How Sexting Can Improve Your Communication & Sexual Pleasure with Eva Bloom | Transcript
Find the episode shownotes here!
Hannah Witton
It's funny, I still sometimes meet people who are like, oh no, I still I want to meet someone in real life. I'm like, good luck.
Hannah Witton
Welcome to Doing It with me, Hannah Witton, where we talk all things sex, relationships, dating, and our bodies. Hello, welcome back, welcome back. Welcome back me. I've been on holiday. It was great. You know how you go on those holidays, and you're really active and busy on them, and you come home and think I need a holiday for my holiday. Well, that is not me this time because I fully rested. So thank you for bearing with us whilst we took a week break, but we are back now.
Hannah Witton
And also on Sunday, last Sunday, I did a live recording of Doing It at the London Podcast Festival with Dr. Zoe Williams, thank you so much to everyone who came out to that, late on a Sunday night. That episode that we recorded will be out in a few weeks, at the end of September. So definitely look out for that.
Hannah Witton
But in the meantime, this episode is with Eva Bloom, or What's My Body Doing on YouTube and Instagram. She is a sex researcher and just graduated from her master's, which she did her thesis in sexting. And in this episode, we talk about how she founded the Gay Straight Alliance at her school, but still didn't realise that she was bisexual until quite recently and her coming out story. And we talk about sex, relationships, and tech. So, like I said, her thesis was on sexting, it's all about who does it, how often, how it impacts your sexual pleasure and satisfaction, and the discussing and disclosing of STI status. I basically just quiz Eva on her thesis, and basically make it feel like she is reliving her defence interview. But I promise you that it is interesting academia, it is fascinating stuff. If you enjoy this episode and would like more of me and Eva, we also did some YouTube videos together on Eva's channel; we talked about our favourite sex research, and on my channel we talked about dating and sex education at Hogwarts, because why not? I really hope you enjoy this episode. Thank you so much for listening.
Hannah Witton
I'm very excited to nerd out with you.
Eva Bloom
Yay!
Hannah Witton
About sex research. But first, how did you get into it all?
Eva Bloom
That's a big question. My origin story as a sex educator. I think I started it in my undergrad. My undergrad programme was like very interdisciplinary and we had a lot of freedom to like do projects that we wanted, and like write blog posts, and stuff.
Hannah Witton
What was your major? Is it called a major in Canada?
Eva Bloom
Sure, it was, I was like I started off as technically like a double major in biochemistry -
Hannah Witton
Oh wow.
Eva Bloom
So I know way too much about, and then it was like a weird interdisciplinary programme, so I know way too much about rocks, and organic chemistry, to be a sex researcher -
Hannah Witton
I love these weird little niches that people have, amazing.
Eva Bloom
Yeah, my friend is she's doing organic chemistry now, and I was like, how do I remember all that stuff still? Like, brain, we don't need this anymore. But yeah, so I so we did, we had an opportunity to like write blog posts, and I thought that I could write like a blog post about the history of sex research in like, 500 words, which I realised was -
Hannah Witton
Oh my God.
Eva Bloom
Impossible. I like linked a bunch of your videos in that blog post too.
Hannah Witton
Oh my God, really? Yeah, cuz I was doing like, history of sex videos at that time, because I was in the middle of my degree, and it's like, how do I do my dissertation and make videos at the same time? I know, make videos about my dissertation.
Eva Bloom
The best, best, best solution. I was like, kind of dealing with the idea that like, some sciences were like, better or like harder than other sciences. So took me a while to go from like, oh, I'll do biochemistry of sex. I was like, do I want to look at like cells of ovaries for the rest of my life? No, I really just want to ask people how much they masturbate. And explore the like gender, and like power stuff in that. So I eventually did like a project on the history of the birth control pill.
Hannah Witton
Oh my god, there's so much there. It is so long. What is the cliffnotes of that?
Eva Bloom
It's the coolest, it's the coolest story. Basically, there are like four people from different sectors. There's like Margaret Sanger, who's the activist. There's John Rock, who's the family planning like gynaecologist guy. There's Gregory Picket, ooo bringing these names back, who was like a mad scientist type. And then, I don't remember her name, but there was this big heiress.
Hannah Witton
Oh, Catherine
Eva Bloom
Yes.
Hannah Witton
Catherine, I want to say McCormack.
Eva Bloom
Yeah, that sounds totally right.
Hannah Witton
She was the one with - the one with the money.
Eva Bloom
Yes, yes. And her husband, yeah, had I think some sort of chronic illness. and he died, and she inherited yeah, fuck tonnes on the money. So together.
Hannah Witton
I love that team of people like coming together. It's like contraception avengers.
Eva Bloom
100% contraception avengers. Yeah, so I was like doing all that, and I was like, I could tell each individual friend about all this, or I could make videos. Especially like with my IUD and stuff, like I had a lot of friends be like, what was your experience like? So I was like -
Hannah Witton
So that's what you started making videos about?
Eva Bloom
And also, the other answer to this is that my whole YouTube channel and brand is a big subtweet at my ex boyfriend.
Hannah Witton
What? Oh my god. Please explain.
Eva Bloom
I don't know whether he follows any of my stuff. I doubt he's gonna find this podcast interview. Um.
Hannah Witton
Care to share, if you want.
Eva Bloom
Yeah, yeah. Well, basically, I started being like sexually active and like discovering myself at the beginning of university. I was in this relationship for like, three years, and I was watching sexplanations and like, yes.
Hannah Witton
Oh my god, Lindsey Doe.
Eva Bloom
Right. And that was like, amazing and exploring, but also, I still had like so much baggage about sex, what sex was supposed to look like, and still didn't really have a lot of the tools to like have these conversations with my partner. And he had a lot of baggage too. So it ended up that like, kind of like you, I didn't have my first orgasm until I was like 21. So throughout this three year relationship -
Hannah Witton
No orgasms, on your part.
Eva Bloom
No orgasms on my part. He - I'm sure he had, yeah, he had a couple. Um, yeah, so I was kind of like, wanted to tell myself, and also tell other people, and other women, that there was yeah, there was a better way.
Hannah Witton
A way of self knowledge.
Eva Bloom
Yes, yeah. Yeah, I wanted -
Hannah Witton
I didn't want to say like a way of more orgasms, because that's not the goal. The goal is like self discovery. And where did where did it come in you doing Gay Straight Alliance? Was that high school, or was that?
Eva Bloom
That was high school, right. I always forget, like at 16, in my high school, I like founded the Gay Straight Alliance. Like I went to camp one summer and my friend was at like an art school in Toronto. And she was like, oh, we have a Gay Straight Alliance, and I was like, why don't we have a Gay Straight Alliance? And like yeah, I guess that's why like I consider myself a Gryffindor first, because I was just like, no holds barred, like I'm just gonna do this. I like put posters up around the school.
Hannah Witton
I love it.
Eva Bloom
Yeah, I was genuinely like no shame. I was like y'all are - pick it up, like we should all be cool with this.
Hannah Witton
That's amazing, because I don't think we had anything like that when I was in school. Like when I was in secondary school, so like 11 to 16, the word gay was still being used to just mean anything that was bad, like homework, or exams. or uniform. And so that's amazing. I like to think that young people aren't using the word gay in that way anymore. But when I was in school, like all the time, even though we were a group of kids who grew up like in a quiet liberal area, and we had friends who had like gay parents, and even still, as part of our language -
Eva Bloom
I forget how recent that like whole phenomenon was. Yeah, so when I started the Gay Straight Alliance it was just at the point where like, there was some still like residuals of that, but nobody on my high school was really like antagonistic. They were more just kind of like, meh. And I was like, so we're going to take this meh, and like shifted over to being like, like -
Hannah Witton
Outraged
Eva Bloom
Yeah, actively accepting, because I know people who generally don't give a shit about what other people do, so we can just move that over. Yeah, it was funny, I like my co founder was bi, I had like pan people like in the Gay Straight Alliance, and I was still like, la, la, la, la, la -
Hannah Witton
"I'm just straight."
Eva Bloom
Like, so oblivious, like so deeply oblivious.
Hannah Witton
Why do you think you were oblivious? For listeners, Eva, you identify as bisexual -
Eva Bloom
Yeah, I I'll take take them all, I'll take most labels.
Hannah Witton
Lived your life with only straight, and now you're like, I want all of them now!
Eva Bloom
Like currently, I feel incredibly gay. Like on a Kinsey scale, I'm like, like a five right now. Yeah, um, but I think I just kind of had other things that I was thinking about. And it wasn't like I'm pushing this away and pushing it down in like a negative way. It was just kind of like, I'm not gonna open this box right now.
Hannah Witton
Do you think that's just got something to do with how like people's sexual development happens at different ages? Or, or was it just like your your brain was was just like, nope, we're moving on? I don't know.
Eva Bloom
I think I think definitely, I'm sure the fluidity is part of it, and development. I think also part of it is like the fact that there's no representation of like, bi and pan people. I think I had the experience where I was like, oh I'm really into men so we don't need to worry about any of the other stuff that's going on.
Hannah Witton
Sure.
Eva Bloom
And all of these, and like super downplaying and like not realising the like attractions and crushes I had on other like women and non binary people, like as crushes. Pushing that down. Yeah, what a time. Yeah, no, looking back, I've like, even there was a time in the Gay Straight Alliance where like somebody, there was a girl from my school dating a girl from another school, and it was like it came out that maybe she was only dating her because they were kind of the only two out queer women, and little me was kind of like, that's not fair. She was really pretty. Maybe I want to date her, but I didn't recognise that as a gay thing.
Hannah Witton
Oh my god. Yeah. I love that.
Eva Bloom
Yeah, thinking about other girls pretty, and wanting to date her.
Hannah Witton
Not gay at all.
Eva Bloom
Not gay at all, Eva!
Hannah Witton
No. So when you came out recently, like to yourself, and then like, publicly quite recently?
Eva Bloom
Yeah, so I think I was questioning for, like a year.
Hannah Witton
What a time.
Eva Bloom
I was, I mean, I say what a time because I was sexting this girl for like, five months. Yeah.
Hannah Witton
We don't have to go into it. But we can totally use that as a segway to get onto your thesis, which is about sexting.
Eva Bloom
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
So you went from doing biochemistry, and the history of the pill. And then your masters is in what?
Eva Bloom
Um, so my masters is in, like looking at sexting, especially among young women. And looking at how sexting is related to people's communication about STI's, STI testing, what's working for them, what's not, sexually, and also satisfaction and pleasure.
Hannah Witton
I love that. I love it. So what, like, why, why did you start researching that? What, what drove you to sexting?
Eva Bloom
Sexting. Um, oh my gosh, I find anything related to like sex and tech really interesting. Partially because it's new, partially, I think because like, I'm of the generation that like, part of a generation that kind of grew up with sexuality is a big part of my coming of age, and sex -
Hannah Witton
And technology, just like, all of that, in one. Like, I had relationships that started and ended on MSN.
Eva Bloom
Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And like learning about sex ed, yeah, through Sexplanations, in my first relationship. Like tech and sex, to me, has always been related, and it makes sense to me that it'll only become more related as time goes on in the future.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, I mean, dating apps are just like how people meet now. It's funny, I still sometimes meet people who are like, oh, no, I still I want to meet someone in real life. And like, good luck.
Eva Bloom
I've heard, and I'm writing a post about this after reaching out to my friend, about Instagram as the new dating app.
Hannah Witton
Oh, sliding into DMs?
Eva Bloom
I think especially for queer people. Because, yeah, queer women never want to make the move. It's the kind of the stereotype that like women never message on dating apps, but like, increase that but like, everybody won't reply.
Hannah Witton
So you're not making a move like dming straight away, but it's more like following, liking a few pictures, and then maybe a comment, ooo. Wait someone talked about what this word is, like circling or orbiting?
Eva Bloom
Oh.
Hannah Witton
I heard this somewhere. I think it might be called orbiting, where you're doing the thing of where like, because you know how the way like that satellites, like move around each other, it's like you're never actually going to meet, you're just like orbiting around each other, liking each other's posts, but never making a big enough move to actually be like, hey, do you want to meet up?
Eva Bloom
Yeah, and then you got to do that. Yeah. And oh my gosh, I mean, my friend, she started dating her girlfriend because she was mutual's with her ex.
Hannah Witton
I mean, doesn't that happen a lot in the queer community.
Eva Bloom
And through Instagram you're like way more, you know who all these people are.
Hannah Witton
You know all of that baggage. Sometimes it's good to know what their like history is though. Because then it's like less of a secret, and you have to like, then you also not just getting like one side of it as well. Because you can often like find yourself in a situation where you're like crushing us someone, or dating someone, and they describe like all of their exes is like crazy. But if you know their exes, then it might stop that from happening.
Eva Bloom
Yeah, you can be like, actually, I don't know about that.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, but yeah. So how did you do the research with young people and like, tell me about your methodology.
Eva Bloom
Hannah, I never thought you'd ask. So my sample was collected by my advisor, in collaboration with a magazine, Elle Canada.
Hannah Witton
Oh, nice, that's so cool.
Eva Bloom
Yes, they did a huge sex survey in 2016 of women ages 18 to 80. So we have all the sexting and porn data on 80 year old women.
Hannah Witton
Wow, love it.
Eva Bloom
Yeah, I know, I want to analyse it. Nobody's analysed it yet.
Eva Bloom
It's what happens in research, there's just data sets, like lying around, and nobody's -
Hannah Witton
What?
Hannah Witton
There are just so much potential for anyone to like, be an expert in something because there'll be the only one to analyse that data. Yeah. Okay. So what's the age group that you are focusing on? And then how do like, what was the data that you had? And how, how do you then analyse data?
Eva Bloom
No totally. So I, so from this big data set, there was like questions about everything, not just sexting. Like, communication, and cheating, and the amount of time you like to cuddle your partner before and after sex. Yeah, um, so I picked like young adults, which is described sometimes in research as 18 to 29.
Hannah Witton
Okay.
Eva Bloom
And then I just took the sexting items, and the communication, and sexual satisfaction and pleasure items, and then did some stats.
Hannah Witton
Nice. That's interesting that in research, young adult is 18 to 29. And in literature, young adult is like, I don't know, 15 to 25.
Eva Bloom
Oh, oh my gosh, well, yeah. Yeah. I don't know how interesting this is. But it's like, like, the theory that I used is like, by this dude named Jeffrey Arnett.
Hannah Witton
Okay.
Eva Bloom
And he like kind of theorised about what the time period of like young adulthood is. And there's like five different components of it. It's very interesting. If you want to have like a self drag about, like, what your life is like -
Hannah Witton
Oh wow, okay, what are the five components of being a young adult.
Eva Bloom
It's a lot of like, you don't know what's going on with your life and your identity. Who am I?
Hannah Witton
Oh, my God.
Eva Bloom
It's great, though. His book is really fun.
Hannah Witton
Teenagers are a bit like that, no?
Eva Bloom
Yes. But he's like -
Hannah Witton
Are they missing some other components?
Eva Bloom
So teenage years, I think there's like lower stakes. Like things are just different, like -
Hannah Witton
I see.
Eva Bloom
Like you do have your exploration and like teenage relationships and stuff. But that's quite different than the exploration you do as a young adult. Yeah.
Hannah Witton
That makes sense. Because like, potentially the people that you're dating, or whatever, in your 20s, like, that could be someone that you spent a significant amount of your life with.
Eva Bloom
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
Whereas like, the general expectation on relationships, when you're a teenager, is less so. Like you're the unusual one, if you're still dating, your like, high school sweetheart.
Eva Bloom
Yeah. Right.
Hannah Witton
Whereas everyone expects your relationships at that age to like, end quite abruptly.
Eva Bloom
Yeah, and I think it's characterised by like bigger highs, and like lower lows, and it's just like a different experience. Yeah. So Jeffrey Arnett is actually kind of silly, in that he's like, it could be 18 to 25, could be 18 to 29. That kind of -
Hannah Witton
Depends how secure you are and your identity by the late 20s
Eva Bloom
RIght, that there is like this kind of flexibility. So I picked 18 to 29.
Hannah Witton
Okay, and then, what were your findings? Like, what, what can we tell about young people, sexting, communication, STI s, and pleasure? Are those all of the things, did I miss anything?
Eva Bloom
Yeah, so I found that, so young women who had ever sexted, and also were sexting more recently, were more likely to disclose STI status, and ask their partner about their STI status, and whether they'd been tested regularly.
Hannah Witton
First off, because that's really interesting. I have so many questions.
Eva Bloom
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
Okay. What are we defining as sexting? Is it like, just any kind of like sexual messaging? It could be photos, or text, or video? Or is it like, just text?
Eva Bloom
I love that this is like part two of my defence.
Hannah Witton
Oh, really? Oh, my God, love that
Eva Bloom
It's great. Um, so the, one of the problems with using data that's been collected by other people, is that -
Hannah Witton
They define it.
Eva Bloom
You know how they define sexting? They didn't.
Hannah Witton
Oh, no.
Eva Bloom
Which I actually kind of like, because in the literature on sexting, it's basically been defined any possible way you can imagine.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, and it's also it's the young person who's answering that survey. And the question is, have you ever sexted and then you're kind of like, have I?
Eva Bloom
Yeah, so basically, whatever you interpret for your life to be sexting, is sexting.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. But yeah, I guess that doesn't give you any data on who's sending nudes, who's just sending saucy messages, who's having phone or Skype sex. Like, what is included in that. Also, do young people use the word sexting? I've heard that they don't.
Eva Bloom
Right, I've heard that they don't either.
Hannah Witton
Tell us young people, we are the older generation being like oh, sexting, the youths these days, and their sexts.
Eva Bloom
Yeah. Apparently it's just nudes, I don't know. But there's more to sexting than nudes.
Hannah Witton
There is much more.
Eva Bloom
Yeah, there is like a movement in like the sexting research to kind of have it be this umbrella term, which includes things like cyber sex, which I think is really cool and exciting.
Hannah Witton
And also when you're already given a word like text and texting, you've got to you've got to, you've just got to add an S there
Eva Bloom
It's, it's so it rolls off the tongue, it's great
Hannah Witton
Okay. And then my other question about that first thing you said, was how are they disclosing or asking questions about STI? Are they also doing that via their phones? Or are they doing that in person?
Eva Bloom
So Hannah's really just like going through all the questions I was asked during my defence and being like, that one, that one.
Hannah Witton
It's the academic in me.
Eva Bloom
You don't need a masters, you're already -
Hannah Witton
What can I say?
Eva Bloom
Yeah, that's a great question. We don't know whether people are using technological mediums to talk about STI's, STI testing, and that's a huge limitation.
Hannah Witton
Oh, okay.
Eva Bloom
For the communicating what's working, and what isn't sexually, that is we compared verbal versus nonverbal and not at all.
Hannah Witton
Oh, okay.
Eva Bloom
So we're only looking at verbal communication. But yeah, the STI stuff is still up in the air.
Hannah Witton
Okay. Interesting. I feel like, I'm trying to think in just my own experience.
Eva Bloom
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
I think it's always been a bit of both, but I've only had one situation where like, a casual sexual partner had got an STI. And in that instance, they texted me to be like, FYI, I got tested, and I have this. You might want to go get tested. And I was like, thanks for the heads up, friend.
Eva Bloom
We're gonna move along and do that, yeah.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, I was really grateful, obviously, for that information. But and I, but I can also imagine, because at that point, we weren't sleeping together. So it almost, I totally get that why it was a text, and that feels appropriate to me.
Eva Bloom
Yep.
Hannah Witton
It's interesting. I think other people might have differing opinions or preferences in terms of how that information gets communicated. But it's also dependent on your relationship with that person.
Eva Bloom
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
Like, if it was my current partner, I would want that face to face.
Eva Bloom
Yeah. Yeah. And in the, in one of the papers that we talked about in the video on my channel -
Hannah Witton
Oh, yeah.
Eva Bloom
The the paper that does talk about texting, about communication and stuff, that does come out. There are some people that are like, that is a really intimate thing. Wouldn't want to do that over text. And some people are like, I feel more comfortable doing that over text. So
Hannah Witton
Yeah. Did you do any stuff into why it might be like that? Or is it just like, these are the patterns we've observed?
Eva Bloom
So that's kind of the limitations of like, secondary data analysis, and then also quantitative, so like, not interviews.
Hannah Witton
Oh, I see, which would be qual - I don't know how to say it.
Eva Bloom
Qualitative.
Hannah Witton
Qualitative.
Eva Bloom
Qualitative.
Hannah Witton
Qualitative. Qualitative? Oh, my God. Yeah, that.
Eva Bloom
Yeah, so like, I can, like there's been other studies that there's been really, really cool study that said, the individuals who text about sexual health topics feel more confident in their ability to talk about that in person. So my kind of hypothesis is that it's you start kind of sexual communication in a sexy way, maybe via sext, and then it makes it easier to talk about over text, and then easier to talk about in person.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, when it becomes like, not necessarily a this is for the purpose of arousal. This is for the purpose of like, wellbeing and relationship building and, and all of that.
Eva Bloom
Yeah, because I think, yeah, using technology it can be like a lower stakes environment. So if you get comfortable with that, an in person conversations are maybe easier.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, I definitely find that. Like, it's so interesting how I think we sometimes stigmatise conversations on technology.
Eva Bloom
Yep.
Hannah Witton
We kind of think of them as lesser than, like, there's a hierarchy in communication, and face to face is always like, this is the best kind of communication ever, like face to face. And then it's on the phone, and then it's like text, or like written. Where would letters be put? Maybe letters are in like, another realm entirely because they're like romanticised Yeah, yeah.
Eva Bloom
But yeah, there's so many benefits. Yeah, I think that's super like an old person, like oh, technology's not as good as good old face to face.
Hannah Witton
I do think there's like benefits to face to face. But then I also think there are benefits to like it being texting. Like there's there's so much more that I think you feel like you can say, over text, when you have time to like write it down and you're not having to like look the person that eye. But then on the flip side of that, sometimes being able to communicate those things, whilst also looking someone face to face is like a skill that is good to practice.
Eva Bloom
Yep.
Hannah Witton
And you can only do that by doing, by actually practising it. Yeah. So it's it's a weird one, but if it if it helps in terms of like building up the confidence in order to have those conversations face to face, I'm like, yes, yes, yes.
Eva Bloom
Yeah, I think also like, also that was another question asked at my defence.
Hannah Witton
Oh, really?
Eva Bloom
I can stop.
Hannah Witton
Oh my god.
Eva Bloom
Was is it? Letting you know, but -
Hannah Witton
I'm just like giving you like PTSD from your defence.
Eva Bloom
No, it's good.
Hannah Witton
You did well?
Eva Bloom
Yeah, it was fun
Hannah Witton
You're like, it was a great time, I get to talk about how I did all this research, and how amazing my thesis is.
Eva Bloom
And I've thought about all these questions, so I'm not scared by them.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, this is a much more low stakes environment, than defending your thesis.
Eva Bloom
I've had to go away and think about what my answers would be, and then they come back and yeah, now I can talk about it. But what was I gonna say? I think also, in the moment, when you're just about to have sex, can sometimes not always be the best time to have these conversations. Like, if you're like, with a hookup, you can sometimes forget to be like, wait, when was the last time you got tested? So maybe texting them beforehand, so you don't forget to do it right before.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. I've always liked the advice of having the conversations sober and clothed.
Eva Bloom
Yep, yep.
Hannah Witton
So you're not like in the throes of things, maybe like a little bit tipsy and half naked, and then suddenly, trying to find the best way to communicate about what it is that you like, or, like, do we use a condom, and things like that.
Eva Bloom
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
And yes, you should use a condom.
Eva Bloom
Yes, figure out what your, yeah, what each of your preferable barrier methods and contraception needs are? Yeah.
Hannah Witton
What about people who feel uncomfortable sexting, and find that awkward, and don't know what to say?
Eva Bloom
Yeah, so I did this, I did this guest lecture for a class about sexting. And I kind of went in assuming that they were all going to be cool with sexting, and really all of them were like, anti sexting and I was like -
Hannah Witton
Like, anti it like it's bad, or anti it like not for me?
Eva Bloom
Um, both. I think they had really absorbed all the like, scary, like safety messages.
Hannah Witton
With the nudes, sending nudes and stuff.
Eva Bloom
Yeah, so my research found that most people - people are more likely to be sexting a romantic partner. And I feel like that goes against kind of ideas of sexting that like oh, you sex with Tinder hookups or whatever. Like sexting is for like, bad girls, or like, more like promiscuous type people. And it's like, no, like, one, you should probably check your slut shaming. But like sexting can be, is not this like weird, scary, like -
Hannah Witton
Thing that single people do.
Eva Bloom
Yeah, it's something that like literally anybody can do to like, if they want to express their sexuality with partners, and it can be a way to like, make those conversations easier. And then also, my findings were, and this has been found in lots of studies, that people who sext, and more recent sexters, are more sexually satisfied, and rate their last sexual encounter as more pleasurable.
Hannah Witton
So, there you go. If that wasn't enough to persuade you to sext, here's me coming at you again with another one of those defence questions. But what is sexual satisfaction? Was it just like people raising their last sexual experience from like, 0 to 10?
Eva Bloom
Mmm hmm.
Hannah Witton
Okay.
Eva Bloom
Yeah, so it's on a Likert scale. Like, from very not sexually satisfied, like, meh, okay. Like, not super sexually satisfied.
Hannah Witton
Versus like extremely.
Eva Bloom
Yeah. And the same for like pleasure, also on a similar continuum.
Hannah Witton
Oh, were those two separate questions? So what's the difference there? Between sexual satisfaction and pleasure?
Eva Bloom
Yeah. So I want to, I really wanted to have both.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Eva Bloom
Because I think sexual satisfaction is a way more like global item, like I and I think also very relational. And there has been research to find that, like sexual and relationship satisfaction is pretty linked. So I think, I think when you ask, like, how sexually satisfied are you? I think maybe you're more likely to reflect back on like, in general, is my sex life satisfying?
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Eva Bloom
Versus the other item was, how pleasurable was your last encounter? So it's way more specific, and specifically asking about pleasure.
Hannah Witton
And also like, a more bodily experience, whereas you can get satisfaction from your sex life through other things that aren't just like your own physical pleasure, I guess.
Eva Bloom
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
Because I feel like satisfaction can come from -
Eva Bloom
Emotional satisfaction.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. Yeah. Okay, that makes a lot of sense. I like that. Yeah. Um, this was super interesting. I love this stuff. What's next for you, and the research, and the data that's just lying there? I want to know about 65 plus, and their sexting.
Eva Bloom
I got the chance to present at a conference, with the whole data set. Some stuff oh, also, I didn't talk about the results about queer people, and polyamorous people.
Hannah Witton
Oh my God, please tell us.
Eva Bloom
Um, so I'm trying to think. So some of the results, so important to note that most of my queer people were bi and pan women, in relationships with men.
Hannah Witton
Okay.
Eva Bloom
Like over 90% of them. So just -
Hannah Witton
Were these people that you did research with?
Eva Bloom
So this is the sample.
Hannah Witton
Okay, yeah.
Eva Bloom
Which I think I think Elle Canada is a pretty heteronormative magazine a little bit. If we'd like targeted, some queer magazines, maybe we would have gotten more women relationships with women, or non binary people, etc. But yeah, so queer women were sexting more often. So more of them were sexting on the, like, several times a week timescale, whereas most of the sample is sexting on a yearly or monthly basis.
Hannah Witton
Oh, wow.
Eva Bloom
Like 70% like, it's like 40% are sexting yearly, 30% sexting monthly
Hannah Witton
I mean.
Eva Bloom
They're just doing Christmas and birthdays sexts.
Hannah Witton
I can't remember the last time I sexted actually.
Eva Bloom
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
So that makes sense. Like I might be in the like once a month camp.
Eva Bloom
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
I'm gonna just let's pause this and find my phone.
Eva Bloom
Hannah's just going to shoot one off. Yeah, cuz I think yeah, and then most of the people like, I think 80% of my sample, were in relationships. Yeah, so I think that's a part of it, too. But yeah.
Hannah Witton
And then what about the polyamory?
Eva Bloom
Polyamorous people were also more likely to sext more often. And then, so when we looked at, we also looked at like, whether being queer, or being polyamorous, or like kind of the relationship status thing, like single versus in a relationship, whether that would affect the relationship between sexting and like communication or satisfaction. And the only thing that changed it was for polyamorous people, in terms of sexting and sexual satisfaction, monogamous people are kind of like, no matter how much I sext, I'm like, relatively sexually satisfied.
Hannah Witton
Right.
Eva Bloom
Straight line, see if we can put into graph anywhere in the show notes.
Hannah Witton
Love a good graph.
Eva Bloom
But then the polyamorous people actually started off as less sexually satisfied with lower sexting, and then increases when you sext more often.
Hannah Witton
At what point did those two lines crossover?
Eva Bloom
So I think when we get to the end of the spectrum, so like sexting, like weekly or more.
Hannah Witton
Okay, so when it becomes quite regular. Oh, interesting.
Eva Bloom
Yeah. And my hypothesis about is that like, polyamorous people, I think, or maybe more likely to have partners that they're not living with.
Hannah Witton
Long distance stuff as well.
Eva Bloom
Yeah, sexting makes up a bigger part of your sex life.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. And I have like one more question, which, I don't know how long will go on for this. But basically, like, what about other technology and relationships? Because you're saying that you love like, thinking about sex and tech. But what technology is out there that exists, that we're all using, but then like people are using in an interesting way when it comes to relationships. Because one that I can think of is a shared Google calendar, with all of your polyamorous relationships. Like that, to me, I'm just like, that makes perfect sense.
Eva Bloom
I love that. Yeah, people have used technology to make their relationships work better. Yeah, like I love dating apps. I love how people are using Instagram. One of my favourite studies, which I didn't include in the video, but was looking at how women interact with porn to make it more satisfying for themselves
Hannah Witton
Interact with porn?
Eva Bloom
Yeah, so like, do you like how you search for stuff? What stuff for? Do you like, do you like put the sound down? Do you like, yeah, all these kind of strategies because mainstream porn is not made for women. Or like queer people. So like, how do we interact with porn, and still get off, but interact with this medium that's like inherently flawed?
Hannah Witton
Sure. That makes no sense. I would love to see research on like, relationships, long term relationships, and using things like shared calendars, shared like to do lists, and like kind of like that side of tech and managing a relationship like in those ways
Eva Bloom
That is, I don't know if my advisor, nobody take this idea, it's my advisor's idea, that's literally like the one of the things that she's most excited to do next.
Hannah Witton
Oh, cool.
Eva Bloom
So she's, so she's super interested in midlife sexuality right now. Which is really interesting. And she wants to look at, are like the intersection of our interests, we were going to look at relational texting. Like how does texting like, I love you, or even like I love you and like affection texting, or even just like, I need to pick up food for mustard. Like how does that like day to day kind of relational technology and maintenance relationship, in tech.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, interesting. Because Dan and I like obviously see each other every day, but we also text every day. So interesting. Oh my god, I want I want all of the research on sex and tech, it's fascinating.
Eva Bloom
Someone pay me to do it!
Hannah Witton
Thank you so much. This has been super interesting. And make sure you check out the show notes for all of the, all of the juicy details. Thanks for listening. Thank you so much for listening to Doing It. If you enjoyed it, I would really appreciate it if you left a rating and a review. You can find show notes at DoingItPodcast.co.uk, and do go follow us on social media and I'll catch you in the next episode. Bye
Hannah Witton
This was a global original podcast