Queering Your Sex Life and Reclaiming "Transsexual" with Quinn Rhodes
In this episode, Hannah is joined by Quinn Rhodes, who is a queer, disabled trans sex writer. They talk about why Quinn is reclaiming the words “transsexual” and “faggot,”, why he feels the word “pegging” has homophobic undertones, and how companies need to stop making masturbation all about capitalism. Quinn discusses how to queer up your sex life, what gender-affirming sex truly looks like, and gives advice on how to throw the cishetnormative sexual script out of the window and figure out what actually works for you (and why lists can really help!). Brownie points for anyone who can count the amount of times Hannah and Quinn say the phrase "fucked up the ass" in this episode!
CW: mental illness, depression and suicidal thoughts
Read the episode transcript here!
What we chat about…
Quinn’s bio describes him as “an inconvenient transsexual approaching faggotry.” What does that mean to Quinn?
Why does Quinn think it’s important to reclaim slurs?
Gendered language around body parts and reproductive systems
Arbitrary and confusingly gendered rules around toplessness
Is relationship we have with our bodies predetermined by language? How do we live in our bodies and have experiences outside linguistic limitations?
What is pegging?
Is the term “pegging” homophobic?
Do we have a narrow view of what masturbation is for?
The dynamic of masturbation for trans people
Being marketed masturbation as self-care
Capitalism sanitising sex
Gender dysphoria during masturbation
Sex toy marketing campaigns on Instagram
Talking about the realities of how mental health and illness impact on our sex lives and relationships
How to improve conversations about mental health and sex
The different reasons we have sex
Sexuality going through phases of interest
Responsive desire
Minds and bodies not always being interested in sex at the same time
Learning how to say no once you’ve already started something
Lacking language and skills for the nuances of consent
The cisheteronormative sexual script
Figuring out what sex actually looks like for you
Talking to your partner about what you like and don’t like
Enjoying or not enjoying giving blowjobs
How yes, no, maybe lists can help you figure out what you like in bed
Making yes, no, maybe lists with partners
Going over language and emotions for yes, no, maybe lists too
How do you have gender affirming sex with cis people as a trans person? (43:25)
Is it difficult getting comfortable with yourself sexually when you start transitioning? (48:10)
USEFUL LINKS
The Problem with the Term “Pegging” by Quinn Rhodes (Refinery29)
Sexual Pleasure, Desire, and the Impact of Stress with Emily Nagoski (Doing It episode)
Putting the Hot Octopuss PleX in my arse to get over my broken heart, by Quinn Rhodes
Avengers Assemble (Or Where I Elaborate on How I Chose Which Marvel Chris I Want to Fuck) by The Other Livvy
Preorder Heckin’ Lewd (the trans and non-binary erotica anthology)
*affiliate links
LINKS FROM QUINN
Quinn’s article on masturbation and shame
Trans sex writers with accessible content on their blogs:
MORE ABOUT QUINN RHODES
Quinn Rhodes (he/him) is a queer, trans, and disabled sex writer. He’s an inconvenient transsexual approaching faggotry and a sex nerd with vaginismus. Quinn writes about shame, queering sex, and his adventures in learning to fuck without fucking up. He can usually be found wearing stomp-on-the-cisheteropatriarchy boots and figuring out how to look more obviously queer. You can find his filthy and think-y writing about sex at onqueerstreet.com.
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*affiliate links