Dating Advice and Social Media Etiquette with Gaby Dunn & Allison Raskin | Transcript
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Hannah Witton
And I was just like, oh, you've become a better person without me having to try. This is great.
Gaby Dunn
That's what we were saying, we were saying don't date them and make them a better person, just give it a couple years until they are ready.
Allison Raskin
Totally.
Hannah Witton
Welcome to Doing It with me, Hannah Witton, where we talk all things, sex, relationships, dating, and our bodies.
Hannah Witton
Hello, welcome back. Good to have you here. So recently, I went on a trip to California, sunny California, and there I recorded a whole bunch of episodes for this podcast. And here is the first one that I recorded in LA with Gaby Dunn and Allison Raskin. Gaby and Alison are best friends, and comedians, and writers, they're the hosts of Just Between Us, a YouTube show, and a podcast. And they are the authors of the New York Times best selling book, I Hate Everyone But You, and the sequel to it, Please Send Help, is coming out in July, and you can pre order it now. I am an avid watcher of Just Between Us, and on it, Gaby and Alison talk a lot about relationships and dating. So obviously, I wanted to pick their brains about it.
Hannah Witton
So in this episode, we talk a lot about what do you do if you don't like your friend's partner, sharing your relationships on social media: what is the etiquette there, breakups, and how do you define success in a relationship. What is a successful relationship? And also we go on a personality test tangent, and a John Wick tangent. So there's all of that to look forward to. I hope you enjoy this episode.
Hannah Witton
Gaby and Alison, thank you. Thanks for letting me chat to you, and Gaby for inviting me to your home.
Gaby Dunn
No, no problem.
Hannah Witton
If you hear any scratchy noises there are dogs.
Gaby Dunn
Yeah.
Allison Raskin
Well, my dog is well behaved.
Gaby Dunn
Yeah. My dog is obsessed with Allison's dog. The joke that I say is like, Beans, you have to calm down, It's the Me Too era, like you cannot be harassing her
Allison Raskin
I was gonna say, he's a bit of an incel.
Gaby Dunn
Yeah, like you can't -
Hannah Witton
Whoa, whose fault is it? The owner?
Gaby Dunn
Whose fault is it, it's probably mine to be honest.
Hannah Witton
Do you think there is a Me Too moment for dogs?
Gaby Dunn
I think there should be, and Sugar is the face of it.
Hannah Witton
We are not here to talk about dogs, even though I'm sure the two of you would love to -
Allison Raskin
It's like under false pretences I'm here.
Gaby Dunn
Yeah, exactly.
Hannah Witton
I know. I tricked you in. Like yes, I love dogs. Yes, it's totally fine, bring your dog. But you both talk a lot about like dating and relationships and stuff online. And I just - I just love how, I don't know, I feel like the conversations that you're having, it's like, the conversations that you would just be having with your friends where you're like, and what about this theory, and then this theory, but you also kind of know how ridiculous you're being -
Allison Raskin
I don't think they're ridiculous. I have some patented ideas. Oron their way to be patented.
Gaby Dunn
Yeah. Allison, well you'll have like really good advice, and then I'll follow it, and then I'll repeat it to you, and you'll go, oh, did I say that? That's great.
Hannah Witton
What, what's been your best piece of advice?
Gaby Dunn
What did you say? Oh, we've just did a podcast episode where she was like, I said, well, you told me like if they break up with you, you can delete all photos of them. But if you break up with them, you have to keep the photos to be nice. And she said, oh did I say that?
Allison Raskin
No, I remember, I said that on the podcast. There's been other stuff I don't remember at all, but that I stand by and remember.
Gaby Dunn
Yeah, cuz I'll just be like, well, no, I've been living my life by this thing that you said. And you'll be like, oh, interesting, I agree with myself.
Allison Raskin
I was in a Lyft the other day, in Rhode Island of all places, and the guy and I was on the way to my friend's rehearsal dinner and so he was like, oh, are you gonna try to talk her out of it.
Hannah Witton
I feel like I need to clarify for UK listeners, Lyft as in an Uber, not an elevator.
Allison Raskin
Oh sorry. Yeah, I was in an elevator and on the way to my friend's rehearsal dinner, still works.
Hannah Witton
Oh, yeah.
Gaby Dunn
Yeah, kind of.
Allison Raskin
It's not that quick. And yeah, so I was in the car and the driver was like, why do you like, why do you think people, you know, date the wrong people or whatever, which is already weird. Why is he asking me this?
Hannah Witton
Yeah, is that the first thing he said to you?
Allison Raskin
The second, and I went well, I just don't, I think that when people date the wrong people, it means that they're not ready yet either. Like they're not ready to settle down, and I blew that guy's fucking mind. He at one point, and then he said something else, and I gave more advice. And he was like, what are you, a lawyer? Which is a weird choice.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Allison Raskin
Why would a lawyer give great dating advice?
Gaby Dunn
Yeah, therapist.
Allison Raskin
But I didn't want to be like, honestly, this is a big part of my job.
Gaby Dunn
Yeah.
Allison Raskin
I didn't want him to know who I was.
Gaby Dunn
He came to the right person, though.
Allison Raskin
I know. And I never vocalised that before.
Hannah Witton
Do you think he changed his life?
Allison Raskin
I hope so. I think that that's true because when I look back, it's because I was never ready.
Gaby Dunn
Yeah. So you weren't with the right person, and timing was wrong.
Allison Raskin
Right.
Gaby Dunn
But they could have been the right person, if the timing was right.
Allison Raskin
No, I don't think so
Hannah Witton
But do you not think that's in hindsight, you can say that?
Allison Raskin
No, but I think if your friend is dating the wrong person, obviously if they get married and they're together for 10 years, it's different. But if like, sometimes like with Gaby, like sometimes I just gotta wait it out.
Gaby Dunn
Oh my god.
Hannah Witton
Can you predict like every relationship like, nah, this one's not gonna last?
Allison Raskin
Yes.
Gaby Dunn
Yes, she does, and it's infuriating.
Allison Raskin
Yes.
Hannah Witton
Are you always right?
Allison Raskin
Yes.
Gaby Dunn
And she can't, she can't keep it to herself too. Like certain friends, like I just went through a breakup and certain people now are like saying what their true feelings were about it.
Hannah Witton
That's dangerous, in case you get back together.
Gaby Dunn
Sure.
Allison Raskin
But I said it while they were together.
Gaby Dunn
While we were together! Allison will be like, six months in, will be like, no hard pass. And I'll be like, what?
Allison Raskin
Well, this last one, I was on board for a little. And then I got off board.
Gaby Dunn
Yeah, but but friends now have been like, oh, I wasn't on board, but I didn't say anything. And you, like the minute you weren't on board anymore, you were like, I'm not on board anymore.
Allison Raskin
Because I was warning you.
Hannah Witton
Which would you prefer, though. Like what is the right way to go about it, if you think your friend is dating someone bad, or not good for them?
Gaby Dunn
Well, at the time, I was like, Allison always thinks that the person I'm dating is bad. So how can I trust her opinion, because it's always to the negative.
Allison Raskin
You're not ready. You haven't met your person
Gaby Dunn
Yes. So it's a two fold. It's me picking the wrong people, and then being resentful when Allison is like, you have picked the wrong person. And I'm like, shut up, you don't know. But like, you know, like, you don't want to, now with friends, when they're like, oh, yeah, I didn't, I never liked that person. Not just this past relationship but ever, whenever, like, after we break up, a friend is like, I didn't like that person. I'm like, well, where were you?
Hannah Witton
My parents have done that to me.
Gaby Dunn
Mine too. My parents do that, too.
Allison Raskin
I think, um, I think it's fair to say it once, and then you see how that person responds. And if they don't want to hear it, then you shut up.
Gaby Dunn
Yeah, but -
Hannah Witton
I think that's fair.
Allison Raskin
I think, honestly, you wanted to hear it, and you needed to hear it, this last time.
Gaby Dunn
Yeah. I mean, I'm still upset about it, definitely. I'm not like, it's not like it was like we broke up and I was like, thank goodness.
Hannah Witton
Was it a mutual breakup?
Gaby Dunn
No, no, no.
Allison Raskin
Gaby got left.
Gaby Dunn
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
I'm sorry.
Gaby Dunn
It's okay.
Allison Raskin
But imagine if I had been like, this girl's amazing, you're totally going to marry her, and then she dumped you.
Gaby Dunn
But what if you do that for someone you really do think that about for me?
Allison Raskin
I'll be right, and then you'll stay together.
Gaby Dunn
Wow.
Allison Raskin
When I say to you, this is the person, it'll be the person.
Gaby Dunn
Okay.
Allison Raskin
And look, I've no idea what time in your life that will be. And I also think with you, the person might mean a 15 year relationship versus a 14 year relationship. Like you know, you I think you operate a little differently than like more traditional daters. But I have yet to find someone where I think that that they are the right fit for you, in this moment.
Hannah Witton
What has been your longest relationship?
Gaby Dunn
Three years when I was from 21 to 24. And then like, high school. But like, yeah, and then, but I wasn't, that was like I wasn't ready then. I don't know why, I think the guy was just like a really good person.
Allison Raskin
You were 24.
Gaby Dunn
But like, how did I stay from 21 to 24? You know, that's that's such like you're such a piece of shit at that point in your life?
Allison Raskin
Well, because he let you get away with stuff.
Gaby Dunn
That's very true.
Allison Raskin
If he had had more of a backbone, it wouldn't have lasted that long.
Gaby Dunn
That's true.
Hannah Witton
Or maybe like when you're younger, you do put up with that stuff because you're not like, you're not ready. So it's not like this is a deal breaker, it's just like, meh?
Allison Raskin
Yeah, right. It's like we're having fun most of the time.
Gaby Dunn
Part of it was long distance. And well, this is the thing, I this is not the best thing to say in a magazine when you're married. But I remember there was an interview with Brad Pitt where he was, when he was married to Jennifer Aniston and he was saying like. he was talking about like, I don't know that I believe in the one, like I think you know if you're with someone for, like you said, you're with someone for 15 years, that's a success. You know, you're with them for that amount of time. Like I don't necessarily think like when I get married, I'm not like this is forever, I'm like, this is you know.
Allison Raskin
But then I think, don't get married. Like I think if you have that that like ideology, then you don't get married.
Gaby Dunn
Oh, I'm saying it's not a great thing to say when you're married.
Allison Raskin
Yeah.
Gaby Dunn
But I do think relationship wise, I am more of a person who's like, yeah, probably like we could be together for like, a very long time, but I'm not necessarily like, and then we'll be together till I'm 70.
Allison Raskin
Right.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, I remember watching this video of a YouTuber who like went through a divorce. And she just she said kind of the same thing. She was just like, she had to process this whole thing and like feeling like a failure, her marriage didn't work out. But then being like, actually, no, we had a 10 year relationship, why can't that be seen as a success?
Allison Raskin
Totally.
Hannah Witton
And I was like, oh my god. I've never thought of it like that.
Allison Raskin
How long have you been with your partner?
Hannah Witton
Two and a half years.
Allison Raskin
How's it going?
Hannah Witton
It's going good. This is my longest relationship. So I feel like I'm in very new territory because I was like single for six years before we met.
Allison Raskin
How old are you?
Hannah Witton
I'm 27.
Gaby Dunn
And they, they live together, and they coparent a gecko.
Allison Raskin
Wow/
Hannah Witton
Yeah, we just got a gecko.
Allison Raskin
How long is the lifespan of a gecko?
Hannah Witton
Like 10 years.
Allison Raskin
Really? I thought you were gonna be like, six days.
Hannah Witton
No, that's the cricket that you feed them.
Allison Raskin
Oh, God. 10 years.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, I know, commitment, right?
Allison Raskin
So do you feel like this is this is the person for you?
Hannah Witton
I do.
Allison Raskin
And how early on did you feel that?
Hannah Witton
To be honest, quite early, which was annoyingly shocking.
Allison Raskin
I think, you know, pretty quick if it's the right person.
Gaby Dunn
It was her friend - I got this whole story for you got here.
Allison Raskin
I love it.
Gaby Dunn
Her friend's brother, who Hannah's friend had been like, hey, you guys should date, and they were like, no.
Allison Raskin
You hadn't met?
Hannah Witton
Well, I think I'd like seen him at something like one time. But yeah, no.
Allison Raskin
I love a friend that will pimp out their sibling.
Gaby Dunn
Yeah.
Allison Raskin
All of these people try to hide their siblings, and they're viable partners.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, the first time we hooked up, was at her birthday party, and we had to borrow a condom from her. I mean, not borrow, but steal -
Allison Raskin
Wow. And she and she knew about it.
Hannah Witton
Oh, yeah.
Allison Raskin
What a great friend. That's gonna be your sister in law.
Hannah Witton
Oh yeah. Before it happened, I remember being like, hey, um, I'm kind of into your brother tonight. Do you mind if I pursue that? And she was like, go, go, go, go, go.
Allison Raskin
So it was right as he finished, you knew?
Hannah Witton
No. To be honest, that first encounter, don't remember much of -
Allison Raskin
Got it.
Gaby Dunn
But then your friend, I'm glad that your friend was like, oh, finally. Because it was what she told you about him like two years before you actually decided to -
Allison Raskin
Maybe you weren't ready?
Hannah Witton
No.
Allison Raskin
See.
Hannah Witton
I don't think we weren't ready.
Gaby Dunn
Yeah, cuz he wasn't, he wasn't what you wanted, he had some flaws.
Allison Raskin
Yeah.
Allison Raskin
What were they?
Hannah Witton
He smoked cigarettes. And that's always been a deal breaker for me. And then like when we met two years later, he was vaping.
Allison Raskin
Ah.
Hannah Witton
And I was like, oh, you've become a better person, without me having to try. This is great.
Gaby Dunn
This is what we were saying. Yeah, we were saying, don't don't date them and make them a better person. Just give it a couple years ago, till the are a better person.
Allison Raskin
Totally,
Hannah Witton
And then you get to date the best version of them.
Gaby Dunn
Yeah. I always date people who are like, I'm not a smoker. I'm never a smoker. I don't smoke ever. And then it turns into like, I just I mean, I smoke when I drink, and then it turns into they come over to my house smelling like fucking cigarettes. Always. It's always a person who's like, no, me? Cigarettes? No. And then they're like, just I'm like, you reek. You reek of cigarettes.
Allison Raskin
I like the smell of cigarette.
Hannah Witton
Have you ever smoked?
Allison Raskin
I've never smoked a cigarette, I just like love the smell.
Gaby Dunn
No, I like the smell of it, too. But I also know that it like permeates everything.
Allison Raskin
Also, you must not really value your own life.
Gaby Dunn
Oh, yeah.
Allison Raskin
And that's the warning sign.
Gaby Dunn
Or you value being cool.
Allison Raskin
Too much.
Hannah Witton
But that's the other thing is like oh, but it just looks cool. And I'm just like, well, like, why did you care?
Allison Raskin
Like it's crazy to me if anyone starts smoking now.
Gaby Dunn
Yeah.
Allison Raskin
Like what's going on?
Gaby Dunn
I mean, I want to pick it up. But mostly because I do not value my life. Yeah.
Hannah Witton
Wow, throwing that out there.
Allison Raskin
I couldn't be less shocked by that.
Gaby Dunn
Well, that's the thing. Like someone, one of our friends was, I was texting with one of our friends, and she was like, yeah, I'm sort of into this guy. But like, he just tried meth. And I was like, just now? Like, he knows, we have all the science on meth.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Gaby Dunn
You know what I mean? Like, you know, it's not like a whoops, like meth.
Allison Raskin
I didn't realise this crack pipe had meth in it. I was just trying to do crack.
Gaby Dunn
I'm just like, I understand addiction. But it's also like, it's also like escalating like, okay, like, now you you're like, you know what, in the year 2019, meth.
Allison Raskin
Or it's just someone who feels so incomplete in their own experiences that they have to, like, constantly do new things.
Gaby Dunn
True.
Allison Raskin
And I think that those are the people that are never happy.
Hannah Witton
Are you sure you're not a therapist or a lawyer?
Gaby Dunn
She is! I wonder if he meant like a divorce attorney or something.
Allison Raskin
I didn't understand lawyer at all. Imagine if I'd been like, yeah, taxes.
Hannah Witton
Tell me more.
Allison Raskin
Yeah, patents law, actually
Gaby Dunn
Maritime, maritime law.
Hannah Witton
Patent the advice.
Allison Raskin
Oh, my God. I want to, I'm working on it.
Hannah Witton
I feel like I got a bit more. No, I still - I still like hate cigarettes and, and smoking. But when I was in hospital, he started smoking again, from the stress. And I was like, you know what, fair enough.
Gaby Dunn
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
I was like, I'll let you have that one.
Gaby Dunn
Yeah, I thought you were saying that he was smoking in the hospital, and I was like, well that's rude.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, I'll allow it. Yeah, it's fine. It's fine.
Allison Raskin
And the nurses are like, well, we won't.
Gaby Dunn
That's like my dad smoked when I was a kid. And I remember I made a bunch of, I coloured a bunch of signs that said, no smoking, and then I hung them around the house, because he smoking indoors, and I hung them around the house and -
Allison Raskin
Your mom would let him smoke indoors?
Gaby Dunn
Just in his area. Like -
Allison Raskin
Oh, okay
Hannah Witton
In his, like, man corner cave?
Gaby Dunn
Yeah. In his little like, chair corner, that guys have. And, and so, but then I put a bunch of, I made a bunch of signs and I put them all over the house. It just said no smoking. And then he was like, okay, and it changed his mind.
Allison Raskin
That's nice.
Hannah Witton
Wow, so just like using an innocent child to guilt trip.
Gaby Dunn
Basically, yeah.
Hannah Witton
I like that tactic.
Gaby Dunn
Yeah. I don't think my mom even told me to do it. I think I was just like, you can't smoke if there's signs, so what I'll do is I'll put signs everywhere, and then it'll be -
Allison Raskin
Why aren't there more signs in your place, right now. Must take shirt off.
Gaby Dunn
Yeah, no shirt, no shoes, no entry, honestly.
Hannah Witton
No, that sounds legit. So Allison, you're in a relationship.
Allison Raskin
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
Is this, is this like it?
Allison Raskin
I hope so.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Allison Raskin
I'm cautiously optimistic, and not even that cautiously, which is new for me.
Gaby Dunn
You just seem like very chill about it.
Allison Raskin
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
Just kind of like whatever will be will be.
Gaby Dunn
More like, oh, great. This is good.
Allison Raskin
Yeah, I've never had, I was like talking about him when I was at that wedding and and they were like, oh, you're beaming. And I feel like I've never had people like and like when I talk about him, people like comment that I like look so happy, and I've never had that before.
Hannah Witton
What, before you've just looked a bit -
Allison Raskin
Before I've I've broken out in hives just discussing them. Um yeah, just just I used to feel really, oftentimes, stupid talking about who I was dating, because I think a part of me knew it wasn't going to last. And so I would I would not bring them up that much. Or I would constantly be talking to my friends about them because of the problems, and now it's just sort of like -
Gaby Dunn
Just like a part of your life.
Allison Raskin
Exactly. I was about to say that. Are we best friends?
Gaby Dunn
We are! Yeah, that it's just like a puzzle, it's not the main thing but it's also not a thing you're hiding.
Allison Raskin
Right, yeah.
Gaby Dunn
Except you don't show his face on social media.
Allison Raskin
Oh, but for comedy.
Gaby Dunn
Oh is it for comedy?
Allison Raskin
Yeah cuz I think it's so fun.
Gaby Dunn
The mystery, the character.
Allison Raskin
Or just yeah, like I always put something over his face.
Hannah Witton
Like an emoji, or yeah like -
Gaby Dunn
A joke or something.
Allison Raskin
And then one time we were doing VR, so he was wearing a mask -
Gaby Dunn
Yeah, it's never his face or eyes.
Allison Raskin
Yeah, it's pretty good. It'll look good in our wedding photos.
Hannah Witton
A friend of like some friends of mine, who have been in a relationship for like five or six years, been living together for like the majority of that, it just came up on Facebook recently like, these two people's first photo together.
Gaby Dunn
Was it so cute?
Hannah Witton
No, but it was, it was of them now.
Gaby Dunn
Oh my -
Hannah Witton
Like, it was like for their entire six year relationship, there were no photos of them together on Facebook. It was like, look their first photo together. And I was like, what? But maybe now that I'm saying this out loud, I'm like, it looks like them now. It did not look like them six years ago, but now I'm questioning it in my head.
Gaby Dunn
Sometimes people never, they just don't post.
Allison Raskin
Facebook's not that in anymore. I'd be more concerned if there was nothing on Instagram.
Hannah Witton
I think there's stuff on Instagram.
Allison Raskin
There you go. It's a happy relationship.
Gaby Dunn
We just had this conversation about posting on Instagram versus not posting on Instagram, your partner.
Hannah Witton
What was the conclusion?
Allison Raskin
Oh, me and you had that conversation?
Hannah Witton
You were there!
Allison Raskin
I'm a little jet lagged.
Gaby Dunn
Remember?
Allison Raskin
Yeah, I was there.
Gaby Dunn
You were there.
Hannah Witton
What was the conclusion?
Gaby Dunn
I think sometimes though, when people post too much -
Allison Raskin
Oh, I don't trust it. I immediately, I mean look at you Gabby. You're posting like you have the social life of the century right nowm and you've never been more depressed.
Gaby Dunn
Yeah, that's true.
Allison Raskin
You're really lying on social media.
Gaby Dunn
What am I posting?
Allison Raskin
Just a lot of like you out and about, in like multiple wigs, and like cute shots -
Gaby Dunn
Oh, well the wig, no, no, no, no
Allison Raskin
If I didn't know you, I would think you're having the time of your life.
Gaby Dunn
Oh, that's interesting. I feel like the wigs are a real cry for help.
Allison Raskin
I think so too.
Gaby Dunn
So like, what, I got a lot of wigs. I'm having fun with hair, different hair choices,
Allison Raskin
Let me see your new tattoo, which is also a cry for help
Gaby Dunn
No, it's not.
Hannah Witton
Just Allison exposing Gaby.
Gaby Dunn
But like, honestly, I'm just saying that, um, that there's like, a I think, I think it doesn't seem like, I mean, what am I supposed to post?
Allison Raskin
No, it's just interesting to me. That's what I'm saying is that we can't trust, you can't trust social media.
Gaby Dunn
No, not at all. But I also don't want to be a person, like I know that there are people that are almost like depression porn.
Allison Raskin
Yeah.
Gaby Dunn
Where they just like here's a picture of me crying, and here's a caption about why I'm crying. And I don't want to be that person either.
Allison Raskin
No.
Hannah Witton
I have no idea who said this, like first but the, show your scars, not your wounds.
Allison Raskin
I am a huge believer in that. I always talk about, I talk about it with hindsight.
Gaby Dunn
Yeah.
Allison Raskin
Like I talked about it after it's happened, not really whilst it's happening. Unless I have a great joke.
Gaby Dunn
Yeah, I can't, I don't want to, it doesn't feel like something I could talk about when I'm going through it.
Hannah Witton
And I think that's smart.
Allison Raskin
That's good.
Gaby Dunn
Yeah. So I'm just, um -
Allison Raskin
It's also what you can talk about with your people you actually know, but not publicly.
Gaby Dunn
But I'm also not purposefully trying to look like I'm, like, having fun.
Allison Raskin
No, I'm just surprised, because I feel like when I'm depressed, I don't post.
Gaby Dunn
Oh, well, there's been reasons to, like promoting things, or like, there was a cute dog in the picture yesterday. Or like, I'm not, um, I don't know. I guess also, I feel very grateful for friends, right now, from being single. So a lot of times, it's like, it's like, I'm, I'm seeing more friends, so there's more pictures of me available. Does that make sense?
Hannah Witton
Okay. Yeah, it's nice to have this friends that will take the pictures of you.
Gaby Dunn
Yeah, like, in my relationship, to be honest, I had a relationship in 2015 to 2016, and that person was a great photographer. That person took a lot of really great photos of me, perfect Insta boyfriend.
Allison Raskin
And then he grew to resent you.
Gaby Dunn
Well, yeah.
Hannah Witton
Because you got him to take so many photos of you?
Allison Raskin
Partly.
Gaby Dunn
And then well, yeah, no, no, no. And then, um, and then I, the person I dated after, not good at taking pictures. Actively bad at taking pictures. And then this current ex girlfriend also never took photos of me, which I think is, says something too.
Allison Raskin
Uh huh. Loved to take photos of her, though.
Gaby Dunn
Yes, I took a lot of pictures of her. And the other thing is, is it would be like this guy, the first guy was great, because it would be like me walking with a iced coffee, just like talking, like a very casual -
Hannah Witton
Candid
Gaby Dunn
And he would take like a gorgeous candid, and it would like be perfect. And then and so like, then I was in this relationship where like, no one was taking pictures of me. So I was like, okay. And then now that I'm like, out with friends, different friends are like, oh, I love to take pictures. So there's like, now all of a sudden, after like a year and a half, there's like more pictures of me available.
Hannah Witton
Do you think that people should like add in the like dating profile bios, looking for an Insta partner. Someone to take pictures of me, please.
Allison Raskin
If you are good at it, put that in your profile.
Gaby Dunn
Love to take photos of my significant other very - I have a deep understanding of lighting.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, here to take all your candids.
Gaby Dunn
But I wonder now if -
Allison Raskin
I told our DP to put that in his profile.
Hannah Witton
Did it work?
Gaby Dunn
I don't know.
Allison Raskin
No, he's so great.
Gaby Dunn
I know, and single. But now the thing is, is like does that say something where like, I was taking so many pictures of her, she never took pictures of me. What is that? You know, is that a red flag? Is that a sign?
Hannah Witton
Or are we reading too much into it?
Allison Raskin
I'll discuss this with you off air.
Gaby Dunn
Okay, no, I mean, let's say in general, yeah, if you take a tonne of pictures.
Allison Raskin
It depends, because some people are just not into photos. So if you're not into photos, and you don't take photos of yourself, either, then that's fine.
Hannah Witton
Because that's my partner.
Allison Raskin
Like if you're taking a shit tonne of photos of yourself, but then you don't take any photos of your partner -
Gaby Dunn
Right.
Allison Raskin
- when your partner is taking photos of you, then that's not good.
Gaby Dunn
I would say the 2016 relationship, pretty even. I took a lot of pictures of him too. Yeah. And then and then your partner doesn't even have Instagram or Twitter.
Allison Raskin
No. So he's made up. He's a fake partner.
Gaby Dunn
He lives in Canada and he is real.
Allison Raskin
Cute story you created.
Gaby Dunn
Yeah, it's cute right.
Hannah Witton
I just thought that the single persona I was putting online, like I just kind of like yeah, it's -
Gaby Dunn
Run its course.
Hannah Witton
Run its course, exactly.
Allison Raskin
A twist.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. So this is the twist, and then the next one is going to be pregnancy, just letting you guys in that now.
Gaby Dunn
Do you post pictures of him at all?
Hannah Witton
Yeah, like but not that often.
Gaby Dunn
Yeah.
Allison Raskin
Does he care?
Hannah Witton
I always ask his permission. Like I'll always show him the photo and be like, can I post this? I'm gonna say something like this.
Gaby Dunn
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
But then he's like really weird about it. He's like, well, why are you always asking me. I'm like, because that's the right thing to do. Like when you have an audience online. I don't think he would appreciate it if I - well, the thing is, he has no idea what I post because, obviously, he doesn't have social media. Like I could talk absolute shit about him online, and he would have no idea.
Allison Raskin
He doesn't watch any of your content?
Hannah Witton
Nope.
Allison Raskin
And how does that make you feel?
Hannah Witton
It's not for him. Like he's not my target demo, so I'm kind of okay with it.
Allison Raskin
Yeah.
Gaby Dunn
I am always weird when someone's like, I listened to your podcast that you were on, like someone that I'm dating. I'm like well I blacked out and I have no concept of what I said on that podcast, so I hope it was good. Like I don't, it is weird because I do have a thing of like consume me in person.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, right
Gaby Dunn
Don't, this is, even like when I do an Instagram Live and someone I know pops up, and is like commenting, I'm like get out of here.
Hannah Witton
Like I'll talk to you later, what are you doing?
Allison Raskin
What if I'm just watching to troll.
Gaby Dunn
Allison definitely trolls. But I'm talking about like a friends of ours pop in and I'm like, hey, don't watch, this isn't for you.
Allison Raskin
Yeah.
Gaby Dunn
This is for the fans, get out of here.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, I feel like -
Allison Raskin
I like it whenever my friends give me any attention.
Hannah Witton
Okay, we'll be watching your Instagram Live.
Allison Raskin
Thank you, now I'll do one.
Gaby Dunn
Even when you said when you were like you got here, and you were like, oh where do you guys shoot the JBU videos, and I was like Allison's apartment, and then I was like, oh, she knows what the videos look like. But like how would you know who we are? Of course you've seen the videos, how would you know who we are. But I also was just like, how does she, she watches the video, like I got weird.
Hannah Witton
I feel like I met you in person, before I started watching JBU.
Gaby Dunn
At VidCon, like years ago.
Allison Raskin
You watch JBU?
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Allison Raskin
Like regularly?
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Allison Raskin
Woah. My heart is fluttering.
Hannah Witton
Should I have lied?
Allison Raskin
I know, I assume nobody watches JBU.
Gaby Dunn
And then you also go, it's also funny when people mention something to you from it. Like I don't know if you like if someone - I guess when you were dating before your boyfriend, were people like, hey I found you online, like this is cool.
Hannah Witton
I hate it.
Gaby Dunn
Yeah.
Hannah Witton
I hated it. I would like, on dates, lie about my job.
Gaby Dunn
Yep, I do that too
Hannah Witton
Or like skirt around it as much as possible, because I hate lying, I would just kind of avoid the topic.
Gaby Dunn
I have been, I'm dating, I'm not really making an effort ,but I'm whatever, and like, I lie straight up or I sound like I'm in witness protection.
Hannah Witton
What's your fake job?
Gaby Dunn
I just say writer, but I've found I like sound like I'm in witness protection. Like if it's like a hinge date I try, as hard as I can, not to say my last name. I'm like very like, oh, what do you do?
Hannah Witton
So, I had someone find out what my last name was because I gave them my number, and then they would text me on WhatsApp, and like my surname was on WhatsApp. And then, but then what he did was he texts me being like, oh, Hannah Witton. Yeah, saw your surname on WhatsApp, and I immediately like deleted my surname off Whatsapp. I was like, ah, shit.
Gaby Dunn
I don't know, It makes me a little nervous when they're like, oh, you're a big deal, huh.
Allison Raskin
I think it's a good test to see if the person that actually like looks you up. Like my current boyfriend like knew, because one of my things on Hinge was my own tweet.
Gaby Dunn
Oh my God.
Allison Raskin
Cuz I thought it was funny.
Hannah Witton
And so then he like searched it thinking it was a quote or something?
Allison Raskin
No, then he like could see what my Twitter was. But then he never like, he didn't do a deep dive. He didn't like watch the videos, or look me, you know, like, very -
Gaby Dunn
He just saw you had a lot of Twitter followers and went, weird. And that was it?
Allison Raskin
His friend was following me and so he asked his friend about me, but he didn't like, to me it's uncomfortable if someone then like it's like, I watched all of your videos. But like to just know what you do, I don't think that that's bad. To me it's a good test of character to see if they watch the shit or not. For them to know, and then see how they handle that knowledge.
Hannah Witton
So now that he's your boyfriend, does he watch your content?
Allison Raskin
Um, he's read, he's read our book, and he listens to our podcast, but I don't think he watches that many, he's seen some YouTube videos but he doesn't like obsessively watch them.
Gaby Dunn
I'm always shook when someone has. Like my trainer was like I read your book and I was like, Why? He was like, cuz I know you, and like you, and see you three times a week. Like what? I had to really learn how to just be like, thank you.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, but you consume stuff that your friends make?
Gaby Dunn
Yeah, of course. If someone sends me something I'll read it but even like a friend of mine who's like a friend, but like someone who's like sort of like a known actress. She was like texting me while she was reading it like things that she found interesting. And I was like, aren't you busy?
Hannah Witton
Why are you quoting my book at me?
Gaby Dunn
Yeah, well, she was like, oh, I really like this part. Oh, I just read this part. I really liked it. And I was like, What?
Hannah Witton
I love that because I feel like in London, everyone is busy all the time, and like and I'm part of that problem.
Gaby Dunn
Oh, I guess busy -
Allison Raskin
I don't have anything to do.
Gaby Dunn
I guess I mean busy, in terms of work. Like you just wrote a pilot for us, what are you talking about?
Allison Raskin
Yeah, but leisurely.
Gaby Dunn
Oh, was it leisurely?
Allison Raskin
Yeah, you like it?
Gaby Dunn
Yeah, we had this whole fight. Hannah, we had this whole fight on our podcast, right. We're like, sitting and recording our podcast. And Allison's like, I don't do any work, I never work. And I was like, what are we doing right now? And she was like, I don't know, I'm not working. And I was like, we're, what, we're recording, this is work.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. Do you not see it as work?
Allison Raskin
It's too easy.
Gaby Dunn
Oh my god.
Hannah Witton
So like, work has to be work.
Allison Raskin
I guess to me, a lot of times I am I only, I view work almost exclusively as writing.
Hannah Witton
Okay. And everything else is like, auxiliary.
Allison Raskin
Yeah, because nothing is gonna be as hard as writing.
Gaby Dunn
If I go out, and I like network and meet people, that was work.
Hannah Witton
Yeah, I'm like that.
Allison Raskin
So this is work right now?
Gaby Dunn
Yeah. So cool.
Hannah Witton
Yeah.
Allison Raskin
How much are you paying me?
Hannah Witton
I'm paying you in exposure.
Allison Raskin
Love it, thank you. That's exclusively what I work for.
Gaby Dunn
Trying to get known in the UK, trying to get known in the UK so we can internationally tour.
Allison Raskin
Oh, that would be great
Hannah Witton
There you go. See, I'm helping.
Allison Raskin
Thank you so much.
Hannah Witton
You're welcome.
Gaby Dunn
I guess I have this weird thing where I feel like people, and maybe it's just LA, but I'm like, oh, people are going to try to date me so that they can get Instagram followers.
Allison Raskin
But like those people are losers. And I feel like I hope that you have like some level of judgement that you can tell the difference between people who are going to do that, and people who won't?
Gaby Dunn
Yeah, what if I get, like, bamboozled.
Allison Raskin
Well, let me meet these people earlier.
Hannah Witton
Are you a great judge of character?
Allison Raskin
Excellent. Don't you think?
Gaby Dunn
Yeah, yes. In a way that like people aren't ready to hear it.
Hannah Witton
Oh.
Gaby Dunn
Do you know what I mean? Like, in a way where you're like, well, like, people know. This is the thing, is that people know, they know that what they're doing is wrong. They know that what who they're with is wrong. But they they don't want to face it. And Allison will be like, well, everyone knows that this is wrong. No, they don't yet. Like they haven't, they haven't gotten there yet. There's a lot of, do you know the colour code test?
Hannah Witton
Oh my God. I just filmed a video with Stevie about it yesterday.
Gaby Dunn
Stevie loves the colour code test.
Hannah Witton
She was teaching me all about it.
Gaby Dunn
What were you?
Hannah Witton
I came out like pretty much equal thirds, yellow, red, blue.
Gaby Dunn
Oh.
Hannah Witton
But because you have to answer the questions like as if it's your child, what you were like as a child, I do not remember, so I'm going to make my parents take the quiz for me.
Gaby Dunn
Oh, that's probably a good idea.
Hannah Witton
Be like mum, dad, what was I like? Because I just came out, like evenly split between those.
Gaby Dunn
Allison is blue, and one of the most Allison things about blue is that it's like, well, I know what the right thing is, and doing the right thing is easy, so everyone should just do that.
Hannah Witton
What are you then?
Gaby Dunn
A red.
Hannah Witton
You're a red. Okay.
Gaby Dunn
Stevie is also a red.
Hannah Witton
Stevie came out like 70/80% red.
Gaby Dunn
Yeah. She and I are demons, just like -
Hannah Witton
I mean, I'm a third red. So I feel that, a little bit.
Gaby Dunn
It's like, a third of you is just driven by power and demonhood.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. And a third is me is driven by emotional intimacy, and the third me is driven by fun.
Gaby Dunn
There you go.
Hannah Witton
And then none of me is driven by peace and compromise.
Gaby Dunn
Why don't I have any fun?
Allison Raskin
You had a lot of fun. But you get off on power. Your version of fun is having power.
Gaby Dunn
Oh, I guess so. I guess the yellows rolled in -
Allison Raskin
I love power.
Gaby Dunn
I know. Well -
Allison Raskin
I think my true core is intimacy.
Gaby Dunn
I can't, I can't with intimacy. I can't.
Hannah Witton
We were - we were like studying the like report that it gives you because we did the official quiz. And so like, if you split it between the four colours, the red and white are about logic, you're like, logic. And blue and yellow are emotion. But blue and red are both about control, and like controlling types, and yellow and white and non controlling types. So you like power and control, but it's like an emotional kind of control rather than a logical control.
Gaby Dunn
Yeah, I'll agree with that.
Hannah Witton
I love that shit.
Gaby Dunn
I know. There's doing like the enneagram.
Hannah Witton
Oh, go on, what number are you?
Gaby Dunn
What's the one that's like, the achiever?
Hannah Witton
Oh, three.
Gaby Dunn
Three, yeah. And then with like a seven. What's the seven?
Hannah Witton
Seven is the fun one. The one that's seeking fun. I'm a seven. Yeah.
Allison Raskin
I want to take this one. I haven't taken this.
Gaby Dunn
You should take it.
Allison Raskin
Oh, cool. What do you call this?
Gaby Dunn
The enneagram
Allison Raskin
Oh, great. Now I have plans tonight.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. And then you have to make your boyfriend do it because they've got great, like, these are how these interatc together.
Allison Raskin
Oh, yeah, no, he loves to take these things, too. He took the colour code really early on. And he's also a blue.
Gaby Dunn
Wow, wait, isn't he a Gemini too?
Allison Raskin
Yeah, we're the same person, is what's strange.
Hannah Witton
Wow.
Allison Raskin
Like other than our careers, so like on the surface it looks like we're very different because like our careers are very different. And he's very private, and I'm obviously public. Other than that, we're like the same person.
Gaby Dunn
Weird.
Allison Raskin
Gabby's only met him one time.
Gaby Dunn
I think like Gemini - I - just a Gemini, Gemini pairing is a lot.
Allison Raskin
His birthday is the same as my mom.
Gaby Dunn
Oh, so he's almost close to a Taurus, and you're more toward Cancer.
Allison Raskin
Yeah.
Gaby Dunn
Okay, I can I can dig it.
Allison Raskin
This is going right over my head.
Allison Raskin
For the record, this is bullshit.
Gaby Dunn
It's not bullshit.
Hannah Witton
I mean, it is bullshit.
Gaby Dunn
Oh.
Hannah Witton
It is. I mean, so it's the colour code. So the enneagram, it's all bullshit.
Allison Raskin
I would say that the other ones are less bullshit, and that they're more like personality tests. You're actually giving information.
Hannah Witton
Whereas astrology is 100% bullshit.
Allison Raskin
Yeah
Gaby Dunn
Okay, whatever. What are you?
Hannah Witton
I don't know, I'm having an identity crisis because I was born on the cusp of Pisces and Aquarius. Everyone, my whole life, has always told me I'm Aquarius. And then someone on Twitter the other day was like, well, what time of day were you born, and where, and like, what year etc? And I told them, and then they were like, you are a Pisces. And so I'm lke, who the fuck am I? But I'm hanging out with Dan Owens -
Gaby Dunn
Oh, yeah.
Hannah Witton
In a couple days, and they're going to sort me out.
Gaby Dunn
Dan is so intense about -
Hannah Witton
Oh, yeah, I'm excited.
Gaby Dunn
I met them, I met them at a party at Stevie's years ago. And they, we like barely knew each other, and they got my phone number. It's to this day, the gayest text I've ever recieved. The got my phone number, and then they texted me and they were like, I just want to like let you know that like your energy at the party was like, very Gemini and like, here's what I picked up on from you.
Allison Raskin
Isn't that an insult?
Hannah Witton
I don't know what it means.
Gaby Dunn
It was, I wish I still had the text because it was so long. It was intense. It was so long, and it was like, and god bless them. This is exactly on their brand. If they're listening to this, this is like they should just be nodding their head right now. But like yeah, it was like this thing of like, oh, no, they had seen me one other time, but they didn't talk to me, and they were like, I saw you one time, and I hadn't talked to you, but I picked up on this Gemini energy. And then I picked up on it yesterday, again, having met you, and like I just wanted to, like let you know that this is what you're giving off. And like it's good and like but you don't have to be so shy about it or whatever. And I was like, whoa.
Hannah Witton
Did you feel like exposed? Was it really accurate?
Gaby Dunn
It was accurate, but I was also like, it's almost like if you're a psychic, like and you know someone's gonna die, don't tell them. Just keep it to yourself.
Hannah Witton
Oh, I see. Wow.
Allison Raskin
Like very presumptuous to offer it without you asking.
Gaby Dunn
Yeah, I mean, I think probably someone was like, Gabby's into that shit.
Hannah Witton
Oh, okay.
Gaby Dunn
Or I had showed it to Stevie and I was like, this is the gayest text of all time. Like, this is the most queer thing. Because like, and so I'm bisexual. Don't do it
Allison Raskin
What? Oh my god, what does that mean?
Gaby Dunn
There we go. And being on dating apps, like my friend just asked me was like, can you give me a quote for an article I'm writing about, what's the difference between having women as you're like, search on Hinge, versus having men your search? And I was like, when you're on straight Hinge, it's all quotes from the office and pictures of people hiking. And when you're on lesbian hinge, it's Killing Eve, and astrological signs.
Hannah Witton
Killing Eve.
Gaby Dunn
Killing Eve.
Hannah Witton
I've not watched the second season, say nothing.
Gaby Dunn
I haven't started it yet. I haven't started it yet.
Allison Raskin
I don't want to get dragged, but I didn't get that into it when I saw the first couple episodes.
Hannah Witton
Interesting.
Allison Raskin
I love, I'm probably the only huge fan of her other show, Crashing. Which I watched through twice.
Hannah Witton
What's Crashing?
Allison Raskin
It's incredible. It's much more of a sitcom.
Hannah Witton
Who's in it?
Allison Raskin
She stars in it, Phoebe Waller-Bridge.
Hannah Witton
Oh, I know, I know Fleabag, I don't know Crashing.
Allison Raskin
Yeah, she's my career goals.
Gaby Dunn
Yeah, I like that she does comedy and drama. And Killing Eve is it's funny, there are parts that are funny.
Allison Raskin
It's also like kind of drama, like straight drama.
Gaby Dunn
I just saw John Wick three and -
Hannah Witton
How was that?
Gaby Dunn
It's great. Um here's the thing that is that is funny, is that I am so anti gun, like get rid of them, throw them all in the ocean, burn them, you know what I mean? Like I want nothing to do with it.
Hannah Witton
Create an iron throne out of them
Gaby Dunn
For sure. And then I go to see John Wick and like as soon as he's doing like fight scenes, and cool tricks with, and like shooting, and like I'm literally turned into just like, kill them. Like, if he gets like a clear shot through the guy's head, I'm like, yeah, like cheering in my seat. Like it was - but the whole theatre was screaming, like losing their minds.
Hannah Witton
That's so funny.
Gaby Dunn
And that that's like an original show, it's like you know it's it's not an adaptation of anything, it's like an original -
Allison Raskin
IP.
Gaby Dunn
IP, yeah. Which like hardly ever happens, and it like hit the the box office. So I was like I want to, why can't, I want to write John Wick. And also the plot of John Wick is that he's upset that someone killed his dog.
Allison Raskin
Couldn't relate to anything more.
Hannah Witton
Whoa.
Gaby Dunn
Did you know that?
Hannah Witton
No, I did not know that's -
Allison Raskin
That's the catalyst of the whole series.
Gaby Dunn
The first John Wick, the whole thing starts because he's like an assassin, he gets out of being an assassin, he's like living his his life. He's like I'm no longer an assassin, then some people come and kill his dog, and he goes fucking apeshit and it's three movies of just revenge for the dog. I'm serious. In this movie, someone actually goes, is this still about the dog? It's so bonkers.
Hannah Witton
I love that. Also, I love that we've now kind of come full circle like back to dogs.
Allison Raskin
Aw, thank you. Yeah, that's where we've been trying to get back to, ever since.
Hannah Witton
I know.
Gaby Dunn
I would not be surprised if John Wick, if like the ASPCA made it.
Hannah Witton
Like, this is what you get if you murder a dog.
Gaby Dunn
Or just like, hey, get a dog, it will be the best, most loyal like, the dog is like the best.
Allison Raskin
Is there flashbacks with the dog?
Gaby Dunn
There's a new dog.
Allison Raskin
Oh, thank god.
Gaby Dunn
He gets a dog, Halle Berry has two dogs.
Allison Raskin
I love it.
Gaby Dunn
I just, I had never been in a theatre where people were screaming. Maybe when I saw Get Out?
Allison Raskin
Yeah.
Gaby Dunn
Like anytime Keanu would do something, everyone in the theatre had signed an invisible contract to be okay with everyone else in the theatre going, ahhhhh.
Hannah Witton
I kind of love that though.
Allison Raskin
That's what's fun about seeing movies in theatres. And that's what's great about live theatre, like you're part of something.
Gaby Dunn
Yeah, yeah.
Allison Raskin
I like that Keanu has come back, and that we all love him again.
Gaby Dunn
Oh, he's incredible.
Allison Raskin
But like for a while he was a joke, because he did Little Buddha.
Gaby Dunn
What was Little Buddha?
Allison Raskin
He played the Buddha.
Gaby Dunn
I don't know about this at all.
Allison Raskin
I don't know if that's what it was called. He 100% and played a Buddha in something, that was like super problematic.
Gaby Dunn
Hold on, hold on.
Hannah Witton
And everyone's forgotten about it. Or never knew.
Allison Raskin
I'm bringing it back. I'm like, I won't lie. Let's not forget that.
Gaby Dunn
Wow, he's cancelled. No, it is called Little Budda.
Allison Raskin
What? Yeah, that ruined his career for like 20 years.
Gaby Dunn
Oh my God. He does play the Buddha. Wow, I had no idea.
Hannah Witton
I had no idea.
Allison Raskin
This is the only pop culture knowledge I've had, that you didn't know.
Gaby Dunn
I can't believe it.
Allison Raskin
Mark this day in history.
Gaby Dunn
That's crazy.
Allison Raskin
Maybe you knew and just couldn't, didn't want to know.
Hannah Witton
Wow.
Gaby Dunn
I have facts about him as well. I'm sure that's what Hannah wants her podcast to be about.
Hannah Witton
Yeah. I mean, we've all learned something. But, yeah, thank you for being on my podcast.
Gaby Dunn
No problem. Thanks for having us.
Hannah Witton
Thanks for listening. Bye.
Gaby Dunn
Bye.
Allison Raskin
Bye.
Hannah Witton
Thank you so much for listening. If you enjoyed this episode, I would really appreciate it if you left a rating and a review. You can find show notes at DoingItPodcast.co.uk do go follow us on social media, @DoingItPodcast on Twitter and Instagram. And I'll catch you in the next episode.
Hannah Witton
This was a Global original podcast