clothes off, I want you to be thinking about sex. And I'm like, yeah, that's what I want. When, you know, there's nothing wrong with, it's like more permission.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, rather than like, actively trying to think of anything but it, because you're like, oh, if I'm thinking about this, then I'm a perv or whatever, but actually be like, no, this is the intention.
Tabitha Rayne
The intention is, I want you to to think about sex. I want you to act on it, if you like.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, picture yourself in this scenario or picture yourself like watching this scenario.
Tabitha Rayne
Give yourself permission to enjoy your sexual side. That's, that's kind of what I want from it. And there's tiny, tiny short stories. There's a porn. And then there's a novella. Like, you know, all different pairings, and threesomes, and lesbian, and male/male, and yeah, all sorts and solo and bukkake
Hannah Witton
Literally, just anything that you want. I was wondering as well like, because you, we've talked a lot about permission, like permission to feel sexual, permission to like write erotica. But like has, like now like writing erotica, and like being a sex toy creator, has that given you permission to do other things? Do you feel like, even if it's just like, personal stuff to do with like your own sexuality, but has it has it kind of like, opened up a lot of stuff for you?
Tabitha Rayne
Well, I guess, I guess it's difficult to tell if it's just maturity and confidence, isn't it?
Hannah Witton
Maybe.
Tabitha Rayne
Like just getting to some stage in your life where you think, why, who the hell am I waiting on permission from? What's that all about? Like, who needs permission for anything? You know, so I guess I don't know if that would have come anyway.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Tabitha Rayne
I don't know. But that's a really interesting question. But I guess I've probably still got the same hang up somewhere, like not quite worthy or not quite
Hannah Witton
I feel like it's really difficult for them to like, leave us entirely. But I've always found that it's a case of like, you've built up a certain kind of like habit to recognise it sooner and like, shut down those kind of like negative thoughts, sooner and kind of just be like, no, actually, like, I can do this.
Tabitha Rayne
I'm allowed to do this.
Hannah Witton
I'm allowed to.
Tabitha Rayne
I give myself permission to do whatever I want.
Hannah Witton
I'm gonna write erotica, I'm gonna read it and I'm going to grind on this toy.
Tabitha Rayne
I think one of the things, being in such a sex positive community in all the time, I don't know if you find this, but sometimes you forget that other people perhaps aren't exposed to that much sex positivity. So you have to kind of be very mindful of that in certain situations, and just go gently, don't you?
Hannah Witton
Yeah. And I also think like, even within sex positive spaces, giving people permission to like, not be hypersexual all the time as well. Like there is this, this balance that needs to be struck, which is, you know, just accommodating, like, all levels of sexuality and sexual feelings. And, and just kind of being like, it's, it's all good.
Tabitha Rayne
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
And like, the toy is here, if you want it, and the erotica is here, if you want to.
Tabitha Rayne
If you're, if you're hoping, I mean, it's just like a little helper. If you're feeling like you might like to be sexual, but your difficulty accessing it, it's difficult in your mind, or whatever it is, or physically, or just your meeting barriers, this is like a little gateway to pleasure. And yeah, no, no, I'm completely with you on that. Like, I would never force anyone like, I do this thing called 30 Days Orgasms Fun., in April. Because I suffered quite a lot of depression, and always find a really get quite low, about this year is actually quite low in April.
Hannah Witton
Oh, okay
Tabitha Rayne
And it struck me, about five years ago, it struck me, you know something, of all the times I don't go to the doctor very often, right, because I feel like it's just like, I have to just something I just have to deal with and work through.
Hannah Witton
Right.
Tabitha Rayne
And I thought suddenly, no one has ever asked me how my orgasms are, not once. When I've gone and been depressed, and gone to a doctor like -
Hannah Witton
But it can super affect your sex drive.
Tabitha Rayne
Yeah, no one's like no one's even asked about my sex drive. The only time they've ever asked me would be if it was about contraception.
Hannah Witton
Right. Okay, yeah.
Tabitha Rayne
Right, so basically, my sexuality is about having babies and that's it. Like, really? And so I decided to prescribe myself an orgasm a day, for a month to see if it worked.
Hannah Witton
Right.
Tabitha Rayne
So, I put it out on my blog, but I said to people I'm sorry, I I tried so hard to make sure that people don't say challenge. Because people were starting to pick up the hashtag and go, are you doing Tabitha's challenge. I'm like, oh, no, don't say it cuz you gonna scare people off, it's not a challenge.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. Because then it's just like, did you succeed and there's no like succeed or fail.
Tabitha Rayne
The first time, the first one last year, I couldn't walk for two days after cuz I had to, I was like, right, I'm just gonna have an orgasm, and had like a Doxy Massager.
Hannah Witton
Oh my god
Tabitha Rayne
Going on my clit like, like, you're going to come, you need to. And then my calves were so tight, I could barely walk. That's not what we want.
Hannah Witton
That's not fun
Tabitha Rayne
It's not fun. So I have to be super mindful, because a lot of people who are coming on to this, are depressed.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, yeah.
Tabitha Rayne
And I was looking for some help with that. And I'm looking for help with that. So I have to be super careful like you know, this is just a moment for yourself, to reconnect with yourself, it doesn't have to be sexual.
Hannah Witton
I think also it comes back, again, to permission. It might, it might be a case of a lot of the time people just don't feel up for it, don't feel like they've got the time, they're just like, ugh, it's effort.
Tabitha Rayne
And it is.
Hannah Witton
And, but then actually being like, oh no, here's a great excuse to like, put in a little bit of effort. And if you know, if then it's not working out then like fine, but it's kind of -
Tabitha Rayne
Even getting in the mindspace.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, exactly.
Tabitha Rayne
Of giving yourself, right, okay, I'm doing this thing where we're doing it or -
Hannah Witton
Are you doing it again this April?
Tabitha Rayne
Well, I always say oh, it's really stressful, I'm not going to do it again.
Hannah Witton
What's stressful? The, like, thinking about having an orgasm every day, or coordinating something.
Tabitha Rayne
Worrying about other people coming along.
Hannah Witton
Worrying about other people's orgasms.
Tabitha Rayne
Yeah, it is stressful, because I invite people to write about it on their blogs. And I would, I link it all. I say tell me if you're how you're getting on, and I'll link it all up and we'll just keep it here so it's a nice sort of record.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Tabitha Rayne
And you know, and that means that that also opens me up to feeling for the people that I've invited to join, and then feeling responsible, and then -
Hannah Witton
Oh, wow, okay. Yeah, the emotional side of it. I was thinking that's a logistical nightmare.
Tabitha Rayne
It's, logistically it's easy. Some people do spreadsheets.
Hannah Witton
Oh my God, I love that.
Tabitha Rayne
Haiku. 19 syllables. She's brilliant. She, she was joining in. She said, she's got a spreadsheet for when she was joining in. She had, perfunctory.
Hannah Witton
Oh my god.
Tabitha Rayne
And I was like, oh I love you so much. It was brilliant. Some people, like it's just a wee bit of reconnection.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, exactly.
Tabitha Rayne
And some people like really get into, like a big challenge. Right, done.
Tabitha Rayne
So it's really fun, but it's very stressful. So I don't know if it's kind of, for me, maybe a wee bit counterproductive. But at the start when it was a bit fun, it's like yay, I came! Yay! But now I feel more concern about people taking part. But then one of my friends said I should do as an actual study, because there's probably not much medical research about orgasms being a mood improver. There might not actually be and if -
Hannah Witton
Here we go!
Tabitha Rayne
Day five done!
Hannah Witton
Oh my God.
Hannah Witton
In terms of like long term -
Tabitha Rayne
Yeah, or even just any data on that. So I don't know maybe one day I'm looking at that side of things a bit more, because rather than just getting too caught up in it emotionally and feeling too, too worried about everyone taking it part
Hannah Witton
Start making your own spreadsheet of everyone's orgasms.
Tabitha Rayne
Oh my God. Ah, jeez, you'd love that, would you. You love a spreadsheet.
Hannah Witton
I do. I wanna, I want to know. Because I don't believe that, like having an orgasm every day would cure people's depression. But if you take people who are like maybe, maybe mentally well, and see if it just like improves people's general mood as well. Like that might be interesting.
Tabitha Rayne
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
Because people people also like masturbate for all sorts of reasons. My primary reason, at the moment, like right below sexual pleasure, is to fall asleep.
Tabitha Rayne
To get to sleep.
Hannah Witton
And that is like, super, like key for me.
Tabitha Rayne
Oh, yeah, definitely.
Hannah Witton
This is a completely tangent. This is like a different topic. But it just came to my head, back onto like, the erotic fiction. It is porn, right? It's literary porn. And I was having conversations with people about like, ethical pornography. And we kind of came to the conclusion that if you are consuming erotic literature, on like, the blog, or the website of the person who has written it, or you purchase an erotic fiction book, or whatever it is, from the person who's written it, that's like, the most ethical way to consume porn that is possible. Because it's like, you're supporting the creator of it, and it's it's fiction, in its words on a page, and there are no, there's no potential actors that could be exploited. You know, there's no actual humans that are having sex. Have you ever, do you ever think about that?
Tabitha Rayne
Yeah, I guess you are absolutely right. But there's also going to be people who do require visual.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Tabitha Rayne
The visual stimuli. But yeah, no, you're right. That, yeah, thank you.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, no, no, I absolutely adore like, absolutely adore like watching visual porn as well. But just in terms of, I was just like, oh, that's like your -
Tabitha Rayne
Pure porn. I do pure porn.
Hannah Witton
It's weird though, like when you start thinking of it in like a hierarchy because, obviously I don't want to shame anyone if you like watch porn, because I do as well. But it's just it's interesting to think of it in that way of being actually like, a really ethical way of consuming porn.
Tabitha Rayne
Because the other thing is like, I don't see myself as a porn producer.
Hannah Witton
Oh, well, now you can.
Tabitha Rayne
But I do edit, I edit the online magazine for FrolicMe, who is an ethical porn producer.
Hannah Witton
I've watched some of their stuff.
Tabitha Rayne
It's really good. I love, I love her. She's so lovely as well, like, and she really cares about her models, and she really cares about her writers, and everyone who's with it. Like she always pays a writers well and on time, and I love working with her. She's fantastic. And, and I love her films as well. But she is really producing lovely, and she produces them herself, she writes them, she films them, and she she has her own site. So yeah, like I was really interested in working with her because I've always loved porn. But also, like you, I want to be able to know that I'm consuming it responsibly. Because like, nothing kills my buzz more than something flash up where I think oh, I don't know.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, right. where suddenly when you like, start becoming conflicted whilst you're turned on, and you're like, oh, no stop it. Yeah. You're like, Wait a second, is she enjoying it? Now I'm confused. Now. I'm not sure.
Tabitha Rayne
I think like for me like that. People like Anna, FrolicMe and their sites, they're like a safe haven for me. And I don't feel in any way conflicted about pointing any of my friends in their direction at all. And I like, I was at vaginismus event. You know, have you heard of The Vaginismus Network?
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Tabitha Rayne
Wonderful, lovely, great, brilliant people. I love them. And we were talking about, there was a lady there who had vaginismus, and she said, I want to watch porn, but I just don't want to be looking for porn, because I do not want anything to crop up that I would just put me off.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, cuz there's so many like, especially on a lot of the free porn sites, you might click on to one video, but the sidebar and everything is just stuff that you're like, hang on a second, I did not consent to see that.
Tabitha Rayne
Yeah. So it's kind of like, so if I've got like an actual site, to say there won't be anything unless you choose to see it. So I think that's, like, that's why I'm pleased about things like that. And being able to have a site that I trust myself to go to is like, so important, and not just finding porn under a bush, which was still fantastic, don't get me wrong.
Hannah Witton
Porn under the bush is a bit more, I guess, unpredictable.
Tabitha Rayne
Yeah. Yeah, but I, you know, you made you made a brilliant point. Oh, I'm a porn producer.
Hannah Witton
You're an ethical porn producer. And a sex toy producer.
Tabitha Rayne
And who knew that would happen? I'm me.
Hannah Witton
Crazy. I love it.
Tabitha Rayne
How did that happen?
Hannah Witton
Oh, wild ride, literally.
Tabitha Rayne
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
In all of the senses of the word ride.
Tabitha Rayne
Exactly. I don't know how it happened, Hannah. I do not know how this happened.
Hannah Witton
It's amazing. Well thank you so much for chatting with me. I have just I've loved every second of this, and I can't wait to dive into your book.
Tabitha Rayne
Thank you so much for having me, and being so open all the time. It gives me so much hope for the future. Seeing people like you out there, being sex positive, being non judgmental, being curious, and unashamed, and educational. Like it means the world.
Hannah Witton
Oh, thank you
Tabitha Rayne
Really fantastic
Hannah Witton
Thanks so much. Bye
Tabitha Rayne
Bye.
Hannah Witton
Thank you so much for listening to Doing It. If you enjoyed it, I would really appreciate it if you left a rating and a review. You can find show notes at DoingItPodcast.co.uk and do go follow us on social media and I'll catch you in the next episode. Bye.
This was a global original podcast