Pregnancy, First Trimester and Parenting Plans Q&A with My Husband | Transcript
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Hannah Witton
Hi everyone, welcome back to Doing It. There has been a break, yes, taken a unplanned month off the podcast because if you haven't seen on my social media, I'm pregnant, and the first trimester hit me like a bitch. And I basically planned the first five episodes of this new season, had all of the recording scheduled in with my guests, and fought really hard through the last like two or three recordings, because I was feeling real bad. And then we published those, and I just did not have the spoons for recording, or even just like reaching out to guests and scheduling in new recordings. But we're back, going to have more episodes coming towards the end of the year. But this is a very special, special episode because I'm joined by my husband and father of the foetus. Dan. Yay.
Welcome back to the podcast.
Dan
Oh, have we started now?
Hannah Witton
We've started!
Dan
Oh okay!
Hannah Witton
Welcome! Yay!
Dan
I thought you were still doing the intro. I didn't think I was meant to say anything.
Hannah Witton
Oh, he's here. You know, face for the radio. Hee hee hee. Face for podcasts.
Dan
Personal.
Hannah Witton
But also, we did a filler episode for this podcast like when lockdown hit and I was like trying to figure out remote recording. And now I need a filler episode. So you just, you just sweep in there for the filler episodes, helping me out. Thank you. I appreciate it.
Dan
You're very welcome.
Hannah Witton
Yay. But yeah, make sure to follow us on social media as well. We're @doingitpodcast on Instagram and Twitter. And we actually have taken your questions from Instagram for us to answer in this episode all about pregnancy, going forward, gonna be parents, our relationship, all of that nosy stuff that you people want to know. Ready?
Dan
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
Okay. So lovely assistant Megan has compiled all of your questions. And so we're just gonna, we're just gonna go through as many of these as possible. Okay.
Hannah Witton
You mentioned how you started trying a year ago. How did your mindset change throughout the year? Did you plan on going to a fertility clinic? Did you? What is something that you would want to tell your past self about this journey so far? That's a lot of questions in one.
Dan
That is a lot of questions in one.
Hannah Witton
The easy answer to one of them is we did plan on going to a fertility clinic. We had the appointment. We didn't go because we found out I was pregnant before the appointment came along. That's kind of how the universe works sometimes.
Dan
Yeah. I think if I - obviously we had slightly different circumstances where we needed to have children with a certain degree of -
Hannah Witton
- urgency.
Dan
Urgency, yes.
Hannah Witton
Told by medical professionals to complete my family.
Dan
But I think if that wasn't the case, my my kind of advice for having children would be just to come off protection and just see how it goes. Like, I don't - I think -
Hannah Witton
This person wasn't asking for advice.
Dan
I know they weren't asking for advice, but like if I was gonna give myself advice, or even like looking back on it, I'm just like -
Hannah Witton
If you had a different wife.
Dan
Take it - just take it easy. Take it easy.
Hannah Witton
Do you not think we took it that easy?
Dan
I think we like chilled out later.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. I think we would chill and then we went intense. And then we like chilled out again but more from just exhaustion. Yeah.
Dan
And I think you just stay more chill like - stops you being so disappointed month to month.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, yeah, it's a weird one.
On a similar note, someone did ask like did you call the fertility clinic to cancel and gloat? But actually we didn't end up needing to call them up to cancel because like a few -l ike the week before the appointment, I got a text from the hospital saying it was cancelled due to - like all fertility clinic appointments were cancelled due to an emergency and they would be in touch and they did actually eventually get back in touch. Like I got a call from the hospital just being like, "Hey, do you still need this fertility clinic appointment? I can see that you also have maternity appointments." And I was like, "Ah yes, no, we do not need that anymore. Thank you." Yes.
Someone else asked: have you noticed doctors, nurses, ultrasound techs using the terms sex and gender interchangeably? It's something I've had to address several times. I don't expect doctors to correct patients or anything, but I do expect them to use medically correct terms.
Dan
I don't think I've really noticed them.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. It's also not come up yet, because we're not at the stage where they would be able to see baby's genitalia on a scan. But I think we're going to be pretty clear when we go in for that scan. Just be like, "Please don't tell us. Please don't tell us if you see a penis or not."
Dan
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
But I don't know. Yeah, I would expect them - I would hope to at least hear them say sex, not gender.
Dan
Yeah, I would agree.
Hannah Witton
I think it also depends on what the person going in for the scan is saying, because like this person says, like, you're not necessarily going to like, correct the patient but you might mimic what - the language that they're using. So if they say, "Oh, can you tell us the gender?" Then the doctor might go, "Well, the gender is this?" I don't - I don't know. Or maybe they would just like use sex instead. But not correct them. I don't know.
Dan
I can also see where people would just slip up because the two words are used so interchangeably in English, generally speaking, and doctors are people at the end of the day. Unless they're making a concerted effort thinking about it every time. You know what I mean? Easy to slip.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, I think - I think you do get into the habit of it though. Like where at the beginning, you're having to think about it really consciously every time and then eventually you get to a point where it's just like what you say.
Dan
True. Doctors have got a lot to think about though.
Hannah Witton
That's true. On this note, though, a few people were curious, are we going to find out the sex. Someone said, are you can find out the sex? Someone said, are you going to find out the gender? I would argue that the correct question is, are you going to find out what genitals it has.
Dan
No, that's the short answer.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, no, we're gonna let it be a surprise, either for the birth or for later in life. You never know. I don't want - why do you not want to know? Because I know my reasons.
Dan
I just don't care. I just don't care. [laughter] It's not a particularly useful piece of information for me to have.
Hannah Witton
No, yeah, that's, that's what I think as well. But then on top of that, I think that because gender stuff is like so ingrained in us, even if you are making a conscious effort to like, not, like go down gender roles and gender stereotypes, it's so ingrained in us - I don't want to even like be accidentally or unconsciously thinking about baby in a certain way, if I find out if it's got a penis or not, I don't know. And then also, if we don't know, we don't have to tell family members. And then we don't have to deal with maybe actually getting blue or pink gifts from people. Because if we don't know, then we can't tell other people.
Dan
Or, maybe: double stuff.
Hannah Witton
Double - what, we'll get blue and pink everything? But maybe it just means like, everyone thinks that the colour yellow is like gender neutral. Like that seems to be like the go between and I'm like, if we get loads of yellow stuff, then I'm gonna - I'll be happy.
Dan
Orange.
Hannah Witton
Yellow, orange, green. I love those colours. Okay, so a few people had questions about stoma stuff and IBD stuff, which I will probably at some point - when I'm like, later down the line - do a whole video about all of that in pregnancy because some people have asked like, how is Mona the Stoma been behaving? Is she behaving any differently during pregnancy? The - my Mona - my Mona is my ileostomy. And at the moment, no, I've not noticed any changes. I have spoken to the stoma nurse at my hospital. And she just basically was like, if you get any leakages or anything becomes uncomfortable, then come in and we can help sort you out with like different bags or different accessories or whatever I might need. But at the moment, it's been nothing.
And then there are other things. So someone asked, what considerations will you have to have to keep in mind, or is there anything that you will be doing specifically because of your IBD and stoma? And that's some stuff that we've learned, which is in the first episode of the Hormone Diaries, it's just like extra care during pregnancy and extra considerations during birth that are necessary in my condition.
Dan
That's still a ways down the line though. There's still more appointments to be had.
Hannah Witton
More appointments to be had. And someone asked, why would you want to go through this having being sick and all? They're so different? They're two different things. Like being - like yes, I feel like an ill person, especially like during the worst weeks of the first trimester. But being ill because I'm literally growing a baby inside me versus being ill because my immune system is trying to kill me are two very different things.
Dan
It's not trying to kill you, Hannah. It is trying to save you from yourself.
Hannah Witton
That's true - well, no! My immune system got it wrong. My bowel is not foreign. My bowel was my bowel, and it decided to attack it.
Dan
Don't worry, guys. I've got this.
Hannah Witton
Don't worry, I'm like no, immune system, what are you doing? Yeah, so I see them, those two things, as very different things and whilst, like, the impact might feel like I'm just an ill person. It's the like, actually the how and the why - like, I'm really sick, and ill throughout the first trimester of pregnancy, and whilst that sucks, like, no one around me is worrying. Do you know what I mean? Like, there's no like, oh my god, she might die. Whereas that was -
Dan
It's unlikely that you'll die.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. Well. Hmm. But like, you know, like when I was ill with my colitis, like, that wasn't a good ill. It wasn't like, no, don't worry, this is all normal. Don't worry, it'll pass. Like, it's like pump medicine into you, see what happens. So yeah, they are whilst both are shit, like one is - they're different, they're so different.
Okay, so a lot of people were wondering about how we found out, how I told you, what was your reaction? Everything. Wanna know everything. And first thoughts on - initial thoughts upon finding out.
Dan
I can answer those questions.
Hannah Witton
Go on then. I wanna know your side of this!
Dan
Hannah woke up in the morning. Well, actually, you know, Hannah had been tracking all of her stuff. Temperature. And it was like, ooh, temperature still remains high, which is like a sign so it was at like, what, 14 days?
Hannah Witton
16 days.
Dan
16 days. So then Hannah went and did a pregnancy test in the morning while I was still asleep.
Hannah Witton
On day 18 of high temperatures.
Dan
Yeah, and woke me up, and was like, "Oh look, it's positive." And I was like, "Ah, sweet Can I go back to sleep now?"
Hannah Witton
Dan is not great in the morning. But the reason why I did it first thing in the morning was because I like woke -
Dan
That's when you're meant to do 'em.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, I woke up at my usual time, took my temperature, and the pregnancy test thing was like best sample is - of urine is in the morning, like your first, your first pee. So I thought I'd, you know, give them - give it my best sample. But yeah, you were very much asleep.
Dan
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
You probably - were you expecting it to be negative?
Dan
No - I had no expectation. I was just like, whatever happens happens.
Hannah Witton
Well, okay, but then when we found out it was positive, other than the like, "Okay, great. I'm tired now. Gonna go back to sleep." What was your reaction? Cuz I cried.
Dan
Mm, yeah, you did have a cry.
Hannah Witton
And you were just like...
Dan
Oh, I was happy.
Hannah Witton
Yeah?
Dan
But it's not - the thing is, it's not something that requires urgent attention, like this can - this can - you know, there's, we got - long wait, long wait ahead.
Hannah Witton
Long wait ahead.
Dan
I think that's the way I think for everything, though, so I said, I'm just like, I'll be like, happy once we've had baby.
Hannah Witton
You're not happy right now?
Dan
Well, like, I'm happy now. It's still - it's still not, like, a given, you know?
Hannah Witton
It's still such early days still. It doesn't feel real to me. Who were the first people you told and how long did you wait before telling family/friends? My friend Melanie was the first person to know by pure luck on her part because she texted me, like just a few hours after I'd done the positive test. Just being like, "Oh, I just watched your most recent episode of The Hormone Diaries, like, I hope you're okay. Like if you want to chat about anything, let me know." And I was just like, " Blahhh, Mel, I'm pregnant." So she just happened to text me about fertility stuff at the right time that I just couldn't not say anything to her. So she was the first person that found out. After that it was probably for me work people because I just as I started to feel like shit I needed to tell work people to lighten the load. Because I was going to be not functioning very well. Who were first people you told? Who you tell - some friends? I can't remember.
Dan
My boss, I think.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. And then. And then my family, then your family. And then more friends?
Dan
Yeah. Yep.
Hannah Witton
Yep. And then extended family once we'd had the 12 week scan. So aunts, uncles grandparents. But a lot of people did know before.
Hannah Witton
Someone asked, can you share with us your baby names list, if you have one? We do have one. Well, I have one.
Dan
Yeah, Hannah has one.
Hannah Witton
I created one. I don't think we're gonna share it just yet.
Dan
No.
Hannah Witton
Or maybe ever. Who knows?
Dan
Maybe never. Maybe never.
Hannah Witton
But we've talked about - we'll be happy sharing baby's first name online. But at the moment, we are actually trying to find like gender neutral names that we like. That aren't your Alexes and Sams. I feel like there's so many gender neutral names that are actually a boy's name that it's appropriate for a girl to have. There aren't that many girls names that are appropriate for a boy to have.
Dan
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
It's the same thing where it's like girls can wear trousers but like, it's weird - I'm using scare quotes here - If men wear skirts. Do you know what I mean? Do you know what I mean, but it's like the same thing with names. I don't know.
Dan
I'd love to be able to wear a skirt occasionally.
Hannah Witton
You can wear a skirt, if you want! You tried on my skirt - we've had the same size waist you would fit into my skirts. They're just a bit too short on you.
Dan
A bit too short. Even in the longer ones you can still see a little bit of bollock, it's not appropriate.
Hannah Witton
Why don't you wear a skirt? You can wear a skirt if you want to, Dan.
Dan
In the summer? I'll get a kilt. Not wear any pants,
Hannah Witton
Yeah. There you go. That's the way forward. But yeah. I don't know, baby names are hard.
Dan
Baby names are hard.
Hannah Witton
We just - we just keep sitting down and coming up with names and adding ones that we both like to a list but I don't know. There's not been really many that were like both like, ahh, yes,
Dan
Yeah, I think we just like get a few together and then just roll a fucking dice. Let the fates decide.
Hannah Witton
Mmm, I don't know. Or at least maybe how our gut feeling in reaction to what the dice say? Let that decide.
Dan
Yeah, like you could narrow down to six. You roll a dice. And then if it lands one and you're like, "Oh, no," then you know that wasn't the one.
Hannah Witton
That wasn't the one. Yeah. Okay, maybe that's what we do. Maybe we come up with our top six and yeah, maybe that's what we do. I like that. At the moment, though, I think our top sixes is a slightly different, we might have some crossover.
Dan
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
Anyway. Anyway. I don't even know at what point people start thinking about names.
Hannah Witton
Okay, got some questions about first trimester. How similar or different was the first trimester to how you imagined slash expected it to be? I think it was just like what I expected, but also nothing like I expected, like because you hear people just being like, "It's horrible. But then it all gets better. Like, oh, my God, I was so sick and so tired." So I heard all of that. Like I knew all of that. But there's a difference between knowing and believing. And experiencing. So like, I don't know, there's just, there's - honestly, I don't think there was any amount of preparation that I could have done in terms of just like hearing other people's stories. I could have watched all of the first trimester videos and stuff, and still not have been prepared. Just from how shit I felt. How about about you? How was first trimester for you?
Dan
I mean, I went in with no expectations, so.
Hannah Witton
Classic. How did pregnancy change your perspective on your partner, but also on the world? Was your reaction to being pregnant different to how you imagined it? To the second question: yes. Like I expected to learn that I was pregnant and then suddenly, like, feel pregnant. And I am at the time recording this 16 weeks pregnant and I still do not feel pregnant. What about you? Has pregnancy changed your perspective on me? Or the world?
Dan
No. The world? No, no, nothing. Nothing yet has changed.
Hannah Witton
What about me?
Dan
That's what I said: no.
Hannah Witton
Okay. No,
Dan
Still - still Hannah doing Hannah stuff. Just being more lying down.
Hannah Witton
Just being ill. Yeah. I think in terms of the world though, actually, it does - it - I think it is a bit like you become pregnant and then also maybe like, when we become parents as well - it is like stepping into Narnia. Like there is this whole other world there. Like the Upside Down like the world - this world of -
Dan
That bad?
Hannah Witton
Yeah, maybe! This whole world of like pregnancy and parenting is is there, like it exists. But for people who aren't in it, you can easily just like go about your life not engaging in that world at all. And then as soon as you step into that world in your personal life, then it's like fucking Narnia. Like there's just so - there's just like - there's this whole other world there. And yeah, I, for me, the like changing perspective is just like, "Oh, like how do people like get time off work? Like if they're feeling really ill during pregnancy? And like what accommodations like are there for people who need to take time off work? And like, what if they exhaust all of their sick leave?" And like - do you know what I mean? Like, there's a lot of just kind of like structural things that I've been thinking more about like, oh, actually like, how would - how does this work?
Dan
Yes, that's true. It has given me time to - given me opportunity to think about those things. I mean, I think the conclusion that we can draw about almost everything in this country is that -
Hannah Witton
It's fucked!
Dan
Not enough support is given to people.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. Because it's the same with like, chronically ill or disabled people as well. The way that I think about it, I've just like been chronically ill for three months.
Dan
Yeah, I think, unfortunately. It's not all to do with that but the recession and the years of austerity have taken a toll on those structures. And while the rest of Europe has been improving, when it comes to - because we've got some of the least generous maternity and paternity in Europe,
Hannah Witton
Yeah. And expensive childcare.
Dan
And incredibly expensive childcare. Yeah. So while everyone else has made progress, our years under a Conservative government and austerity have absolutely shafted us.
Hannah Witton
Which is interesting, because it tends to be like more conservative parties that spout family values.
Dan
Yeah but they only give a shit if you've got money, you know what I mean. Their attitude is always like as long as it's good for the wealthy,
Hannah Witton
Ugh, okay, let's let's not get into that. I'm just gonna like feel so depressed.
Dan
So actually it hasn't changed my worldview because that's exactly what I thought anyway. I've just found more examples.
Hannah Witton
More evidence? Yes. Okay. I like this question: as nature is unfair, is Dan doing now more in the household, etc. as you are the one producing a baby in your body? Yeah, you're, I'm, I've not cooked in ages. You're like - we used to probably do 50/50 cooking and you now do all like, probably like 95% of the cooking over the last few months. You've occasionally taken my doing the washing chore off my hands, and reluctantly doing Mustard's crickets? off my hands. So yeah. There's more stuff that you've done, because I just can't.
Dan
And waited on you hand and foot.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, and then just like, Dan, give me this. Dan, refill my water. Yeah. And also how many Ben and Jerry's tubs of ice cream have been bought and then like, eaten by Dan, and then repurchased?
Dan
Quite a few.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Dan
Only because it's in the house. So if it's not in the house, then it won't be needed.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. How has your relationship dynamic changed since Hannah got pregnant? Both in comparison to when you were trying and even before you started trying? Have you noticed a change in our relationship dynamic?
Dan
Not really, no.
Hannah Witton
There's one thing I can think of.
Dan
What?
Hannah Witton
Which is sexy times.
Dan
Well, yeah. But you've been like, tired.
Hannah Witton
No, but I think they're better now. Even if they're less frequent. And I think it's because at least in comparison to when we were trying, there's like no pressure.
Dan
Yes. It's not a chore anymore. It's not just like, okay.
Hannah Witton
But I was saying this to you the other day, where even before we were trying, I definitely had more anxieties about, like, how often couples should be having sex and like what's normal, and like, what's good for a healthy relationship? And I'd be like, "Oh my god, we've had sex in this long, like, what does it mean?" Do you know, and now I just don't have - I don't care about that at all.
Dan
What does it mean?!
Hannah Witton
Whereas you never really cared about that. But I've now - like the haze is lifted. I now like - that - those anxieties have like all gone. But I don't know if it's just because maybe I want it less whereas before I wanted sex more. And so I noticed the the lack of it, maybe. I don't know. Nothing's changed for Dan.
Dan
No. I'm still very content
Hannah Witton
Good, good stuff. Okay. Will you share your baby's name slash face? First name? Yes. Face? No. I think. Is where we're - what we've discussed.
Dan
Yep.
Hannah Witton
Great, moving on. How are you feeling about working from home with a baby? Is it even possible? And also - so we're currently recording this in my studio - will I even be able to come in here with a baby? Like- or would I come in here on days when I'm not with baby? Do you know what I mean? Like? Just shove baby in the beanbag. I don't know.
Dan
Yes, it's a difficult, difficult one to answer. I think there's something that we'll have to -
Hannah Witton
- figure out as we go.
Dan
- develop our processes and procedures as we as we move forwards. You know.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, cuz I love this space. And obviously, I've not really been able to take advantage of it during the last couple months, because been feeling like shit. But before that, oh, my god, having the space has been so good. And I mean, if anything, it's just really expensive storage because it gets my equipment out the house. And so we actually - because all of my work stuff is here, we actually now have more room in the spare room for baby stuff. Whereas with both of us working in that room, and it being a spare room, there was no space for baby stuff. So now, so yeah.
Dan
I think space is still gonna be an issue. But it always is in London. But I think - I think it's certainly better having the additional space. I don't concern myself with it. It's important to remember: no plan survives first contact with the enemy.
Hannah Witton
What's the enemy in this situation? The baby?
Dan
Yeah. Just like, this is the problem that needs to be solved. And I - until you're in it. I don't see much point in trying to plan for it.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, I don't know. We'll see. We'll see. That's how we're feeling about working from home with the baby. Just make it up as we go along.
And why did you wait to say you're pregnant after two plus months? Did you not want to say earlier considering you were doing the Hormone Diaries? It's just kind of like how it worked out timings-wise with everything. And then also because I was on holiday. And so it just made sense to announce it all and everything after that. Actually, no, I announced it whilst I was on holiday, which is quite nice.
Dan
Yeah. It's just got to fit in with the content cycle, hasn't it.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, it's got to fit in with the content schedule(!). But more so because I was taking a break from content. And because I was ill. And so it was like I had to work out everything. My newsletter goes out on the first of every month, and we had the 12 week scan like mid October. And so then I wanted to tell patrons first and so I told them, and then I wanted to tell the newsletter folks, and then I wanted to tell the world. But we also had to tell grandparents and everyone before patrons and everyone knew, so it was, yeah. And also, I was still feeling like shit.
What are your work plans once the baby is here? I honestly have none.
Dan
Yeah, it's - I think we will approach as we, as we come to it. We're both gonna take some time off and start working stuff out.
Hannah Witton
I'm currently in the process of hiring a creative producer. That job description is live now, if you're interested in working with me. So I am hiring, like, extra help at the moment, which hopefully what it means is like they'll be working for me for, like, a few months and be able to like get the lay of the land and everything before I then have a baby. And so yeah, it'll be basically me working out with my team, with Megan and then with this new person as well, what's gonna happen next really. There'll be a break and then I'll come back but who knows? I don't really know what that looks like. What about you, Dan? What are your work plans?
Dan
I don't know.
Hannah Witton
No? I would like for you to work four days a week. That'd be great. That's my plans for you.
How did you find having to hide your pregnancy when you're in quite a public position because of your work? Well, because I wasn't doing any in person events because I was feeling like shit, and COVID, I get to choose what I put online. So the only way that I felt like I had to hide it was explaining the break in content and explaining kind of like my absence, which I basically just said was health stuff and as someone with a chronic illness it felt like quite an easy thing to say, because then people just assumed I was having problems with that. And I'm like, yes, assume away. Thank you. Please do not speculate.
Dan
Don't be concerned.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. I mean, it was health stuff, but different kinds of health stuff. But yeah, no, I never felt like I had to hide anything. Like I'm 16 weeks now. And I'm barely showing. Especially because it's like cold now. So I'm just wearing baggy, warm clothes,
Dan
And you have a nice audience that don't tend to pry too much.
Hannah Witton
No.
Dan
Today's activities excluded.
Hannah Witton
All of these probing questions. But we asked for these questions, so it's fine. These are these are consensual questions. These are solicited questions.
Dan
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
What financial considerations do you have? Parental leave, childcare, schooling, etc., being self employed and planning for parenthood? Is that extra stress or something that's not an issue for you? It's kind of an issue, kind of not. Like, Dan has a normal job. So we also have your salary, which is nice. And then, yeah, it does seem like an absolute shit show for self employed people with all of this kind of stuff. Like the financial support, just like, really isn't there in terms of like, what I need, and then also, you can't fully take a break, because the - what's it? The buck stops with me? What's the phrase? I don't know. So I have to be working for my business to make any money.
Dan
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
And I have this studio to pay for. And I have, like contractors to pay. And yeah, so I will need to work. I'm not going to be able to take like a year off. How good would that be? Although it's not really a year off. I know that parents say like, it's not a holiday, like you are working. I'm like, yes. Respect. But yeah, I don't know. We'll see. I'm just gonna have - the financial considerations for me is that like, I'm gonna take as much time off as I can, but I will need to work.
Dan
Yeah, yeah. I think we have had some discussions about it, and how we manage it. And obviously, hiring another person feeds into that.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. Well, it increases my costs, but then it hopefully takes time off my hands. And then hopefully, like, hopefully, pays off. Is the plan.
Dan
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
Schooling shouldn't be an issue because they will go to state schools. Although school uniform's still expensive. Childcare, but that's the main thing, because that's, that'll be like before they go to school. Yeah. It's tricky as well, because of where we live, as well. We don't have family close to us. Like, in London as well, like, you know, everyone's so far apart. But. So in terms of like, local, local family, friends, who can be free childcare for us, we don't really have a lot of options when it comes to that.
Dan
Or any options.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, well, maybe we'll meet some options in the next few months. You never know.
Okay, there's a bunch of parenting Qs. Have you discussed how childcare will be distributed between you? And: this is the question that I think about a lot as well. Someone said, sorry for the downer question but are you scared of becoming the typical mum that manages everything, especially since you're so good at that kind of stuff - thank you! - and fun dad? And have you thought of ways to help with this? You joke about how our kids are gonna think that you're the cool fun one and I'm like, the mean one and that honestly, like breaks my heart. I'm like, noooo. But yeah.
Dan
No, I think -
Hannah Witton
How do we combat this?
Dan
I mean, you do - you do organise bits in the household. But -
Hannah Witton
I am very good at it. But I also resent the fact that I'm good at it. I don't want - I don't like being the manager of the household. I don't like it. I'm the manager at work.
Dan
Well, because the main component that you're day to day responsible for is spendy. Money.
Hannah Witton
You mean for us?
Dan
Yeah, yeah.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. I don't mind being in charge of the colour coordinated finance spreadsheets that that's a job I'll take but no, I guess these questions are more specifically about childcare. And yeah.
Dan
Childcare? I mean, I see myself doing a lot of the childcare.
Hannah Witton
Good. As much as possible, please. Yeah,
Dan
Yeah, That's like my intention. We can do cooking together.
Hannah Witton
Gaming together.
Dan
And I'm gonna -
Hannah Witton
What about for the first year? They're not gonna be able to do anything. You're just gonna be like what is this blob that I have to look after.
Dan
Oh, yeah, we'll work something out that we could do together. You know. What do you do? Peekaboo. I mean, it's really just peekaboo and clean up shit, innit. That's what you do for the first year.
Hannah Witton
I've never seen you, like, interact with a baby before. It's gonna be so interesting.
Dan
Oh, we get to do potty training. That'll be fun.
Hannah Witton
That's not until they're like two or three.
Dan
No, all right.
Hannah Witton
They'll be able to talk to you then.
Dan
To be honest I have no idea. I'll be like looking at them like, look, you're 18 months old. You can learn how to use a fucking toilet. What are you doing?
Hannah Witton
Maybe.
Dan
What is this?
Hannah Witton
They might be able to like, say some words at you by then,
Dan
Yeah. I don't know. We'll do all kinds of stuff. I want to do reading books.
Hannah Witton
Ooh. You love reading books.
Dan
I mean -
Hannah Witton
Daddy's dyslexic!
Dan
It's as much good practice for me as it is them.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, that'll help! Reading kids' books!
Dan
Yeah, I can start at like you know, young age, and work my way up, that'd be good. What else? I'm going to be very meticulous on packing.
Hannah Witton
What?
Dan
So like -
Hannah Witton
Oh, you mean like if we go away or like just day bags?
Dan
Day bags.
Hannah Witton
Oh, wow. I wasn't expecting this from you.
Dan
I've already been thinking about it and how we organise them.
Hannah Witton
Oh god. Do you know what would go in a day bag for a baby?
Dan
No, I think not exactly. That's something you have to iterate on. But like, you know, I've been thinking about it. Because you want to have like bags set up ready to go for like lengths of time.
Hannah Witton
Oh, really?
Dan
Yeah. So you're just like, boom.
Hannah Witton
So we just have a pre-packed day bag, a pre-packed weekend bag and a pre packed like week bag at all times.
Dan
Yeah. Just ready to go. Maybe not with all the clothes in, but like, you know, the bits you definitely - you know, you're gonna need. Clothes can be rotated out. Main reason for that is just it's efficient. So like you want to, you know, during the downtime, get - that way you're not trying to get a child and pack a bag at the same time. You just get child.
Hannah Witton
I'm sure any parents listening will let us know if that is even going to be possible or not. Or if they're just like, no, you just panic and pack at the same time?
Dan
Oh no, I was just thinking about it. Because I - that's like having stuff ready in compartmented bags is very, like military, you know, being ready to go.
Hannah Witton
Very, like apocalypse ready?
Dan
I'm mean - we're not going to become preppers, but you know.
Hannah Witton
Okay. Have you discussed your ideal parenting techniques, boundaries, etc? Have you always agreed on these? And if not, how did you communicate your wants, needs, beliefs? This isn't something like we've massively like talked about, specifically. I feel like it's just come up in general conversation, just as over the years, in terms of getting to know each other and our values. But I don't know. I know some people have like, really, like -
Dan
It depends what we're talking about by values?
Hannah Witton
Well, I don't know, do you have - like I couldn't even tell you like names of parenting techniques. And aren't there like some people that are like, "Don't go to your baby if they're screaming!" And other people are like, "Anytime your baby screams, go to them?" Do you know, like things like that. I don't have any opinions on any of these things. Like, I don't know. I'm sure we'll find out. We'll figure it out.
Dan
No, I don't think, you know, that stuff - I think you need to be = need to be kind of - I know people - that - that's like a lot of the early days, when it's just like do you leave them in another room and cry? Every every, like, two weeks, there's a new thing comes out. One person'll say it's bad, one person'll say it's good. I'm not too concerned about those ones.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, I would - I would want to learn - I would want to look into how you raise children to have a secure attachment style.
Dan
I don't even know what that means.
Hannah Witton
Like it's so -
Dan
Sounds great!
Hannah Witton
Yeah, it's like attachment styles in in like relationships. And they're very much things that are developed very, very young, in terms of like, your relationship with your parents, or the adults that look after you. And then they can come out in your like friendships and romantic relationships later on. And you can like work on it to change your attachment style. So like, there are people who are securely attached and then there's like, avoidant and anxious attachments, so like people who push people away or people who like anxiously cling. Yeah. But I would want to - I would want to learn how do you raise a securely attached child. Human.
And what qualities are you most keen to teach your kiddo and what do you imagine them being like? I can't imagine - I don't have any ideas of what they would be like.
Dan
I think the main thing that I want them to develop is good -
Hannah Witton
I know what he's gonna..
Dan
Rational
Hannah Witton
Rational!
Dan
Lines of thought! So like one thing, one thing, one thing I'm keen to avoid, though is just to out of hand - like, is never, never not have the time to explain something. You know, like because - I just want it to be like, if they're like, "Why do I need to do this thing?" These are the reasons that we need to do it.
Hannah Witton
And you've always said that if like your seven year old child could actually like rationally argue you into a like, corner of like, "Well, actually, yeah. You don't have to come on this trip with us. Nope. Your argument makes sense, kid."
Dan
"Good luck to you!" No, I think it's important because I think it's - you know, use your words. Use your words.
Hannah Witton
Well, you gotta teach them to use their words.
Dan
Exactly. But I think that's one thing I would - whether I will be successful at it is another matter. But that's something that I will try to do at least. What else would we like to do?
Hannah Witton
Qualities? Just like being nice. Being a nice person. Sharing their toys.
Dan
Yeah. So I think the important thing to understand, though, is that every person is they're an individual, and is important.
Hannah Witton
Okay, this is what we were talking about this on our walk to the studio. Where Dan said that he would want to teach his kids that they're not special. But my logic is that actually you do teach your kids that they're special, and you teach them that everybody is special. And so therefore, no one is special. And they are not special. That's the way I see it going.
Dan
Yeah, just, you know, a little bit of kind of collectivism in a highly individualistic society goes a long way.
Hannah Witton
Because you have to be able to, like, think of yourself highly in order to like be able to believe that you deserve good things like you deserve love, you deserve a sense of belonging, you deserve like your government to look after you if you need it. And then also everybody else deserves all of that stuff too.
Dan
You said the point that you install is that people deserve those things. I am person, therefore I deserve it.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Dan
That's the kind of like line of thinking I like.
Hannah Witton
People deserve respect, privacy.
Dan
That way you stand half a chance of being nice to other people.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. There you go. Let's hope they are nice to other people.
Okay, pregnancy and birth questions. How are you planning to prepare for birth and postpartum? This is not something that we've really gotten into yet. Because it's going to be very much led by the doctors at the hospital. We're going to - I think, with my situation, we're going to probably have to take a lot of leads from them in terms of what would be good for me. But I do want us to do a hypno birthing course together just for like pain management.
Dan
"Look into my eyes, not around the eyes."
Hannah Witton
I don't think that's what it is! Please don't do that. Yeah, that's something that we'll probably like, figure out.
Dan
Is what it is.
Hannah Witton
Is pain management.
Dan
Yeah, yeah.
Hannah Witton
It's pain management. And the birth partner is very important, Dan.
Dan
I can stop my bag prepping early. I can have a -
Hannah Witton
Oh, the hospital bag? Okay. Oh, yeah, you can get that packed nice and early, my love.
How is COVID influencing your pregnancy and birth care? In terms of hospital appointments, it hasn't like because there aren't restrictions so Dan's been able to come with me to everything. But the amount of cases that there are currently in the UK I honestly find a bit terrifying as now a pregnant person and so therefore like a vulnerable person, because your immune system - basically your immune system suppresses itself when you're pregnant so that you don't like attack the foetus. So yeah, I'm like immunosuppressed now. And so I'm not like too keen on, on being outside around people. I am double jabbed. And I will get that booster jab as soon as it's available to me, please and thank you. But yeah, so COVID is not really having a practical impact at this point, but it is having a mental impact on me. And it's definitely like influencing my decisions in terms of like, what I feel comfortable doing in terms of activities and socialising.
Dan
Especially when half the numpties on the tube don't even wear a mask anymore.
Hannah Witton
Oh, I'm like, do I just increase my travel budget and get Ubers everywhere? Do you know what I mean like, at least taxi drivers - there's just one other person that you're dealing with, and they'll be wearing a mask. And you can open a window. But yeah.
I'm wondering how you are mentally preparing for having a baby in your life? Does it feel real yet? Were you mentally preparing since you started trying to conceive or have you not really processed it yet? I'm fascinated as I currently can't even comprehend looking after a tiny human. It does not feel real to me yet. I keep on thinking about like, okay, we are going to have a baby next year. There is going to be a tiny little human hanging around with us in our flat, and I can't picture it. It doesn't feel real. Even though I've pictured myself as a mum my entire life. So that's something that mentally like, I've always known that I wanted to have kids. But like now that it's like actually gonna happen, I'm like, what??
Dan
I mean, it feels real to me. And in terms around like being ready for having a baby. I just think to myself like, monkeys manage to have babies and they're idiots. So like, how hard can it be?
Hannah Witton
How hard can it be? Jesus.
Dan
I mean, yeah, you got to teach human babies a bit more stuff. You know.
Hannah Witton
Whilst also being a human yourself and doing a job?
Dan
Yeah. But like, monkeys manage it.
Hannah Witton
Monkeys manage - I don't know if that's a good comparison.
Dan
And we don't have to worry about being eaten by other animals. Generally speaking, That's got to be a high level concern for them.
Hannah Witton
That's a plus.
Dan
So you know, bit of pressure off there.
Hannah Witton
Cool. Pregnancy and birth traditions you'll be keeping slash scrapping? For example, baby showers, sex reveals, decorating the nursery before baby is here. Wetting the baby's head. Coming home outfit. Okay, I've no idea what wetting the baby's head is.
Dan
I think is that just baptising them? That's something you do later though. Or like Christening them.
Hannah Witton
But maybe it's something different. I don't know. What that is, I don't know.
Dan
Wetting the baby's head.
Hannah Witton
Coming home outfit - I mean Dan, you're packing the bag so you get to decide
Dan
Coming home outfit?
Hannah Witton
As in like what outfit are you wearing when you come home from the hospital.
Dan
Surely you just want something like loose and comfortable?
Hannah Witton
Yeah, probably
Dan
That would be my guess.
Hannah Witton
Is coming home outfit is that like, not a tradition but it has become a tradition since we start - since like the royals became celebrities and they do all of their like beautiful hair and makeup and outfit photos post birth.
Dan
I feel like the royals were always celebrities, I don't think since they became celebrities. They're like the OG.
Hannah Witton
I watched a video essay about how they like the royals basically invented reality TV
Dan
Wasn't like old Vicky, she would have been a celebrity back in her day.
Hannah Witton
Celeb.
Dan
Baby showers - not a thing outside the US.
Hannah Witton
But they are, because of the cultural influence of the US. So people do do baby showers here. Actually, that's a thing that I'm down for because it just means free stuff.
Dan
We don't need more stuff.
Hannah Witton
No but baby stuff. Just, friends, buy us muslins.
Dan
And what were the other ones?
Hannah Witton
Sex reveals, not doing that. Decorating the nursery before baby's here: we don't have a dedicated nursery for baby so no.
Dan
I mean, there will be - there will be some home prep pre, you know, pre-baby.
Hannah Witton
It doesn't feel like tradition, though, it just feels like necessary.
Dan
It's not gonna be like Hannah in there in her fucking overalls like painting the walls and painting clouds on the wall and some shit.
Hannah Witton
Painting clouds on the wall or some shit. Just you watch, like our kid's first room is gonna have clouds on the wall.
This is a question for Dan. How does Dan feel? Now that you're married, he is your next of kin and can make medical decisions / advocate on your behalf if needed in relation to your pregnancy / your general health. This is not something that I've thought about. Does that feel like a lot of responsibility? Are you glad it's you?
Dan
Yeah, I think I - I trust me.
Hannah Witton
I trust you too.
Dan
I trust me. How do I feel? Is it how do I feel generally or how do I feel specifically about that?
Hannah Witton
It's how do you feel specifically about that, but you can also just answer how you feel.
Dan
Fucked. Yeah, I mean, I am capable of making decisions.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, we just need to get the specific pregnancy and birth knowledge into you, because that you don't have in order to make decisions right now. And neither do I.
Dan
Yes.
Hannah Witton
So we need we need to input that information so that your wonderful rational brain can make those decisions if necessary.
Dan
Yeah, I think you know, I think it will be - it'll be all good. And I will say that the doctors and midwife and whatnot that we've spoken to previously have been very forthcoming with information, which makes it easy.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. It does feel like no stone left unturned, kind of just like mitigating all risk possible. It's like, okay, this is your medical history? Right, these are all the things that we need to do.
Dan
Yeah, I think the thing is, it's been a case of while they want us to speak to everyone, which made Hannah feel somewhat uncomfortable. Actually, everyone seems fairly - it's fine.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. Well, no, it's not the speaking to everyone - it's not the speaking to everyone that's made me uncomfortable. I actually really like having lots of appointments and being able to talk about myself. It's - it was it was specifically two things that didn't make me feel fun. One that I'm at higher risk from complications from C section, which is a bit scary to know. And the fact that I'm going to need those blood thinning injections for about four months, every day, which I'm just like, oh, for fuck's sake. Just like, argh, are you kidding.
Dan
Yeah. Not fun.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, just just like not ideal. And the fact that I'll still be needing to do them six weeks postpartum as well. So like, we'll be looking after a baby, and I'll still need to be doing these injections. Anyway. It is all doable, like, but it's just like, faff.
Dan
Yes. But yeah, overall, it'll be fine. That's the takeaway.
Hannah Witton
Dan's t takeaway: it'll be fine, have zero expectations, and all will be grand.
Dan
It's all good.
Hannah Witton
Lovely. Well, great note to end it on. Thanks, Dan, for joining me for this very special episode. D'you have a good time?
Dan
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
All right.
Dan
Yeah, it was just very nice. It was nice speaking to you all. Thank you for your questions.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. Thank you. Thank you for submitting your wonderful questions. And thank you for your patience with the time off. But if all goes to plan, there should be weekly episodes going forwards until the end of the year, until like Christmas break time.
Dan
And are we gonna revisit this further down the line?
Hannah Witton
Yeah, we could do another one of these episodes, like, later on. Because I'm sure we'll have more information, more -
Dan
End of T2?
Hannah Witton
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Let us know how you feel about that. Should we do like one of these for each trimester including the fourth trimester? Which is what they call postpartum.
Dan
Yeah, we maybe do T2, and then not T3 because that ends in birth? Maybe we'll find an hour. Post baby. To answer some questions.
Hannah Witton
We'll see. Great. Thank you so much for listening. Bye